From This Moment
by chinocoop81
Summary: He's the only thing she's ever wanted; she's the only one he's ever needed. When Ryan must confront his true feelings for Marissa, can he take the plunge and let himself fall, or will he lose the only person he ever really cared for forever? RM AU
1. Prologue

**A/N This is the prologue. Basically, it shows how Ryan and Marissa's friendship starts. Part one of this tale takes place in the Spring Semester of their senior year in high school. I'll have that up maybe Sunday? Maybe even Saturday. Depends. Please Review. I don't write if you don't review. So if you want me to continue, review, and I'll update. The faster I get reviews, the faster I open a new document and start writing. R/R, and enjoy!**

Ryan Atwood hated Newport Beach. His mom moved him and his older brother Trey here six months ago and he still hated it. He missed Fresno and he missed his dad but most of all he missed not being made fun of for where he came from. Or how much money he had. Or how he dressed. Or his boring pencils and crayons.

Everyone from Newport had more money than him. It didn't help that his mom made sure he went to the school with the rich kids, not the public school like the other kids in his neighborhood. He tested into Newport Harbor Elementary because he was gifted in his old school and learned more than other kids his age. And he liked to read, or at least he used to back in Fresno when he wasn't outside. Reading at night used to block out the fights between his mom and dad. But now his dad was gone and he didn't have money for new books and his mom never had the time to take him to the library, even though she let him get his own library card.

He hadn't met one nice person in Newport. Well, except for Seth Cohen, who people hated nearly as much as they hated Ryan. Seth talked a lot and read weird books with lots of pictures and had hair curlier than anyone else's. But he always shared half his brownie with Ryan at lunch, so at least that was good. Ryan's mom didn't have enough money to buy him brownies. He only got a peanut butter sandwich and a box of juice for lunch.

Ryan didn't even have his older brother Trey to talk to at school. Trey didn't like school and already got into a lot of trouble, so they wouldn't let him into Newport Harbor, only to Newport Hills. Even though Trey was nine and Ryan was six, Trey was still really nice to Ryan. But ever since their dad was arrested, Trey didn't like to play with Ryan anymore and stayed in his room a lot.

Sometimes, Ryan felt like he didn't have any friends. Or a brother. Or a dad. Or a mom. He didn't have anyone. Out of everything, that made him saddest.

XXXXX

During recess a couple of weeks before his birthday, Ryan walked around the playground by himself, kicking at the rocks with his hands shoved in his jeans. Every now and then he lifted his gaze to observe all the running and laughing kids around him, trying not to feel sad when they caught his eyes and stopped smiling.

His mom said he would make friends eventually, but it had been six months and only Seth hung out with him, even though they were in different classes. But today Seth was out sick and Ryan had no one to hang around with during recess.

He was standing under a tree when a boy named Luke and his friends came over to Ryan. "Why all alone? Don't have any friends?" Luke taunted, earning a laugh from his friends.

Ryan just stared at Luke. He had seen a lot of things in his life, and he knew how to not show when he was upset. "Seth is sick."

Luke and his friends gave each other looks, laughing. "Seth Cohen is a geek. If you hang out with him, you're a geek too."

Ryan didn't know the exact definition of geek, but he knew it wasn't something good. "Like you're any better," he said to Luke, the anger in him beginning to grow.

Luke glared at Ryan. "I'm a lot better, actually." He took a step closer to Ryan, standing a few inches taller. "At least my dad isn't in jail." Ryan's hands started to ball into fists, his jaw twitching.

"You don't know anything about me," Ryan said.

Luke smirked. "I know you can't even buy a pack of 24 crayons."

Ryan was about to give in to Luke's provocation, but a girl's voice surprised both of them. "Hey Luke!"

Ryan and Luke turned to see a girl with light brown hair and the prettiest eyes Ryan had ever seen. Of course, everything about the girl was pretty, but Ryan would never admit that. "What?" Luke called back, his voice slightly softer.

Marissa smiled cutely in that way girls always did when they wanted something. "Summer and I were talking. We think we should have another game of tag. Want to play?"

Luke looked back at Ryan, then over at Marissa smiling at him. He sighed and nodded, turning away from Ryan. "Okay." He nodded to his friends. "Come on, let's go play tag!"

As Luke jogged over to Marissa, Marissa's eyes found Ryan's and both looked at each other. They sat near each other in class, but they had never even said hello. She nodded in his direction, then turned back to Luke. He wondered what that meant. But of course, he was too shy to ever find out.

XXXXX

After that, Ryan started noticing weird things. Luke didn't mess with him anymore, which was weird because Luke had always messed with him. Since the first day of class, Luke made fun of Ryan's faded tennis shoes and plain t shirts. His friends followed the same drill, and everyone terrorized Ryan. But after that incident on the playground, it stopped.

Ryan also noticed that the girl Marissa looked his way a lot. He had never noticed it before, but now he felt like someone watched him constantly. Or at least more than he was used to. Before, the only reason anyone ever looked to him was because they wanted to make fun of him. But she didn't do that. She just observed him out of the corner of her eyes. He didn't know how he knew this, he just did.

One day while they were completing a math worksheet for class, Ryan noticed he didn't have all the colors needed to complete the paper. After he completed all the math, he was left with the resulting picture to color – a picture that required the colors pink and gray and light blue. Colors he didn't have in his small eight pack of crayons.

Shamefully, he walked to the supplies in the back of the class and borrowed the three colors, his cheeks burning as Luke sniggered from the seat behind Marissa. Keeping his head down, he finished the rest of his paper early and then remained silent after returning the colors. He may have needed the colors for future projects, but he was not a thief, even if he did feel embarrassed.

Ryan's birthday was March 18, and it was the first birthday he would spend without his dad there. His mom never had a lot of money to spend on presents or cake, and what she did have usually went towards the bottles she drank from at night that she hid in the very top cabinet in the kitchen. He didn't expect anything more than maybe a card or a hug for his birthday, and he really didn't expect a cake. He never had cake. His dad used to hit him when he asked for some.

He wasn't expecting much from his birthday, just hoped he could get through the day without getting in trouble or upsetting his mom. The last few months she had started getting really easily upset, and he worried he would make it worse if he brought his birthday up. He just wanted everyone to be happy, even if he wasn't.

He wasn't expecting much from his birthday. Especially not the pack of 48 crayons sitting on his desk with a bow on it. Confused, he looked around but no one was paying attention to him, just chatting amongst each other. He picked up the pack of crayons and saw a small note underneath, folded and decorated with different colored stars.

He opened the note and saw the words, "Now you can have your own. Happy birthday."

At lunch he asked Seth if he had gotten him the crayons for his birthday. Seth gave him a confused look. "It's your birthday?" He handed over his brownie. "Here, you can have the whole thing today. Happy birthday!"

It took Ryan weeks to find out who got him the crayons. But some part of him knew who it was all along. Because every time he opened his mysterious crayons, he felt that same sense that someone was watching him. A girl with pretty eyes and perhaps an even prettier smile.

XXXXX

The next week Ryan finally decided he just didn't feel like sitting around waiting for his mom anymore. Trey was never home, but always off with his new friends he met at school. The kids in the neighborhood didn't really like Ryan because he went to private school instead of public school with them, and his mom had no time to even look his way much less take him anywhere. The only thing Ryan could do about all this was read. But first he needed some books.

He decided he would ride his bike the mile and a half to the public library. He rode two miles to school, anyway, so it wasn't even a big deal. He had even ridden more. Despite his age, he was used to having to either ride his bike or walk everywhere on his own. Neither his mom nor dad ever drove him very many places.

At the library he decided to pick up some books with pretty pictures of buildings. He always liked buildings since his old friend Chuck's mom took him with them to church one day and he saw the huge pointy towers and pretty glass on the building. A lot of times he looked through books and doodled what his own house would look like one day when he was old enough and could buy a big house of his own. It would be better than his run down house back in Fresno, and even better than his run down house here in Newport too.

He picked up some books that said "Gothic Architecture" and "Baroque Architecture." He had never heard of the word Baroque before, and didn't know how to pronounce it either, but he would ask Trey whenever he saw his brother again. Maybe even his mom if she wasn't stumbling around like she always did at night.

The librarian gave him a weird look but let him check out his books anyway, telling him they were due in three weeks. He put the books in his bag and made his way to his bike. He was on his way home when he saw something move in the corner of his vision. He slowed down when he saw a bike thrown on the grown, wondering where the owner was.

He looked around and saw Marissa sitting under a tree, her face streaked with tears. "Is this your bike?" he asked. She merely nodded, not looking up at him. "Why is it on the ground? And why are you over there?"

She still didn't look up, which was weird. She never had a problem looking at him before, not like the other kids at school. She didn't talk to him, but she never made him feel like he was all that different from anyone else. Now she suddenly wouldn't even look at him. "I fell," she finally said quietly.

He looked from the bike to Marissa, not understanding. "Why don't you get back on it?"

She whimpered, which scared him. He didn't know what to do when girls cried. He didn't know what to do when _anyone _cried, but the only person who ever cried around him was his mom since neither his dad nor brother ever cried. Neither did he, either, because his dad said boys don't cry, especially not Atwood boys. "My arm hurts too much," Marissa finally said quietly, and for the first time he noticed she was cradling it to her body.

Ryan crouched down, observing her arm. It was angled in an odd way, and he knew it must be broken. He had broken his arm before when his dad pushed him too hard and he fell the wrong way. And Trey had broken his leg once when he fell out of a tree. His mom even broke her arm falling down some stairs, though Ryan never knew where the stairs came from, and figured she probably just lied to him. He knew a broken arm when he saw one, and this was definitely broken.

Ryan looked around, wondering what to do. Kids didn't carry around phones. The library was half a mile away, and Marissa's house was also half a mile away, though in another direction. He thought about what to do, and decided he should call for help. He started towards his bike. "I can go try to find someone or a phone or something. I can call to get you help."

He stopped when he heard Marissa's weak voice. "Please don't leave me."

He turned around and saw her finally looking at him, her eyes wide and scared. He couldn't leave her. She looked too scared to be alone. "Okay," he said, moving his and her bike out of the way, hiding them behind some bushes. He returned to her, looking her over. Deciding she was small enough and he was strong enough, he got close to her. "I'm going to carry you home, okay?"

Marissa looked at him. "Are you strong enough?"

He nodded. "I think so. Dad made sure me and my brother Trey were strong. He used to make us carry things, and would make us run and play a lot of sports."

Marissa bit her lip, still unsure. "Do you know where I live?"

He nodded. "Yeah. The white house with the red door, right?"

She gave him a wary look. "How do you know that?"

He shrugged. "I pass it on my way to school every day on my bike."

She looked at her own bike behind the bushes. "What about my bike?"

He shrugged. "I will come back. But you need to go to the doctor so they can put your arm in a cast."

"Does it hurt?" she asked, looking scared.

He shrugged. "It already hurts now, doesn't it?"

She nodded, mulling the idea over. Finally she said, "Okay." He lifted her gently into his arms, telling her to wrap her good arm around his neck just to be safe. Then he walked as quickly as he could to her house, hoping he didn't hurt her along the way. "You're really strong," she said weakly, looking at him with those really pretty eyes of hers that changed colors depending on her mood. He had never noticed that before.

Right now they were grey. "Not as strong as my brother Trey. Trey could life my dad's weights. My dad really liked how strong he was."

"Did he not like how strong you were?" Marissa asked, and Ryan realized this was a good way to distract her.

"Not as much as he liked how strong Trey was. I could carry the bag of big dog food around the track four times, but Trey could do it six times."

Marissa gave him a look and softly said, "You were only six."

He nodded. "My dad said if you weren't strong, people could hurt you."

Marissa remained quiet for a long time, resting her head on his shoulder. It felt weird, holding her. She was light, but even still he was tired by the time they reached her house. He sat her on the steps on her porch and rang her doorbell and knocked a bunch of times. Finally, her dad answered. "Yes?"

Ryan gestured to Marissa. "She fell off her bike and broke her arm. She needs a doctor."

Her dad's eyes widened and he reached into the house, grabbing his keys off a hook. "Julie, come on, we're going to the doctor! Marissa broke her arm!" He reached down and scooped his daughter up, carrying her to the car without a second glance at Ryan.

Marissa's mom came out, her eyes also wide. She didn't even notice Ryan on her porch, just closed and locked the door, running to the car. "Oh my goodness, what happened?"

Ryan watched them drive off, glad Marissa was now okay. Sighing, he walked back to the place where he'd left their bikes, hoping they weren't stolen.

XXXXX

He had left his own backpack under his bike, and for the first time realized Marissa had left a backpack under her bike too. He must have missed it when he was dragging it, too worried about getting Marissa a doctor. He picked up his bag and slung it over his shoulder, but a piece of paper fell out of Marissa's partially unzipped bag. He grabbed the paper before it could float away, stuffing it back into her backpack when the writing caught his eye.

He stared at the paper, realizing Marissa had been the one to give him the crayons for his birthday. How she had known his birthday, he couldn't tell. Maybe she looked at the laminated poster in the front of the room with all the months where the teacher wrote down their birthdays. But either way, she had been the only person to recognize it was his birthday without any prompting. Not even Trey wished him a happy birthday this year.

He realized that Marissa had been watching him carefully, but he didn't know why. He was just the relatively new kid from the poor neighborhood. Did she find that interesting? Did she think he was in need of help? Did she pity him? Well, he didn't need her pity and he really didn't need her help. Ryan Atwood needed no one.

He made it back to her house again nearly an hour after she left. He'd gotten a number of odd stares by passerbys as he pushed both bikes and carried both backpacks, and a number of times he had to readjust the straps of the backpacks to make sure they didn't fall, but finally he reached her house again.

He was placing Marissa's bike against her house on her porch when a car drove up. He turned and saw Marissa's dad pulling in. They caught eyes and her dad got out of the car, carefully eying Ryan, probably wondering what he was doing. Ryan gestured towards the bike. "I brought her bike back." He took off the backpack, walking towards her dad. "And her backpack."

Her dad nodded and grabbed the bag from him, but kept staring at Ryan curiously. "Marissa said you found her?"

Ryan nodded. "I was riding home from the library."

"The library?" Jimmy seemed surprised.

Ryan nodded again. "My mom is working and my brother is out with friends. I wanted some new architecture books."

Her dad raised his eyebrows. "Architecture? That's a big word. I don't think Marissa even knows that word."

Ryan shrugged. "I like buildings. I saw the word and asked my dad what it meant."

Her dad hesitated. "Do you miss your dad?" He finally asked.

Ryan nodded, diverting his gaze so Marissa's dad wouldn't see his sadness. "He was my dad. I miss a lot of things about back home." He thought about that, then added, "My old home anyway."

Marissa's dad came up to Ryan and patted his shoulder. "Thank you. For helping Marissa. Not many boys your age would or could carry her half a mile."

Ryan thought about Marissa and her quiet, mysterious ways and quietly said, "Marissa's not many girls." Then, without another word, he walked away.

XXXXX

Ryan rode his bike to Marissa's house the next day. It was a Sunday and no one was home anyway. When he reached the front yard, he saw Marissa's dad walking outside. When her dad saw Ryan, he smiled. "Here to see Marissa?"

Ryan nodded shyly. He just needed to know she was okay. It had bothered him all yesterday not knowing. "Is she okay?"

Her dad nodded. "Yeah. She is okay." He gestured towards the front door. "I'm sure she'd love to see you."

Ryan's eyes widened. He hadn't planned on actually going into the house and hanging out with her. Not only was she a girl, but she was Marissa Cooper. Marissa was the most popular girl in school, even as a first grader. Her dad was about to "hit it big" people kept saying. Whatever that meant. All Ryan knew was they lived in a much nicer and bigger house than his, but people still said soon they would live in one of the houses protected by gates. Ryan couldn't even think of how big _those _houses were.

Her dad must have noticed his hesitance because he smiled. "She's watching a movie. You just walk in the door and go to the left. You'll see her right away." He shrugged, eyes twinkling. "If you want to."

Marissa's dad got into his car and drove off, but Ryan figured her mom was still home. Most parents seemed to be home more than his mom. Taking in a deep breath, Ryan walked up the porch steps and opened the front door, stepping into Marissa's house. "Marissa?" he called out, closing the door behind him and walking to the left.

He saw the room immediately; it was large and had a big tan leather couch in front of a really big TV. Ryan had never seen a TV that big, but then again, he didn't watch a lot of TV. Marissa turned and saw him, smiling and waving him over with her good hand. "Hey!" she said excitedly when he stood in front of the couch. She gave him a look and gestured to the spot next to her. "Well sit down, silly."

Ryan awkwardly sat down, sitting very straight and rigid. He had never been to someone's house in Newport before. He rarely even did it back in Fresno. "Are you okay?" he asked after a moment.

Marissa nodded. "It hurts but the doctor gave me some medicine." She looked down at her cast, blushing. "Thank you."

He shrugged, not wanting to draw attention to himself. "You just needed help."

"Well, I'm glad _you're _the one who helped me," she said, then shut her mouth, as if embarrassed she actually said that.

"Why?" he asked, not understanding.

She sighed. "I don't know. I wanted to talk to you ever since you came to Newport, but you always seemed like you wanted to be by yourself. But I still knew that you would be cool to talk to. I wanted to be your friend, but…"

Ryan felt his cheeks and ears burn. "But what?" he asked quietly.

She sighed. "But I didn't know how to talk to you. All the other kids say that you're scary because your dad is in jail." Ryan's fists clenched at his sides. "But I never thought that."

"What did you think then?"

She turned to him, and he turned to her. "That maybe you were just sad, and that's why you're so quiet."

Ryan was surprised at how much one girl – a _girl _– understood about him. "Why did you give me the crayons?"

She blushed again. "Oh. You know?"

He nodded. "I saw your writing."

She bit her lip. "I wanted you to feel special. Maybe then you wouldn't be so sad all the time."

Ryan sat back in her couch, forgetting about being 'proper' and 'perfect.' Maybe Marissa didn't need that. Maybe Marissa was different than everyone else. "I don't need you to feel sad for me."

She nodded. "I know. I don't feel bad or sad for you. I just want to be your friend."

He thought about that. "We can do that."

She smiled, and he even smiled too – maybe his first smile since coming to Newport. "Have you ever watched The Parent Trap?"

Ryan shook his head. "I've never heard of it."

She opened her eyes in shock. "It's only the best movie ever! We have to watch it! Can you grab it? It's right there…" She pointed to the entertainment unit and Ryan grabbed the movie, popping it in. When he returned to the couch, he didn't hesitate to make himself comfortable. "Maybe when I don't have to wear the sling anymore, you can sign my cast," Marissa suggested, leaning over and resting her head on Ryan's shoulder.

Ryan looked over, but it didn't feel as weird this time. It felt…right. Because he had a friend. And Marissa was right: maybe he didn't have to be sad anymore. "I can draw you a house. I like to draw houses."

Marissa smiled. "That's so cool!"

Ryan blushed a little. No one had ever told him that drawing houses was cool. They just looked at him funny, like the librarian. "Thanks."

That's the moment Ryan and Marissa became best friends. Friends who grew and matured together.

Ask anyone, and they'll tell you their friendship started when Ryan saved Marissa.

It took Ryan years, maybe even too long, to realize that maybe Marissa had in fact saved him first.


	2. Part One: Chapter One

**A/N I told you guys the faster you review, the faster I write, which is why I'm staying up till 2am to finish this update for you all. All of your reviews mean the world to me. Thank you so much for taking the time to both read and review. Your loyalty and dedication to me and my writing means everything to me. I cannot even begin to explain how happy your feedback makes me. As always, the faster the reviews come in, the faster I write. Read and review, and enjoy!**

**Oh, and this is for **Sara**. May your insanely hellish week of finals be better now ;)**

**Part One **

_**Eleven years later**_

"Ryan… Ryan…. Lazy, get up already."

Ryan groaned, burying his face further into the pillow. Marissa rolled her eyes but couldn't help the smile. This was routine. Ryan never wanted to wake up. She climbed onto his bed, straddling his back. "If you don't get up, I'm going to tell your mom just exactly where you hide your stash of dirty magazines and cigarettes."

Ryan remained still for a few seconds, then moved his head a little. "You wouldn't."

Marissa climbed off him, patting his back. "You have ten minutes to find out. I'll be waiting." With that, she smirked and left his room, shutting the door softly behind her. She stood still for a moment, listening to see if he would get up; as always, she heard the springs of his bed as he got up and climbed off. She bit her lip to stop from laughing when she heard a loud thud and a string of curse words. Ryan never paid attention in the mornings.

She made her way to the dining area right by the kitchen, smiling when she saw Dawn Atwood – Ryan's mother – pouring two cups of coffee. "Is he awake at least?" Dawn asked Marissa, sliding over the cup of coffee for her and drinking hers black.

Marissa put some half and half and sugar into her own coffee before bringing it to her lips, savoring the smell and taste. "He's up. Grumbling and mumbling his way to the shower. Which he'll turn on right about…" Just then, they could both hear the water run through the pipes as Ryan turned the shower on. "Now," Marissa finished with a smug grin. She knew Ryan. She knew everything bout him.

Dawn laughed and shook her head. "It never ceases to amaze me how much you know him. I'm lucky if I can get more than a few paragraphs out of him during the day."

Marissa shrugged, leaning against the counter. "Comes with the territory of best friend, I guess."

Dawn pushed herself away from the counter, beginning to walk to the living room and finally down the hall to her room. The house wasn't big, but only Ryan and his mom lived there so it was okay. When Dawn reached her door, she turned and raised her eyebrows at Marissa. "When are you two getting married again?"

Marissa shot her a look. "Ha ha, very funny."

Dawn laughed and walked into her room. "I'm telling you – one day it's going to happen!"

Dawn closed her door, leaving Marissa alone with her thoughts. Truth was – Marissa knew she would never marry Ryan Atwood. It wasn't that she didn't want to – she had been in love with the boy since she was a little kid – but Ryan didn't see her that way. And even if he did, he was way too afraid of commitment and actual intimacy to ever marry. The best Marissa could ever hope for from her best friend as far as romance went was maybe a drunken one night stand – but as of now, Marissa still remained a virgin, and Ryan still refused to let that change.

Ever since they were kids, Ryan always protected Marissa. At first it was that day he carried her home. Then it was writing her assignments out for her since her right hand was in a cast. Over the years he still took care of her: he made sure no one ever talked badly about her; he gave her a hug whenever he saw her cry; he paid for her meals whenever they went out, even though she had an infinite supply of money and he had to work his butt off four days out of the week at the Crab Shack; he beat up Kevin Volchok when he slipped something into her drink while she wasn't looking at a party; he stood by her side pacing until he knew she would be okay. Ryan always protected and saved her. He saw her as his very best friend, but that was it. He'd do anything for her – except see her as something more.

Marissa, on the other hand, had dreamed of someday being with Ryan since maybe the first day she saw him. When she first saw the mysterious blue-eyed new boy enter the classroom, her stomach felt funny. While everyone laughed and made fun of him for being different, she marveled at it. He wasn't like the other stupid boys at school: he was thoughtful, quiet, reserved, and really smart. She learned really quickly just how smart he was.

As time went on and they eventually became friends, her crush never went away, but she could push it aside. She learned early on that being Ryan Atwood's friend wasn't easy simply because he didn't trust people. Everyone he ever loved had left him, and when Marissa realized that she vowed to herself she would never fall into that category. Marissa Cooper would always stay.

It took a very long time, but she slowly gained his trust. Marissa learned that Ryan always felt best when he thought he was in control, so she let him feel that way most of the time. She didn't push him to talk even when she was dying to know what he thought; in the end, he would always tell her – it just took time. The biggest thing Ryan taught Marissa was the importance of patience. As long as she waited, as long as she stayed, Ryan would always open up on his own.

Once Marissa gained his trust, Ryan slowly started talking more. In second grade he finally told her all about his dad. Or, at least the good parts. It took another six months for him to tell her the violent parts, but only after Marissa accidentally tripped and bruised herself. He told her how his dad used to hit him or throw him around, and how the bruises were sometimes as big as his palm. But he never showed emotion, never showed sadness, and Marissa learned that even with her, Ryan was afraid to show his vulnerabilities.

The only time Ryan's face ever showed true sadness was the night he snuck into her room at the age of twelve because he just couldn't stand being home with his drunken mother anymore. He buried his face in her neck and quietly asked why his mom didn't love him enough to stop drinking. And as he eventually calmed down and fell asleep, Marissa stayed up with her arms around him for once, wondering how to make things better.

Everyone saw Ryan as Marissa's protector. Maybe he was. She knew she certainly felt safe whenever he was in the same room. He made her feel like the most important thing in the room. He had a way of looking at her, of smiling at her, that so differed from the way he was with anyone else.

But Marissa would also do anything for Ryan, even if it meant giving her own life to save his. Ryan liked to be the savior, but that didn't mean he didn't need saving of his own every now and then. Marissa just kept quiet about it. The less Ryan knew, the better off. He didn't like being vulnerable and was too stubborn to ask for help – so Marissa just gave it on her own.

It started with his crayons in the first grade. Over the years, she did a lot of things like that for him. She let him study her notes just because she was faster at writing than him and could copy more down. She invited him over to her house for as many meals as possible to save him and his mom money. She had her dad drive him to school when they were younger so he didn't have to bike the two miles, and when she turned sixteen and received her own car she started driving him. She always kept an eye out for things he found interesting or liked, and made sure he received them one way or another.

She also protected him from other people, too. She was the reason Luke and his friends stopped picking on him. She knew if Ryan ever got into a fight with the boys at school, it would make him more vulnerable to expulsion; after all, his mom couldn't pay the dean off to make all the bad incidents go away. She made sure her dad fought on Ryan's behalf whenever money became an issue, even though Ryan never knew it was directly her. She made sure Kevin Volchok never went after Ryan after the fight at the party; as long as she was around, she knew Volchok wouldn't hurt him.

_She_ was the one who threatened to tell the authorities on Dawn if she didn't get her act together and straighten up. And yes, _Marissa_ was the one who did research on the Internet to find a nice rehab center for Dawn to go to that wasn't too expensive.

Dawn Atwood could have resented Marissa for everything, but instead praised her for all the wonderful things she knew Marissa secretly did for Ryan. They had an agreement to let Ryan believe Dawn went to get help on her own. But Ryan's mother knew how much Marissa Cooper loved her son, and she hoped and prayed he would catch on before it was too late.

Ryan walked out of his room, drying his hair with a towel. He was already dressed in a black tshirt and jeans with his socks on, and the sight made Marissa's heart both swell and hurt. _Can't he see how much I love him? _

Ryan smiled lazily at her as she poured him a cup of coffee and handed it over to him. "Are my secrets safe?"

Marissa smiled, her eyes soft – but weren't they always when she looked at him. "I'll take them to my grave," she said lightly, pretending to zip her lips.

Ryan yawned and reached for the box of cereal in the cabinet. Marissa watched him, sipping her coffee, her mind far away. She knew, as Ryan's best friend, that all she needed was patience. Maybe if she waited long enough, Ryan would develop feelings for her. Maybe one day he would just wake up and magically love her too?

Sometimes, Marissa thought she could wait forever for Ryan Atwood.

XXXXX

At school, Ryan and Marissa stared from the parking lot at all the kids. "Remind me again why we bother with school?" Ryan asked as he watched the annoying jocks – Luke included – throw a football around.

"Because if we don't, we will work at crappy jobs for little money and become bitter old grandparents who reminisce about how they should have gone to school," Marissa replied, rolling her eyes at a group of freshmen boys gawking at her friend Summer Roberts walking by.

Ryan caught sight of Seth and unbuckled his seatbelt. "Well, at least we have each other."

Marissa rolled her eyes over to him, smirking teasingly. "Speak for yourself."

He shot a look her way, his mouth twisting into a smile. "Whatever, Cooper. You're all bark and no bite."

She raised her eyebrows at him. "Remember I'm the one who makes sure you don't walk the five miles to Harbor."

He pretended to think it over. "True." He grinned, shaking his head. "Come on, let's get this crazy day over with. It's our last semester of senior year. I think we'll survive."

They both climbed out of the car. "Again, speak for yourself," Marissa said over the top of her car before locking it, making sure it beeped. Ryan slung his messenger bag over his shoulder, waiting for her on the sidewalk. Something about the way he looked with the wind in his messy hair and the crinkle at the corner of his eyes as he stared at her made Marissa's stomach flutter with butterflies. They began walking together towards the front of the building. "Where's that girlfriend of yours?"

Ryan looked around, smiling when he saw his girlfriend walking towards them. "There's Casey right now," he said, gesturing towards the short blonde.

"And when are you dumping this one?" Marissa asked, knowing the break up was inevitable. Ever since he turned fifteen, Ryan used girls basically for sex only. Not to say he was a bad or rude boyfriend – he always treated his girlfriends politely, and he never intentionally hurt them. Ryan just wasn't capable of a serious relationship. And why should he need one? He already had a best friend to spill all his thoughts and feelings to if he needed to.

"I actually like Casey," he said, shrugging.

Marissa gave him a look. "That's what you say about all of them."

Ryan turned to her, shaking his head. "No, I really like Casey. I think this relationship could be different." And he did think that. Casey was cute and fun to be around. Unlike a lot of the girls he dated, she actually had the brains to back up the beauty, and he respected her more than most girls. He wouldn't mind having more than a fling with her.

Marissa observed Ryan, her heart hurting at the thought of him liking Casey. It was no secret to her that Ryan was sexually active; since the night her first lost his virginity, he wasn't afraid to talk about his sex life with her. He wasn't explicit or anything, which was good, but it didn't make the thought of him with another girl hurt any less. Casey finally reached them, and smiled happily at Ryan. "Hey. I missed you."

Ryan smiled and pecked her lips, wrapping his arm around her shoulder. He turned to Marissa and asked, "See you in second?"

Casey seemed put off that he hadn't said anything to her yet, but she knew her place. All of Ryan's girlfriends came second to his best friend; it was just the way things were. Marissa smiled politely at both of them, wanting to be far away. "See you."

Ryan and Casey walked off in Seth's direction, and Marissa walked toward Summer, her best girl friend. Summer was sitting with a bunch of other popular girls, Holly and Taylor included. "Hey, Coop," Summer said when Marissa approached. Marissa smiled, but it didn't quiet reach her eyes as she sat down. Summer smiled sympathetically. "Ryan and Casey?"

Marissa shrugged; Summer, as well as most people, could see just how much she cared about Ryan. "She's nice."

Summer gave her a look. "And that's the problem." She nudged Marissa's shoulder. "Don't worry. That boy will come around someday."

Marissa looked back in Ryan's direction and saw him, arm still around Casey, rolling his eyes at something Seth said. "Maybe," she said. As of now, she wasn't going to hold her breath.

XXXXX

Ryan loved sex, but something always felt off to him afterwards. While in the act, he didn't really think much, but as he just stared at the ceiling in bed afterwards, he did nothing _but _think. Which, he'd come to find, was something he didn't really like to do.

With most girls, Ryan was out of the house within five minutes of finishing. He didn't see the need to stick around. But as he'd told Marissa, he liked Casey; she was funny and smart, as well as sexy. He didn't mind hanging out for a little while after, as long as it didn't involve cuddling. Thankfully, Casey didn't push the issue.

He'd been dating her for three weeks now, which was the second longest relationship he'd ever had. His first longest was with his first girlfriend Judith Meyers in the seventh grade. They dated a whole month before both mutually agreed it was time to end things. From then on, he didn't have a relationship lasting more than two and a half weeks. It's not that he was against having a longer relationship – he just didn't really feel the need to have one.

Relationships to him meant work. Girls wanted things all the time – his attention, his dedication, his efforts. It got exhausting, especially when he didn't really feel anything greater than sexual attraction for most girls. After a few weeks, he got tired of trying to keep a girl happy. After that amount of time, he pretty much got tired of sex with the girl anyway, and it was time to move on. He didn't meant to break their hearts; honestly, they should know what they were getting into.

Marissa was different than most girls. She was only his friend. That's not to say he didn't find her attractive; he never admitted it to her, but his first wet dreams during puberty were of his best friend. He wasn't blind; Marissa was really, really attractive. But more than that, she was beautiful. And she was his _friend_. That made her off limits. You don't mix sex with friendship.

For the most part, Ryan liked how his life went. He had his girlfriends to fulfill his sexual needs, and he had Marissa to spend the rest of his time with. Seth too, but Marissa was just different. She was his _best _friend. She'd been the most important part of his life since they were kids, and nothing could replace her. In his current state, he had pretty much everything a guy could ask for.

Yet, something was still _missing_, and that bothered him.

Whenever he was with a girl, something was lacking, but he couldn't decide what. The sex could be good – great, even – but at the end of the night he still felt like he wasn't entirely satisfied. Sexually, he was happy. But on a greater level? He didn't really know. Something just felt off. He never felt complete or right. Not even with Casey, though she was the closest to right he had gotten in a while.

The only time he could remember not feeling off was his first kiss. He was thirteen at the time, and had really liked Judith. He found her pretty and wanted to kiss her, but he needed to know the mechanics. So, he'd asked Marissa.

"_Come on, it's just one kiss," Ryan protested, exasperated. _

_Marissa gave him a look. "Ryan, no."_

_Ryan sighed, shaking his head. "I don't understand what the big deal is. We're best friends."_

"_Exactly, Ryan. Best _friends_." Marissa threw her hands up. "Friends don't kiss!"_

"_But it's just one kiss. One simple little kiss so that I know how to do it." Ryan stopped in front of her, making her stop too. He gave her a pointed look. "Please. For me."_

_Marissa looked at him for a long time, the loose strands of her hair blowing in the salty breeze. A few feet away the ocean was kissing the shore, and in the distance he heard seagulls and laughter. But none of that mattered. All that mattered was convincing Marissa to do this for him. She looked at him deeply, probably assessing how badly he wanted this. Maybe it wasn't fair, but Ryan knew Marissa would agree to kiss him. Just like, if she asked, he'd agree to kiss her. _

_Though, honestly, the idea of her kissing another guy afterwards was just gross. He wouldn't let his mind go there._

_Marissa finally sighed and hugged herself, shrugging. "Fine. I'll do it."_

_Ryan grinned and placed his hands on her arm. "Thank you!" _

_She just shrugged again, looking to the side to stare at the incoming waves. "So…do we just, like, do it…?"_

_Ryan thought about it and shrugged. "I don't know. I've never kissed anyone before."_

_Marissa nodded, still not looking at him. "Me neither."_

_It bothered him that she wouldn't look at him. He took a step closer to her, his heart beating slightly harder. But that was normal, because wouldn't your heart beat harder if you kissed anyone? It was just nerves. It meant nothing. "I guess we just… lean in and…" He didn't get to finish, because suddenly Marissa's lips were on his. He blinked a few times, then closed his eyes, turning his head slightly._

_Afterwards, he remembers feeling like everything else sort of fell away. He was no longer aware of the sand between his toes, or the squawking of seagulls, or the warm breeze blowing through his hair. He just remembers the feeling of Marissa's lips against his, the beating of his heart in his ears, the warmth of her fingers on the back of his neck._

_She pulled back, and he murmured, "Kiss." Slowly, he opened his eyes to her looking at him with a weird expression. _

_She blinked, and the expression was gone. She took a step back and hugged herself again. "Now you can go kiss Judith," she said quietly, looking out at the water again._

_He blinked a few times, still trying to come completely back to reality. "Yeah. Judith." He tried to conjure up a picture of Judith in his mind, but all he could see was Marissa looking out at that water, and the weird expression she'd had just a moment ago. Taking both of them by surprise, he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her in for a hug. Her arms awkwardly wrapped around him too, and he breathed her in. "Thank you. You're a really good friend."_

_She pulled away before he did, moving around him so that they could continue walking down the beach. "Don't mention it."_

He had been excited to kiss Judith, but it hadn't been as intoxicating as with Marissa. No matter how many times he kissed Judith or any other girl, he never just _lost _himself like he had that first time. He didn't think much of it. It sucked, but he figured first kisses were just more special. You could never regain that magic again, right? He was missing his innocence, the unknown, nothing else.

The sound of thunder tore him from his thoughts. "Was that thunder?" he asked Casey, abruptly sitting up in bed.

Casey gave him a look and sat up too. "Yeah. Why?"

Ryan immediately climbed out of bed, pulling his clothes on as quickly as possible. "I have to go."

Casey gave him another look. "What? Why? It's pouring outside. Just stay, at least until the storm ends." She gave him a suggestive smile. "My parents won't be home for hours. We can have some more fun."

Ryan barely registered what she said, already pulling on his shoes. "I'm sorry, but I have to go." He leaned down and pecked her lips. "I'll see you tomorrow." Without another word, he left.

He silently cursed as he walked outside. The rain was coming down pretty hard, but it wasn't at its worst yet. He pulled on his hood and ran to his bike. Mounting his bike, he started pedaling as quickly as possible. He had somewhere he needed to be.

XXXXX

"_Why are you crying?" Ryan asked, staring at her with concern. His seven-year-old self seemed so worried that Marissa almost felt better._

"_I'm scared of the thunder," Marissa whispered, hiding her head under the blanket._

Another large blast made Marissa cringe and slightly tremble under the covers. She hated thunderstorms. Normally, since she lived in Newport, thunderstorms weren't a problem. But a few times every year the thunder decided to taunt her, and it always scared her half to death.

Marissa couldn't remember much of how her phobia started, just knew the effects. The sound of thunder completely petrified her. It was worse at night, especially when it woke her up. Something about the booms made her shake and even cry in fear. Very few things could calm her down.

She heard a thud and some cursing, and under normal circumstances would smile. The bed shifted, and the next thing she knew there was another person under the covers with her. A flashlight turned on, and Ryan's face came into view. "Room for two?" he asked quietly, staring at her with such concerned eyes.

She nodded, getting lost in those blue eyes of his. Suddenly, it became easier to breathe again. "I thought you had a date with Casey," she murmured.

He tilted his head, his eyes softening. "Doesn't matter."

"She's your girlfriend, Ry."

He gave her a look. "Doesn't matter," he repeated. He nodded in the direction of her dresser. "I'm going to change, okay?"

She reached out and felt his soaked clothes, then lifted his shirt a little to feel his skin. "You're really cold. Take a hot shower and I'll put your clothes to wash."

He nodded. "Okay." He reached for her hand, squeezing it gently. "We're going to lift the covers up, but it's going to be okay. Trust me?"

She nodded, feeling special for having Ryan go through such small measures to make her feel safe. "Always."

They both came out from under the covers, and Ryan smiled at her in the darkness. He stood and walked over to her dresser, grabbing some clothes from the bottom right drawer – _his _drawer where he kept extra clothes – and then walked to her bathroom. After a few minutes she went in and grabbed his wet clothes off the floor, smiling when she heard him humming in the shower.

After a little while Ryan came out of the bathroom and joined her in bed, slipping into the left side – _his _side – and wrapping an arm around her. "You okay?" he asked softly, rubbing her arm up and down as she rested her head on his chest.

Another loud boom came; the storm was getting closer, the thunder and lightning nearly happening at the same time. "Still scared, but I feel much better now."

"Are you sure? Is there anything more I can do?" he asked, still rubbing up and down her arm.

She smiled, though he couldn't see it. Yes, at times like these, she was sure she _would _wait forever for Ryan Atwood. "Nope. You're already doing everything just right."

_Ryan stood and Marissa heard his footsteps go away. She shivered, figuring he didn't want to deal with her right now. Maybe after writing all her assignments for her the past month, he just was tired of taking care of her. _

_Surprising her, someone lifted the covers on her blanket, and suddenly there was a flash of light. Marissa saw Ryan's worried face and realized he had found a flashlight so that they could see. "Thunderstorms are scary," he agreed, looking at her. "But as long as I'm here, it won't hurt you. Okay?"_

_Marissa looked into his serious blue eyes, and suddenly she didn't feel as scared. Maybe it was the way he seemed so sure that he could protect her. Maybe it was just because this was Ryan, and she always felt safe with him. "Okay," she whispered. And for the first time in years, she stopped shaking every time the thunder boomed._

XXXXX

**So, I actually have some pretty exciting news. If you can remember, I said a while back that I wrote a manuscript for a novel. Well, this past Friday I met Stephen Chbosky (author of The Perks of Being a Wallflower) at a book signing and told him what my book is about – and he gave me his address to his office and told me to send my manuscript to him. Words cannot describe how incredibly exciting this was to me; one of my heroes wants to read **_**my **_**work. Hopefully whenever he gets around to it, he'll think I have some sort of talent as well as good story ideas!**

**Anyway, since you all are so incredible and supportive, I thought you might be excited by this news as well. Who knows – maybe you'll be reading a physical copy of my work someday!**

**Individual Replies:**

**Riss: **Marissa's love life will be described more in future chapters, but no she and Luke did not date. Let's just say there's the problem of an overprotective Ryan Atwood for her boyfriends to deal with.

**Guest: **Thank you. I'm glad you like my story!

**Sara: **Hahaha Mean Girls. My brother wanted to know where the "she doesn't even go here!" line came from, so the last time I was home I made him sit down and watch Mean Girls with me. Needless to say, he loved it.

**Sailaway: **Well I hope you like how the story turns out :)

**Ocgirlfr: **I hope you like the writing and rest of the story as much as you like the story and plot :)

**Devon: **Don't be sorry. I like posting soon :)

**RMforever: **Poor Ryan, indeed.

**Nadine: **Of course little Ryan is adorable. I mean, it's little _Ryan_ ;)

**xoElle23: **Um… exact number, I do not know. It will be longer than You've Got Mail. Basically it's like three little fics in one. Parts one and two will be longer than part three. I can't give you an exact number, I just know it will be an epic love story :)

**Skillz37: **Hope I didn't disappoint!


	3. Part One: Chapter Two

**A/N Holy crap guys. Your feedback is incredible. And that's why I'm updating this less than 48 hours from my last post. I told you, the faster you read/review, the faster I update! So, here it is – a new chapter. I hope you like this. It's mainly just setting up future storylines. More insight into Marissa's romantic past in future chapters. And more Ryan/Casey interaction next chapter. Read and Review, and enjoy!**

**Oh, this is dedicated to my Twitter buddy/Marissa-loving twin/fellow easily distracted procrastinator. You know who you are ;)**

Marissa really hated school. She couldn't wait until she graduated. Of course, she would have to go to college in the fall and start the whole process over, but wasn't college supposed to be better? That's what they always told her. Anything had to be better than high school.

Right after second period with Ryan, she went to her locker to grab her literature book. She was reaching inside when she noticed the guy at the locker next to her struggling with his combination. She raised her eyebrows, not remembering anyone having the locker next to her. The tall, lean boy had short messy brown hair and a curved jaw. He groaned and smacked the locker in frustration. Turning a little, he saw her and froze. "Oh. I didn't know you were there," he said, slightly blushing.

Marissa found him really cute. Not only was he physically attractive with beautiful hazel eyes, but he was slightly awkward. Somewhere between a mix of the shy Ryan Atwood and the quirky Seth Cohen with the looks of an A list actor. "I was just grabbing my literature book…." She said, biting her lip as she looked at him. He seemed so lost; it kind of pulled at her heart. "Having problems with your locker?"

He looked at his closed locker and nodded, pursing his lips. "That Dean lady helped me this morning. Dr. Kim? But now I have to get to my third period and need to grab my book, but I can't even get into my locker. Just my luck." He seemed to remember she was there, and blushed a little again. "Sorry, I'm sure you really could care less about my locker problems. I'll just go hide over here now…"

He started to move away but Marissa just laughed. "Here, give me your combination number. I can help you." He handed her the slip of paper with the combination on it and Marissa showed him how to open the locker. "The trick is pushing in before pulling the little thing up." She had him do as she said, and the locker opened.

"Ah! I'm in!" he said, throwing his hands up a little. He grinned at her, and his dimples made him even cuter. "Thank you so much. My name is Andrew, by the way." He held out his hand. "Andrew O'Brian."

Marissa smiled and shook his hand. "Marissa Cooper." They both dropped their hands and Andrew reached into his locker, pulling out a thick literature book.

"Well, thank you, Marissa," he said, closing his locker. He smiled at her and it was infectious, making her smile too.

She glanced at his literature book. "You wouldn't happen to have Literature with Mrs. Heckle next period would you?"

He pulled out his schedule from his back pocket and eyed it. "Actually, yes I do. Know where it is?"

She nodded. "I have that class too. Crazy coincidence. I'll walk you there."

Andrew smiled gratefully. "Thank you. I feel like this place is a labyrinth and I'm looking for help from Ariadne. Or, you know, a map." He thought about what he just said and noticed Marissa's amusement. "Oh god, I think I just gave away what a nerd I am."

Marissa laughed and nodded. "Oh, definitely. You better be nice or I'll let the whole school know."

He shot her a pleading look. "Nothing but pleasantries." He smiled and they reached the classroom. "Literature is actually my favorite class."

Marissa laughed. "Why am I not surprised?"

XXXXX

Ryan and Marissa had lunch with each other on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. On Tuesdays and Thursdays they decided to hang out with their other friends, but those three days were just the two of them. Sometimes they went off campus, sometimes they sat at a table away from everyone else, and sometimes they just ate in Marissa's car. It was easily Ryan's favorite part of the week. He loved spending time with only Marissa, and a lot of times work or homework got in the way of them really just _hanging out_.

Ryan leaned against her locker, watching various kids walk past, lost in thought. That night he had a shift at the Crab Shack, but afterwards he was thinking of going to see Casey for a little while. Then maybe he could swing by Marissa's house. They could watch a movie together? He rather liked that thought. Maybe he would skip Casey's house all together. He and Marissa could make popcorn and watch The Parent Trap. When's the last time they watched that?

He heard his best friend's laughter and immediately smiled and turned in the direction of the sound. He furrowed his eyebrows when he saw her talking and laughing with some guy he had never seen before. Ryan made a point of knowing the different guys Marissa hung out with. Who the hell was this prick? Marissa saw him and her eyes brightened considerably. "Hey!" she said, walking over to him. He smiled at her, then resumed looking this guy up and down. Marissa gestured towards the new kid. "Ryan, this is Andrew O'Bryan. Andrew, this is my best friend Ryan Atwood."

Andrew smiled genuinely and stuck his hand out. "Nice to meet you, Ryan. Marissa talks about you non stop, did you know that?"

Marissa blushed and looked away, obviously embarrassed. Ryan couldn't help the small smile. "I did not know that," he said, shaking the guy's hand firmly.

They both dropped hands and Andrew grinned, giving Marissa an amused raise of his eyebrows. "Oh, yes. Ryan this, Ryan that. If you two weren't best friends, I'd think she had a crush on you." He winked at the two, then backed away. "Well, I'll let you two get to it. I have a date with Dr. Kim for lunch. Lucky me."

Marissa laughed and waved goodbye to him before turning to Ryan. "So, what's the verdict for lunch?"

Ryan glanced over Marissa' shoulder to see Andrew walking away. _Definitely skipping going to Casey's house tonight. _"Um… I don't know. You pick."

Marissa gave him a look. "Ryan, it's Wednesday. On Wednesdays you decide what we do for lunch."

Ryan shrugged innocently. "Maybe I really just want to let my best friend pick?"

She gave him a look. "Right, right." She gestured towards her locker. "If you want to do something for me, you can put my Lit book away and give me my Calc book."

He rolled his eyes but unlocked her locker. "You're so lazy sometimes. Newport Princess Marissa Cooper can't even open her locker!"

Marissa playfully hit his shoulder. "Oh, you love doing things for me. You don't know what you'd do if you couldn't cater to my every whim."

His eyes rolled to hers and he raised his eyebrows. "That's what _you_ think." He reached over and grabbed her lit book from her hands and placed it in her locker, pulling out her Calc book. "Calculus is _so _last year," he said, imitating Summer's comments on out of season fashion.

Marissa laughed and swatted him again. "Be nice!" She put her Calc book in her book bag. "Besides, not all of us can be math geniuses like you. Some of us are happy with the B."

He gave her another look. "Oh whatever. You are acing that class just like every other class, Miss 4.0."

"Like you aren't acing all _your _classes, hot shot," she shot back with a challenging grin.

"_Only _because I have the best tutor," he said with a grin. Marissa was like a parent with Ryan, always making sure he did his homework on time and studied for his tests. Ever since they were kids, Marissa was the perfect student, and hanging out with her made Ryan step up too. It wasn't like Ryan had to work that hard; by all means, he was smarter than most of the kids in his class. Marissa always saw that, and he made sure he lived up to his potential, even when his mom didn't.

Of course, now that his mom and Marissa were like best friends themselves, he didn't really have a choice. "Aw, that's sweet." She pinched his cheek and then looped her arm through his. "Do we need to go to your locker?"

He shook his head. "I went before coming over here." He suddenly remembered that kid Andrew. "How'd you meet Andrew?"

She shrugged. "He has a locker next to me and we happen to have third period together." He observed her to see if there were any signs of feelings or attraction; he was pretty good at determining when Marissa started having some sort of feelings for a guy, and he prided himself on catching it before she did. That way, he could keep an eye out on the guy. To his relief, he saw absolutely no signs of any forming crush or feelings. Good. Marissa turned to him and raised her eyebrows. "Why are you staring at me?"

He looked away, shaking his head. "I'm not staring at you."

They started walking down the hall. "You were so staring at me."

He rolled his eyes over to her again, and she met his look with a challenging one of her own. It's one of the things he loved about Marissa – she was always challenging him. "No, I wasn't. Anyway, what did you want for lunch?"

She rolled her eyes at him once again. "Ryan, it's Wednesday. _You're _the one who likes consistency and routines, remember?"

He had to admit, she was right. "Hmm… I want some chili cheese fries."

She grinned, obviously liking the idea. "And a burger."

"Share a banana split?"

She leaned her head on his shoulder. "Definitely."

As they walked out to the parking lot, Ryan thought about what Marissa said earlier about catering to her every whim. Turning his head slightly to observe her, he decided she was right. Ryan loved making Marissa happy. He would do absolutely anything for her. He would gladly do everything for her just so she didn't have to lift a finger.

He wouldn't have it any other way.

XXXXX

Ryan rode his bike over to Marissa's house that night after work. It was almost nine and he'd had a bad day at work. Two customers had complained to his boss because apparently he didn't seem "happy enough to see them" and two little brats tried to dine and dash. Right now all he wanted to do was flop down onto Marissa's bed and have her tell him what complete idiots comprised the human race. Turning to Casey didn't even cross his mind.

He hid his bike behind the shed in her back yard and climbed the terrace to the small part of the roof by her window. Opening it, he slid in, making sure he didn't fall like he did the other night of the thunderstorm. Marissa was sitting on her bed flipping through one of her textbooks and didn't even lift her gaze. "You could use the front door, you know. Much less dangerous."

He listened to the music in the room and rolled his eyes at her song choice. "And _you _could listen to a new song every now and then."

"Hey, 'From this Moment' is a wonderful song. Shania Twain and Brian White are amazing singers."

Ryan rolled his eyes again, slipping out of his shoes and falling back onto her bed. "I'm not saying it's a bad song. You just listen to it. All. The Time."

Marissa shook her head and rolled her eyes. "Oh please. You're the one who blasts 'Don't Stop Believin' every single time I let you control the radio in the car."

Ryan shot her a look. "Hey, don't mess with Journey."

"Oh, right, right. They're the epitome of music, I forgot." She closed her book and set it on her nightstand, turning to him and crossing her legs, resting her hands on her knees. "Now, are you going to tell me what's wrong?"

"How do you know something is wrong? You've barely looked at me," he said, always amazed at how Marissa could just know by the sound of his voice or the way he walked or stood how he was feeling. It used to scare him senseless having someone know him so wholly, but these days he was used to it. Liked it, even.

Marissa's voice softened as she gazed at him, her blue eyes concerned. "Because you're my best friend and I know you." She patted his stomach. "Now, tell me what's going on."

He glance her way, then stared at the ceiling, sighing. "People are idiots."

"I thought we discovered this when Luke and his friends blew up your mailbox with firecrackers in fifth grade," she said, and the memory made Ryan both smile and roll his eyes.

"That's different. We were kids then. And Luke has even matured some." Marissa gave him a look, and he smiled. "Okay, matured isn't the right word. He'll always be a kid at heart. But he did become less of an ass."

"True," she said, drumming her fingers on his chest. "Okay, why are people idiots today?"

He stared at the bumps on her ceiling, thinking how much her room or house felt like home to him just from all the time he'd spent here over the years. Jimmy Cooper was definitely rich, and once he made his first million, he sold the modest two story house that Ryan had thought huge and moved his family to this gated community filled with infinity pools and McMansions. Julie Cooper wasn't Ryan's biggest fan, but both of Marissa's parents – Jimmy more than Julie – accepted Ryan's role as Marissa's very best friend. Ever since he carried Marissa home, Ryan was very welcome in Marissa's life.

"I don't know," he said, frustrated. "I still feel like people hold it against me for not being from around here. For living in the numbered streets. For not being some golden boy." Truth was, Ryan had gotten in trouble quite a few times over the years – mostly for fights. What could he say, he was protective. And sometimes people really deserved to have their asses handed to them.

Marissa moved so she was laying next to him, and reached for his hand, holding it in both of her own. "Maybe you're not Newport's golden boy. You don't drive a brand new car that your dad bought you for making honor roll, and you have to work hard to have what money you do." Ryan waited for the part that was supposed to make him feel better, knowing it would come. Marissa always made him feel better. "But you're _better _than all of them. Want to know why?"

Ryan turned and saw her looking at him. "Why?" he asked softly, so quietly she almost didn't hear him. But what she didn't hear, she felt. She had this crazy connection with Ryan that went beyond normal senses. She could just _feel _him inside her, part of her, and he felt the same way.

"Because you have the most incredible heart of any person I have ever met, Ryan Atwood," Marissa whispered, smiling softly. She brushed some of his hair from his forehead, and it made him feel vulnerable, but it was okay. This was Marissa. Marisa was his best friend and she would never hurt him. Hell, he was pretty sure she'd overcome her 'Newport Princess' status and _kill _whoever even _tried _to hurt him.

"Really?" he asked quietly. When she looked at him this way, he felt like a superhero. Like he could very well walk outside and fly if he tried. Sometimes she looked at him, and he felt like she saw him as somebody great, somebody worthy of her time and attention, and he couldn't even begin to describe how it made him feel. For someone who spent his entire life wondering why he wasn't good enough for so many people, Marissa with one look could make him feel bigger than the entire world. He didn't know what he'd do without her.

She nodded, puling her hand away from his forehead and resting it on his chest; without meaning to, she had placed her palm over his heart. "Yes. You have every reason to be bitter and angry at the world, but you aren't. When you open up, you are the most loyal and dedicated friend and son in the world. You are caring and kind. You fight for what you believe, and you would kill for those you love." She smiled. "You should give yourself more credit every now and then."

He smiled softly, feeling infinitely better. Marissa always knew how to make him feel better. She had since he was a kid. She took this broken little boy and put all the pieces back together into something whole and good again. Even now, all these years later, she still managed to keep him from shattering into all those little insignificant pieces. Marissa made him a better person, he knew it. "Only because I have a great friend," he said, turning the conversation more light.

Marissa grinned, taking the change in stride. "Oh, of course. I thought that was a given." Ryan loved how she could go from light to heavy or vice versa whenever needed. She just knew what he needed.

They both turned so they were staring at the ceiling instead of each other. "So, I thought we could watch a movie."

"The Parent Trap?" she asked hopefully, and Ryan laughed softly.

"Of course."

Marissa squealed and jumped out of bed, running over to her television, shutting off her music on the way. While she set up the movie, Ryan sat up and made himself comfortable. Marissa returned to the bed and immediately cuddled next to him, letting him wrap his arm around her, leaning her head on his shoulder as they waited for the main menu to turn on.

Ryan smiled softly and looked down at his best friend. She was the most important person in his entire world. He hoped she knew that. He didn't open up with just anybody, and it had taken him years to fully let her in, but he never once regretted it. He wasn't so good at conveying how he felt all the time, and a lot of the time he made sure he showed how he felt with actions instead of words, but right now he just needed Marissa to know how much she meant to him. "Thank you," he murmured.

"For what?" she asked, not turning to him. On some level he wondered if she did that to make things easier for him. He wouldn't put it past her. She knew how to make him feel comfortable.

"You know… being here. I don't know what I'd do…"

Marissa patted his knee. "I know, Ry," she said quietly, and his heart swelled. He was glad. More than anything else, he was glad she knew how important she was.

Marissa, meanwhile, bit her lip to keep the enormous smile from spreading on her face. Oh, how she loved this twisted, complicated boy.

XXXXX

**So, am I posting Wednesday or Friday? That depends on the quickness of your feedback. If you can't review yet, I understand. It's a crazy time in school. But I don't wanna post if people can't read yet anyway. So, I'll be looking out for you guys. **

**Individual Replies:**

**Kerschi-Puky:** I hope I make a fan out of you. I will try my very best :)

**Maddy:** I am such a lover of Marissa. I think she was a wonderful character who had a really twisted life, but her saving grace was the love she had for this one boy. You're right, she did save his life. And I kind of want to explore that side of Marissa in this story. Thank you for catching on!

**Jen:** Thank you thank you!

**Skillz37:** Aw, your review was such a compliment. Thank you :)

**Riss11:** Well, if you think about it, this story is already over 10k words, and wasn't YGM like just a little over 100k? At this rate, it will be longer than that story very quickly.

**Sara:** I really really wanted to post this tonight to make up for your three finals today :) Just so you know.

**xoElle23:** Aw, epic is such a great compliment.

**Guest:** I haven't planned out specifics, and they won't be major characters like R/M, but I do plan on having them get together at some point.

**Devon:** Aw, but poor Casey. It's got to suck to always come in second to a girl who your boyfriend isn't even dating.

**Nadine:** I would be honored if you follow me back! I'm not really that special or anything haha. But my twitter is dzunig1 :)

**FlyingForward:** Aw, I'm sorry about your week of exams. I hope this week will be better for you. And making you happy makes me happy :)

**Jenbunney:** What, backpacking through Asia? I think that's way more exciting than my stories haha!

**Kendal:** Your review means the world to me. I'm so happy when someone likes my stories or my writing, and your review was so kind. Thank you, and I hope I continue to please you as a writer.

**Sailaway:** Oh, so many exciting possibilities :) It's going to be great.


	4. Part One: Chapter Three

**A/N So, you guys are incredible. This is the worst week of the year for me cause my uncle died two years ago Friday. That's one reason I'm writing so much – to keep my mind off it. But most importantly, I'm writing because you guys are so amazing with your reviews. As long as it's in my power, if you keep reviewing this fast, I will continue updating this fast. Maybe even sooner (like tomorrow). Maybe. So, read and review, and enjoy!**

The next morning Ryan and Marissa were at Marissa's locker bickering about an upcoming charity event. As far as Marissa could remember, she made Ryan go to the events with her. Ryan always argued that he lived in the numbered streets, was the Newport 'outsider' despite living in town all these years, and he wasn't even officially invited. But, as always, Marissa pulled the best friend card and said _she _was inviting him.

"But _Marissa_," Ryan said, drawing it out to be longer. "I don't _like _going to these events. I _hate _getting dressed up."

Marissa looked at herself in her locker mirror, rolling her eyes at Ryan's reflection. "And _Ryan_," she said, impersonating his emphasis. "I _love _making you dress up. It's so much fun to watch you squirm in a suit and tie all night long. Remember Cotillion?"

Marissa didn't date a lot. All of her relationships pretty much lasted a week, if that. It wasn't for a lack of trying; Marissa really _wanted _a boyfriend. She figured the sooner she could start dating someone, the sooner she could get over Ryan Atwood for good. But she must have some sort of time clock or something on her, because guys always broke up with her within a week of their relationship. Just _I'm sorry_ and they were gone for good. Ryan told her it was only because they were all idiots and didn't know how good they had it. Marissa had spent many nights crying in Ryan's arms after being dumped.

So, naturally, Marissa didn't have a boyfriend during her debut when she turned sixteen. After a lot of pleading and puppy dog eyes, Ryan agreed to be her escort. Dawn rented him a tux and he was the most amazing boy in the room. Definitely the most handsome. Marissa had a picture of the two of them from that night on her nightstand, and that was easily the best night of her life. For once, it was just about _her_. None of Ryan's girlfriends, none of their friends – just about making _her _debut perfect. And he did. Ryan always came through.

Ryan groaned. "Yes, I remember. I had to dance and bow in front of everyone. It was embarrassing."

Marissa laughed and closed her locker. "You did a good job." She turned and grinned at him. "And you'll do wonderfully this Friday night at the charity event." She kissed his cheek. "I'll pick you up at seven. You better be ready."

"Or what?" he challenged, raising his eyebrows.

She opened her mouth to reply, but they were interrupted. "Marissa! Ryan! Fancy meeting you two here!"

Marissa turned and saw Andrew. "Hey, Andrew. What's up?"

Andrew looked between the two and grinned. "I'm glad you two are here. I have someone to introduce you to." He turned around and pulled a girl from behind him to stand in front of him. "Ryan, Marissa, I introduce you Katerina O'Brian."

Ryan stared at Andrew, both annoyed that he had interrupted his conversation with Marissa and could dramatically roll the R in Katerina. Marissa, on the other hand, smiled at the tall skinny brown haired girl standing in front of her. "Hi, my name is Marissa."

The girl had Andrew's hazel eyes, and Ryan figured they were related. The girl smiled shyly and said, "Hi. You can call me Katherine. Andrew just likes to be a goober."

"A goober? Aw, baby sister, I wouldn't say that," Andrew protested, patting her shoulder. He addressed the two seniors now. "My baby sister here is a junior. She was number one in her class back in Maine, as well as varsity tennis and swimming."

Marissa raised her eyebrows. "Wait, you're from Maine?"

Andrew tilted his head and gave her a look. "Yes, I'm from Maine. Back to what's important here! My baby sister – "

Katherine rolled her eyes and said, "Andy, just cut it out, okay? God you're such a weirdo."

Andrew grinned widely, his dimples showing. "Kat, Kat, Kat, I'm merely making an introduction here."

Seth walked over now, and looked at all of them. "Introduction? What introduction?"

Andrew's eyes brightened and he grabbed hold of Katherine's shoulders, turning her to face Seth. "Seth, I would like to introduce you to my baby sister Kat –"

Before he could do his whole spiel over again, Katherine rolled her eyes and cut him off. "Hi, my name is Katherine."

Seth's eyes looked her up and down and he visibly gulped. Like her brother, Katherine looked like she was just out of a movie. "Um, hi. Seth Cohen. I'm just going to go awkwardly hide over here now."

He walked over to Ryan and whispered, "Holy crap."

Ryan rolled his eyes, not amused by all this Andrew stuff. "Seth. Remember Summer? The girl you've been pining over for the last ten years?"

Seth snapped back to reality. "Yes. Summer. Right."

Seth had been in love with Summer since shortly after Ryan arrived, though the feelings weren't totally mutual. Yet. Ryan and Marissa had been trying to set the two up for years, but no dice yet. Meanwhile, Andrew and his sister started bickering. "Kat, be nice. I'm just trying to introduce you…"

She rolled her eyes. "Then introduce me, you freaking dufus, don't recite my dating profile."

He paused, seemingly alarmed. "Wait, you have a dating profile?"

She buried her face in her hands. "Oh _god_ just shut up."

"Which site?"

"I'm going to class!" she yelled over her shoulder, walking away.

Andrew looked at all of them and quickly said, "Well, older brother duties are calling. See you later!" He ran off after his sister. "Hey, which site!"

Marissa laughed and turned back to Ryan, who was just staring in boredom at everything, glad Andrew was finally gone again. "So, Friday. Seven. You'll be ready?"

Ryan groaned, rolling his eyes dramatically. "_Fine_, seven." He gave her a look. "But, you owe me."

She rolled her eyes and looped her arm through his, knowing he would walk her to her first period class today. Casey had a conference with a teacher, so he didn't have to be the dutiful boyfriend and hang out with her until lunch. "Don't I always?"

XXXXX

Since it was Thursday, it was Casey's turn to have Ryan at lunch. They grabbed their treys from the lunchroom and headed outside to eat. They searched for a table but stopped when they heard lots of laughter. "What was that?" Casey asked, turning to Ryan.

Ryan shrugged. "I don't know. Let's check it out." They followed the noise and found a table with a bunch of people surrounding where Marissa, Andrew, Katherine, Summer, all of Marissa's friends, and even Seth were sitting. Ryan pulled Seth aside. "What's going on?"

Seth gave him a confused look. "What do you think is going on? We're all having lunch."

Ryan gestured towards the table, particularly Andrew. "Since when do you sit with Marissa and Summer?"

Seth patted Ryan's shoulder. "Calm down, man. Andrew invited me to sit with him, so I said yes. Then Summer saw Katherine and kind of freaked out about her purse or something?" He gave Ryan a '_girls are weird' _stare. "And then Marissa sat with Summer, and everyone else sort of filed in." He leaned in closer to Ryan. "The way I see it, I get to sit with Summer without her protesting. It's such a win-win situation."

Ryan silently glared at Andrew. Seriously, who was this guy and why did everyone find him so freaking charming? He hadn't even been here a whole week yet and he had all the popular girls swooning after him, _possibly Marissa_, and Ryan just _wasn't liking it one bit._ He turned to get Casey and go, but much to his consternation, his girlfriend was engaging in a conversation with the group and already sitting down.

Andrew looked up and saw Ryan. "Hey, Ryan! Pull up a chair. Maybe you can help me here, because no one is being really helpful."

Ryan pulled up a chair and placed his tray on his lap. He forced a smile. "What's up?"

Andrew took a sip of his Fiji water before gesturing dramatically. "I know you're from out of town like me, but you've been living here longer. Can you explain to me the point of this… water polo?"

Ryan just gave him a look. "It's a sport."

Andrew laughed and shook his head. "I know, I know. It's a 'sport.' Probably a very important sport, like soccer."

Ryan's eyes narrowed. "What's wrong with soccer?"

Andrew took a bite of his apple, chewing as Ryan spoke. He swallowed and shook his head, holding out his hands in surrender. "Oh, nothing, nothing. Just like there's nothing wrong with American football. But honestly, you're kicking a ball around trying to make it into a net. Where's the skill?"

Marissa had been looking between the two, kind of fearing Ryan would get a little defensive. "Well, Ryan's a really good soccer player. You should see him."

Andrew grinned, seeming to lighten up. "You play soccer? That's really cool, man. I don't mean anything bad towards it. Just not my game, you know?"

Ryan rubbed his hands on his knees, trying not to get upset. "Right, right." He forced a smile again. "Do you play any sports?" he asked, trying to sound polite.

Casey rubbed Ryan's shoulder, kissing his cheek and wrapping an arm around him. Casey liked to be really touchy feely, but Ryan wasn't all that into it, especially right now with this asswipe in front of him. But he was too upset to even protest Casey's touch.

Andrew, meanwhile, nodded. "Oh, yeah, yeah. I play basketball. I _love _basketball." Ryan tried not to roll his eyes. Kicking a ball was _so _different from dribbling. Right. "And I swim. Swam a lot back home."

Summer piped in. "They had pools in Maine? I thought it was so cold."

Andrew laughed. "Yes, we have pools in Maine. They're indoor, and heated. So that way we don't freeze to death, which is always good."

Ryan looked at Andrew. He was definitely lean, and _maybe _athletic looking, but he didn't _look _like a swimmer. "You don't look really like a swimmer," he commented nonchalantly, taking a sip of his water.

Andrew nodded, shrugging. "It's true, it's true. I _don't_ have the broad shoulders of a swimmer." He made a point of pointing to his shoulders and shrugging dramatically. "But I am fit. I work out a lot. I'm not the best swimmer, but I'm not going to lie – I'm pretty good."

One of the girls at the table rubbed Andrew's shoulder and smiled flirtatiously. "Show us."

Even Katherine laughed now, and shook her head. "Aw, that's too much for you girls. Andy has killer abs. Used to drive all the kids back at school crazy."

The girls protested, which Ryan found kind of pathetic. Seriously, who _were _these girls just throwing themselves on this guy? But much to his surprise, even Seth said, "Ah, come on man, don't be humble. Show us these supposedly killer abs."

Ryan gave Seth a look – or rather, a death glare – but no one noticed. Andrew shrugged and stood, lifting up part of his shirt. All the girls gasped at his abs, and he blushed, quickly, dropping his shirt again and laughing nervously. "Um, you guys are weird. You literally almost made me strip in school. Is this how all of Southern California is?"

Marissa laughed and said, "Only Newport Beach. Girls here love their eye candy."

Andrew laughed, shrugging and biting into his apple again. Ryan didn't see what the big deal was about this guy. He was just so _awkward_. Like Seth. Like a swimming, basketball playing, literary, poetic Seth. "So, basketball and swimming," Ryan said, steering the conversation away from Andrew's body. "Those are nice."

Andrew looked back at Ryan. "Oh, I wasn't finished. Right. I also really like to run. Short or long distance, doesn't really matter. Just helps me clear my head." Andrew paused, looking up to think about more sports. "I love to play tennis, but not really watch it."

"Aw, Ryan can't play tennis to save his life," Marissa said with a cute grin. Ryan shot her a death glare, but she just shrugged and winked at him.

Andrew grinned and turned to Marissa. "You're probably a pro, right? Marissa Cooper, professional tennis player. I can see it now." He stood and dramatically stretched his arms out, as if showing a banner. "Newport princess makes it big. And the crowd goes wild!"

Everyone laughed. Except Ryan, because what the hell was funny? Andrew sat back down and Marissa said, "I'm okay."

Ryan had to cut in now. No one, not even Marissa, would be modest when it came to his best friend. "Marissa's won every tennis match she's ever played. She's better than okay. She's amazing."

Marissa smiled softly in Ryan's direction and mouthed 'thanks' to him. He just shrugged and gave her a serious look. She had to know how amazing she was. He would brag about her forever. Katherine now patted her brother's knee, and said, "Andy is pretty amazing at tennis."

Andrew shrugged. "I'm all right." He grinned broadly. "Now, _hockey_."

Katherine rolled her eyes and groaned. "Oh god, save us all. Don't get him started on hockey."

Andrew gave his sister a look. "Kat, hockey is the best sport ever."

Ryan raised an eyebrow. "Really? Hockey?"

Andrew looked at him, appearing very serious. "Yes, Ryan. Hockey is the best sport in the history of all sports. Not even Pheidippides' run compares to the amazingness that is hockey."

Pheidippides? Who the hell was this guy? Taylor Townsend, a distant friend of Marissa's and Summer's, rubbed Andrew's bicep. "Wow, hot, athletic, _and _smart."

Ryan gritted his teeth. He turned to Casey, but she was also staring at Andrew like he was some dreamy god. What the hell was it about this guy that had everyone, even freaking Seth, ogling him? Finally, the bell rang and Ryan everyone stood to leave. Andrew caught Ryan's arm before he could walk off, and said, "Hey, maybe me and you could play a little one-on-one soccer at some point?"

Ryan gritted his teeth and forced a smile. "Thought you didn't like soccer."

Andrew waved him off with his hand. "Oh, I still play though. It's a good way to pass the time." He started backing away, but pointed at Ryan. "Remember, you-me, some soccer? We'll set up a time."

Ryan nodded. "Yeah, totally." He turned around and rolled his eyes. "Yeah, never. Dumbass," he murmured under his breath. With that, he walked to class, entirely pissed off.

XXXXX

After work that night, Ryan was lounging in Casey's room in his boxers after a couple of rounds of _activities_. Casey was sitting cross-legged next to him dressed in a tank top and panties, flipping through her history homework. Ryan never particularly liked history or literature or any of those social science things. Instead, he preferred physics and math. He liked having an explanation.

"So that new Andrew guy seems nice," Casey said, landing on a page and pulling out a notebook.

Ryan shrugged, rolling his eyes and blowing a strand of hair from his eyes. "He's whatever."

Casey wrote something down, then turned to him and smiled. "He was definitely interesting at lunch today. Maybe we should have lunch with him and Marissa more often."

Ryan liked the idea of he and Casey having lunch with Marissa more often. He loved spending time with Marissa. But throwing Andrew into the picture? "I don't think so."

Casey raised her eyebrows, obviously confused. "Why? I thought you'd like to hang out together with Marissa more often."

That was one of the things Ryan liked about Casey. She didn't try to question his relationship with Marissa like a lot of his other girlfriends did. Casey seemed a little reluctant sometimes, but she knew spending time with Ryan meant tolerating Marissa, and he was grateful for that. It was one of the most important things about his relationship: if you didn't like Marissa, you didn't get to date Ryan. That simple.

But they weren't talking about Marissa. They were talking about that annoying new kid Andrew. "I just don't really like Andrew," he finally admitted.

Casey smirked and came over to him, straddling his lap. "Why? Because you're jealous, right?" Ryan's eyes widened. Jealous? Of that prick? Whatever, he didn't deserve Ryan's thoughts. He and Marissa were only friends, and Andrew wasn't even friends with Marissa yet. Wait, was he friends with her? "It's okay, baby, I barely even look his way. You know I have eyes only for you."

Oh, right. Casey. Had Andrew even looked Casey's way? Ryan merely forced a smile. "Oh, you know me. Always looking out for you."

Casey grinned widely and kissed him, but Ryan wasn't really into it. When she finally pulled back, she climbed off him and went back to her previous position taking notes. After a few minutes, she said, "Besides, I think Andrew has a thing for Marissa."

Ryan's eyes widened and he swallowed hard. Ryan _hated _when guys had crushes on Marissa. It _infuriated _him to no end. Marissa was so much _better _than all the airheads and dumbasses that walked the earth. They came into her life with a smile and some sort of weird charm that she actually fell for, and it was always up to Ryan to _fix _things before she got hurt. And he just _knew _she would get hurt. All guys were absolute jerks, and Marissa was so much better than all of them. She deserved the best in the world, not the scum water polo players she attracted.

_Or _straight-out-of-Maine annoying dumbasses, either. Ryan cleared his throat, trying to calm down. "You think so?" he asked as casually as possible.

Casey nodded and laughed a little. "Oh it's _so _obvious. But Marissa doesn't see it. She's too busy with…" Casey abruptly shut her mouth, glancing Ryan's way. "Um… school."

Ryan relaxed a little, but not much. He was so on edge ever since lunch today, and he just wished things would go back to the way they were before. Marissa was free to have whatever friends she chose, and Ryan could do nothing about _that_. But if that Andrew guy even _looked _at her wrong, Ryan would…

Well, he'd take care of that. He always did.

Ryan noticed Casey giving him a strange look, and he forced another smile. "You have a lot of homework?"

She glanced down at her notes, then shrugged. "Not any more than usual. Just have reading to do."

Casey, like Marissa, always read her assigned textbook chapters. Ryan, like everyone else, did not. He leaned over and kissed her cheek. "I'll let you do that then. I should probably do my own homework." He laughed a little for the first time all night. "Marissa would kill me if I keep slacking."

Casey smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes. Ryan didn't even notice, already getting dressed. "Right."

He finished getting dressed and slipped his boots on. "I'll see you tomorrow?"

Casey nodded, flashing him a small smile. "Yeah, see you."

Ryan left and mounted his bike, wondering what to do. He started riding, not really thinking, just feeling kind of frustrated. Why were things always so annoying these days? Things had been going wonderfully. No guy had even looked Marissa's way since that idiot Cameron at the beginning of senior year. After that brief relationship, Ryan seemed to finally get across that Marissa was off limits. No one was good enough. He'd let Marissa cry, hurting for her, but knowing at the end of the day he had been right. Cameron wasn't right for her. No one was. Not yet. And _especially _not Andrew.

Who seriously even played that many sports? And _Maine_? People even lived there? So stupid.

Before he realized it, he was climbing through Marissa's window, same as always. She wasn't on her bed, but he heard the shower running so he figured she must have been showering. He went to his drawer and pulled out a pair of sweatpants, throwing off his jeans and throwing them into her hamper before pulling his sweatpants on and going to her bed. He climbed onto his side and slid under the covers, leaning his head against her pillows.

At least Casey had said Marissa didn't appear to have a thing for Andrew. That would _really _piss him off. It always made him mad when Marissa liked the wrong guy. Couldn't she see what idiots all men were?

The shower shut off and Ryan closed his eyes, trying to relax. Something about Marissa's room made him feel better. Maybe just _knowing _Marissa was nearby made him feel better. He felt the stress and annoyance dissipate as he just lay there. There was no problem with Andrew. And if there ever came to be a problem with him, Ryan could very easily _fix _that. None of the guys Marissa had dated before could withstand him before. What made Andrew any different?

And Marissa and Andrew were _friends_. Even if Andrew was a complete dumbass.

The bathroom door opened and Marissa's voice rang out. "I was almost thinking you were actually going to go to your own house for once."

Ryan opened one eye and saw Marissa throw her clothes into a hamper. Her hair was wet and she wore a pair of pajama pants and a plain white tshirt. He smiled seeing her. Marissa always made him feel better. "Now where is the fun in that?"

"Maybe we should just have my parents adopt you already," she said, wriggling her eyebrows at him.

Ryan frowned. He and Marissa were friends – _best _friends – but that didn't mean he saw her like a sister. Something felt _wrong _about that. _Dirty_. "Um, I think we're fine the way things are."

She gestured towards her hair. "Blow dry or let it air dry?"

"Um, air dry."

She gave him a look. "That means I'm either going to have to straighten it in the morning, or let it go wavy."

He shrugged. "You look fine either way. I don't know why you spend so much time with your hair anyway."

She rolled her eyes and turned out the bathroom light before walking over to the bed and slipping under the covers on her side. "Girls don't just wake up looking beautiful."

"You do," he said, giving her a look.

Marissa was glad Ryan couldn't really see how deeply she blushed at that comment. "Thanks," she said quietly. They both stared at her ceiling for a long time, content to just be there together. Ryan liked hanging out with Marissa. He really liked sleeping over. It wasn't that he couldn't sleep alone, because he _could_, he just didn't always _want _to. Marissa reached over and grabbed his hand, letting it rest on her stomach. Sometimes they just wanted some sort of contact with the other. Seth always gave Ryan a weird look when he mentioned that, but it just made sense to Ryan. Why wouldn't you want to feel a connection with your best friend?

"Andrew's sister Katherine seems really cool," Marissa commented. Ryan tensed at the mention of _Andrew _again, which Marissa noticed and locked away for comment later on. "We're actually going shopping this Saturday with Summer."

Ryan glanced over, and Marissa turned to look at him too. "You made plans without me?" he asked, pretending to sound hurt.

Marissa laughed and smiled. "Yes, I did." She turned on her side and rested her hand on his chest. "But, you can totally come with us! You'll be like our own personal fashion judge. Telling us what looks good for guys."

Ryan frowned. "You don't need to be thinking what looks good for guys."

Marissa rolled her eyes. Ryan was always acting like the overprotective best friend, telling her not to bother with guys until after college. He was such a hypocrite. How many girlfriends had he had? "Fine. You can just come and tell me what looks good to _you_."

Ryan thought about that, not really liking the idea. But he grinned suggestively and said, "_Or _ I could just sneak into the changing rooms while you guys are changing. Now _that's _worth my while."

Marissa laughed and shook her head, slapping his arm. "You are horrible."

He laughed, blocking her assault, then placed his hands on his stomach. Marissa came over and rested her head on his shoulder, and he wrapped an arm around her. "Nah, go with Summer and Katherine. We'll do something later on."

"You need to rest after the super exhausting charity event tomorrow night, anyway," she said, raising her eyebrows at him and turning her head so he could see her eyes sparkle.

Ryan groaned, shaking his head dramatically. "What do I get myself into?"

She laughed and rested her head back on his shoulder, snuggling into his side. She rested her hand on his stomach, fitting her body against his. Ryan closed his own eyes, completely comfortable and content. "Goodnight, Ry," Marissa murmured sleepily.

"Night, Riss," Ryan murmured back, and both fell comfortably asleep.

XXXXX

**I already have the next chapter sort of planned out, so it shouldn't take me long to write once I get started. Review fast, post fast :)**

**Individual Replies:**

**TVDaddict22: **Oh gosh, TVD lately. Is it bad that I just shut my TV off these days? I haven't watched a whole episode in weeks haha. I feel bad, but it's just not catching my attention. And season 4 of the OC isn't part of the OC in my mind. It's The OC 2 – standing for "Oh crap" (yeah, I might've come up with this in like the seventh grade, so go easy on laughing at me lol).

**Riss11: **Yes, and I _may _even post _tomorrow_. Maybe.

**Kendal: **Aw, you're much too nice to me. I'm glad you like them!

**RMforever: **Oh you know I'm so gonna make an Eponine reference at some point lol. As long as your life isn't bad crazy, it's good to be busy. And thank you :)

**Jen: **Luckily, you don't have to wait long.

**Sara: **Oh, this post is just the beginning of overprotective and jealous Ryan lol.

**Devon: **I actually like writing quickly! I used to do post all the time when I was in middle school (yeah, I've been writing _that _long haha). It's fun to be able to post again.

**Skillz37: **What about Wednesday, Thursday, and possibly Friday ;)

**FlyingForward: **Oh gosh, you don't even understand how often the damn song plays in my head because of the story haha. Whenever I get a new review, it starts playing in my head. Whenever I check the story's stats to see how many people have been reading (I also post based on that), I get it stuck in my head. Whenever I start writing, it gets stuck in my head. It's like my life's soundtrack these days haha.

**Maddy: **Marissa has had boyfriends, but they seem to randomly break up with her. Why? We'll see later on :) And Marissa, of course, loves The Notebook. You better believe she's going to make Ryan watch that a lot with her in the future too lol. And look for some Les Mis wonderfulness as the story progresses :)

**Guest: **The way I see it, if you guys can take the time out of your busy lives to let me know what you think, the _least _I can do is take the time to let you know I appreciate it.

**Nadine: **Oh, of course Ryan's gonna get jealous. It's just going to get worse and worse. And it's going to be _fun_. I'm glad my story helps you chill. It helps me chill too :)

**xoElle23: **It's definitely what _I _dream of lol.

**Jenbunney: **Well that means a lot, though I still think your trip is like a million times cooler than my stories haha.

** : **I will definitely take your ideas into consideration. Hmm. My mind is already trying to create scenarios in my head haha.


	5. Part One: Chapter Four

**A/N Yes, you're seeing correctly. I am posting two days in a row. I'm kind of tired lol. I've written 20,000 words in a week. So, I don't know if I'll post tomorrow or not. I could use the distraction since tomorrow is the day my uncle died, but I also am a bit tired. If you guys really, really want me to, I just may be able to squeeze another chapter out. But it's up to you guys. You have to really make me want to lol. And you have to really be willing to read it, cause otherwise there is no point. Thank you for your feedback. If you keep it up, I really don't know how I'm going to ever refuse you guys a chapter. Read and Review, and Enjoy!**

**Random fact – I listened to "Legendary" by Lou Barlow while writing this. **

**Another random fact – "the Risky Business" is probably my favorite episode. **

**And on to the story!**

Marissa arrived at Ryan's house at exactly seven on Friday night. She was dressed in a simple black dress that showed off what few curves she did have – which _did _exist since Ryan made sure Marissa ate at least three full meals a day, something she would surely forget to do otherwise. Dawn opened the door for her dressed in her own blue dress, which stunned Marissa.

"Marissa, come in, come in!" Dawn said, standing aside for the teenager to walk in.

Marissa walked in and looked Dawn up and down. "Wow, you look incredible." Marissa smiled at Dawn. "Did you decide to come with us?" Marissa always had an open invitation for Dawn to come with her to any Newport social event, which Dawn very rarely did.

Dawn shook her head and waved her hand, laughing a little. "Oh, no. I'm going dancing tonight with Henry."

Marissa grinned at how happy Dawn seemed doing a little dance in her living room. "Oh really? So things with you and Henry are going well then? You've been dating, what? Two months?"

Dawn nodded, her eyes bright and excited. "Yes. He's so wonderful, Marissa. Such a gentleman. Really different from the old guys I used to date, you know?"

Marissa smiled, genuinely happy that Dawn had found someone good. Too many times in the past she had brought home guys that beat on her, and sometimes Ryan – though Marissa made sure _that _stopped whenever she found out about it. But Dawn had met Henry at an auto shop while getting her car serviced, and as far as Marissa knew, they really hit it off. Marissa had never seen Dawn smile so brightly or actually blush when talking about someone. "I'm really happy for you, Dawn. He sounds wonderful."

Ryan walked out of his room, messing with his tie. "Who sounds wonderful?" he asked, and Marissa turned at the sound of his voice, her heart skipping a beat when she saw him. Ryan could always make her flush and blush, but few things affected her more than when Ryan dressed up in a suit.

"Henry," Dawn said, her smile still in place, but eyes dimming a little bit. Marissa knew Ryan was protective, so Dawn was probably worried about what her son would say.

He didn't disappoint. "That mechanic you met? You're still seeing him?" he asked, eyes narrowing the tiniest bit.

Marissa walked over to him, swatting his hand away so she could finish tying his tie for him. Whenever he tied it, he always made it crooked and she ended up fixing it anyway. As she tied the tie, she said, "Yes, she is still seeing him. He sounds like a good guy."

Ryan rolled his eyes and snorted a little. "What?" Dawn asked, her smile falling.

Marissa finished his tie and Ryan walked toward his mom. "Maybe I'm just overprotective…"

Marissa was the one to snort now, making Ryan shoot her a death glare. "_That's_ an understatement," she muttered, making Ryan even more upset.

He turned back to Dawn, ignoring Marissa. "_But _I don't know how I feel about this guy. A mechanic?"

Dawn placed her hands on her hips, growing defensive. "What's wrong with a mechanic?"

Ryan shrugged, slipping his hands into his pockets. "Nothing, really. But I mean, you could do so much better."

"Ryan, I work at a Laundromat," Dawn said, laughing slightly. "I'm not exactly going to meet a prince."

Ryan sighed, tilting his head. "I know, but still, mom. You deserve a good guy."

Dawn pushed past him, into the direction of her room. "He _is _a good guy, Ry. Really. Whenever you meet him, I know you'll like him."

She disappeared into her room, and Ryan called out, "Maybe, but _I _think you _do _deserve a prince!"

Dawn walked back out of her room with her cell phone in hand. She smiled softly at Ryan, walking over to him and grabbing his face in her hands. "I know you do. But what if Henry _is _my prince charming?" She glanced over her shoulder and at Marissa, grinning mischievously. "I'm sure Marissa could tell you prince charmings come in all shapes and packages. Maybe even from the numbered streets."

Marissa blushed, but nodded. "It's true. You never know." Her own eyes landed on Ryan, _her _prince charming if only he could see her as a princess.

Dawn kissed Ryan's cheek, then pulled back. "Now, on with it, you two. You have a Newport party to attend."

Ryan groaned, rolling his eyes. "Ugh, I do I have to go?"

"You could come dancing with me and Henry," Dawn said, grinning widely.

Ryan's eyes widened and he shook his head, quickly walking over to Marissa. "Um, Newport charity party is good." He gestured towards the door, his eyes on Marissa. "Shall we?"

Marissa laughed and pat his shoulder. "You see, it could be worse. Have fun, Dawn!"

Dawn smiled and waved at the two of them. "You too!"

XXXXX

"Why do the people of Newport need fancy parties, anyway?" Ryan whined as Marissa led him through the crowd.

Marissa rolled her eyes. "It's for charity."

"I bet you don't even know which charity," Ryan challenged, reaching out and grabbing the most normal looking appetizer he could and popping it into his mouth.

"I do, it's the…" Marissa trailed off, realizing she couldn't remember. At Ryan's annoying smirk, Marissa rolled her eyes. "Whatever."

Ryan laughed, and that made Marissa perk up. She loved Ryan's laugh. When she was a kid, she had vowed she would always work her hardest to make Ryan laugh. After all, life had made it so hard for Ryan to even smile. Marissa always vowed to be one of the reasons he could.

Ryan and Marissa found Seth at the bar attempting to get the bartender's attention. Ryan leaned against the bar and told the bartender, "Two mountain dews and a coke, please."

The bartender quickly gave them their drinks, and Ryan handed the coke over to Marissa, making her smile softly. She never even had to ask and Ryan knew exactly what she wanted. Better than that, he always knew what she _needed. _Seth gave Ryan a look. "How do you just do that? You just swoop in and get what you want. I don't understand."

Ryan just looked at Seth, taking a sip of his soda. Seth got the point and quietly took a drink of his own soda. Marissa, more talkative than her best friend, said, "So, Seth, where's Summer?"

"I think she was by the bathroom a minute or so ago," Seth said without thinking. Marissa raised her eyebrows, and even Ryan gave Seth a strange look. "That's creepy, isn't it? I'm creepy. Great. No wonder she doesn't like me."

Marissa laughed. "Believe me, Summer doesn't _not _like you. She's just… well, she's _Summer_."

Ryan looked between the two before just staring at Seth. "You're still creepy though."

Seth glared at Ryan. "_Thanks_," he said sarcastically.

Marissa laughed and patted Ryan's shoulder. "Hey, dance with me?"

Ryan rolled his eyes over to her direction and gave her a look. "No."

Marissa sighed. "Please. Please, pretty please."

Ryan opened his mouth to protest, but Seth looked over Ryan's shoulder and brightened. "Hey, Andrew! Over here!"

Ryan tried not to groan. Couldn't he go one day without Andrew interrupting his life? Andrew came and stood beside Seth with his sister in tow. "What's up, guys?"

Seth shrugged. "Apparently I'm creepy. But other than that, nothing. This party blows."

Andrew laughed a little and shrugged. "It's not so bad."

Marissa shook her head. "Nope, Seth's right. Believe me, these parties suck."

Ryan turned to Marissa and gave her a look. "So you admit that these parties suck, yet you still make me come suffer with you."

Marissa laughed and nodded, patting Ryan's cheek. "Oh of course. It's comes with best friend territory. I suffer, you suffer. It's just the way things are."

Ryan rolled his eyes but hid his smile. Marissa was right, but he wouldn't admit that. Andrew now addressed Ryan. "Oh, by the way, I really hope you didn't take my soccer talk too seriously. I tend to seem really arrogant in crowds. It kind of takes away from the fact that I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing around people." He stuck out his hand, looking at Ryan seriously. "We good?"

Why did this jerk have to be so _nice_? If he was mean, at least Ryan would have a _reason _to hate him so much. "Sure, yeah, we're good," Ryan said, shaking his hand, then looking back out at the party.

Marissa smiled at the two, glad that Ryan and Andrew were getting along. Ryan was really hard on new people just because he didn't trust anyone, and Andrew looked like he could use a friend. Marissa didn't know a lot about Andrew, but he was nice and fun to be around. Besides, everyone else seemed to love him, so he was probably going to be around at least a few more months until they graduated.

Andrew listened to the music and grinned. "Hey, I actually like this song." He looked at his sister. "Wanna dance?"

Katherine stared at him like he was insane. "Um, with _you_? My brother? No. Dance with Marissa or something."

Andrew rolled his eyes but glanced in Marissa's direction. "Marissa, help a guy out?"

Marissa shot a grin in Ryan's direction, making him glower. "I'd love to."

Andrew smiled widely. "Yes! Finally, a dancer." He took hold of Marissa's hand and led her to the dance floor.

Ryan's eyes followed the two, never leaving them. Who was this guy? "Aw, burn, man. I always told you Marissa would find someone else to do things with her if you weren't nice," Seth said, patting Ryan's back.

Ryan glared at Seth. "She isn't replacing me."

Seth gave Ryan a knowing grin. "Never said she did."

Katherine turned to Seth. "You're Seth, right?"

Seth nodded and gulped. "Yep, that's me. Seth Cohen here."

She looked between Ryan and Seth. "Well, Ryan is too busy staring at Marissa to acknowledge anything else, so do you want to dance with me? You seem more like the dancing type anyway."

Seth looked around, as if making sure she was actually talking to him. "_You _want to dance with _me_?"

Katherine actually laughed, her eyes softening. "It's just a dance, Seth."

He nodded, accepting her outstretched hand. "I know, but it's a dance with _me_."

Ryan rolled his eyes at the two, Katherine laughing as she and Seth walked away. He kept his eyes glued on Marissa, who was laughing at something Andrew said. What he would give to know what she was laughing at. Someone approached him and leaned on the bar next to him, looking out at the dance floor. "Where's Marissa?" Summer asked.

Ryan pointed at Marissa and Andrew. "Dancing."

"Ouch, that's got to suck." Ryan gave Summer a look before going back to watching Marissa. "They are just friends though, Ryan. You wouldn't get upset if Marissa danced with Cohen."

Ryan's fist clenched as he saw Andrew lean into Marissa's ear to tell her something, making Marissa laugh again. "Well, she's not dancing with Seth. She's dancing with Andrew."

"And you feel threatened?"

"No," Ryan said quickly. Maybe too quickly. He glanced Summer's way and saw she was staring at him with a knowing look. "I'm not threatened. I just don't like him."

"Oh, right. Because he's such a bad guy. He's only smart, kind, polite, athletic, charming…"

Ryan gritted his teeth, his eyes finding Marissa again. She hadn't even glanced back his way. She was the one who dragged him to this stupid party. "That's not the point."

"Then what _is_?" Summer moved so she was standing in front of Ryan. "Look, Ryan, I get that Marissa is your best friend. But if that's _all _she is? You need to stop this. She's just having fun. She hasn't even said she _likes _the guy, and he's only been here for what? Less than a week?" She shrugged. "Why be upset over something that isn't even happening? _Especially_ when she's your _friend_?" She added extra emphasis on the word 'friend.'

Ryan exhaled slowly, glancing in Summer's direction before staring back at Marissa. "I want what's best for her."

"How do _you _know what's best?"

"I just do," he protested quietly. "I'm her best friend."

"Yeah, best _friend_…"

Ryan, annoyed, turned to her. "What are you trying to say? Just say it."

Summer turned to face him as well. "You know what I'm saying." At Ryan's unwavering gaze, she sighed, her face softening. "Look, Atwood. I actually give a crap about you. And Marissa is my best friend. I'm her best girl friend. You need to start thinking about how you feel about Marissa. If it's just friendly, fine. Stop being possessive. Marissa _will _have her own life." She looked at Ryan seriously, _really _looked at him. "But if what you feel for Marissa is beyond what you feel for any other friend, then maybe you should think about what that means. And what _you _want. And _why _you get upset when another guy so much as looks at her."

Ryan clenched his jaw, but nodded. "Okay. I'll think about it." And he would. Maybe. Eventually. When he wasn't so upset that Marissa was dancing with Andrew.

They both turned back to look out at the people dancing. Since it was a formal event, the music playing was just the small house band composed of various local players with their string or brass instruments. Not really Ryan's style, anyway, but he was beginning to reevaluate his stance on no dancing. Summer tore him from his thoughts by asking, "Where _is _Cohen anyway?"

Ryan pointed to their right where Seth was making a fool of himself, making Katherine throw her head back in laughter. "Dancing with Katherine. Or trying to, anyway."

Summer caught sight of the two and snapped. "Ah, _hell _no!" She slammed her drink down and started off in their direction.

Ryan smirked. "Thought you were _friends_?" he taunted.

She waved him off and yelled over her shoulder. "Shut your freaking mouth, Atwood, or you _and _Cohen will be on my list!"

Ryan merely rolled his eyes and smirked, turning his attention back to Marissa. Summer obviously couldn't get her own life in order, so where did she think she had any sort of right to give Ryan advice? He was definitely right here. He just wanted to keep Marissa safe from the jerks of the world. They were friends. They had always been friends. They would always be friends.

And Andrew's time with Marissa tonight was officially over. Now Ryan was going to get his best friend back, and he would be damned if she even thought she would leave him to dance with anyone again. Hell, _he _would dance with her to keep her happy if she wanted. But Andrew had to _go_.

Ryan made his way over to Marissa and Andrew just as the song ended, and tapped on Andrew's shoulder. Marissa's eyes brightened in surprise when she saw him, and Ryan forced a small smile. "Mind if I cut in?" he asked Andrew, his eyes never leaving Marissa's.

Andrew smiled and backed away, gesturing towards Marissa. "She's all yours."

_Exactly, so back the fuck off_. But Ryan remained silent, not even looking in Andrew's direction as he rested a hand on Marissa's waist and took her hand in his. Marissa smirked, raising her eyebrows at him. "I thought you didn't want to dance."

Taking her by surprise, he twirled her before pulling her back to him and dipping her, grinning at her wide eyes and excitement. "Things change," he murmured, lifting her back up.

And for the rest of the night, they forgot anyone else existed.

XXXXX

After the charity event, Marissa drove Ryan home, which he immediately protested. "Why can't I just come over and hang out for a bit?"

Marissa glanced his way. "Because if you do, you're going to change into a pair of sweats and end up sleeping over again."

Ryan gave her a look. "And the problem with that is…?"

Marissa laughed and ran a hand through her hair, looking out at the road. "Remember how I'm going shopping in the morning? Do you really want Summer to walk in on us sleeping in the same bed?"

Ryan shrugged. "We're friends. We've been doing it since we were kids."

"But the point is we're _not _kids anymore, and Summer and everyone else might not understand it's just different with us," Marissa reminded him.

Ryan sighed, knowing she was right. "But I could just leave early in the morning…"

"How? You'd have to walk home, and I'm not letting you do that just so we can spend a few extra hours together," Marissa protested, giving him a look that said her decision was final.

He frowned and looked out the window. Ryan liked to pout when he didn't get his way, and this was no different. Marissa reached over and grabbed his hand, squeezing it. "I told you, we can hang out after shopping tomorrow. Do you have plans with Casey?"

Ryan thought about his girlfriend and realized he had completely forgotten to plan anything with her this weekend. Maybe he should go by her house tomorrow morning just to say hi? He did like her, after all. She was really nice and sexy. "Not officially, but I'll probably go see her while you're off shopping."

Marissa nodded, trying not to think about what he and Casey would probably be doing. Ryan was always about sex with his girlfriends. She didn't like to think about it. The thought of Ryan with another girl just made her sick to her stomach, so she just didn't let herself go there. Why torture herself? "See, there you go. We can meet up later. Maybe watch a movie. Or go to the beach."

"It's still too cold to go to the beach," Ryan pointed out, and he was right. If they went to the beach they would probably just go for a walk or something. It was only the very beginning of February, after all.

"You're right. Then we'll watch a movie. Or The Valley." She arrived at his house just as Ryan groaned.

"The Valley? I thought there weren't any new episodes? You made me watch that the other night."

Marissa laughed. "But there's a such thing as the seasons on DVD."

He shook his head. "Please, no. I can only take so much of that show before I go crazy."

Marissa leaned over and pat his cheek. "Aw, you love it." And she knew he secretly did. He always got _way _too invested in the show to the point that _she _had to be the one to turn it off.

"Not likely," he protested.

Marissa rolled her eyes and decided to change the subject. "Looks like your mom is still out dancing."

"Well, it's only eleven, so I guess it isn't that big a deal," Ryan said, looking down at his watch.

"How are you doing with that, anyway?" Marissa asked seriously.

Ryan shrugged, remaining silent for a while. But Marissa knew he was just formulating his thoughts. As long as she didn't push him, Ryan would always be honest with her. Eventually. "It's okay, I guess. I just think I need to meet the guy. All the pictures in my head are just driving me crazy. Maybe if I could visualize him, or had some sort of real conversation with him…"

"You wouldn't be so worried?" Marissa finished for him when he trailed off. Ryan nodded and offered her a weak smile. She placed her hand on his shoulder, rubbing it affectionately. "I understand. But I honestly feel like you're always going to worry about your mom. It's in your nature. It's not necessarily a bad thing." She squeezed his shoulder, making him turn and look at her gratefully, his eyes soft and caring. Marissa loved him like this most – completely open, just for her to see. And she could see. She could see his very soul when she looked at him, and it was so pure and beautiful. She wished he could just know that. "Sometimes people surprise you, though. Sometimes they're good people."

Ryan nodded, one side of his mouth lifting up into a half smile. "Like you?" he said seriously, because that's what he measured a good person by. Marissa had come into his life and proven every single doubt of his wrong. She had done nothing but be there for him. She gave him hope in people. Marissa shrugged, not really finding herself all that wonderful. If she were, wouldn't he feel the same way about her? Ryan rolled his head over to look at his front door. "Want to come in?"

Marissa smiled at the invitation, but shook her head. "We both know if I come in, I'm going to change into a pair of sweatpants.."

"And end up sleeping over," Ryan said with a grin. He glanced her way, a cute smile on his face. "Maybe that's what I want."

Marissa laughed softly, shaking her head. "I know that's what you want. You always did like to cuddle."

Ryan gave her a look. "Ryan Atwood does not like to cuddle."

Marissa laughed. "Then why do we cuddle so much?"

"Because _you _like to cuddle," he protested.

Marissa gave him a look. "Ry, we both know _you_ initiate it at least sixty percent of the time."

Ryan thought about it and realized she was right. He did like to have Marissa nearby. He liked to have an arm around her, or for her to rest against him. He didn't know why, exactly, since he didn't feel that way for any of his girlfriends. He just wanted Marissa _close_. Maybe since she was the only person in his life that had ever really _stayed _without any sort of problems, he just naturally wanted her nearby. It made him feel better. It made him feel safe, which was a funny concept since he was the one who was stronger.

But as he glanced over at Marissa, he realized she did make him feel safe. She made him feel safer than anywhere else. Like things could be okay. Because Marissa would never leave, and she would always _make _things okay. That's just what she did.

Marissa had made him watch a show that always made a point of declaring 'People Always Leave.' And Ryan agreed with that. People always _did _leave. His dad went to prison, his mom lost herself for so many years and left him and Trey to fend for themselves, his brother Trey left as soon as he turned seventeen and no one had heard from him since. Seth was a good friend, but even he had his own family and his own set of problems. He would be there for Ryan, but he didn't _stay_. Not like Marissa.

The show also said that 'Sometimes They Come Back.' Like his mom. Like Seth. Like all his other friends. But the things was, Marissa didn't have to come back because she simply never _left_. And she never would.

Maybe that's why he liked her so close to him.

Ryan reached over and tucked a strand of Marissa's hair behind her ear so it was no longer in her face. Their eyes caught, and he looked at her for a long time, just thinking he was so grateful for her. _Thank you for never leaving me. Thank you for thinking me worth stay_.

Sometimes Ryan wanted to tell Marissa so much – like how she was the only person who ever really understood him, and how he appreciated the fact that she never pushed him, and how he did care for her so much that it made his chest hurt sometimes because he was quite sure it couldn't contain it. But he didn't know how to say these things. Ryan didn't talk about things like that, even with Marissa.

So, times like this, he just looked at her and hoped she _knew_. She _had _to know. And a part of Marissa really did know he cared. She just wished he cared _differently_. That he _loved_. That he loved _her_.

Ryan pulled his hand away and unbuckled his seat belt. "I guess I should get inside," he said quietly, smiling softly at her before he opened the door.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Ryan," Marissa said softly, her eyes staring at him with so much love – but she knew he couldn't see it. It was like he had sunglasses on that blocked out that part of her feelings.

"Call when you get home," Ryan instructed her, and it made Marissa smile. Always the worrier.

"Of course."

He smiled. "Goodnight, Marissa."

She smiled back. "Goodnight, Ryan."

XXXXX

**Fast feedback = fast posts. But I understand if you guys need a day off lol.**

**Individual replies:**

**Skillz37: **Haha, I'm glad I amused you. I have some rather hilarious opinions of season 4 of both The OC and TVD. It's pretty bad. Onto the story – Ryan has a while before he admits he has any romantic feelings for Marissa. He's a bit clueless.

**xoElle23: **Yes, it certainly is.

**Riss: **I'm glad I make your finals week not so bad :)

**Maddy: **lol, I updated! But I'm not fantastic beyond words.

**TVDaddict22: **I know what they're supposedly building towards, but they're not doing a very good job of it in my opinion. This season is absolute crap for me. The last decent episode was the first one. I haven't watched so much of it. And it's all good. I love long reviews :)

**FlyingForward: **Andrew isn't a bad guy, I promise. He just has a lot of issues to deal with. None quite like Oliver though lol. That boy is crazy. Thank you for your sympathy, however. It means a lot. I'm literally sitting in the student union almost crying thinking about things. Which is why writing and all your reviews are so meaningful to me.

**RMforever: **Thank you for your wonderful compliments haha. It means a lot, especially today. And thank you for your sympathy. It's really hard thinking about it. So I'm trying not to. Hence writing this haha.

**Guest: **Well, you certainly didn't have to wait long :)

**Sara: **You know, I honestly haven't decided the sister's complete role in the story yet lol. I'm open for suggestions :)

**Devon: **Yes, and it will get much worse, trust me.

**Isabella90: **I promise Andrew isn't Oliver crazy lol. No no no. "Ain't nobody got time for that." Your review meant so much to me. Like I literally tear up every time I read it (which is a couple of times already). Thank you so much.

**Nadine: **Okay, just so you know, I was writing the "prince charming / princess" part maybe ten minutes before you reviewed, and I got really confused and looked around and was like "How did she _know_?" It was funny. And I reckon you're right :)


	6. Part One: Chapter Five

**A/N I just want you to know that it's 4AM as I'm about to post this. But I couldn't sleep and I'm doing laundry and thought, 'what the hell.' So here you go. Thank you for all your sympathy and positive reviews. You guys are the best. Thankfully, the worst part is over. Want another post this weekend? You know what to do. Read and Review, and enjoy!**

On Valentine's Day morning, Ryan pleaded with Marissa to take him to a local store and help him find something for Casey. Marissa just gave him a look. "Why on earth would I want to help you buy something corny and cute for your girlfriend?"

Ryan gave her an almost disgusted look. "Corny and cute?"

Marissa rolled her eyes. "That's what Valentine's Day is, Ry. Corny and cute and totally stupid."

Ryan still couldn't get over the corny and cute part. "Why does this holiday exist?"

Marissa glanced her best friend's way and saw him genuinely disturbed. Ryan had never had a girlfriend during Valentine's Day. Usually he would just hang out with Marissa and watch The Notebook, which he violently protested, but they still did every year anyway. Marissa had also never had a boyfriend over Valentine's Day, but Marissa hardly had a boyfriend any other day of the year, so she really didn't have much to be upset over.

But now that Ryan was dating Casey, and they had actually been going out for a little over a month, Ryan had to do the Valentine's Day thing. Something he had no idea how to do. Seriously, corny and cute?

Marissa really didn't want to help Ryan make Casey love him even more. And she didn't want Ryan to start falling for Casey. But she was the best friend, and these days it looked like Ryan would never even notice her romantically anyway. So, swallowing her own heartbreak, Marissa pulled into a local supermarket. She glanced over at Ryan, who was still pondering the corny and cute thing. "In and out in less than ten minutes."

Ryan looked at her gratefully. "I am a hundred percent okay with that."

Five minutes later and Marissa was trying not to laugh at the flabbergasted look on Ryan's face. "Chocolates, cards, _and _stuffed animals?"

Marissa grinned, thoroughly enjoying this. "Mhmm. And flowers."

He shot her a look. "Flowers?"

Marissa nodded, patting his cheek a few times. "Yes. I'll be over here opening the music cards. Have fun."

Ryan stared at all the Valentine's stuff, or at least the bit that was left. Ryan Atwood didn't do corny and cute, and he definitely _didn't _do flowers. So, after a few minutes of quiet deliberation, Ryan picked out a large box of chocolates and a stuffed cartoon flower. Hey, technically it was a stuffed thing – and a flower. Whatever. He didn't care.

He bought the items when Marissa wasn't paying attention, then found her still messing with the music cards. He approached her just as she opened a card with a sun on the front. The card starting singing "You Are My Sunshine" and Ryan rolled his eyes.

Marissa turned to Ryan and grinned. "Aw, Ry, you're _my _sunshine too."

Ryan gave her a look. "Can we _please _get out of here?"

Marissa placed the card back on the rack and said, "Gladly." They walked out of the store together, and Marissa asked, "So, what did you end up buying?"

Ryan pulled out the chocolates and flower. "Think she'll like it?"

Marissa rolled her eyes at the ridiculous flower, trying to tell herself she just didn't believe in the holiday, not that she was actually jealous or anything. Because, come on, it _was _a stupid holiday. She would think that, even if she and Ryan were together. "I think Casey is so head over heels for you that she will even think it's cute."

Ryan climbed into the car, smiling. "That's the plan."

As they drove to school, Marissa just felt worse and worse. Why did Ryan have to have a girlfriend this year? Why couldn't they just spend the day together mocking everyone like always? Now she just looked bitter, and she wasn't. Really.

They reached the school soon, and Ryan stared out at all the couples holding hands. "Is it me, or are there more people randomly together today than there were yesterday?"

Marissa surveyed the crowd of couples and rolled her eyes, unbuckling her seatbelt. "Nope, it's their pathetic attempt to not feel lonely and depressed on Valentine's Day."

They both climbed out of the car, Ryan shoving the bag into his backpack and keeping the flower and chocolates out in his hand. "Are you lonely and depressed?" Ryan asked seriously, swinging his bag over his shoulder and glancing in Marissa's direction.

Marissa rolled her eyes. "Over one simple, meaningless holiday? Please. I have more dignity than that." But maybe, just maybe, she was a little sad.

Suddenly, Casey popped up beside them and smiled brightly at Ryan, causing his own face to brighten. "Happy Valentine's Day!" she said, leaning in and kissing him quickly.

Ryan returned the kiss, then pulled back and held out his recently purchased gifts. "I got you these," he mumbled, looking away so he couldn't see how disappointed she was.

Except, she was touched. Really, really touched. Honestly, she had expected maybe a hug and a kiss from him. But actual chocolates and a flower – as weird as it looked? She smiled and accepted the gifts, kissing his cheek. "Thank you. You're the best boyfriend ever."

Marissa blinked and looked away, willing herself not to get upset or emotional. _He's not your boyfriend. He's your friend. He has a girlfriend. He doesn't see you that way_. They reached the lockers and Marissa smiled at the two of them, though it didn't reach her eyes. "I'm going to go grab some stuff from my locker."

Ryan nodded and smiled. "Okay, we'll be right over. I just have to get my Physics book."

Marissa merely smiled in response before quietly slipping away, successfully escaping the weird couple-y air around the two. She leaned her head against her locker for a minute before finally opening it.

But, of course, the universe wouldn't let her actually be alone. Andrew walked by and opened up his own locker. "Valentine's Day," he merely said, his usual chipperness strangely absent.

Marissa glanced his way before sighing. "Valentine's Day," she repeated.

Taking note of her mood, Andrew turned and looked at her seriously. "I take it Ryan is still with that girl. Casey?"

Marissa nodded, biting her lip and looking away so he couldn't see the way her eyes watered at the thought. "Yep. Casey. She's nice."

Andrew smiled ruefully. They always are, aren't they?"

Marissa glanced back his way, confused. "What do you mean?"

He met her gaze, and she saw something eerily similar about his eyes. He understood. How or what his story was, she didn't know – but he definitely understood how she was feeling. "Nothing," he said after a moment, blinking and placing that veil of humor up. _It's an act. He's really breaking inside. But why? _"I have to get to class. World History. What a delightful subject to begin the day with." He smiled and rested his hand on her arm. "Have a good day. See you in Lit?"

Marissa merely nodded and smiled softly back. "See you."

Just as Andrew left, Ryan and Casey appeared. Marissa felt like a knife was lodged in her chest as she observed Ryan's arm casually around Casey. Ryan glanced over his shoulder at where Andrew had just disappeared. "Andrew?"

Marissa nodded. "Just came to his locker. You just missed him."

Ryan shook his head, pretending to care. "Aw, darn." Marissa bit her lip to keep from smiling. Ryan suddenly paused and said, "Ah, crap. I forgot to grab my binder." He pulled away from Casey and said, "I'll be right back."

Before Casey or Marissa could protest, Ryan was down the hall and out of sight. Marissa and Casey awkwardly looked at each other before both averted their eyes. How much worse could this day get? "So.." Casey said.

"So," Marissa replied.

Casey looked at Marissa seriously for a moment, and it made Marissa extremely uncomfortable. "I know you have feelings for Ryan."

Marissa slightly froze, but didn't let it show. "He's my best friend," she merely said.

Casey gave her a knowing look. "But you want more."

Marissa just stared at her. "He's my best friend," she repeated, her voice cool and calm. She was _not _having this conversation, especially not with _Casey _of all people.

Casey nodded, understanding Marissa wouldn't say anything more. She bit her lip, picking at her backpack strap before lifting her gaze back to Marissa. "I'm in love with him, you know." She rolled her eyes at herself and laughed. "I know, stupid. We've only been dating for a month. But he's special. I know you know that."

Marissa nodded slowly. She would admit that. "He's definitely one of a kind." She couldn't hide the soft smile on her face at the thought of Ryan.

"Sometimes I think it's so stupid of me to be dating him. He obviously will never love me. Not the way he loves…" She trailed off, her eyes lifting to Marissa's.

Marissa wanted to laugh at this. Ryan _didn't _love her. "He really likes you," Marissa said quietly, and it was true. "He doesn't date for long. You're the longest relationship he has ever had. That means something."

Casey smiled, her eyes softening. "Thanks, Marissa."

At that moment, Ryan finally appeared again. He pecked Casey's cheek and wrapped his arm loosely around her again. "What's up?"

Marissa shook her head, putting on her fake smile. "Nothing. I should get to class. You two have a good day." With that, she left the couple alone.

God, did she _hate _Valentine's Day.

XXXXX

That evening Ryan stared at himself in the mirror in complete shock. Ryan Atwood was going on a date. On Valentine's Day. How weird was that? What had the world come to?

He didn't feel like dressing up. He was just going to take Casey to the movies. Not even out to dinner just because he hadn't thought of it in time and now all the restaurants were booked. Casey said it was okay, but Ryan felt so out of place. He didn't know how to do this whole dating thing. Everything he did know, he only knew because of Marissa.

He sighed thinking of Marissa. She would be home alone today. Usually he watched The Notebook with her and they ate popcorn and drank so much soda that they both stayed up past three. Not that her parents ever knew. Then again, they didn't know a lot about their relationship. Julie Cooper would definitely have a fit if she knew about all the times Ryan slept over. Hell, she might just keel over and die.

Ryan finally walked out of his room dressed in a nice pair of jeans – meaning ironed – and a dark blue button up shirt open over his wife beater. That's all the dressing up we was willing to do. He saw his mom putting on some earrings in the living room, and he both smiled and groaned at how happy she seemed. Henry was taking her out to some fancy dinner tonight. Wonderful.

Dawn noticed Ryan and smiled. "How do I look?"

In a simple silver dress, she actually looked really pretty. "You look… beautiful," Ryan said, smiling softly.

She smiled widely. "Really? You think?"

He took a step closer to her, looking her up and down. "Henry won't know what hit him," he said quietly, and suddenly the air in the room changed.

Dawn's smile dimmed a little as she turned to look at her son. "He wants to meet you, you know."

Ryan tilted his head in confusion. "Henry?"

She nodded, smiling a little. "He told me he wants us to have dinner. Either here or at his house, it's up to you." She rested her hands on his shoulders. "But he wants to meet you."

Ryan blinked a few times, taking it in. None of her boyfriends had ever _wanted _to meet Ryan before. They just did whenever they slept over. But this was different. Better. "When?"

Dawn shrugged. "Whenever you want. It's up to you. He wants you to feel comfortable."

Ryan nodded, shoving his hands into his pockets. "Wow. Um, okay. Soon." He smiled at his mom.

She smiled back and hugged him quickly. "Look at us, both having Valentine's dates. Who would have thought?"

Ryan laughed, nodding his head before rubbing the back of his neck. "Definitely not me."

Since he didn't have a car, Casey was picking him up. He heard a car out front and quickly turned. "And I'm off," he said, looking out the window to see Casey's car.

He was outside and opening the passenger side door before Casey could finish turning off the car. "Hey," she said, smiling at him.

"Hey," he replied, pecking her cheek.

She glanced towards the house. "I could have knocked. You didn't have to come out so fast."

Ryan shrugged, not finding it a big deal. "I heard the car. It just made more sense."

She seemed a little off, but just nodded and smiled. "Sure. Okay."

They reached the theater shortly, and Ryan smiled in Casey's direction. "Since it's Valentine's Day, I'll even let you pick the movie."

Casey laughed a little. "So, romantic comedy then?"

Ryan merely smiled. "Guess so." He had seen all the romantic comedies with Marissa, but Casey didn't need to know that. Whatever made her happy. _He _wasn't the one who cared about this holiday.

Ryan paid for the tickets and a their snacks – a large bucket of popcorn, candy, and two large drinks. As they passed several of the theater screens, Ryan smiled. "When we were little kids, Marissa and I snuck into so many R movies." He laughed a little remembering it. "This one time, we snuck into this horror movie that our parents refused to let us see. We were so scared afterwards. Neither of us could sleep on our own for a week." Casey smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes. For once, Ryan noticed. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have…"

Casey shook her head. "No, it's fine. Really." She smiled. "Marissa is your best friend. Of course you have stories of her."

Ryan sensed something else was up. He raised an eyebrow. "But…"

Casey glanced at him, then looked away, sighing. Finally, she conceded. "You talk about her all the time. I understand, it's cool. But I feel like she is literally everywhere with us. Even when she's not there, she's there, you know?"

Ryan wasn't following. "No, I don't really know what you're saying."

Casey rubbed her face, laughing a little. "Gosh, it's so stupid of me. Really. You're best friends. You've been best friends since you were little kids." She peeked through her fingers at Ryan, who still had a dumbstruck expression. "You have so many memories with Marissa. I understand that. Sometimes I guess I just get a little jealous."

Ryan furrowed his eyebrows. "Of Marissa?"

Casey nodded, biting her lip. "Of your past. Of how much she knows you." She looked at him seriously. "I really like you, Ryan." She laughed a little again, though it seemed more like a self-deprecating laugh than a humorous one. "I guess I just really hope someday you're filled with memories of _me _too."

Ryan nodded, sort of understanding. "I will be. I've just known Marissa longer." He gestured towards the door. "I think this is the theater."

They went in and the rest of the night was uneventful. Ryan had seen the movie before, and it wasn't as funny as the first time with Marissa, but he laughed at all the right parts to seem interested. Overall, Casey seemed to really like the movie. At the end of the night, Ryan could breathe easier knowing he had made the night a success.

XXXXX

Marissa sat bawling her eyes out in her room as the credits to The Notebook appeared. "Such a good movie," she muttered, hugging her blanket to herself. Ryan may have had better plans, but Marissa didn't. So, she'd done the exact same thing she usually did on Valentine's Day – just without her best friend. Which, she grudgingly admitted, wasn't nearly as fun.

Suddenly her window opened and Ryan came crashing through. "Ouch," he muttered, and Marissa quickly wiped her eyes. He caught sight of her TV while on the floor and rolled his eyes, smiling. "The Notebook?"

"It's so sad," Marissa said, wiping way some more tears.

Ryan picked himself off the ground, dusting his jeans before walking over to her bed and sitting on the edge. "You know they end up together, right?"

Marissa glared. "But she loses her memory, Ryan."

He shrugged innocently. "As far as I see it, the guy still gets the girl at the end."

She hit him with a pillow. "Be sympathetic."

Ryan laughed and dodged her attacks. "I am sympathetic! Every single time we watch this movie, you cry. And every single time, _I'm _the one here having to make you feel better after the credits roll." At her look, he sighed softly, looking genuinely apologetic. "Except tonight, I know. But…" He pulled something behind his back, and Marissa gasped. He had brought her a cute little white teddy bear with a red bow. "Happy Valentine's Day," he said softly, and Marissa's eyes filled with tears again, but not because of the movie. She took the bear from him, so touched. When had he? How had he? _Why _had he? Her confusion must have shown because he laughed a little. "I bought it this morning. I just didn't show you. Wanted it to be a surprise."

Marissa smiled softly, her eyes finally lifting to Ryan's. "Thank you, Ry."

He leaned in and kissed her forehead. "Hey, you deserve it. You put up with me all the time."

Marissa laughed, her forehead tingling from where his lips had brushed it. "I think you're right."

"So…you like it?" he asked, looking somewhat nervous.

Marissa laughed, nodding. "Of course I do. It's adorable."

Ryan smiled. "Good." He kicked off his shoes and fell back onto her bed.

"How was your date?" Marissa asked, hugging the bear to her chest as she fell back beside him.

Ryan shrugged. "Good. We went and saw that movie you dragged me to last weekend."

Marissa smiled. "How was that?"

Ryan glanced her way. "Much better the first time around."

Marissa laughed, shrugging. "Yeah, that one's okay. Definitely not something I would want to watch over again."

Ryan remained quiet for a while, so Marissa figured he had something he wanted to tell her. She feared what it could be. Something about Casey, probably. She hugged the bear tighter to her chest, trying to block out the inevitable heartbreak.

But he surprised her when he softly said, "My mom says Henry wants to meet me."

Marissa turned on her side so she could observe Ryan. He was staring at the ceiling, his mind far away. "Really? When did she tell you that?"

Ryan glanced her way before looking back at the ceiling. "Tonight, right before Casey came over. She said he wants to make me feel comfortable, so we can do it whenever I want, either at home or at his house."

Marissa reached over, rubbing Ryan's chest soothingly. "And how do you feel about that?"

Ryan moved so one arm was behind his head as he looked up. "I don't know. I'm a little scared, I guess."

"Of what?" Marissa asked softly.

"Liking him," Ryan said with a short laugh, and Marissa knew he meant it. It was one thing to hate the guy. But to actually like him meant you had something to lose if the relationship didn't work out.

Marissa rubbed his chest again. "Hey, maybe it will all work out. He seems like a really good guy. He could be the real deal for your mom." Marissa paused, biting her lip. "You'll never know if you don't give it a try."

Ryan nodded, glancing over at her. He smiled softly as he looked at her, and his eyes alone made Marissa's heart skip a beat. His face turned serious again, and he reached out for her hand. "Do you think that maybe you could come to dinner with me?" He sat up a little, trying to convey how he felt. "When he comes over, I mean. Could you maybe be there?"

Marissa smiled softly, her heart swelling at the thought that Ryan wanted _her _there at this huge moment in his life. "Of course I'll be there," she murmured, and Ryan visibly relaxed.

"Thank you," he whispered, leaning back against her pillows.

Marissa leaned back, resting her head on his shoulder, his arm wrapping around her snugly. "What are best friends for?" And as she lay there with Ryan's arm around her, her teddy bear at her side, she thought _maybe _Valentine's Day wasn't so horrible after all.

XXXXX

**Sorry for the suckiness. Remember that I wrote this between 2AM and 4AM lol, and maybe it won't seem so horrible.**

**Individual Replies:**

**Riss: **There you go, more Casey :)

**Jen: **I loveeeee that you love this story :) I'll try to keep it that way!

**TVDaddict22: **It's gonna take more than just Summer to get this clueless boy to see the light lol.

**Sara: **Come on, Ryan has to love cuddling. It's just too great lol.

**Skillz37: **No, it definitely does not. Thank you for your sympathy.

**Maddy: **People like you make writing through grief worth it :)

**FlyingForward: **The Risky Business is just so great lol. I love it. Funny story, actually. When it originally aired I couldn't watch it. So I recorded it, but something was up with the DVR and it recorded without sound. So I literally watched the entire episode without sound and made up what I wanted to happen in my head ;)

**RMforever: **The morning scene is by far the best. Gah, I love that freaking episode so much. Oh there is SO much of a story after they admit they love each other (whoops, spoiler alert). But after that, there's the hurdle of _letting _themselves love each other. Now _that _is really what this story is about ;)

**Paradisegirl: **lol, I'm very impatient on Marissa's behalf too. But there's too much to set up for Ryan to get a clue yet haha.

**Devon: **Well it's pretty damn obvious lol. Silly Ryan.

**Kerschi-Puky: **More insight into their pasts later, but we have to set some other stuff up first :) Glad you like the story so far!

**Nadine: **I actually think that Dawn really loves Ryan, she just had so much crap she had to deal with before she could really be a mother. That's what I'm trying to let her be here. I'm glad you noticed :)

**xoElle23: **Go Summer go! Or something like that.

**Kendal: **Andrew's back story and importance will be revealed relatively shortly. Especially if I keep posting like a freaking maniac.

**Jenbunney: **Aw, that is so nice to say haha. Thank you.

_**Holy crap guys I'm about to pass out. Must press submit. Hopefully this gets posted lol.**_


	7. Part One: Chapter Six

**A/N Holy crap guys. Thank you for all the feedback! I'm sorry this is kind of short, but I really had nothing left to say. I think it is utter crap, and I explained that after the chapter. So, I apologize for that. But please still review and let me know how crappy you found it. It'll probably make me sad, but I would rather the feedback nonetheless. Um, I should be posting maybe Friday or Saturday. I'm going back home this week so things are kind of hectic. Anyway, please please please tell me what you think. Read and Review, and Enjoy (or try?)!**

Ryan would finally meet Henry that Saturday, and he was extremely nervous. Marissa found it slightly cute how flustered he seemed about it all, but she didn't let it show. Instead, she let him talk when he felt the need to mumble his feelings, but mostly she just distracted him. She knew Ryan went to Casey's a lot that week too, but she wouldn't let her mind wander to how Casey _distracted _him. If she did, her heart might not be able to stand it.

Saturday afternoon Marissa convinced Ryan to go to the pier with her for some balboa bars. Ryan quickly agreed – anything to get his mind off dinner that night. As they walked along the pier, Marissa glanced in Ryan's direction. He was unusually quiet. Not that Ryan was much of a talker, but he usually at least made conversation with her at least. Marissa leaned over and bumped shoulders with him. "Penny for your thoughts?" she asked, biting into her balboa bar.

Ryan glanced her way, then down at his balboa bar. "I'm just thinking. What if he's an absolute jerk and my mom falls in love with him?"

Marissa nodded, but countered, "What if he is a wonderful guy and your mom falls for him?"

Ryan remained silent as he thought about that. "What if he turns out to be just like all of my mom's old boyfriends and she ends up drinking again?"

Marissa glanced Ryan's way. "She wouldn't do that."

Ryan sighed and threw away his balboa bar, not able to eat. "What makes you so sure?

_Because I was serious with my threats_. "Because your mom knows just what she could lose by going down that path again. I don't think she would risk anything for that instant gratification."

Ryan frowned, then paused, making Marissa stop. He glanced out at the water, lost in thought. Finally, he turned to Marissa and quietly asked, "What if I end up liking him, but I ruin it for my mom because he doesn't like me?" He leaned against the pier, sighing softly. "My mom is finally happy. I don't want to ruin that for her."

Marissa came to his side, resting her hand on his back, rubbing soothingly. "Ryan, he's going to like you. And I even think you're going to like him just because he sounds like a good guy." She smiled at him. "But I think it's really good you're so worried about your mom. You're a good son."

Ryan was about to say something, but froze when he heard Kevin Volchok's voice. "Aw, isn't this cozy?"

Ryan turned around to see Volchok smirking at the two of them. "What do you want?"

Volchok shrugged, his hands in his hoodie pockets. "Nothing, nothing. Not with your girlfriend right here."

Ryan didn't even bother correcting him just because Volchok wasn't worth his time. "Then get lost," Marissa said strongly, surprising Ryan. Kevin Volchok had tried to rape her, but here she was standing strong and staring him down. He knew how worried she'd gotten after Ryan had beaten the crap out of Volchok, almost landing him in the emergency room. Ever since then, Volchok singled Ryan out and tried to make his life a living hell. So far, he failed. Marissa never let anything get out of control.

Ryan glared at him, taking a step forward, his fists clenching. "Leave Marissa out of this."

Volchok's smirk broadened. "So predictable. One meaningless girl affects you this much." Provoking Ryan, Volchok glanced at Marissa, running his eyes up and down her body, making her feel creepy and disgusting. He licked his lips and Ryan would have punched him right there if Marissa didn't reach out and softly but firmly grab his arm.

"Ryan, just leave it," she murmured. She glanced at Volchok, her eyes blank. "He's not even worth it."

Volchok's eyes narrowed, but Marissa didn't even notice. Ryan, however, took a step back, listening to Marissa. She was right, after all. If he was going to beat someone up, it wouldn't be Kevin Volchok. Not today. Not right now.

Maybe Andrew, but that was a different story.

Volchok, understanding his defeat, raised his hands in surrender. "Alright, alright. You're too busy being bossed around by your girl." He grinned wickedly at Ryan. "But mark my words, Atwood. One of these days, she isn't going to be here to save you, and it's going to be just you and me." With that, Volchok walked away.

Ryan stared after him, clenching the muscles around his jaw. "I hate that guy," he said coolly.

Marissa nodded, rubbing his back. "I know. Me too." She raised her eyebrows and grinned. "Now let's get you home. You have an important dinner date tonight."

Ryan groaned, rolling his eyes, but turning back in the direction of the car. "Ugh, don't remind me."

XXXXX

Henry was set to arrive at seven. At 6:58 Ryan was pacing in his bedroom. Marissa watched him from his bed, biting her lip to keep from smiling. Of course he was nervous about this whole thing. She expected nothing less. But still, watching him like this made her want to reach out and kiss his fears away. The thought sent butterflies to her stomach and a pang to her heart. _He isn't yours to kiss._ _He never will be_.

Finally, she stood and reached out, placing her hands on his chest. "Ry?"

He immediately lifted his eyes to hers. "I'm sorry. I'm just…"

"Nervous?" Marissa smiled. "I know. But it's going to be fine. And besides, I'm here."

Ryan's face softened, and he nodded. "I know. Thank you. For being here." He lifted one side of his mouth up into a half smile. "I feel like you're always here when I need you."

_But you don't _want _me the same way I want you_. She smiled regardless, nodding. "Hey, it's what best friends are for." Just then, they both heard a knock on the door. Ryan swallowed hard, and Marissa reached for his hand, squeezing it gently. "I'm right here, okay?"

He nodded, not letting go of her hand as they walked out into the living room. Dawn had already let Henry in, and for the first time Ryan got to see who his mom had been spending so much time with. Henry stood a few inches taller than Ryan, and was much bulkier. He looked strong and rugged and exactly all the adjectives that reminded Ryan of his mom's old boyfriends. His hair was kind of long, his face covered with a hideous goatee, his muscled arms had tattoos on the biceps.

But his _eyes_. Both Ryan and Marissa notice the brightness, the clarity in his grey eyes that all of Dawn's older boyfriends lacked. Henry wasn't a drug user. He didn't smell like a smoker. He also didn't look like the already-drunk alcoholics his mother used to bring home.

Not for the first time, Marissa thought that maybe appearances are deceiving. Henry smiled warmly at Ryan and stuck out his hand, his voice deep and strong as he said, "Hello, Ryan. My name is Henry. It's such a pleasure to meet you."

Ryan just stared at Henry for a few seconds, stuck in a trance. At Marissa's encouragement, he dropped her hand and shook Henry's hand. "You too," he merely said before grabbing hold of Marissa's hand again.

Henry turned his gaze to Marissa, his smile widening. "And _you_ must be Marissa! Dawn tells me so much about you. Ryan's girlfriend?"

Marissa blushed, shaking her head. "Um, no, we're just…"

"Friends," Ryan finished, not looking Marissa's way, obviously as embarrassed as him.

Henry looked between the two, noting the way Ryan was clutching Marissa's hand as if she were his lifeline. He smiled, his eyes dancing. "Okay."

Dawn sensed the shyness and decided to speak up. "Well, I actually cooked dinner for once!" Ryan and Marissa both raised their eyebrows at her. "Don't give me those looks. I _can _cook!"

Ryan couldn't help the small smile that formed. "Right, right. Spaghetti, right?"

She stuck her tongue out at him. "Hey, there is nothing wrong with spaghetti."

Marissa laughed and said to Henry, "She can't cook much, but she can sure make pancakes and spaghetti."

Henry wriggled his eyebrows playfully at Dawn. "Oh can she, now?"

Ryan loosened up a little. "Oh, and you should try her garlic bread. It's better than that frozen stuff you get at the grocery store."

Henry smiled, obviously pleased Ryan was at least talking in complete sentences now. "Well, where is this spaghetti? I'm starving."

They all went to the small table in the back corner of the house where the kitchen and living space met. Ryan and Marissa sat next to each other with Dawn and Henry on the other side. Dawn brought the spaghetti over to the table and soon everyone began to eat, all starving.

Marissa noticed Ryan was quiet again, so she decided to get a conversation going. "So, Henry, you're a mechanic, right?"

Henry nodded, swallowing some food. "Yes. So was my dad. And my granddad."

Ryan didn't look up from his food, but asked, "Is that why you decided to become one?"

Henry thought about it, then nodded. "I guess you could say that." He took a sip of the lemonade Dawn had served everyone. "When I was a kid, my dad and granddad were always working on cars. It became a hobby of theirs – restoring old junk cars to their former glory."

Dawn reached over and rubbed Henry's shoulder. "Henry is working on restoring an old Mustang right now."

"What year?" Ryan asked, lifting his eyes to observe Henry and his mom.

"A '67. Nothing special right now. I reckon she's junk." He smiled. "But when I'm through with her, she'll be a queen."

Marissa took her own sip of lemonade. "I don't understand how people can fix up old cars. I admire it, really. It's just like people who flip houses, or paint pictures, or sculpt." She shrugged. "I just can't look at something and see it better in my head, then actually execute the process to get there."

Henry shrugged, taking a bite of the garlic bread. "This is phenomenal, by the way," he said to Dawn. Then he turned to Marissa and said, "I think the most important part is being able to see something worthwhile or hopeful in something seemingly meaningless or insignificant." He smiled warmly. "Just like with people. That's why I love Dawn so much." Ryan tensed beside Marissa, and she immediately reached out, rubbing his knee. Dawn hadn't told him that she and Henry were throwing around the L word yet. This just made things even more serious. "She looked at me, and instead of seeing a mechanic with grease stained fingers and a hideous hairstyle, she sees something good. Something worthwhile." He reached over and kissed Dawn's temple, which made Marissa smile softly.

Ryan glanced over at Marissa, giving her a strange look before turning back to his meal. Though he was quiet for most of the night – as he tended to be around most people – Marissa knew Henry had earned his approval. For Dawn's sake, Marissa couldn't be happier.

XXXXX

The rest of the dinner went well. Ryan relaxed as time went on, and even smiled and laughed a bit with Henry. Before Henry left, he said to Ryan, "Maybe I could show you the Mustang sometime? I don't know if you're into that thing, but I'd love some help."

Ryan stared at Henry for a long moment before blinking and nodding. "Yeah, that sounds… that sounds great." And Marissa knew he meant it.

After Henry was long gone and the kitchen had been cleaned up, Marissa said, "I should probably get going. It's getting late."

Ryan gave her a look and she knew what he would argue. He didn't understand why she couldn't just stay over. But the truth was, Marissa was beginning to think their relationship was a little too involved. She gave Ryan every single part of herself, but he obviously didn't love her like she loved him. Pretending like that didn't hurt took a lot of her energy, and these days she was just becoming more and more aware of the fact that Ryan was going to move on and have a whole part of his life that didn't involve her. And she needed to be able to accept that. Sleeping in the same bed with him, his arm around her, his breathing lulling her to sleep – she just didn't think she could do that knowing everything they wouldn't ever be.

When Ryan could see she would in fact leave, he sighed and said, "I'll walk you out."

Dawn, already in her room, called out, "Goodnight!"

Marissa smiled and said, "Goodnight!" Ryan walked her outside, shoving his hands into his jean pockets. Marissa observed him, taking note of his preoccupied expression. Softly, she asked, "Do you want to talk about it?"

He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. "About what?"

Marissa gave him a look. "Whatever it is you're thinking about so much." At his prolonged silence, she added, "We don't have to. I just thought…"

Cutting her off, Ryan gestured towards the street. "Want to go for a walk with me?"

Marissa studied him to try and gage his mood, but she just couldn't. "Sure."

They started walking down the street, Ryan still silent. It worried Marissa. She believed in practicing patience and letting Ryan come to her when he felt fit, but sometimes she worried that not talking about something would end up hurting Ryan more than pushing him to talk about it. Sometimes – and she had witnessed it – Ryan would get lost inside his head until it took everything in her power to penetrate his walls.

Finally, after five minutes of hell for Marissa, Ryan finally murmured, "Thank you." At Marissa's confused glance, Ryan almost smiled. "For being there."

Marissa rolled her eyes. "Ry, we've been over there. I'm _going _to be there as long as you let me."

"I know, it's just…" Ryan trailed off, getting lost in thought again. After a full 67 seconds of silence he said, "_Why _are you friends with me?"

Marissa stared at him, at a complete loss. "What?"

He sighed, running his hand through his shaggy hair, causing some parts to stick up. "When we were kids, everyone avoided me except for Seth. But you befriended me." He started talking faster now. "And when we were in the fifth grade, no one in Ms. Parker's class wanted to be my science partner because I beat up Luke after he tried to pants you in front of the whole class. But you stood up for me, even when Seth was too busy mumbling nonsense and afraid of everyone to do anything." He turned to her. "And in the eighth grade when I ruined our Home Ec. Experiment by dropping our bag of flour, you patched it up and talked our way out of failing by explaining kids are going to fall and break bones, but dealing with it calmly and carefully is what matters. You even got us an A."

He shook his head, as if in disbelief. "Even now, you're still helping me at every twist and turn, and I don't understand why." At Marissa's confused look, he added, "I know we're friends. I understand that. What I don't understand is why you, with all your friends and popularity and money and beauty and talents, would befriend someone like…"

Marissa stopped him now, slightly upset. But not because he was confused about how she felt about him, but because of what he felt about himself. "Someone like you?" At Ryan's reluctant nod, Marissa's heart started aching. "Ryan, you're easily the most incredible person I've ever met. I don't understand why you don't see that."

Ryan looked at her seriously. "Marissa, I'm from the wrong place. I have no money. My mom is an alcoholic, my dad is in prison, my brother is missing…"

Marissa stared at him, resting her hands on his chest so he had to pay attention. "I'm hearing a lot of things about other people and material situations, but nothing about _you_."

Ryan rolled his eyes. "Marissa, they're my family. It's _my _material situation."

"So what?" Marissa asked softly. "Ryan, you are my very best friend. You're so smart. Crazy smart, actually. You're caring. You're kind. You're sweet beyond compare." At Ryan's glare, Marissa shot him a look straight back. "Oh don't even deny it. When you care, you're downright almost romantic at times." Ryan looked down, obviously embarrassed. "You know what your only problem is?"

Ryan refused to meet her gaze, so sure this was the part where she was going to lay into him. Where she would tell him everything that was wrong, every single flaw he had. That's what his dad had done when he was a little kid. _You're not tall enough. You're not strong enough. You're not smart enough. You're not clever enough. You're not cunning enough_. Right, like a five year old knew what the word cunning even meant.

But, surprising him just as she always managed to do, Marissa softly said, "Your problem is you don't think you're worth any of these things. You don't see it in yourself. And for the life of me I can't understand why."

Ryan couldn't accept that answer. He couldn't accept her thinking good things about him when he couldn't find himself worthy of such praise. He didn't understand how someone like Marissa – someone so amazingly smart and downright stunning – could see such good in him. "That's not good enough." At Marissa's shock, he added, "I was listening to Henry talk, and I realize that _I'm _Henry. I was so worried about him being this nobody, so worried about him not being some perfect guy, and he's _not_ perfect. He doesn't make a six-figure salary. He doesn't do much of anything to change the world. But my mom sees something in him, and even _I _see something in him." Ryan trailed off.

Marissa angled her head at him. "Is that why you got really quiet? You started thinking about what Henry said?"

Ryan nodded and shrugged. "How can I even begin to think I have the right to judge him or anyone for that matter when I come from worse?"

Marissa furrowed her eyebrows. "Ryan, you're not some broken junk car in need of fixing." He lifted his eyes to hers, and her heart hurt seeing how conflicted he seemed. "You're Ryan Atwood. Whatever you want that to mean. You can be a world famous architect who builds magnificent skyscrapers…" She brushed some of his hair from his eyes. "Or you can be a stay at home dad or husband. Success and worth isn't defined by where we come from or our circumstances, but what we do with what we have." She smiled slightly at him. "And you, Ryan Atwood, do amazingly. Everyone, _especially _you, deserves happiness and friendship and love." She ruffled his hair. "Stop beating yourself up for having a past. It happens to the best of us."

Ryan stared at her for a few seconds before spontaneously wrapping his arms around her, pulling her to him. Marissa's own arms comfortably found their way around him. "Thank you," he murmured quietly into her hair. And he did want to thank her for so much – for seeing good in him when sometimes all he saw was darkness; for supporting him in anything and everything but not being afraid to call him out when he was wrong; for being his friend when he still thought he deserved nothing of the sort.

But since he was Ryan and he had already exceeded his word limit for the day by quite a bit, he left it at those two words. Marissa asked, "For what?"

And because he was Ryan, and because he didn't know how to always use the right words or the best words, he merely murmured, "For being you." Because somehow, that encompassed everything he felt at that moment – gratitude, care, affection. He may not always like himself, but he would always love his best friend and admire the person she was.

And _that_, he would realize later, was the night something in his chest shifted just the tiniest bit, barely noticeable, but strong enough to set a complete change in motion.

XXXXX

**Ugh I am so sorry for this horrible chapter, guys. I just don't have the heart or will to rewrite it. I know the ending seems random? Like "why is Ryan suddenly doubting himself?" But the way I always saw Ryan's character was he kind of never found himself worthy for a lot of the things he was given in the show. Well, my Ryan still has those insecurities. And that's what I was trying to convey. I sincerely apologize for butchering that.**

**Individual Replies:**

**Skillz37: **All good things come in time. BUT, I will say, WHEN Ryan finds out about his true feelings, will Marissa be there with open arms?

**Jen: **Next chapter will definitely be interesting.

**TVDaddict22: **I think even 4am writing is better than this writing :/

**Riss: **Haha okay, okay, I'll go easy on Casey. I wonder if you're still awake right now haha. I guess I'll see.

**Sara: **Who's to say they still didn't engage in some 'activities' ;) bow chicka wow wow

**Random: **I'm glad you like it! I hope I still have a fan in you after this chapter though.

**Isabella: **Well, I think that both of their feelings are rather obvious to everyone except each other! Ryan and Marissa will actually get together in Part One. Part Two will take place 4 ½ years after the end of this part, and then Part Three will take place around a year after the end of Part Two. It'll all make more sense why there are three parts towards the end. Three different iconic and important parts of their lives with an underlying love story throughout, but vastly different situations as they grow older. Well, I think I may have just confused you more so I'm just gonna shut up now.

**xoElle23: **Methinks you may have gotten at some coming in the next chapter :)

**Nadine: **If I don't decide to cut the chapter in two, we shall see what's going on with Andrew in the next chapter :)

**Kendal: **Okay, I've been waiting days to tell you this lol. I was at Starbucks on campus and someone named Kendal ordered and I had only ever heard of the name with you and I was like "hey!" I got more excited than I should've to be honest lol.

**Devon: ** What is a R/M story without the notebook!

**Sailaway: **Thank ya, thank ya.

**RMforever: **I feel like if I wrote a math book, it would involve too many emotions. It would be like 'Find the value of x' and I'll be like "Why must society define x! Why can't we let x define itself!" Oh gosh the Risky Business. Pure amazingness.

**Jenbunney: **As I've said a million times in this chapter, I sincerely apologize for messing it up.

**Guest: **I'm so glad you like my Marissa! I like her too lol. And I liked show Marissa. I just think she was a little screwed up.

**Fatedtopretend: **If you really like that idea, you should definitely read the upcoming chapters ;)

**Ocgirl . fr: **Haha if you're really into drama, you're REALLY going to like part two of this story :)

**Cindy: **Some R/M distance will definitely be in the future. But who will initiate it? Ooh.


	8. Part One: Chapter Seven

**A/N Okay, okay, I didn't write crap lol. I take back my harsh comments towards myself. You guys are too nice ;) Anyway, I'm home now, which either means I can post more (yay) or post once a week again (boo) depending on how often I can get away from my family lol. I CAN tell you that next week I should be good and post multiple times :) As always, Read and Review, and Enjoy!**

**Oh, and we reached over 100 reviews! You guys are awesome!**

The week after the dinner with Henry, Marissa didn't spend that much time with Ryan. Henry came over to his house a few times, and Ryan grew to really like him. Marissa, meanwhile, let Ryan have his space and engrossed herself in studying for her upcoming Calculus test. She had never been particularly amazing at math, and it definitely took hours of preparation to pull off an A in the class.

By Wednesday, the stress of her upcoming exam and lack of Ryan started to wear on Marissa. She still picked him up in the mornings, but Casey had started driving him to work after school, and he hadn't slept over since last week. Even though Marissa had told herself she and Ryan needed to stop being so close, the actual distance kind of hurt.

Okay, _really _hurt.

On Wednesday morning Casey was intent on finding out why her own relationship with Ryan had started to become distant. She, too, hadn't seen Ryan much in the last few days. That's why, instead of being able to relax and get a cup of coffee from the lounge, Marissa instead had to pretend to be civilized in front of Casey.

Casey found Marissa at her locker just as Marissa grabbed her Biology book and placed it in her bag. She smiled awkwardly and said, "Hey, Marissa."

Marissa eyed her, forcing her own smile. "Hey, Casey."

Casey bit her lip, placing with her fingers. Finally, she said, "I haven't talked to Ryan much lately. How is he?"

Marissa glanced at her own reflection in the mirror in her locker. Andrew went to his own locker, offering her a silent smile as he did his combination. Turning to Casey, Marissa shrugged. "He's fine. He's just been busy with his family."

"Oh?" Casey asked.

Marissa nodded, turning back to her locker. "Yeah. You know, meeting Henry." At Casey's confused glance, Marissa added, "His mom's boyfriend."

Casey's mouth opened, then closed silently. She looked off, quietly murmuring, "I didn't know his mom was dating."

Marissa almost felt bad for Casey. She was genuinely a nice girl, unlike a few of the past girlfriends Ryan had. She loved Ryan, that much was obvious, and Marissa knew if something ever happened, Casey would be there for Ryan in the blink of an eye. That's why Marissa hated being around Casey. Staring your possible replacement in the eyes hurt.

So, even though Marissa herself felt sad and stressed and tired, she tried to make Casey feel better. "He's just busy is all. He probably just forgot to tell you."

Without thinking, Marissa said, "Well, Henry's a nice guy. Maybe a little rough around the edges, but I think he's good for Ryan's mom."

Casey narrowed her eyes a bit. "Wait, you met him?"

Marissa opened her mouth to reply, but Ryan swooped in before she could. "Hey," he said to both of them, kissing Casey's cheek.

Much to his surprise, Casey pulled away from him. "When were you going to tell me that your mom is dating someone?"

Ryan stared at her, dumbfounded. "Um… I don't know. Why would I tell you that?"

Casey stared at him blankly. "Ryan, I'm your girlfriend. You're supposed to tell me things."

Ryan continued to just stare at her. "I do tell you things."

Casey gave him a 'you're an idiot' look. "Then why do I have to learn from Marissa about what's actually going on in your life?"

Ryan's eyes darted to Marissa's, and the hostility in them made Marissa's cheeks burn. "Marissa told you."

Casey rolled her eyes, crossing her arms across her chest. "Well, someone had to since you obviously don't give a crap enough about me to tell me anything." Addressing Marissa, she said, "Thank you. Seriously. You've been a great help." With that, she stormed away, leaving Ryan and Marissa to stare after her.

Ryan turned to Marissa. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

Marissa closed her locker, closing her eyes to try and keep her composure. She was tired, stressed, and now incredibly hurt. She didn't need to be yelled at by her best friend. Of course _this _would be what they talked about this week. "She asked me why you haven't been talking to her and I said you were busy with Henry. Then I had to explain who Henry was. I didn't know you hadn't told her. Sorry."

She tried to move past Ryan, but he blocked her way. "Sorry? That's all you have to say? You have no right to tell Casey anything about me or my relationship with Henry or anyone else for that matter, do you understand?"

Marissa narrowed her eyes angrily at Ryan, but kept her voice down. "Move out of my way."

Ryan didn't budge. "What gives you the right to tell Casey about anything? I would have told her when I was ready."

"How am I supposed to know what you've told your girlfriend and what you haven't?" Marissa argued.

"I don't see why you have to talk about any aspect of my life with her," Ryan returned.

Marissa rolled her eyes at him, shaking her head softly. "You know, I really don't have to deal with this right now."

She tried to move again, but Ryan wouldn't let her. "No, we need to talk about this. I don't want you telling her anything. I want to be the one to tell her things. She's _my _girlfriend."

Marissa couldn't hold it in any longer. She had tried to be reasonable, but Ryan was being such an inconsiderate ass that she just couldn't contain her anger. "Stop talking to me like I'm a child," she said in a low voice. "And stop treating me like you have any sort of control over me. I am my own person. I didn't mean to tell Casey anything she didn't know. Maybe _you _should start talking to _your _girlfriend and stop blaming me for fucking it up." Placing her hands on his chest and pushing him out of the way, she said, "Now move out of my way and leave me the hell alone. You know, this is the most we've talked probably all week and you _had _to screw it up by being a complete ass."

Marissa walked away quickly, trying to cover the tears that had already begun to fall. Andrew closed his locker and followed her, having heard the whole thing. Ryan stared after Marissa, not even noticing Andrew, at a complete loss. On one hand, he had upset Marissa, his very best friend. On the other hand, he had also hurt Casey, his girlfriend. Did he follow Marissa or did he follow Casey?

Deciding that Marissa always forgave him and would still forgive him later but Casey might not, he decided to find Casey and apologize. When he found her, she was smiling with a group of her friends. Casey wasn't as rich as Marissa and a lot of kids at Harbor. She lived in the Flowered Streets, which was an upgrade from the Numbered Streets, but nowhere near as impressive as the gated communities on the other side of Newport.

Reaching Casey, he quietly mumbled, "Can we talk?"

Casey sighed and stared at him for a minute before nodding and giving her friends a silent stare. She followed him into the corner of the lounge where no one would bother them and said, "Okay, talk."

Ryan reached for her hand, but she just folded her arms across her chest. "I'm sorry."

Casey shrugged. "So what?"

Ryan furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. "So… I'm sorry? Marissa shouldn't have been the one to tell you that."

Casey sighed, shaking her head. "Ryan, this isn't about Marissa. This is about us and the fact that you don't ever really let me into your life." Just as Ryan opened his mouth to protest, she held out her hand to stop him. "And before you say you don't, think about it. How much do I know about your family? About your life before we met? About your childhood? Your likes, dislikes, pet peeves?"

Ryan sighed, shrugging in defeat. "Not a lot, I guess."

"Only what I've picked up from you around Marissa." She sighed, her face softening. "Ryan, I like you. A lot. But the only way we can be together is if you actually want us to be."

"I do," Ryan protested immediately.

"How am I supposed to know that?" At Ryan's stupefied silence, she said, "I haven't even met your mom. We've been going out for almost two months and I don't even know what she looks like, Ryan."

Ryan opened his mouth and closed it just as quickly. His mom? "I guess I don't…" He rubbed the back of his neck nervously. "No one as ever met my mom though."

"Except Marissa," Casey threw back at him quietly, her eyes betraying the amount of heartbreak.

Ryan sighed, rubbing his neck again. "She's my best friend though, Casey. I've known her since we were kids."

Casey nodded. "And I understand that, I do, but it hurts knowing how much she gets to see of you when I get barely anything." She reached for his hand, the first physical contact she'd had with him since storming off. "I don't want to just be physical, Ryan. The sex is great, but other than that what are we? I want to be able to know you. Actually know you. I want to know where you come from."

"So you want to meet my mom?" Ryan asked quietly, feeling defeated.

Casey thought about it, then nodded. "You know what? Yes. I want to meet your mom. You've already met my parents." And Ryan had met her parents – the night of their first date. Casey's dad was one of those overbearing fathers who interrogated the son before letting his daughter leave the house. Ryan had been worried, but he'd gotten through it and her dad even kind of liked him. Or tolerated him at least. She squeezed his hand. "I don't want to pressure you…"

Ryan shook his head, swallowing hard. What was the harm, right? He liked Casey. She was a good girl. His mom should like her. It wouldn't be so bad. "No, no. Um… are you free tonight?"

Casey's eyes widened and a huge smile spread across her face. "Do you mean it?"

Ryan blinked a few times before attempting to smile. "Yeah. My place. Seven. Dinner. Um.. we'll have… spaghetti."

Casey grinned and threw her arms around his neck, kissing him passionately. Ryan kissed her back, but his mind started wandering to Marissa, hoping she was okay.

XXXXX

Marissa, meanwhile, tried desperately not to start sobbing in public. Ryan had completely humiliated and belittled her for no reason. Every now and then they fought and it always cut Marissa to the core, but this time seemed worse somehow because they had barely had any time alone together all week. With her mounting stress and lack of sleep, she just wanted to crawl into her car and cry her eyes out.

Andrew had heard the entire conversation while at his locker. And he had watched out of the corner of his eyes the way Marissa reacted to Ryan's harsh words. He didn't know what was up with Ryan, but Andrew did care for Marissa, perhaps more than was necessarily smart. It was no secret that Marissa had feelings for Ryan. And honestly, it wasn't even that much of a stretch to admit that Ryan had some sort of unresolved feelings for Marissa. But regardless, Andrew cared for Marissa – not just as a friend – and he hated to see anyone, especially her, upset.

Andrew didn't know a lot of things about women. He hadn't really dated much back in Maine, and he didn't know how to use his supposed good looks to his advantage. Since he was a kid, he was a bit of a dork, and he was okay with that, really. He would rather be himself than pretend to be the cool guy. Most of the time, that rewarded him with great friends. Like Marissa.

So, running to catch up with Marissa, he did the only thing he could think of: he relied on humor. "So there are these two soldiers. Don't ask me why, because only one's important," Andrew began, walking quickly alongside Marissa as she tried exiting the school.

Marissa glanced in Andrew's direction, not even bothering to wipe her eyes to look more presentable. For some reason, she didn't care if Andrew saw her like this. Of all the people in the world to look like a mess in front of, he was probably the safest. "Andrew…" She began, continuing to walk.

He ignored her. "So the soldier finally can call home again. He's really excited. He calls up his mom and says, 'Hey mom, just wanted you to know I'm safe and can call again.'

"The mom gets all excited and says, 'Oh my goodness, I'm so glad! We missed you so much. It's really great that you're okay.'

"The soldier smiles and says, 'Oh, say, how's my cat fluffy?'

"The mom hesitates and sighs. 'I'm sorry to tell you this, but fluffy died.'

"The soldier gets really upset. 'What? What do you mean fluffy died? You don't just come out and tell someone like that! You have to ease the blow. You do it in three phases. The first phase you say, "Fluffy's on the roof, we're trying to get him down." The next phase you say, "Fluffy fell off the roof, we're taking him to the hospital." The third phase you say, "Fluffy is in critical condition, we're really praying he'll make it through." Then finally on the fourth phase you say, "We did everything we possibly could but Fluffy just didn't make it, sorry." Gah, you don't just tell someone something like that!'"

Marissa had listened despite herself, and gave Andrew an odd look at this part. "So the mom goes, 'I'm so sorry, it won't happen again, I promise.'

"The soldier says, 'Whatever, just put grandpa on the phone.'" Andrew stepped in front of Marissa now, blocking her from finally reaching the parking lot. "The mom hesitates. 'Um… he's on the roof.'"

Marissa stared at Andrew, then got the joke and laughed in spite of herself, shaking her head. "Andrew, that's a horrible joke. It's so wrong."

He shrugged and stared at her seriously, his lips lifting into a small smile. "It got you to smile." He pointed to her lips, and she realized he was right.

"I guess it did," she said, finally wiping her eyes.

Andrew angled his head at her. "Are you okay?"

Marissa bit her lip, then nodded. "You know what? I think I am." She reached out and touched his arm in a gesture of appreciation. "Thank you."

He grinned goofily at her, and Marissa's heart almost skipped a beat. He looked wonderfully handsome there staring at her with those hazel eyes and dimples. And better yet, he actually _cared_. "It's my pleasure."

XXXXX

Ryan caught up with Marissa at lunch, waiting by her locker as he always did on Wednesday, hoping she would be willing to see him. She saw him from across the hallway and they both locked eyes as she approached him. When she finally reached him, she looked down, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear before glancing back up. "Hey."

"Hey," he said softly. Marissa went past him and opened her locker. "Riss," he murmured, something he only called her when vulnerable. She turned to meet his eyes, her own watering slightly at the sound of his soft voice. "I'm sorry. I'm a complete jackass, I know. I don't know what got into me."

Ryan did know what got into him. Or at least partly. It hadn't been an easy week for him, either. Ever since his dinner with Henry, he'd thought about his own insecurities and self-worth. He knew Marissa would accept him however he came to her, and that thought made him feel something deep inside that he couldn't quite place. It didn't feel like anything he'd ever felt before, and it unsettled him. Being around Marissa made him feel weird somehow, and he couldn't quite place if that was a good or a bad way.

His confusion and annoyance with Casey had all been misplaced into anger. But for once he couldn't tell Marissa this because he was afraid of whatever it was that continued to eat away in his gut whenever he looked at or thought about his best friend. The only other time he'd felt remotely close to this was the weeks following his first kiss with Marissa. Except, this time was older, and somehow that made it worse.

Marissa sighed and softly relented, "You _are _a complete jackass sometimes."

Ryan lifted one corner of his mouth into a half smile. "But I'm _your _complete jackass?" he asked cutely.

Marissa wanted to smile at the comment, but she couldn't. Not genuinely. Because the truth was he _didn't _belong to her. Technically, his heart belonged to Casey. "Yeah," she merely said, hiding her face in her locker.

Ryan reached out and placed his hand on the small of her back, igniting the fire in Marissa that burned whenever he was near. "Are we still on for lunch?"

Marissa shook her head. "I was going to study in the library. Big Calculus test Friday that I've been killing myself studying for. I was a bit… distracted this morning, and didn't get to study the way I want."

Ryan flexed his jaw muscles a few times, feeling sick for hurting her. "Well, can I do homework in there with you?" he asked quietly, feeling sad and lonely and regretting his distance from Marissa. How stupid had he been?

Marissa shrugged. "If you want to."

"I do," he murmured, making Marissa's heart heal and hurt at the same time. Why couldn't he ever make things simple for her?

They made their way to the library silently, and for once Ryan couldn't decide what type of silence it was. As they sat silently with each other, for the first time Ryan began to worry a little bit about this distance with Marisa. Unlike all the other times when he'd pulled away, this time Marissa didn't seem as intent on pulling him back in.

But this was him and Marissa. They would always be good. He had nothing to worry about, right? Marissa would always be there. Always.

XXXXX

That night Marissa found herself alone in the diner trying not to think about the fact that Ryan was introducing Casey to Dawn. Ryan had told her about his dinner plans as they left the library, and Marissa had felt sick ever since. Not only was Casey Ryan's longest relationship, she was quickly becoming a serious girlfriend. If Ryan used Casey for more than just sex, then what would become of Marissa? Why would she be important at all?

Instead of wallowing in her own misery at home, Marissa had made herself get up and come to the diner. Maybe food would help, she'd reasoned. But now she was here, not hungry, staring at a full plate of a burger and fries, picturing Casey and Dawn in her mind. What if Dawn liked Casey more than she liked Marissa? Dawn was like a second mother to Marissa and also a friend. She felt incredibly protective of the older woman. Dawn was _Marissa's_.

Marissa didn't even notice when someone else walked into the diner and headed toward her table. Suddenly, she heard Andrew's voice. "And the Lord said unto John 'Come forth and receive eternal life.'" Andrew slid into the booth across from her. "But John came fifth and won a toaster."

Marissa cracked a smile despite herself, rolling her eyes. "That's even worse than the one earlier. How do you even hear these things?"

Andrew looked at her. "The internet and very weird friends." He flagged down a waitress and pointed to Marissa's plate. "That looks delicious. I'll take what she's having."

Marissa bit her lip and observed Andrew. He was wearing a blue hoodie with a simple gray tshirt underneath. He looked really attractive, even dressed down like this. "What brings you here?"

Andrew shrugged. "I was hungry and just walking along the pier thinking." He gestured towards the windows. "I saw this place, recognized you, and decided I'd come in and see how you are." He observed her face. "What's he done now?"

Marissa smiled but it quickly fell away. "He hasn't done anything to me. It's just…" She trailed off, glancing up at Andrew's worried gaze. Deciding Andrew wouldn't judge, Marissa sighed and ran a hand through her hair. "He's introducing his girlfriend to his mom tonight."

"Ouch," Andrew said sympathetically, reaching out and squeezing her arm. He rested his hands on the table and said, "That hurts."

"You have no idea," Marissa mumbled. When she glanced up, though, she saw something different in Andrew's gaze. Something sad. Something _familiar_.

"You'd be surprised to know how easily I empathize," Andrew finally said quietly.

Marissa gave him a disbelieving look. "You know what it's like to be in love with your best friend while watching him fall in love with someone else?" At Andrew's silence and steady, unwavering gaze, Marissa's eyes softened. "Oh."

Andrew twisted the side of his mouth into a broken smile. He reached for his wallet and pulled out a picture, sliding it across the table so Marissa could see. "Her name is Jessica Banks. We met when we were both three." His eyes glossed over as he told her his past, reliving his memories. "She moved in next door to my house and our parents became instant friends, so we hung out with each other a lot. She was feisty and free and so confident – everything I wasn't."

He grew silent, but Marissa wanted to know more. "When did you know?"

She didn't have to specify what she meant, and that really convinced Marissa he understood her completely. "We were twelve." He smiled at the memory. "We were riding our sleds and building forts on a snow day. It was in January, just a little after New Years. We were arguing at the time over something – I don't remember what. But I rode my sled down the hill and bumped into a rock or something that made me go flying. I fell face first into the snow and she ran to me, all green eyes and rosy cheeks as I turned over. As she knelt over me, pulling my head to her lap to make sure I was okay, I just _knew_."

Marissa bit her lip, glancing down at the sandy blonde girl standing next to a slightly younger Andrew in the picture. He had that goofy smile on his face, his dimples showing, his arm around her as they posed for the camera. And she could see it. Andrew did love this girl. "What happened? I mean, you're here and she's not."

Andrew nodded, chewing on his bottom lip as he remembered. "Heartbreaking, really. She met a guy and fell desperately in love with him. John Howard. One of those guys that girls just fall for and it annoys the hell out of you because he's just so annoyingly good looking and nice." He rolled his eyes, biting the inside of his cheek. "But she fell hard and fast and I never even bothered to tell her how I felt. Not that it would have mattered. Her passionate relationship with John Howard turned into something more dramatic when she turned up pregnant."

Marissa's eyes widened. "She became pregnant?"

Andrew nodded again, his eyes a sea of pain. "Twins. Two little girls." He pulled out another picture of two babies with baby blue yes and dark hair. "Look just like their daddy," Andrew uttered quietly, his voice so broken that Marissa felt her own pain subside for a moment. He looked up at Marissa before staring back at the picture of the two girls. "You know, you think you know heartbreak until you watch someone you love have a child with someone else."

"What about her parents?"

"They were mad. So were my parents. They knew how much I loved her, and things between both families kind of fell apart. But in the end her parents were there for her. She isn't going to drop out of school, and she and John Howard are going to go to Bowdoin together. Same town." He nodded again, biting the inside of his cheek. "My dad got a job offer from a firm in California. He's a lawyer. Kat wanted to leave as soon as possible – recovering from her own heartbreak. But me? I was so twisted up inside."

"Even after everything?" Marissa asked quietly.

Andrew nodded, laughing slightly. "Even after everything." He stared off, shaking his head. "I would've given her the rings right off of Saturn, if she'd asked me," he murmured quietly, staring down at the table. "My parents understood. And after all, it's senior year. I only had one semester left, and I had already started it. Why transfer now? My mom offered me the chance to stay back home."

Marissa bit her lip. "You decided to leave."

Andrew didn't nod this time, just blinked away the emotion in his eyes, but they remained watery. "I went to visit her. I didn't know what to do. She was in the nursery with the twins, Leah and Laurie. She handed me Leah while she rocked Laurie to sleep. I looked down at Leah's bright blue eyes and my heart…" His voice broke, and Marissa wanted to reach out to help him, but he leaned back in the booth. "My heart broke because she looks just like him. John. They both do. And Jess… she watched the expression on my face contort as I tried to hold back tears. But I couldn't. One tear fell and landed on Leah's little pink blanket.

"Jess walked over to me and smiled her sweet little smile. Told me, 'They just take your breath away, don't they? John says they're his angels.' I looked at Leah, then Laurie, then Jess. And I knew, right then – I knew that we weren't going to end up together. She had a family now. A whole separate family, and maybe she won't end up with John Howard, but she will _never _end up with me." He wiped a few tears away, and Marissa felt oddly glad that he had the nerve to just let himself _feel_ so freely that he could cry. "I told her I was leaving, and she cried, but I knew it was for the best."

Marissa bit her lip, feeling her entire view of Andrew change. Before he'd been this carefree athletic dork, almost like Seth, but not entirely. Now he was this broken guy who was so strong and good at putting himself back together. "So you're saying I should just get over Ryan? That we're not meant to be?" Marissa asked quietly, the words a knife in the chest.

Andrew shook his head, and the waitress brought him his food. "Not at all. That isn't what I'm saying at all, and I don't want you to think I am." He took a sip of his coke. "I'm saying that I know what you're going through. All your pain is something I have carried around with me for years." He placed his drink back down. "I don't know if you and Ryan are meant to be together. Maybe you are, maybe you're not." He leaned forward now, staring at her intently. "But, Marissa, you need to make a choice. You have to tell him how you feel and _try _to make things work…" He leaned back again. "Or you have to metaphorically get on that plane and accept that you aren't going to be together." He shrugged. "But whatever you decide, I'm here, all right?"

Marissa thought about it and nodded slowly. "Okay."

Andrew looked down at his plate and grinned. "This looks absolutely scrumptious. I am starving beyond compare."

Marissa smiled and rolled her eyes. But as the night wore on and she and Andrew got to know each other, the pain in her heart slowly lifted.

XXXXX

**If the jokes offended you, I apologize.**

**I will try to post again Monday during the day, but I **might **be able to squeeze a chapter out on Sunday night if you guys are motivating enough lol. Up to you. I know it's a busy weekend.**

**Individual Replies:**

**Riss: **This chapter was written quickly just for you. Well, quickly as in I tried to type it quickly once I got started haha.

**Jen: **Thank you :)

**TVDaddict22: **I had the hardest time trying to decide whether to write the Ryan/Henry dinner or just skip to this chapter. But in the end I decided on including it cause Henry is a huge part in shaping the way Part 2 and eventually the rest of the story unfolds.

**Sailaway: **I always worry that I can't put the scenes in my head onto paper well enough, so I'm glad at least you can see it in your head lol.

**Sara: **You'll just have to keep reading to see :)

**xoElle23: **Your "shut ups" reminded me of that one episode of Friends (I watch a lot of that show) when they are carrying Ross's couch and Ross keeps saying "Pivot. Pivot. Pivot." And Chandler says shut up just like you.

**Isabella: **To be honest, I get really confused about what to write or where to go with it if they're lovey dovey 24/7 these days lol.

**Guest 4 life**: Aw thank you so much, that's such a compliment.

**Skillz37: **Things can all work out… just at the end ;)

**Nadine: **Sometimes when I'm writing an intense scene, I almost write them kissing just because I feel like the tension is there, but I restrain myself lol.

**Devon: **Maybe not Casey, but Andrew is gonna be a very important character throughout all three parts ;)

**RMforever: **As I said before, I'm here to tell you how incredible you are :)

**Tcsportsmed7: **I hope everything is going okay!

**Ocgirl . fr**: That's what I was afraid of to be honest. Was it just the last chapter, or the story as a whole? And congrats on being the 100th reviewer :)

**Kerschi-Puky: **Volchok's role will be definitely relevant in the upcoming chapters. And ironically, the chapter Volchok once again becomes relevant _is _the chapter where we'll see a flashback about Marissa threatening Dawn.


	9. Part One: Chapter Eight

**A/N Sorry for not posting last night! I was seriously exhausted. My mom's idea of a great Mother's Day is working out with her. WTF. Anyway, thanks for all the incredible reviews. They make my day! I should post very soon, so review fast ;) Read and Review, and Enjoy!**

The next morning Marissa awkwardly sat with Dawn while waiting for Ryan to finish getting dressed. She knew that Dawn had met Casey, and while she was dying to know how that went, she also didn't know if she could stand Dawn loving Casey more. Finally, after five minutes, Marissa casually said, "So I hear you met Casey last night…"

Dawn nodded and glanced over at Marissa, hiding her knowing smile. She had known Marissa since she was a little girl, and she knew that she was nervous about Casey. Why, Dawn had no idea. Ryan was still obviously in love with Marissa, not Casey. "Yeah. She was nice."

"Nice?" Marissa prompted.

Dawn nodded, taking a sip of her coffee. "Yeah. She really likes Ryan, which is good. She's polite and kind. Smart, too."

Marissa's heart hurt at the veracity of it all. "Yeah, she's a good person," Marissa admitted quietly, staring down at the brown table.

Dawn reached over and covered Marissa's hand with her own. "Marissa, look at me." Marissa slowly lifted her eyes to Dawn's, her own sad and disappointed. What had she expected? Casey was really charming and such a nice person. Of course Dawn had liked her. "You are always going to be my number one, you understand?"

Marissa's eyebrows furrowed. "But why? Casey is so nice and pretty and wonderful and.."

Dawn cut her off, squeezing her hand reassuringly. "And not you." Marissa shut her mouth, wondering exactly what that meant. "She doesn't know Ryan inside and out, and Ryan isn't in love with her."

"Ryan's not in love with me, either," she muttered quietly.

Dawn's heart went out to this girl. She couldn't see the amount of love Ryan held for her, just like Ryan couldn't see how much Marissa loved him. If the two would just _talk _about it, maybe that idiot son of hers would finally understand those feelings he had. But she couldn't do anything, just wait for Ryan and Marissa to figure things out for themselves. And Dawn just _knew _they would end up together. She hadn't seen two kids more meant to be in her entire life.

Interrupting their conversation, Ryan walked out of his room at that time dressed in a black polo shirt and jeans. He smiled at the two of them and Marissa handed him his coffee. "Thanks," he said, going about his morning cereal routine. "How was your night?" he asked Marissa.

Marissa shrugged, running a hand through her hair to get it out of her face. "It was okay. Andrew and I had dinner." She smiled remembering Andrew. Somehow, he always had a way to make her feel better when she was heartbroken. He was funny as hell.

Ryan froze, his entire body turning cold. "Oh?" he said, trying to sound casual.

Dawn looked between the two, biting her lip to hide her grin at how purely _jealous _Ryan appeared. Marissa didn't pick up on it, taking a sip of her coffee. "Yeah. I was at the diner and he happened to stop by. We ended up just talking for like three hours. It was great."

Ryan flexed the muscles in his jaw as he poured his cereal, blinking rapidly. Andrew couldn't just show up and start having long talks with Marissa like that. Marissa had _Ryan _to talk to – why did she need anyone else? "Sounds fun," he said unenthusiastically.

Marissa, too lost in her memories of all that Andrew had revealed last night, said, "It was." Coming back to reality, she remembered Casey. "How was dinner?"

Ryan couldn't even understand what she was talking about for a few seconds, too angry about Andrew. He blinked a few times, then registered what she was talking about. Right, Casey. "It was good. Mom seemed to like Casey."

Dawn rose from her chair, sensing the tension in the air. "Well, she's a nice girl." She walked by Marissa, placing her hands on Marissa's shoulders and gently squeezing. "Not going to lie though – no one compares to this one over here."

Marissa smiled genuinely at Dawn, feeling really appreciative. Ryan glanced over at them, furrowing his eyebrows. "Of course not," he said honestly, not understanding why that even needed to be expressed.

Dawn gave Marissa an "I told you so" look before walking off to her room. Ryan walked over to the table and sat in his spot next to Marissa, eating his cereal. Marissa glanced over at Ryan, remembering Andrew's words from last night. Should she tell him her feelings for him? And _when _did you just do something like that? _How_?

Biting her lip, she figured she could just maybe ease into it? Get it on Ryan's mind? See what he thought about the best friends becoming more situation. "So Andrew told me something interesting last night," Marissa said, hoping Andrew wouldn't mind her using this as an opening.

"What was that?" Ryan asked, trying not to roll his eyes.

"He used to be friends with this girl. Best friends…like us." Ryan frowned at that. No one was like him and Marissa. It just wasn't possible. "And he was in love with her, but she didn't feel the same way about him." Marissa stopped there, hoping Ryan would comment on some aspect of the story.

"Sucks to be Andrew," Ryan merely said, taking another bite of his cereal.

Marissa tried to hide her disappointment, but she wasn't going to leave it just there. "It just made me think about us. What if one of us developed feelings – like, romantic feelings?"

Ryan glanced Marissa's way, raising his eyebrows. "Well, that's not going to happen. We're at a point where I think we're past all that." _Though I still find you incredibly attractive_, Ryan added silently in his head. Because he did. And somehow that just became more blatantly obvious as time went on.

"But if one of us _did,_" Marissa argued, almost frantic. Because right now Ryan just basically told her he didn't have feelings for her at all. But was it possible for him to develop some?

"If one of us did, I think that our relationship as we know it would be over," Ryan said quietly, chewing thoughtfully. "And that we would have to probably cause some sort of distance."

"Why?" Marissa asked, confused.

"Because having a romantic relationship would just ruin things, don't you think?" Ryan asked, contemplating the idea. He had never thought of actually pursuing a relationship with Marissa. Okay, well, he had never thought of _going through with _pursuing a relationship with Marissa. Sure, he had thought about dating Marissa once upon a time ago, mostly after their first kiss. Those feelings he'd had were strong, and he figured that maybe it had something to do with her. But he just pushed those feelings away and figured it was just the fact that it was his first kiss. He would've had butterflies and heart racing and all that stuff with anyone.

Not to say he would have wanted anyone else to be his first kiss. The thought of that made him upset.

But actually pursuing a relationship seemed absurd. They were _friends_. He had a girlfriend – he'd had many girlfriends. And maybe one day he wouldn't be so upset with a certain guy dating Marissa like he was now. He just had to find the _right _guy for her. But being together? That would be… weird? Wouldn't it? Kissing his best friend? Even though this horribly tiny part of him wondered if it _would _be weird, the larger part of him knew that it just wouldn't be right. They were friends. Why ruin that with a relationship that might not work out? Because Ryan's relationships _never _worked out. He wouldn't want that to happen with Marissa.

Marissa blinked and, surprising herself, kept her tears at bay. "Yeah."

She wanted to cry, but she couldn't. And she wouldn't. Because the truth was – she'd known this all along. Ryan just didn't see her that way. He would never see her that way.

Maybe now that she had confirmation, she could finally move on.

XXXXX

At school, Marissa smiled when she saw Andrew at his locker already. "Hey," she said, making him turn and grin widely at her.

"Hey." He noticed the sadness in her eyes and his smile dropped. "What happened?"

"How do you always do that?" Marissa asked in awe as she opened her locker.

Andrew shrugged. "Experience, I guess. Now, answer my question."

Marissa sighed and glanced at him. "I talked to Ryan. Sort of. And basically he thinks we should never be together."

Andrew frowned. "Did you tell him what _you _think?"

Marissa shook her head and smiled sheepishly. "Didn't want him to kick me while I was down."

Andrew nodded. "Well, I think he would change his opinion if he knew what you thought, but I understand. It hurts." He glanced her way again. "What are you going to do now?"

Marissa shrugged and bit her lip. "Move on, I guess."

At that moment Casey and Ryan appeared, looking like the happy couple they were. Ryan's arm was slung casually around Casey, and she was all smiles as she looked at them. "Hey," Ryan said to Marissa, not so subtly ignoring Andrew.

"Hey," Marissa replied, not turning to look at him. She was moving on – that meant no longer giving Ryan her undivided attention 24/7.

Ryan immediately noticed the change, and his smile went away. His eyes shot briefly to Andrew and he tried not to clench his fists. This was obviously Andrew's fault. Before Andrew, Marissa had always been _his_. Now, suddenly it felt like she was pulling away from him. Marissa closed her locker and finally turned to the two of them. "What's up?"

Ryan shrugged but Casey said, "I'm trying to convince Ryan to go with me to the Bait Shop Friday night."

Marissa's face sunk slightly to mirror her mood, but no one noticed except for Andrew. "Oh."

Casey nodded, pecking Ryan's lips lightly, making Ryan smile slightly. "Yeah, but he is being difficult."

Andrew started humming something vaguely familiar to Marissa, but she couldn't place it just yet with her mind on the scene in front of her. _So much for moving on_. "Ryan tends to be that way sometimes."

Casey rubbed Ryan's face and said, "Yeah, but I'm trying to convince him to do it for me. I mean, I'm his girlfriend. That gives me certain advantages." Her eyes twinkled as she looked at Ryan teasingly.

Andrew now sang some of the words to the song. "On my own, pretending he's beside me…"

Andrew resumed humming the rest of the song and Marissa immediately recognized it. She realized what he was doing singing _that _song. She shot him a look, then said to Casey, "Well, sounds like Ryan is in quite the situation."

Casey turned to Ryan and murmured, "I'll make it worth your while…"

Ryan's eyes darkened slightly, as did Marissa's mood. "Hmm, I like the sound of that…"

"And all I see is him and me forever and forever," Andrew quietly sang, drawing Ryan's attention a little bit now.

Marissa rolled her eyes but didn't glance Andrew's way. Casey grinned at Ryan, winking slightly. "See, Bait Shop, then you can come over after. My parents are going away on a business trip.."

Marissa's shoulders fell and Andrew reached out, tapping her foot with his before singing, "And although I know that he is blind. Still I say, there's a way for us…"

Marissa glanced over at him and rolled her eyes, but he just grinned his dimpled smile as he resumed humming, making her soften a little bit. Ryan turned to Marissa and said, "Okay, I'll go, but Marissa should come too. We can hang out as a group. It will be fun."

Marissa's eyes widened and she glanced at Andrew in absolutely panic, to which he shrugged and sang, "Without him, the world around me changes. The trees are bare and everywhere the streets are full of strangers…"

Marissa bit her lip, thinking _why is this song so freaking accurate_. "I don't know, Ryan…"

Ryan gave her a look. "Marissa, it'll be fun. Come on."

Marissa glanced at Casey, who seemed a little irked by her boyfriend inviting along another girl, but she just shrugged when she saw Marissa. In the background they could hear Andrew still singing. "I love him, but every day I'm learning…"

Casey, realizing Ryan wouldn't go without Marissa, said, "It _will _be fun."

Andrew closed his locker as he quietly sang, "All my life I've only been pretending…"

Hearing him, Marissa realized just what – or rather, whom – she needed to get through this. "Okay, I'll go." She reached out and grabbed Andrew's arm, keeping him from walking away. "But Andrew gets to go too."

Andrew quietly sang so only she could hear, "I love him…"

Ryan's eyes narrowed and he tensed, which Casey immediately picked up on. "What if Andrew doesn't want to go?"

Again, so only she could hear, "I love him…"

Marissa glanced Andrew's way. "Of course Andrew wants to go. Isn't that right, Andrew?"

So only she could hear, he sang, "I love him…" But he smiled and nodded, saying, "Hang out with Marissa? Of course I'm in."

Ryan tried not to glare, but his look remained sour and upset. "Fine. Tomorrow. Seven. The Bait Shop." He pushed Casey in the other direction. "Let's go to class."

When they left, Andrew sang, "But only on my own!"

Marissa turned to him. "Les Mis? Really?"

Andrew grinned and patted her cheek. "Aw, my poor Eponine, don't be bitter."

Marissa rolled her eyes and stared at him. "You realize that Eponine dies, right? I feel like comparing us is a bad omen."

Andrew wrapped an arm around her and said, "That's cause she didn't have an Andrew there to help her out!" Marissa laughed, but she did feel better. "Now come on, I'll walk you to your first class."

Marissa glanced his way. "You don't have to actually come, you know. It's going to be awkward and I really wouldn't hold it against you if you skipped."

Andrew squeezed her shoulders. "Awkward group hangs are my specialty," he said, making Marissa smile.

XXXXX

Friday night Andrew showed up at Marissa's house promptly at 6:30. Marissa opened the door wearing dark jeans and a dark purple ruffled halter-top. Andrew looked her up and down and smiled shyly. "Hey. You look amazing."

Marissa rolled her eyes, shaking her head. "Please. I look like I always do."

Andrew took a step closer, staring at her seriously. "Exactly."

The way his hazel eyes gazed at her made Marissa's cheeks burn. "Well, thank you," she murmured, avoiding his eyes.

Returning to the light mood, he brightened and said, "So, I know this isn't a date. This is an awkward group hang. So I couldn't bring you roses." He pulled his hand from behind his back, holding a few freshly picked purple flowers. "But I _can _bring you seaside daisies."

Marissa couldn't help but smile at his cute dimpled grin, and flushed seeing the flowers. She reached out and took them, smiling softly at him. "You're something else, you know that?" she said quietly.

Andrew smiled, reaching into his t-shirt pocket and pulling out another flower with most of the stem cut off. He leaned closer to her and tucked it behind her ear, smiling softly at her. "So I've been told," he murmured close to her face before taking a step back.

Marissa reached up and felt the flower, feeling at once beautiful and cherished. Ryan might not find her attractive or worthy of dating, but here Andrew stood handsome and charming and adorable and everything a girl wanted in a guy. He even made her heart beat a little faster sometimes, which she had to admit didn't happen all that much to her. She _liked _him. She really liked him. And he seemed to like her. He was such a good friend, and an even greater person.

If she had to end up with someone other than Ryan, Andrew would be a wonderful choice.

But tonight was about having fun, not getting invested in a relationship. Right now it was all right for Andrew just to be there for her while she tried not to get too upset watching Ryan and Casey. "Shall we?" Andrew asked, offering his arm to her.

Marissa looped her arm through his, grinning. "Let's knock 'em dead."

XXXXX

Ryan hated Andrew. He hated the way Andrew looked, the way he talked, the way his eyes brightened whenever he saw Marissa, the annoying dimples whenever he smiled. Most of all, he hated how Marissa was beginning to look at Andrew. When's the last time Marissa looked at Ryan with that much warmth and affection?

When Marissa arrived with her arm looped through Andrew's, laughing at something he'd leaned in and said, Ryan really wanted to just punch the guy already. But since Andrew and Marissa weren't officially together, Ryan wouldn't do anything about it. Let Marissa have her little friend now. She'd come back to Ryan soon enough, right?

Ryan felt like every time he was with Marissa lately, she didn't feel _there_. Not the way she used to be. Something since his dinner with Henry had changed. At first Ryan was the one pulling away, but he did that every now and then. What scared him was Marissa's lack of interest in pulling him back to her. Instead, she had let him go and started pulling away even more than him.

Whenever Ryan looked at Marissa, he missed her. She was standing right in front of him talking with Andrew and Casey, but he felt like she was miles away. What had happened to the girl who walked with him that night and told him he _was _worthy? What happened to the girl who had bought him crayons and told him he had such an amazing heart and let him practice kissing? Where was his best friend? Why didn't the light reach her eyes every time she looked at him anymore?

He missed the light.

Shouting over the music, Andrew said, "Hey Ryan. Cosette."

Marissa bit her lip to stop from laughing, which pissed Ryan off. What was this? Some sort of joke? Get Casey's name wrong and laugh it off? Casey just rubbed her arm awkwardly. "Casey," she corrected.

Andrew pretended to hit himself in the head. "Oh, right. Sorry. You just really remind me of this character Cosette."

Marissa turned so they couldn't see her snicker. Casey pulled Ryan from his thoughts, leaning over and saying, "Ryan let's dance."

Ryan gave her a look. "I don't dance."

Andrew laughed. "If I recall correctly, _you _stole my dance partner at that charity event." He glanced at Marissa who in turn lifted her eyes to Ryan's.

It was the first time she'd looked into his eyes all night. _I miss you. Why are we here? Why aren't we in your room watching The Parent Trap or The Notebook or just lying there with all the rest of the world a distant memory? _

Marissa's eyes flickered, and for a moment he thought she would look at him the way she used to. He couldn't explain the look, but it was something that made him feel happy. Now all he saw was a wall, something that had never truly been there from the start.

He hadn't even noticed Casey's annoyance. "Well, then, you can dance with me too," she protested.

Ryan glanced her way. "What are we listening to, anyway?"

Andrew grinned. "It's apparently Disco Night!"

Marissa laughed. "Oh gosh, I can't believe you managed to drag Ryan to Disco Night, Casey. Gosh, when we were kids he wouldn't go anywhere near the Hustle."

Andrew's eyes widened. "Oh my gosh, I love the Hustle!"

Marissa rolled her eyes but continued to laugh. "You would."

Ryan stared between all of them, not finding anything about this amusing. Marissa was distant and having fun with Andrew, Casey was pissed, and it was freaking Disco Night. What had he gotten himself into? Casey, noticing Ryan wasn't going to pay attention to her anytime soon, said, "I'm going to the bathroom."

Ryan nodded and briefly acknowledged her before turning his attention back to Marissa and Andrew. Grabbing Marissa's arm, he said, "Can I talk to you for a second?"

Marissa shot Andrew a look and he nodded. She turned to Ryan and shrugged, following him a few feet away, right out of earshot. "What's up?"

"Are we okay?" Ryan asked over the music.

Marissa gave him a weird look. "Why wouldn't we be?"

Ryan stared at her, trying to tell if she was telling the truth. She seemed genuine enough, but something was still off. "I feel like we're not spending as much time together."

Marissa shrugged, avoiding his eyes. "You're busy with Henry and Casey."

Ryan's eyebrows furrowed as he thought about that. _He _was the one causing this distance? Well, he sure as hell wasn't going to be the one to keep it up. "I'm sorry," he said genuinely.

Marissa shrugged again, still not meeting his eyes. "It's fine. Happens. Can we go back to Andrew now?"

Ryan realized Andrew had somehow become the person she felt safe and comfortable with. How had that happened? When had that happened? The night he introduced Casey to his mom? Before that? Last night? When? Marissa was supposed to feel safest with _Ryan_.

"I guess," Ryan said, willing Marissa to look at him. She was hurting him right now. Marissa never hurt him, but right now his chest physically hurt as he watched her walk away back to Andrew. As he watched her smile brightly at him. As he watched Andrew's hand rest on the small of her back. He wasn't even angry anymore. It just _hurt_.

Casey came back and looked at him. "Okay, so if you're not going to dance, what are we going to do?" Ryan raised his eyebrows suggestively, which made her smile a little bit. "Ryan, we can't just ditch Marissa and Andrew."

Just at that moment, Andrew reached for Marissa's hand and said, "My dear 'Ponine, let's dance."

Marissa just rolled her eyes and laughed, following him to the dance floor, leaving Ryan and Casey to just stare off at them.

When they were far enough away, Marissa said, "Calling her Cosette? Really?"

Andrew shrugged, grinning his dimpled grin. "Well, she _does _remind me a little bit of Cosette."

Marissa gave him a look. "Because she gets the guy?"

Andrew shook his head. "As I remember, Cosette is kind of an air head. At least in the books. Lets her love for Marius blind her from everything else that's going on."

Marissa thought about that, then nodded. "Okay, I can deal with that. She _does _kind of blindly turn an eye to everything but Ryan. She's still nice though."

Andrew shrugged. "Never said she wasn't. Just a little, you know." He raised his eyebrows. "All looks, no substance. Her best parts are seen only through her love. Whereas Eponine is self-sufficient, tragic, and intelligent."

Marissa gave him an amused raise of the eyebrows. "Okay, question. If I'm Eponine,who are _you_?"

Andrew pretended to contemplate that very seriously. "I'm Enjorlas. I believe in change!"

Marissa grinned, but she thought it was actually very fitting. She'd loved _Les Miserables _since she read it her freshman year of high school. Ryan didn't read for fun like she used to, but her dad had always convinced her reading would help her on her SAT. As a matter of fact, it did.

Just then, The Hustle started playing. Andrew's eyes widened in excitement and he winked at her. "Prepare to have the dance of your life!" Marissa leaned her head back and laughed as Andrew began to do the actual steps. He really was something else.

On the other side of the room Ryan and Casey were drinking their drinks as they looked at the two. Casey smiled, happy that Marissa finally had someone and didn't seem as hung up on Ryan. At least for the last two or so days. "Andrew and Marissa make a really cute couple."

Ryan's hand tightened on his glass. "They're not a couple."

Casey shrugged, smiling knowingly. "I give it a week," she predicted, observing the way Andrew looked at Marissa. Hell, even Marissa was starting to obviously warm up to Andrew. "They both really like each other. Especially Andrew."

Ryan stared at his best friend – his life – dancing with another guy, looking like she was having the absolute time of her life. And somewhere deep inside his heart began to break. He just didn't realize it yet.

XXXXX

**I'm glad you guys liked Andrew's jokes! The song he is singing is "On My Own" from the Les Miserables play. Just in case you didn't know! It's a wonderful song. If you haven't heard it, definitely look it up. Samantha Barks rocks it :)**

**I know you guys probably don't care, but I got all As in my classes :) Exciting day for me.**

**Fun Fact: I know how to do the Hustle ;)**

**Individual Replies:**

**Riss**: Andrew will have more heartache. But he'll also have a happy ending, as you will see in Part Three ;)

**Guest: **haha, I like how a lot of people are like "R/M need distance. I want to see them fight" and you're the exact opposite :)

**TVDaddict22: **Marissa is too chicken to actually tell Ryan the truth right now. And Casey will be gone sooner than you think :) btw, I'm nervous about TVD on Thursday. Please let her not choose Damon :(

**Fatedtopretendd: **Idk if you've noticed, but your story "Post BreakUp Sex" is one of the few stories I've actually favorite. I read it every few months when I need a R/M fix :) Just wanted you to know.

**Skillz37: **I'm gonna try to post Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, but we'll have to see how that goes haha. Weekends are hard because everyone is home and I have to actually socialize with people lol.

**FlyingForward: **Andrew is my imaginary boyfriend lol. Just saying ;)

**Sara: ** Ryan seems to slowly be realizing he's not okay with Marissa out of his life. Will Marissa actually accept him whenever he realizes his feelings though?

**Ocgirl . fr: **That's how Les Mis is haha. Victor Hugo likes to describe lots of unnecessary things.

**xoElle23: **Yes, Andrew is a very nice guy. I hope people get used to him. He'll be making lots of appearances throughout the story.

**Isabella: **Well, people don't always make the smartest decisions. The heart feels what it feels!

**Kerschi-Puky: **Andrew will definitely fulfill his purpose and I'm sure you will be happy with him when all this is over :)

**Nadine: **He most certainly will get a happy ending. It'll just take a while.

**Devon: **It'll all work out in the end :)


	10. Part One: Chapter Nine

**A/N I wanted to get this up today, but the next chapter is up to you guys. The faster you provide feedback, the faster I post! Read and Review, and Enjoy!**

**Dedicated to RMforever. Happy (American) birthday!**

After having so much fun at the Bait Shop, Marissa quickly became really comfortable with Andrew. Sometimes she felt even more comfortable with him than Ryan, which bothered her, but she couldn't do anything about that anymore. Ryan didn't feel the same way about her that she felt about him, and this was her moving on.

Ryan did seem to notice something was up, but he never came outright and said anything. Instead, he tried to hang out with Marissa a little bit more, but Marissa always found excuses not to. She said she had to go shopping with her mom, her dad wanted her to spend time with him, she had something to study for, she had too much homework. She didn't feel like she could spend time around him and not fall under his influence. She figured the only way to get over him once and for all was time.

On Wednesday the following week, Marissa met Andrew at their lockers. "Hey," she said with a smile.

Andrew smiled back at her. "Hey. How are you?"

"Good," she said, and meant it. Andrew had been a really good friend to her lately, and she really appreciated it.

Andrew's eyes brightened. "Good."

Marissa looked at him and saw he was wearing shorts and flip-flops. "How are you possibly wearing that in February?"

"It's almost March, and I'm from Maine," Andrew argued. "

He opened his locker, then glanced over at her. "What are you doing this weekend? Any cool plans?"

Marissa gave him a look and laughed. "No. Absolutely nothing."

Andrew looked into his locker, suddenly seeming nervous. "Maybe we could do something? Go see a movie?"

Marissa glanced his way, trying to measure his intentions. "Like a date?"

He rubbed his arm nervously, which Marissa found kind of cute. "No. I mean, yes. It can be. If you want it to."

Marissa bit her lip, feeling incredibly torn. On one hand, Andrew was great. She really liked him. He would be a great boyfriend. On the other hand.. well, she was in love with Ryan. She looked at him and softly said, "Andrew, you know I love Ryan."

He nodded. "And you know I love Jessica." He closed his locker, leaning against the lockers as he turned to look at her. "But I think that we could be good for each other. Maybe not the end all relationship, but I like you and I think you like me too." At Marissa's slight blush, his smile broadened. "And maybe I'm setting myself up to get hurt. I'm pretty sure I will. But I also know that I'll kick myself in the future if I don't ask you out before it's too late."

Marissa continued to bite her lip, thinking over his words. What did she have to lose? Ryan had already broken her heart. "Well, that depends."

"On what?" he asked very seriously.

Marissa grinned playfully. "Do I get to pick the movie?"

Andrew visibly relaxed and immediately nodded. "Of course."

Marissa smiled and reached out to touch his arm. "Okay, Friday night. It's a date."

XXXXX

Ryan and Seth shared the same history class at the end of the day. As they walked out, Seth slapped Ryan's back. "I have to say, Ryan, I'm really impressed with you right now."

Ryan looked at Seth, confused. "Um, why?"

"You seem so calm," Seth said with a shrug.

Ryan continued to just stare at Seth, not getting it. "Why wouldn't I be?"

Seth furrowed his own eyebrows now. "Um, Andrew and Marissa?" At Ryan's immediate anger, Seth awkwardly stopped. "Oh. You didn't know."

Ryan's eyes narrowed. "Know what, Seth?"

"Marissa didn't tell you? I can't believe she didn't tell you. I mean, she told _Summer_, who told me thinking of how you would handle it…"

Ryan grabbed Seth's arm, staring at him coldly. "What is going on?"

Seth gulped a little as he saw the pure anger build up in Ryan. "It really isn't that big of deal. I mean, it was bound to happen. He obviously likes her, and she seems to like him too. But this morning Andrew asked Marissa out."

Ryan let go of Seth, blinking slowly. "I have to find Marissa," he said, walking away before Seth could say another word. He walked around looking for Marissa, wondering why she hadn't told him. He didn't like Andrew, that was true, but what he really didn't like right now was Marissa's lack of communication. They were best friends. That was supposed to mean something. Even if he hated what she was doing, she was supposed to tell him as soon as she accepted the date. That's how it had always been. That's the way it was supposed to be. He still told her everything, or at least most of it.

He found her at her locker, and thankfully that idiot Andrew wasn't there. She saw him but didn't smile. She never smiled when he was around these days. In fact, he hardly ever saw her smiling except for when she was around Andrew. "Hey," she merely said.

"That's all you have to say to me?" he asked, trying to keep his anger in check.

Marissa closed her locker, raising her eyes to his. "Am I supposed to have something else to say?"

She started walking, and he was right at her side before she could even blink. "How about you tell me about your date with Andrew?"

Marissa momentarily froze, glancing in Ryan's direction. "You know about that?"

"Seth told me," he said, his voice both broken and angry. "Why didn't you tell me, Marissa? We're supposed to be best friends."

Marissa resumed walking. "We are."

"You sure as hell aren't acting like it anymore," Ryan argued.

"What do you want from me, Ryan?" Marissa asked tiredly.

Ryan moved so he was in front of her, blocking her from moving anymore. "I want my best friend back."

Marissa refused to meet his eyes. "People change, Ryan. Things change."

"The rest of the world changes. We were never supposed to change," Ryan argued quietly, staring at her intently. "We were the one good thing in the world, remember? Even as the rest of the world changed and morphed and messed up, we were supposed to stay together."

Marissa still refused to meet his gaze, feeling her body flush at the heat of his look. "I can't, Ryan."

"Why can't you?" Ryan asked quietly. "Why am I losing you? What can I do to make you stay? Just tell me. I'll do it."

Marissa finally lifted her eyes to his, tears threatening to spill forward. "It's not something you can just do. It's more complicated than that."

"Tell me," Ryan pleaded quietly, looking at her with the saddest blue eyes. "We never talk. We never hang out. You don't even look at me anymore. Is it Andrew?"

Marissa quickly shook her head. "No. He is a great friend."

"And I'm not?"

Marissa sighed and gave him a look. "You know that's not what it is."

"How am I supposed to know anything if you don't tell me?" Ryan asked frantically. "I don't like to do this. I don't like to put myself out there, but here I am practically on my hands and knees begging you to tell me what I'm doing wrong."

Marissa ran a hand through her hair, chewing on her bottom lip. "You're not doing anything wrong. It's me, Ryan. It's me. I just need to sort some stuff out."

"What kind of stuff?"

"Feeling stuff," Marissa said, her cheeks burning. "I just need to take some time.."

"No," Ryan said, shaking his head.

"No?" Marissa asked incredulously.

"If you take more time, you're just going to pull away more and I'm not going to let that happen," Ryan said quietly, his decision final.

Marissa took a step back, shaking her head. "You don't get to decide what I can and can't do."

Ryan stepped toward her. "Yes, I do. Marissa, I'm your best friend…"

"Exactly, Ryan," Marissa said seriously. "You're my best friend. And we need to start acting like it. Before one of us gets seriously hurt. We can't keep going on like this. We can't pretend like things between us are okay. We're too close. We act differently than other friends."

"Who cares?" Ryan protested.

"_I _care," Marissa argued, her voice becoming more urgent. "Ryan, I've spent my whole life thinking it's okay to feel like this, but I'm realizing that I'm just setting myself up to get hurt. I can't continue having these feelings…"

Ryan was so confused. What was Marissa talking about? "What feelings?"

Without thinking, Marissa blurted out, "Liking you. Wanting to be with you." She shut her mouth, eyes widening. "I didn't mean…"

Ryan felt like his entire world was off kilter. "You… you like me?"

Marissa blushed such a deep shade of red that she was sure she looked like a tomato. "I… I didn't mean… I don't…"

Ryan blinked, the world feeling like it was spinning. "I… I need to find Casey. She was going to drive me home. I have to work. And I have to do my homework…"

Marissa once again felt her heart breaking. "That's probably for the best." She turned around, wiping at the rapidly falling tears. "Bye, Ryan." And she ran away before he could even think to follow her.

XXXXX

That night after work, Ryan was lounging on Casey's bed in his boxers. He had come over right after his shift ended, needing a distraction from his thoughts. He couldn't get Marissa's face out of his mind or her voice telling him she had feelings for him. He'd hoped sex would help things, but he still couldn't stop picturing the pain in her eyes.

Casey was worried about him, he knew, but he couldn't stop thinking about Marissa. She had feelings for him? She wanted to be with him? Why had she never told him before? He would've… what _would _he have done? Nothing. Because they were _friends_.

Ryan and Marissa couldn't be together. It would ruin things, wouldn't it? It would ruin everything. What if they broke up? Ryan couldn't be with people that long. Casey was his only relationship that lasted longer than a month. He couldn't lose Marissa. It was as simple as that. He may be attracted to her and she may have feelings for him, but they could never act on it because Marissa was just too damn important to him.

Casey sat up and rubbed his back soothingly, but it didn't calm him down one bit. "Hey, what's wrong?"

Ryan barely heard her, Marissa's voice replaying over and over in his head. At the end of the day, he just wanted to make her feel better. His best friend was hurting and he couldn't do a damn thing to change it. "Nothing."

Casey sighed and scooted closer to him. "Come on, Ryan. I know when something is bothering you."

"I just got into a fight with Marissa," he said, which was true. He and Marissa seemed to argue a lot lately, which also bothered him.

"About what?" Casey asked, trying to be the caring girlfriend even though it felt like everything was about Marissa.

"She didn't tell me about her date with Andrew," Ryan said, remembering that day. "We always tell each other things. It's what we do. I always knew she would tell me something, even if I wasn't always open with her. It's just how we work."

Ryan had never talked this much with Casey before, so she didn't want him to stop. "And this made you mad?"

Ryan nodded. "Yeah. I mean, it's Marissa. We talk. We laugh. We hang out. It's what we do, and now I feel like I'm losing her." He pulled away from Casey and swung his legs over the side of the bed, placing is head in his hands. "I hate it. We never have been like this. But now she wants to get over her feelings for me and it's like we can't be friends anymore…"

Casey furrowed her eyebrows. "Wait, Marissa told you she has feelings for you?"

Ryan nodded, sighing softly. "Yeah."

This was the breaking point for Casey. She had watched Ryan and Marissa watch cute and cuddly with each other this entire time without protesting. She had watched Ryan look at Marissa as if she were the answer to everything. She had watched Marissa pine over Ryan and slowly attempt to move on. But she would _not_ watch Marissa try to steal her boyfriend. "That bitch," she said quietly, not even realizing she'd said it out loud.

Ryan immediately tensed, the hairs on the back of his neck rising. "What did you just say?" he asked lowly.

Casey sighed and ran a hand through her hair. "Ryan…"

Ryan stood, turning around to face her, quickly getting dressed. "You _don't_ call Marissa anything, do you understand me?" he said, his voice calm but his eyes a storm of anger.

Casey wouldn't take this. She had taken the sideline for long enough. "Ryan, she's manipulating you. She's trying to break us up."

Ryan narrowed his eyes at her. "Marissa has been nothing but kind to you this entire time. You will not talk badly about her."

Casey stood now, feeling her own anger swell. "And you will not tell me what to do!" She rubbed her eyes tiredly. "Listen to you! Listen to how you defend her! And she's not even around lately!"

Something in Ryan snapped. "She has been having a hard time. You think it's easy for her? I started the distance. I started it, and now she has it in her head that she needs to continue it. I'm not going to stop defending her just because she's trying to protect herself." And suddenly Ryan realized that's exactly what Marissa was trying to do. He knew because that's what _he _tried to do when he was afraid.

But Marissa didn't need to be afraid. She didn't ever need to be afraid of Ryan.

"Trying to protect herself?" Casey scoffed. "That gives her the right to treat you like shit? To tell someone else's boyfriend that she has feelings for him?"

Ryan looked at Casey. "I don't know what your problem is."

"My problem?" Casey asked incredulously, rolling her eyes. "My problem is Marissa. She has _always _been my problem. She is _always _there. It's never just us. I feel like I'm having a relationship with both of you!"

"That's _exactly_ what you need to do!" Ryan yelled back. "Marissa is my best friend!"

"Since when does being a best friend mean she gets to have feelings for you?"

Ryan glared. "Feelings happen. We don't plan them. They just appear. And Marissa never meant to develop feelings for me."

"So now you're defending the fact that she's in love with you?" Casey asked, laughing at the absurdity of it all. "Seriously?"

Ryan shook his head unbelievingly. "I will defend Marissa no matter what."

Casey sighed and shook her head. "Ryan, I didn't sign up for a relationship with the both of you. I thought I was dating _you_. You're not even available. All you ever think about is Marissa…"

"Because she is my _best friend_," Ryan reiterated, not understanding why Casey just couldn't understand that.

"Then why do you act like you're in love with her?!" Casey shouted, taking both of them by surprise.

Ryan furrowed his eyebrows. "I'm not… I'm not in love with Marissa…"

Casey laughed in disbelief. "Yes, Ryan, you _are_. It's why you're so protective. It's why you don't want her dating Andrew. It's why you're so preoccupied with the fact she has feelings."

Ryan shook his head, unwilling to even think about that. "I'm not in love with her. I'm not."

Casey walked over to Ryan, placing her hands on his chest. "Ryan, think about it."

Ryan did think about it. But all he could see was how incredibly stupid it would be for him to be with Marissa. She meant too much for him to ever pursue a relationship with her. Nothing else – no feelings, no _love _mattered but keeping her in his life. "Whether I have feelings for Marisa or not, I can't date you anymore, Casey," Ryan said quietly.

Casey's eyes filled with tears as she realized she had just messed this up. "I love you, Ryan," she said quietly.

Ryan pulled away from her, his eyes hard as he stared at her. He felt no sympathy or pity for her. _No one _talked about Marissa the way she just did. If they did, they were gone. "Goodbye, Casey," he merely said, leaving.

XXXXX

Marissa couldn't stop playing her conversation with Ryan over and over again in her head. He didn't love her. He never would love her. He didn't want to have a relationship with her. He just wanted _Casey_. For what felt like the millionth time that afternoon, tears fell.

She heard a thud outside her window, and before she knew it Ryan was inside her room. He hadn't come through her window in weeks, and she just realized how much she had missed him. He closed her window and turned to look at her, his face sullen. "I don't feel like talking about it," Marissa murmured, wiping her eyes yet again.

Ryan nodded, kicking his shoes off and taking off his button up shirt. "I'm going to shower," he merely murmured, grabbing some clothes from his drawer before walking into her bathroom.

Marissa tried to focus on her homework, but she couldn't. Not with Ryan in the bathroom showering. Not with everything that had been said that day. She felt like she was inner turmoil and she didn't know how to overcome it. After a while, the water shut off and Marissa sighed, trying to focus on her homework.

She read two pages by the time Ryan walked out of the bathroom. He threw his clothes in her hamper, then walked to her bed. She noticed something off about him, something off even from this morning. Sighing, she closed her book, glancing his way. He was laying back against her pillow, staring at the ceiling. Finally, she quietly asked, "Is something wrong? I mean, other than the obvious."

Without even turning to look at her, he murmured, "I broke up with Casey."

Seeing how that upset him, her heart broke for him. "I hope it didn't have anything to do with…"

She trailed off, and he shook his head. "It was a long time coming," he said quietly.

She reached out, squeezing his arm gently. "Is there anything I can do?"

He finally glanced her way, his eyes sad and vulnerable. "Can we just forget everything and be like we used to?" he asked quietly. "For only a night?"

"How?" Marissa asked softly.

Ryan opened his arms, staring at her silently. Marissa fit herself against him, resting her head on his shoulder. Ryan's arms came around her, holding her against him. For the longest time they just stayed there in each other's arms, their body heat keeping each other warm. For the first time in weeks, they both felt home.

XXXXX

**I didn't plan on Marissa actually blurting that out, but it kind of just happened lol.**

**Individual replies:**

**Riss: **I like how Ryan is all "I can't because what if it doesn't work out" instead of even considering not dating her just cause he doesn't feel that way, meaning he obviously does see her that way.

**TVDaddict22: **If she chooses Damon, I'm pretty much done with the show just cause it literally makes no sense whatsoever. But yeah, I think that it is way too soon for it to be a good decision either way. She has so many other things on her mind.

**Jen: **haha, we're getting closer and closer ;)

**Isabella: **It really does have to suck to be Casey, or even Andrew. You're just caught in the middle of this epic love story and no matter what you do you're pretty much guaranteed to get hurt.

**Sailaway: **I hope you continue liking the story :)

**xoElle23: **I'm totally like you. I usually hate anyone that takes away from my R/M love lol.

**Nadine: **I think that Andrew/Marissa is inevitable but for all the wrong reasons on Marissa's part.

**Devon: ** Andrew's happy ending changes every week in my head lol. But he does have a happy ending.

**Guest: **Your wish is my command :)

**Skillz37: **As Andrew and Marissa get closer, Ryan will definitely become more and more aware of his true feelings ;)

**Fatedtopretend: **Well, I really did like your story! Loved it, actually. If I favorite a story, it means a lot. I think I've favorite less than ten, and I've read hundreds :)


	11. Part One: Chapter Ten

**A/N Sorry for the long wait. I feel so sick right now. I tried to write anyway, so if this sucks, I'm sorry. I won't be doing individual replies for the same reason. I'm just not up to it. Thanks for all your reviews, you guys are the best. Please provide feedback for this too, even if only to tell me it sucks. Read and Review, and Enjoy!**

After his breakup with Casey, Ryan just wanted to hang out with his best friend. Much to his dismay, Marissa had developed a life outside of him. Where she used to have all the time in the world for him, she now hung out with other friends, studied with Andrew, went to the library. The only time he ever got to see her was on the way to school. She even told him not to bother coming in through her window at night. She wasn't available until late, anyway.

So, two days passed by, but it felt more like two lifetimes. If he were honest, he was more upset about the disappearance of his best friend than his breakup, even if he did like Casey. Marissa was supposed to be there for him. Even when he didn't need her to be there for him, she was supposed to just do it anyway. Now, he didn't even know where she was half the time.

On Friday Ryan finally figured Marissa would have time for him. Who studied on a Friday night? So, as he walked with Marissa to his car, he asked, "So? What's the plan tonight? A movie? We can go out. Chili fries? Balboa bars?" He offered her a smile, but it felt more pleading than authentic.

Marissa bit her lip awkwardly. "Ry, I thought you knew. I have a date tonight."

Ryan suddenly felt like he would throw up. After he and Marissa fought, he thought that Marissa would just end it with Andrew. She said she had feelings for _Ryan_. Where was the need for Andrew? "I thought you had feelings for me," Ryan finally said.

Marissa's cheeks flamed red. "I _do_, but you don't feel the same way, and besides – I like Andrew."

Ryan gave her a look. "So you're really going out with him?"

They reached her car, and Marissa paused by her door. "Yes."

Ryan climbed into the car silently. After a minute he said, "What do you like about him anyway? He's not your usual jock type. I mean, he plays sports, but that's not all he talks about."

Marissa gave him a look. "Um, exactly."

Ryan sighed, rolling his eyes. "But he is weird. That singing he did? What was up with that?"

Marissa laughed. "Ryan, he was singing Les Mis." At Ryan's confused look, Marissa rolled her eyes. "Les Miserables. I read it a long time ago and absolutely loved it. I also like the play. So does Andrew. He makes a lot of Les Mis references, and it's nice to be able to talk about that with someone."

"You can talk about whatever you want with me," Ryan protested.

Marissa shrugged. "I could tell you about it. I tried to years ago but you were dating Stacey Sullivan at the moment."

Ryan thought about that. "I remember her. Too much pink. All the time."

Marissa laughed a little and nodded. "I know. She was like walking cotton candy." She paused, turning on the radio. "I really liked Les Mis at that time. I was close to obsessed, and you listened to me talk about it but I'm pretty sure you forgot."

Ryan tried to remember. He wracked his brain trying to remember. "Is that the book that was really long that you read in like a month?"

Marissa smiled. "Yes, that would be the book."

Ryan thought about it again. "V…Valjean?"

Marissa's smile broadened. "He's pretty much the main character, yes."

Ryan nodded, feeling proud. "See, I _do _listen to you."

She reached over and squeezed his hand, making Ryan feel something strange in his chest. "I know. It's just that Andrew has read the book. And he actually went and saw the play in New York one time with his parents. It's just easier to talk to him about things."

Ryan gave her a long look. "It's easier to talk to him about things?"

"Some things, yes," Marissa admitted softly.

Ryan felt like he would throw up. He had never felt this incredibly sick to his stomach before, and the thought that it was caused by Marissa made him even worse. "Oh."

They reached his house, and Marissa parked the car before turning to him, resting her hand on the nape of his neck. "Ry, you're my best friend. Nothing will change that. But I need to learn to have a life on my own. You're dominated everything for so long, and I need to get back to a time when I didn't feel this way for you. Andrew understands that. He's been here before. It's just easier to talk to him."

Ryan didn't turn to look her way. "I should go inside."

Marissa's face fell. "Ryan…"

He unbuckled his seatbelt and opened the door. "Have a good date." Without another word, he left.

XXXXX

Andrew picked up Marissa at exactly seven dressed in a black button up and dark jeans. Marissa wore a cute dress that Ryan used to just stare at her in – a reaction she very rarely got from him. Andrew's jaw dropped when he saw her, making Marissa blush deeply.

Smiling, Andrew looked at Marissa's eyes. "You look absolutely stunning." He pulled out a single rose. "For you."

Marissa blushed again, smiling. "Thank you. It's beautiful."

After putting the rose away, Marissa followed Andrew to his car. Once they were inside, Andrew turned to her. "So, I know I said we would go to a movie, but I have a better idea. Do you trust me?"

Marissa nodded because it was impossible not to trust Andrew. He was just a genuinely good guy. "Yeah, of course."

Andrew's smile softened as he started the car. "Okay, prepare to be amazed."

They arrived at their destination ten minutes later, and when she saw what it was, Marissa laughed. "A bookstore? We're going to a bookstore for our date?"

Andrew grinned. "Yep. Prepare to be amazed."

They walked inside together and Marissa looked around, smiling. "I haven't been here in years. Ryan and I used to come here as kids sometimes, but mostly we went to the library."

Andrew stuffed his hands in his pockets, looking around. "Okay, where are we going to start?"

Marissa glanced over at him. "Um, work from left to right?"

Andrew smiled and nodded. "Sounds great." They walked to the left side of the store, which happened to be the self-help section. Andrew laughed and turned to Marissa. "Self help?"

Marissa laughed and shrugged. "I didn't realize it, I swear."

Andrew glanced at the shelves and pulled one book out. "_Things I've Learned From Women Who Dumped Me_." He glanced at Marissa. "I should've written this thing."

Marissa laughed and shook her head, glancing at the shelves herself. "How about _How to Survive a Robot Uprising_?"

Andrew looked at her and quirked an eyebrow. "That just might be useful."

Marissa laughed, rolling her eyes as she placed the book back. "Right, right."

He bumped her shoulder with his and put his own book back. "Hey, when the robots start coming, I'm going to say I told you so." They walked a little down the aisle and Andrew asked, "If you could write a self help book, what would it be about and why?"

Marissa pursed her lips as she considered this. She had never been asked this question before and had no idea. After careful consideration, she finally said, "Um, I'd write _How to Survive Newport: a Step By Step Guide How to Be a Debutante Without Killing Yourself_."

Andrew glanced her way. "Care to tell your secret?"

Marissa bit her lip as she quietly said, "Fall in love with Ryan Atwood." She glanced his way and saw him staring at the floor. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that."

Andrew met her gaze and smiled softly. "Hey, don't be. Loving Ryan has made you who you are today. Imagine if you hadn't had him here for you this whole time. You'd be someone totally different. Don't apologize for being who you are." He shrugged. "I'm not going to apologize for loving Jessica. She's my love. You don't apologize for that one person in your life you just can't do without."

Marissa smiled a little at that, but it was barely noticeable. Andrew was right. "Do you two keep in touch?"

Andrew nodded, running his hand over his head. "Me and Jess? Oh, gosh, yes of course." He laughed a little. "I don't know what I'd be like if I didn't talk to her still. She's just too important."

"Do you still love her?" Marissa asked quietly.

Andrew didn't even hesitate. "Yeah, I do." He looked Marissa's way. "It's not something you just shut off, you know?"

Marissa nodded, completely understanding. "More than I probably wish I did."

Andrew looked at the shelves and they both realized they were now in the dating and romance advice section, making both of them chuckle a little. "Sometimes I think that having these feelings for you is wrong. I mean, I obviously love Jess. I'll probably always love Jess." He lifted his hazel eyes to hers, and Marissa's heart went out to him. "But that doesn't stop me from having these feelings for you."

Marissa nodded, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "I feel the same way," she murmured quietly.

Andrew smiled softly, just looking into her eyes long enough or Marissa to feel a little overwhelmed with feeling. Finally, he looked away and stared off at the rest of the store. "Oh gosh, is that a stage?"

Marissa followed his gaze to the children's section where there was a small stage in the corner. "Um, yes. That's where they do story time and all that."

Andrew reached for her hand and said, "Come on, this will be fun."

Marissa laughed as she followed him to the stage where Andrew quickly found animal puppets. "What are you doing?"

Andrew decided on a Siberian Husky puppet and a hedgehog. "Grab a puppet," he told Marissa as he got situated.

"Um, I think I'll pass."

Andrew gave Marissa a stern look. "Just grab a puppet."

Marissa rolled her eyes but grabbed a turtle puppet and placed it on her hand. "There, happy?"

Andrew lifted the hedgehog and in a low voice said, "Very happy."

Marissa laughed and said, "You're something else."

Using the dog puppet, Andrew said in a scratchy voice, "That's what they all say."

Marissa laughed again. "Okay, so why do we have the puppets?"

Andrew jumped onto the stage and said, "We will put on a show! For all these empty chairs!" He gestured towards the empty chairs in front of the stage.

Marissa stepped onto the small stage herself. "Uh huh. And what is this show about?"

Andrew thought about that. "Um, it's the feelings show. You start us off."

Marissa gave him a look, shaking her head. "Hell no."

Andrew shushed her and looked around dramatically. " Marissa, we're in the children's section. Watch your language!" He winked, letting Marissa know he was joking.

Marissa rolled her eyes. "You start."

Andrew shrugged. "Fine, fine." He took in a deep breath, then transformed in front of Marissa. He lifted the two puppets and immediately started performing.

The dog looked at the hedgehog, and both waved at each other. In his scratchy voice, the dog said, "Hey there Mr. Hedgehog. How are you doing today?"

The hedgehog said in his deep voice, "I'm okay, but I'm a little sad."

Andrew made the dog tilt his head. "What's wrong, Mr. Hedgehog? Isn't everything perfect?"

The hedgehog sighed dramatically. "Well, I recently met this really pretty turtle. She makes me so shy!"

The dog said, "Well what's the problem then? You're too shy?"

The hedgehog shook his head. "No no! I think she likes my nervous jokes and silliness when I'm shy." The hedgehog sighed dramatically. "But there's something else. Or rather, somebody else."

The dog barked in surprise. "Somebody else! Why, who!"

"The turtle loves Mr. Lizard!" the hedgehog exclaimed.

The dog barked again. "Oh no! What does this mean!"

The hedgehog slumped, looking sad. "I don't know, Mr. Husky. I just don't know. She seems to like me, but Mr. Lizard is always around. I really like Mr. Lizard, but Mr. Lizard doesn't see this beautiful turtle the way I see her. That makes her sad, which makes me sad."

The dog let out a small whine. "You mean you're not even sad that she doesn't like you?"

Marissa tilted her head at Andrew, her eyes soft as she saw the scene unfold – the scene that he was purposefully using to mirror their present situation. The hedgehog said, "I know she likes me! Even if she doesn't like me as much as she likes Mr. Lizard. But that doesn't matter. Even if she were with Mr. Lizard, I'd just want her to be happy. Miss Turtle deserves to be super happy, but I just don't know how to make her be that way."

The dog looked around, then said, "Oh boy! I think that's her over there! Quick, she's coming! Act natural!"

Marissa took this as her cue and made her turtle look like she was walking. In a voice, Marissa made the turtle say, "Hey Mr. Hedgehog! Mr. Husky!"

The hedgehog turned his head just a little bit, just enough to make him seem kind of shy. "Oh, hi Miss Turtle. You look rather pretty today." Aside so that only the husky was supposed to hear him, he added, "But she always looks pretty."

Marissa felt her stomach fill with butterflies as she watched Andrew create this world with these characters and their stories. He was really such a great guy, and he made her laugh and smile equally. Towards the end of the 'show', Marissa decided to throw caution into the wind and just act on instinct. As the hedgehog was talking about the merits of Mr. Lizard, Marissa leaned in and kissed Andrew, taking both of them by surprise. His lips were warm and soft and tasted like peppermint.

When they pulled back, Andrew blinked a few times, blushing, which Marissa found absolutely adorable. In so many ways Andrew was innocent and smart and sweet. It made her feel happy just being around someone so genuinely shy and genuine. Clearing his throat, Andrew lifted the hedgehog. "Mr. Hedgehog thinks this is a really great date."

Marissa, looking into Andrew's eyes with a soft smile playing on her lips, lifted the turtle. "Miss turtle things you just might be right."

XXXXX

Ryan felt sick that entire night thinking of Marissa out with Andrew. At about nine he finally gave up the idea of staying at home and decided to ride to Marissa's house so that he could be there when she got back. That way he could hear all about it and decide his plan of action. He just wanted Andrew out of the picture already. Things were so much better when Andrew didn't exist.

While he waited, Ryan tried reading his new copy of _Les Miserables_. He had ran out to the store and bought a copy after Marissa said she loved it. He wouldn't let Andrew be the better friend. Ryan _would _read all 1200 pages if only to understand why his best friend was so taken with it.

Yet, by ten he was only just beginning to reach the introduction of Jean Valjean, and Marissa was still out on her date. Where the hell was she? She should be back by now. The date was at what? 7? 8? Two or three hours was plenty of time for Andrew to spend with Marissa. It was Ryan's turn now. Marissa needed to be home.

By 10:30 Ryan started running all kinds of scenarios in his head. Andrew kidnapped Marissa. Andrew drugged Marissa and was going to rape her. Andrew was hiding Marissa's body right at this moment. Andrew was trying to seduce Marissa and get her to move to Spain with her where they'd do nothing but talk Spanish and drink all day.

Ryan was about to make his presence in the house known and go to Marissa's parents and beg to call the police just before eleven when Marissa walked into her room, a smile on her face. Ryan immediately stood from her bed, discarding his book that he hadn't read in over an hour. "Where the hell have you been? It's almost eleven."

Marissa raised her eyebrows at him, taking off her jacket. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to see how your date went, and I've been frankly worried sick," Ryan said seriously.

Marissa laughed and rolled her eyes as she hung her jacket up. "Relax, Ryan. I'm home rather early."

"Early? You're home extremely _late_," Ryan protested, walking over to her. He looked her up and down, placing his hands on her shoulders so he could eye her carefully.

"What are you doing?" Marissa asked, looking at him as if he were crazy.

"I'm making sure you're okay. How many fingers am I holding up?" Ryan held up three fingers in front of Marissa's face.

"Three," Marissa said, sighing.

"Good. Did he give you anything? Are you feeling woozy? I'll take you to the ER." Ryan started pulling Marissa in the direction of the door, ready to take her to the hospital.

Marissa laughed and pulled her hand away from Ryan. "Calm down. I'm fine. No, he didn't give me anything. We went to the bookstore and then out for pancakes at IHOP."

Ryan turned to look at her. "But _we _eat pancakes."

Marissa crossed her arms over her chest, giving him a look. "Ryan, I eat pancakes with a lot of people, not just you."

Ryan narrowed his eyes. "Oh, so I'm not special then?"

Marissa threw up her hands. "Oh my gosh. Since when have you been like this?"

"Like what?"

Marissa laughed and shook her head at him. "I don't know. So frustrating. You used to be protective, but this is just something else. What is wrong with you?"

"What's wrong with _me_?" Ryan asked, raising his voice a little bit. "What's wrong with _you_? What kind of person tells one person she has feelings for him, and then goes out on a super long date with another guy two days later?"

Marissa rolled her eyes. "The kind of person who is tired of having unrequited feelings. Who is tired of wondering what the hell is wrong with her that he can't see her that way. Who is just trying to get over everything so she can be freaking happy for once in her pathetic little life."

Ryan felt like she had punched him. He stared down at his boots, wondering how to fix this. What words made all of _this _better? Marissa had feelings for him and wanted that to stop, so she was dating someone else. Maybe logically that made sense, but why did he feel like she was trying to punish him? Why did he feel so sick thinking of her with Andrew? Kissing him? Or worse…

"Did he kiss you?" Ryan asked quietly, unwilling to look at Marissa.

Marissa rubbed her arm, avoiding Ryan's eyes just as he was avoiding her. "Not that it's any of your business, but _I _kissed _him_," she said quietly.

Ryan's entire body went stone cold, and he lost his breath. Definitely felt like someone had hit him in the gut. Now he couldn't breathe and Marissa was standing there looking absolutely stunning in that simple dress of hers that he had told her before he really liked. He saw them kissing in his head and felt sicker. He was going to faint or die or something if he didn't get some fresh air. He blinked quickly, trying to get the image of Marissa kissing Andrew out of his mind, but he just _couldn't_. It was right there on repeat, his own personal nightmare.

"I have to go. I don't know what I was thinking being here," Ryan said, grabbing his jacket and climbing out the window before Marissa could even think of saying anything.

Marissa sighed, sitting down slowly on her bed. Something caught her eye, and she reached over to see a book opened face down on her bed. She turned it over and saw the title _Les Miserables_. She bit her lip, realizing Ryan had gone out and bought the book just so he could read it and they could talk about it together.

She stood and walked to the window, staring out, hoping to see Ryan out there. Yet, as she searched the ground for him, she already knew he was gone.


	12. Part One: Chapter Eleven

**A/N This is a short but very important chapter. Read and Review, and Enjoy.**

While Marissa felt happy about her new relationship with Andrew, she just couldn't enjoy it knowing that Ryan was upset. As much as she wanted to tell herself that she could distance herself from him, she knew that she just couldn't. Ryan would always mean the world to her, and when he hurt, so did she.

The next day she couldn't even feel happy when Andrew texted her good morning simply because she hadn't heard from Ryan. At ten she wanted to go over to his house just to make sure he was okay, but she heard a knock on her door and sighed, figuring it was her parents. "I'm not in the mood to shop, mom," she called out, holding the bear Ryan had bought her for Valentine's Day in her hands.

Her door opened slowly and Ryan stood in her doorway, his hand rubbing the back of his neck. "Um, it's me," he said quietly.

Marissa perked up, almost smiling at the sight of him until she remembered how bad things were between them right now. "Oh. Hey." She scooted over so he could come to her bed, which he did, sitting next to her. "I was actually debating going to your house."

"But you decided not to," Ryan said, giving a sad half smile.

"I hadn't decided yet," Marissa said honestly.

Ryan fidgeted with Marissa's comforter. "I'm sorry for just leaving," he finally mumbled.

Marissa knew he meant it. Ryan never apologized unless he meant it. "I'm sorry for giving you a reason to leave," Marissa said quietly. And that was the truth, wasn't it? She could take being distant from Ryan as long as it came from _her, _but when it came down to it, she wanted to know that he would stay.

Last night he hadn't.

Ryan glanced over at her. "Marissa, you didn't make me leave. I wouldn't leave you. You should know that." He sighed and put his face in his hands. "I just.. I needed space."

Marissa bit her lip. "From what? I don't understand what I did, Ryan. Andrew is a part of my life now. What's so wrong about that?"

Ryan stood, running a hand through his hair. "It's not Andrew. It's this. Us." He gestured between them. "Look, I get that you want to date him. Whatever. But do I have to lose my best friend over it?"

Marissa realized that Ryan thought she was pulling back because of Andrew. She stood now, walking over to him. "Ryan, this has nothing to do with Andrew. I just…"

Ryan stepped closer to her, his breath on her face. "You what?" he asked quietly, looking deeply into her eyes.

Her heart beat hard against her chest. Ryan never got this close to her, and all she wanted to do was lean into him. "I need to know how to exist outside of you," she whispered.

Ryan's face fell. "Why?"

"Because I can't keep doing this, Ryan."

"Doing what?" Ryan asked, looking at her so intently that she felt like forgetting all her progress. And there _was _progress. She could begin to accept that Ryan didn't feel anything for her. She could begin to accept that she wouldn't get the fairytale ending she'd dreamt of since she was a child. She could begin to accept that she and Ryan would never happen. But when he stared at her like this, she remembered why she fell in love with him in the first place and she felt herself reverting back to her old ways.

"_This_," Marissa murmured, gesturing between them. "Acting like a girlfriend and calling it friendship." She blinked away tears. "I can be here for you, Ryan, but I can't act like I'm your girlfriend when you don't have the same feelings for me, and that's what this is. That's what we've been like."

Ryan furrowed his eyebrows. "How are you acting like a girlfriend?"

Marissa laughed a little, shaking her head. "Ryan, we sleep in the same bed. We hug. We hold hands. We hang out constantly." At Ryan's obvious comeback, she added, "Or we used to." At Ryan's silence, Marissa softened her voice. "I like that we're close. I love being close to you, Ryan, but I can't be _this _close right now when I have these feelings. Maybe I'm confused, I don't know. Maybe this is just a phase, but for right now I just need to cool it a little bit."

Ryan pursed his lips together, feeling like Marissa was ripping out his heart and he didn't even know why. So she wanted to be friends and just cool it down a little bit? Why did he feel sick to his stomach? Why did he feel like he was losing her?

It was Andrew's fault. He knew it was. She hadn't started doing this before Andrew came along. Blinking a few times, he decided he'd deal with that later. "Okay. That doesn't mean we can't hang out though, right?"

Marissa bit her lip to keep from smiling. "Right."

He lifted the corner of his mouth into a crooked smile. "So do you want to have an old movies marathon?"

Marissa hadn't really hung out with Ryan in a long time, and they hadn't talked without fighting or at least snapping at each other in a while too. She missed him. And it was only a movie marathon. "I'd love to."

XXXXX

At school on Monday Marissa saw a rose taped to her locker. She smiled, grabbing it and sniffed it, feeling giddy and every bit the girl she was. She felt hands on her hips and turned to see Andrew smiling cutely at her, his hazel eyes sparkling. "Hey."

She smiled, tilting her head a little. "Hey."

He took the rose from her and tucked it behind her ear since he had cut the stem really short. "How was your weekend?"

"Well I had a hot date on Friday night," Marissa teased.

He widened his eyes in amusement "Oh really? Anyone I know?"

"Just this really cute new guy. I'm sure you've met before."

Andrew grinned and rubbed her hip with the pad of his thumbs. "Oh really?" He leaned in and kissed the tip of her nose. "And what did you do with the rest of your weekend? Spend it reliving every moment of your hot date?"

Marissa laughed and shook her head. "You wish. No, as I told you via text, I hung out with Ryan watching movies on Saturday, and my mom dragged me to South Coast Plaza yesterday for some mother-daughter bonding."

Andrew smiled. "How was that?"

Marissa groaned. "I got a cute outfit, but my mother is so tiring."

Andrew laughed lightly. "Well, now for a wonderful week of school."

Marissa gave him a look, rolling her eyes. "Right. Because school is so fun."

He smiled and raised his eyebrows suggestively. "Well, _I _am at school…"

Marissa immediately smiled. "Yes, yes you are…"

He leaned in closer. "And we can do _this_…" He murmured, leaning in to press his lips against hers.

Ryan, meanwhile, had come to hang out with Marissa since he didn't exactly have a girlfriend anymore. He had paused when he saw Andrew's hands on Marissa, swallowing hard to keep from throwing up. Something inside of his chest had shifted ever since he met Henry, and now looking at Marissa he realized whatever he was fighting inside was in fact real. He didn't feel the same way towards Marissa anymore. He wasn't _okay _with her and Andrew.

Before, whenever Marissa had boyfriends, he'd gotten protective and angry. He'd had 'talks' with them to make sure they broke up with Marissa before doing anything to her. He'd never felt this incredibly sick to his stomach, though. He'd never felt this miserable watching Marissa with another guy. He'd only felt annoyed. But now it was more. It was like watching his worst nightmare – a nightmare he hadn't even realized he'd been afraid of.

He didn't want Marissa dating. He didn't want Marissa with any guy. He didn't want any guy looking at Marissa like that, and he _definitely _didn't want Marissa looking at any guy like that. When Andrew started leaning in to kiss Marissa, Ryan quickly moved in, casually placing his hand between them, leaning against the locker.

At Marissa's confused look, Ryan just offered a smile. "Uh, kissing in the hallway is against school code."

Andrew smirked a little and Marissa raised her eyebrows, crossing her hands over her chest. "Oh really?"

Ryan nodded, trying to seem very serious, not removing his arm. He'd gotten Andrew to keep his hands off Marissa, and he couldn't stop now. "Yeah. Section two, sub point three, letter C." He wasn't even making that up, either. He looked between Andrew and Marissa, shrugging. "School rules."

Marissa laughed and patted Ryan's arm. "Okay, Ry." She walked around him, looping her arm through Andrew's. "Walk me to first period?"

Andrew smiled, nodding. "Of course."

They walked away and Ryan watched, feeling his heart constrict. What was this feeling? Rage? Pain? Heartbreak?

Whatever it was, he didn't like it one bit. It was time to take action.

XXXXX

That night, Ryan walked along the pier on his own, hands stuck in his pocket, wondering what to do. He missed Marissa. He missed being close to her. He missed talking to her. He missed not talking to her. He missed watching movies with her and hanging out with her. Hell, if he were honest, he missed sleeping over at her house. He could sleep without her, but he slept better with her there. And he didn't think it had anything to do with how much nicer her mattress was.

Marissa didn't get the chance to date much. Ryan made sure of that. It didn't take much. He was very intimidating. People just _knew _not to ask Marissa out. Whenever guys got too close, Ryan gave them dirty looks. His body language told them to stay away.

If they ignored that or were just too damn stupid to realize it, Ryan went to plan B. He told Marissa what he thought of the guy. He told her anything he'd heard about the guy. Usually she listened to his judgment, and usually the rumors were true. Yes, Luke cheated on Holly with another girl. Yes, Oliver Trask had been thrown out of all his other schools for violence and psychotic breakdowns. Yes, Kevin Volchok was into drugs and bad things that Marissa shouldn't be around. He'd drugged Marissa, after all.

But sometimes even those things didn't stop Marissa. Her first boyfriend was in the eighth grade. Brent Madison. He kissed Marissa behind the bleachers and when Ryan found out, he got very angry. He found Brent and scared him. Didn't even have to touch him and Brent agreed to leave Marissa alone. Marissa had cried to Ryan that night and the night after, but it was a short-lived romance and she got over it.

Her next boyfriend lasted a few days before Ryan decided to take action. Eric Rogers. Overall he was a nice enough guy, and he probably could've even been a good guy for Marissa if Ryan didn't get annoyed by the thought of Marissa spending her time with some guy. So, Ryan did the same thing. Scared Eric. Said if he even had the smallest inkling that Marissa would get hurt, Ryan would make sure Eric paid a rather hefty price. For show, Ryan had slammed a locker next to Eric's head. He got the picture. By the end of the day, Marissa was crying in Ryan's arms.

A few other guys followed, but Ryan just repeated his tactics. Always told the guys that if Marissa was even slightly hurt, Ryan would kill them. And the intensity in his eyes must have driven the point home along with Ryan's known skill in fighting. Most of the time Ryan didn't even have to rough the guys up that bad.

It wasn't that Ryan didn't want Marissa happy. He did want her happy. He just knew what guys were like, and he definitely knew how much they thought about sex. And Marissa _wasn't _going to lose her virginity to some loser just trying to get laid. A few tears now would prevent something worse later, and Ryan was okay with that. It was necessary.

Now there was Andrew. Just thinking of the two earlier made Ryan feel sick again. He'd never been this upset about Marissa dating someone before. He'd been annoyed, he'd been angry, he'd been protective. But now he felt sick. Heartbroken. It had never been this incredibly _painful_ to watch Marissa with a guy. Ryan needed to end this. He needed to end this _now_.

He was just thinking about how he would find Andrew and corner him without Marissa seeing – because Marissa _never _knew Ryan's part in her breakups – when he heard a familiar voice in the distance. "Yes, Kat, I'll pick up onion rings instead of fries. No, I won't buy you a milkshake." Ryan looked in the distance and saw Andrew walking toward the diner. "Because if you really wanted one you would have come with me." Andrew rolled his eyes. "Well you aren't any better yourself. I'll see you at home."

Ryan hid himself in between two buildings in an alley of sorts, watching Andrew. He made a sound and Andrew immediately turned and looked in his direction. Squinting his eyes, he asked, "Ryan? Is that you?"

Ryan nodded, leaning against a wall, watching Andrew. "Yeah."

Andrew brightened and stepped into the alley with Ryan. "Hey. I was just going to get some food for me and Kat. The parents are at some work thing…" He trailed off, observing Ryan. "What are you doing?"

Ryan took a few steps toward Andrew. "I was actually hoping we could talk."

Andrew nodded, turning serious. "Okay, what's up?"

Ryan stared at Andrew very seriously. "Break up with Marissa."

Andrew smiled, thinking Ryan was joking. At Ryan's unwavering gaze, his smile faded. "Wh…"

"I want you to break up with Marissa," Ryan repeated slowly, taking another step toward Andrew.

Andrew looked away, scratching his head before looking back at Ryan. "I… I'm not going to do that."

Ryan had figured as much, but hearing it made him even angrier. Suddenly all the pain and distance was directed at only Andrew. "I think you should reconsider."

Andrew shook his head. "No, I think that you should think about what you're saying." He looked at Ryan very seriously. "Do you have feelings for Marissa?"

Ryan narrowed his eyes at Andrew. "No, why would you ask?"

Andrew took a step towards Ryan himself now. "Because if you had feelings for Marissa, I'd back off." He shrugged, placing his hands in his pockets. "But since you don't, I see no reason to break up with her. I like her and she likes me…"

Ryan couldn't take this anymore. He couldn't take hearing Andrew talk about Marissa liking him because Marissa was supposed to like Ryan and it didn't matter that his logic wasn't quite there. All that mattered was making Andrew _pay_.

With great force, Ryan shoved Andrew against the wall roughly. "This is how it's going to go," he said, shoving Andrew again when he tried to break free. Placing his arm at Andrew's neck and pinning him, Ryan looked at Andrew very seriously. "You are going to call Marissa. You are going to tell her that you decided your relationship isn't going to work out. You are going to end it and you are going to leave her alone and I am _not _going to see you with her at school tomorrow. Understand?"

Andrew looked at Ryan very seriously, his gaze unwavering. "No," he said forcefully.

Ryan's anger grew, and he punched Andrew hard in the stomach. "See, you don't have to do this, man."

Having the wind knocked out of him, Andrew struggled for breath. Nonetheless, he shook his head. "No, _you _don't have to do this."

Ryan punched Andrew again, making Andrew squeeze his eyes shut and grunt. "Break up with her. Do it nicely."

Andrew shook his head, not opening his eyes as he struggled to breathe. Ryan shoved him against the wall even harder, putting his arm back at Andrew's neck. Still, Andrew said, "I don't understand why you're doing this. If you don't have feelings for her, I mean. I'm not going to hurt her, Ryan. I would never do that."

Ryan grabbed hold of Andrew's shirt, throwing him down onto the ground roughly, making Andrew grunt in pain again as his arm scraped along the hard ground. "Break up with her," he merely said, turning to leave.

From the ground, Andrew still, unwavering, said, "I'm not going anywhere."

Ryan smirked bitterly, turning only slightly to threaten, "For your sake, you will." Without another word, Ryan walked away.

XXXXX

**Last chapter was the least reviewed chapter I've had in a while. I hope I haven't upset you guys.**

**I'm starting work again tomorrow, so my writing will revolve around that. How often I post from now on depends on my work schedule and how fast you guys review.**

_**Response to questions asked in Ch. 10 reviews:**_

**Jen: **Torturing you this way is rather fun ;)

**Sara: **I'm unsure of just how many chapters are in Part 1. I know that the current R/M plotline is going to come to a close soon and after that it's really up to you guys, whether you want a few chapters of happiness before part 2, or whether you want more drama before we continue the story.

**Kerschi-Puky: **First love story, eh? That's a lot of pressure on me haha.

**Ch. 11 Individual Replies:**

**Guest: **If that was what you felt after last chapter, I wonder how you feel after this one :)

**Jen: **I am feeling slightly better, thank you!

**xoElle23: **I love your reviews. They make me smile :)

**fatedtopretendd: **That Sadie/Marissa scene seriously breaks my heart to think about. Marissa, for all her flaws in the show, loved Ryan. Honestly, I think the way she would and did do everything for him despite all the crap in her life really just was a testament to her character, something I wish the writers had realized and delved more into.

**Riss: **Happily ever afters can't come in part one of a story ;)

**Sailaway: **It's the start of one aspect, I guess you could say.

**FlyingForward: **haha, it will all work itself out ;)

**Sara: **Very true, very true. But I don't think Ryan's as okay with it as Marissa.


	13. Part One: Chapter Twelve

**A/N Sorry for the long wait. Been so tired from work! So, I managed to make you guys go from loving Ryan and not liking Andrew to loving Andrew and not liking Ryan. I'm either doing something very right or very wrong! Well, please Read and Review, and Enjoy!**

On the way to school the next morning, Marissa felt truly happy. She would see Andrew in a few minutes, she had her best friend beside her, and Ryan's birthday was next week. She had bought him the best birthday present ever and it arrived in the mail yesterday. She couldn't wait to see the look on his face as he saw it. Marissa Cooper was an amazing gift giver.

Ryan seemed a little off this morning, but Marissa figured he was just tired. Dawn had been her chipper sober self, and for once Marissa felt like her life was truly looking up.

In the car, Ryan was unusually quiet. Lately he had tried talking more, even awkwardly, but today he was silent. Marissa glanced over at him and smiled. "Are you just really tired or something?"

He glanced her way and forced a smile. "Something like that."

Marissa reached for his hand, furrowing her eyebrow when she saw his knuckles. "What did you do? Get into a fight?"

Ryan glanced down at his red knuckles, frowning. He hadn't even realized it. "I used my punching bag last night after getting home from a walk." Which was true. His mom had bought him a punching bag years ago, and Marissa hated when he had to use it, but understood sometime he just needed to let off a lot of steam.

Of course, this was _after _he roughed up her boyfriend. But she didn't need to know that.

"What happened?" Marissa asked quietly, knowing something was wrong if he had decided to use the punching bag. He only used it when something was truly bothering him.

Ryan thought about Andrew and clenched his jaw. "Nothing," he said calmly. He glanced her way and offered a small smile. "Just stressed. Lots of stuff going on lately. Henry, Casey…" _You and Andrew_.

Marissa nodded, understanding. "Are you sure that's all it is?" She asked softly, squeezing his hand, very gently running her thumb over his knuckles.

Ryan swallowed hard, his whole body feeling warm at her touch. Suddenly all the things he had tried to push away for so long came rushing to the surface. What was going on with him right now? "Yeah," he managed to say, turning his eyes from hers, unable to hold the gaze.

XXXXX

Marissa found Andrew at his locker and immediately smiled when she saw him. He was no Ryan, and her heart didn't flutter the same way it did with Ryan, but it _did _flutter. She did like him. A lot. And the sight of him these days made her happy.

"Hey," she said with a smile, placing her hand on his arm.

He turned and smiled at her. "Hey." He grabbed his book and placed in his backpack. "How was your night?"

"Boring," she said with a small laugh. "I _did _finally get Ryan's birthday present in the mail, though."

He raised his eyebrows. "Oh really?" He grinned. "And what did you get our dear Marius?"

Marissa gave him a look, opening her locker. "It's something you have to just see. There's no describing it."

Andrew nodded. "Okay. When do I get to see it?" He smiled and Marissa laughed.

"We'll see." Marissa closed her own locker now. "Did you know I'm the best giver ever?"

Andrew smiled, leaning against the lockers. "How very cocky of you." He leaned a little closer to her. "So when is _your _birthday?"

Marissa took a step closer to him too. "May 18. Yours?"

"August 20." He rested his hands on her hips and her own rested on his chest. "So start planning now."

Marissa laughed and rolled her eyes, leaning in to kiss him softly. She felt incredibly happy right in that moment, kissing her boyfriend. Even if he wasn't Ryan, he was just so incredible.

And then she noticed his wince. Marissa pulled back and raised one eyebrow. "Are you okay?"

Andrew smiled hesitantly and nodded. "Yeah. I just.." Marissa pressed her fingers against his collar bone area and he winced again. Marissa gave him a look. "What did you.."

"It's nothing," Andrew quickly said, but Marissa already felt a pit forming in her stomach.

She grabbed his shirt collar and yanked it down so she could see. Much to her dismay, she saw the area bruised. "Andrew, what…"

"I bruise easily. I fell." He pulled back, fixing his collar. "Silly me. Such a clutz."

Marissa narrowed her eyes. "You fell on your collar bone, close to your neck?"

Andrew stared at her for a long moment. Finally, he sighed and slumped his shoulders. "Marissa, it's nothing. Really."

Marissa looked him up and down and noticed he was holding his arm a little behind his back, just barely noticeable. She reached for his arm and pulled up the sleeve, her eyes widening when she saw a large scrape. She thought back to Ryan's weirdness this morning, the redness on his knuckles. Before Andrew could stop her, she lifted his shirt just enough that she saw some more bruising on his stomach.

She was too angry to cry right now. She was so angry she couldn't even do anything but very slowly say, "Ryan did this to you."

It wasn't a question. They both knew the truth. Andrew sighed and reached for Marissa's hand, but she pulled away as if he had burned her. "Marissa. It's nothing. Like I said, I bruise easily. You can ask Kat."

"What did he do?" Marissa asked, ignoring him, her eyes trained on his locker.

Andrew ran a hand over his head, distressed. "Nothing, really. Just roughed me up a bit. Told me to break up with you or else."

Marissa bit her lip to keep back the rapidly forming tears. She was so _angry_ that she just could barely contain it all in her body. How _dare _Ryan. "I need to go," she said, turning around. She had to find him. She _would _find him.

Andrew didn't let her get far. "Marissa, don't." He stood in front of her, giving her a look. "He's just testing me. Making sure I'm sincere. Just let it be. It's my problem."

Marissa shook her head, one lone angry tear falling. "I need to talk to him. I need to know the truth." She shook her head again, trying to clear the anger away, trying to make all this go away, but the anger and pain remained. Ryan had hurt Andrew; what else had he done? She had to know. She had to know right now. "I need to know _why_. So move right now or I will slap you so hard you'll _definitely _bruise."

Andrew sighed, moving aside. Marissa quickly resumed her quest, a part of her already knowing where Ryan was. When he didn't spend the morning with her or his girlfriend of the day, he stayed in the lounge with Seth. It's where he always was. She could see him clearly in her mind, listening to one of Seth's long rambles about Summer. That _bastard_.

She found him laughing at something Seth said, rolling his eyes. He smiled and his eyes softened when he saw her stop in front of him. Normally she would return the smile, but right now she just wanted to make him pay. She wanted him to feel just an ounce of pain she felt right now. "We need to talk," she said calmly, so calmly that he didn't even think anything odd of it.

Nodding, he stood, smiling at her. "What's u- "

Before he could finish, Marissa slapped him hard enough to make his head snap back. "We're through. Don't call me, don't text me, don't come to my house. Leave me the hell alone."

Without another word, Marissa turned around, more tears falling as she practically ran away from him. She just needed to get away from Ryan and this school and everything that now made so much sense.

How had she not seen it? Ryan's slight smugness whenever a guy broke up with her. The almost pleased way he told her she deserved better. The totally hot and cold approach of all the guys she had ever dated. How did she not notice how sudden their break ups seemed, the way their eyes darted around, probably looking for Ryan?

She felt like her entire world was falling apart and she just wanted to get to her car so that she could finally let go and just cry herself dry. Because now she saw it all. She saw Ryan's possessiveness, the lies, the real reason for her heartbreak. She always thought that Ryan was the only one who stayed for her throughout everything. He was the only one who ever found her worth staying.

But, as it turned out, he was the only person who stayed because he _made _everyone else leave.

For so many years she had wondered what was wrong with _her_, but _he _was the problem. _He _was the one who made her feel like shit, made her feel worthless, made her feel unloveable. And why the hell should he? He had her all to himself this whole time and he didn't even fucking love her. How was that fair? She had pined over him for years, had fallen into his arms every single time her heart was broken, and it was _all his fault_.

Ryan caught up with her, pulling her arm so she had to turn away. "Marissa. Marissa, talk to me," he pleaded, entirely confused. She had been happy this morning, happier than he had seen her in a really long time, and now she was suddenly calling an end to their friendship?

"I know about your little chat with Andrew last night," she said quietly, her eyes boring holes into him.

"He told you?" Ryan asked, already mentally planning to kick Andrew's ass for it.

Marissa's eyes grew harder, her gaze icier. "He didn't have to. I saw the bruises." She stared at him with so much disgust that it physically hurt him. She had never looked at him like this before. "I saw what you did. He didn't want to tell me, but I forced it out of him." She smirked bitterly. "Guess I got that from you."

Ryan could handle her anger, but he couldn't handle her disgust. "Marissa, I can explain," he began, but she cut him off.

"Yes, why don't you explain," Marissa said bitterly. "Why don't you explain how you've sabotaged every single relationship in my life." An angry tear fell down her face. "Explain why you felt the need to make me feel so horribly worthless and inadequate this entire time, because I just can't understand, Ryan." She stared at him long and hard, so hard that he had to look away. "Explain to me why you feel like you're the only one who gets a chance to be happy."

Ryan's eyes immediately shot up. "What… you have it all wrong, Marissa…"

Marissa crossed her arms over her chest. "Please enlighten me, Ryan. Do you have some hidden feelings for me or something?" Her eyes softened just the tiniest bit. Ryan knew that he was the only one who could see it; Marissa probably wasn't even aware. "Or are you just that possessive?"

Ryan's chest constricted and he wanted to reach out and just make Marissa understand he wasn't a horrible person. He wasn't. He just… he couldn't stand the thought of her with anyone. He couldn't stand the thought of her kissing anyone or touching or anyone, and he really couldn't stand the thought of anyone doing any of those things to her. "I just… Marissa, I don't want some guy with you.."

Marissa stared at him incredulously. "That's all you have to say? You just don't want some guy with me?"

Ryan swallowed hard, his eyes darting in different directions. He could explain so many things to Marissa, but usually he didn't have to. Usually she could read his mind, but this time she was too angry to even want to. "When I think of you with someone, when I _see _you with someone, I get…" He trailed off, swallowing hard again. "Protective."

Marissa narrowed her eyes. "There's a difference between protective and possessive, Ryan."

Ryan lifted his eyes to hers. "I'm sorry," he said sincerely. "I just… Marissa, I can't handle it. I get sick when I think of you with anyone. I get physically sick, and so I scare them. I rough them up. But in the end, it saves you from getting hurt." He tilted his head a little. "I mean, if they aren't willing to put up with a little intimidation, then maybe they aren't good for you anyway…"

Marissa laughed, shaking hear head, so incredibly filled with disbelief. "Really? You save me from getting hurt?" She took a step toward him, jabbing her finger in his chest. "Making me feel like something is wrong with me, that's keeping me from getting hurt?" She jabbed him again, causing him to take a step back. "Making me cry myself to sleep wondering 'Am I really that horrible of a person that everyone has to leave?'" Tears fell from her eyes, but she jabbed him again, even as her voice broke. "As I just accepted the fact that I'd never be good enough or pretty enough or amazing enough for you or anyone?"

She wiped furiously at her eyes and Ryan wanted to reach out and smooth away all her tears like he had done so many times before. "Marissa, you're incredible. You're more than amazing. You're…" _You're my whole world. Why can't you see that?_

Marissa shook her head, wiping at her eyes again. "You're supposed to make me feel better, Ryan," she said, her voice breaking at the end. She stared at him, mascara running in lines down her cheeks, eyes puffy and red. "You're supposed to make me feel like I'm a good person when the rest of the world gives me every reason to think differently." A small sob broke out because she couldn't get over how much Ryan had hurt her. "And instead, you held me and let me cry, let me think these horrible things about myself, when _you _were the one who caused it."

Ryan reached for her, no longer able to restrain himself. Marissa absolutely broke his heart when she pulled away, unwilling to let him touch her. "Marissa…" he murmured.

"I thought that it was okay you didn't feel the same way about me. I tried to move on. I tried so many times." She shook her head, backing away. "But I never wanted to lose you." She wiped her eyes and composed herself, looking at him seriously. "Now?" She shook her head again. "We're done, Ryan. Goodbye."

"Marissa," he called after her, but she turned and walked away.

He started walking after her, but a hand from behind held him back. Seth walked next to Ryan and said, "Let her have some space."

Ryan stared after Marissa, his chest aching, wanting to go to her and make it better. "No, I have to follow her. I have to tell her…" Ryan stopped, not even sure what he wanted to tell Marissa. He just knew he had to be with her. He had to make her feel better. He needed to wrap his arms around her and hold her and make this all away.

He had to because he… he had feelings for her. Real feelings. More than friendship feelings. It took Marissa walking away for him to realize it, but he _liked _her. He maybe even loved her. Now she was out there hurting and he needed make her feel better. He needed her to feel better because she was his best friend and he couldn't handle her hurting so much. Especially not at his own accord.

He would fix it. He had to.

XXXXX

Marissa drove home and spent her day crying in her room. She felt like her whole life had been upturned. Her best friend, the absolute love of her life, had caused her so much pain. Maybe he didn't mean it, but that didn't take away all the horrible things she had thought of herself. It didn't stop her tendency to drink a little bit too much at parties after her breakups, didn't stop the ache deep in her chest. He had hurt her. That's what mattered. Ryan, her world, had hurt her.

Her dad came in and tried to talk to her, but she wouldn't talk. The only person who could make her feel better was her best friend, but he had already ruined her. There was no getting better.

Andrew stopped by right after school with chocolates and tissues. If Marissa hadn't been so hung up on crying over another guy and all the things he had caused with his lies, she would have cried at her boyfriend's sweetness. Instead of being jealous or upset with her, he just let her cry on his shoulder. It's what she wanted. It was just the wrong guy.

Marissa knew Ryan would come to her house eventually. She knew it because that's who he was. He may have hurt her considerably, but she knew some part of him was in immense pain right now too just because she hurt. But that wasn't enough. For once, it wasn't enough.

At eight she finally heard sounds outside her window as Ryan climbed. As he reached the roof part and moved to open the window, he frowned when it wouldn't budge. After a few seconds he realized Marissa had locked her window. That's how mad she was. She was literally locking him out of her life, and he didn't know what to do to make it better.

Marissa was staring at her history reading, the words all blurring together as she fought off more tears. At this point she didn't know if she was crying over all the pain that Ryan had caused, or over the fact that she knew she was going to lose him after this. She couldn't fathom a life without Ryan, but she couldn't forgive him. Not this time.

Ryan knocked on her window softly, but she didn't turn to look his way. She knew if she looked at him, she was more susceptible to giving in and she just couldn't let herself do that. Ryan had gone too far. She didn't need him in her life. She wouldn't let him be there anymore.

Ryan leaned his head on her window, staring at her with troubled and sad blue eyes. "Riss…" He called out softly, all of his longing and care for her in that one word. Why had he been so stupid? Why had he blocked out his feelings for her for so long? Why didn't they ever have good timing?

When she didn't acknowledge him, he closed his eyes, feeling so incredibly hopeless. _Come back to me_, he wanted to shout, but he couldn't. He wouldn't. Instead, he just started talking. Whatever came to mind. "Remember when we were kids and you fell off the monkey bars? You didn't break your arm, but you thought you might and you got really scared? The teacher tried to help you up, but you screamed for me. You wouldn't let anyone else get near you. They had to pull me out of class and take me to you."

Ryan almost smiled at the memory. Almost. "When they said you fell, I got so scared. I was prepared to carry you to the hospital myself if I had to. By that time I had memorized your dad's cell, home, and work number in case anything happened. Sometimes I forgot to eat breakfast or how to multiply correctly, but I remembered those numbers because you were the most important thing to me."

He turned so he could lean against her house, looking out at the water from his position. Marissa's dad had really hit some big money, and their house was one of the best in the town. It had private access to the beach, just like Seth's house. All Ryan had was a rickety old tire swing in his backyard, but he and Marissa had spent many summers swinging back and forth on that. If he could go back, he would kiss her.

If he could go back, he would do so many things differently. Yet, here he was, finally aware of his feelings, and she wouldn't even look at him. How messed up was that?

"When I got to you, you burst into tears and wrapped your arms tightly around me. That's when we knew you were okay. I hugged you back and I wanted to cry because you were okay, so that meant everything was okay. I didn't care if I got made fun of by Luke and all the guys for how much I had worried or how freaked out I was when they came to get me. I just cared that you were okay." He turned to look at her through the window. She hadn't moved, and she was still on the same page. At least she was listening. "Now I feel like that again. You're hurting and I just want to get to you so that I can make it better. So that I can hug you and tell you it's going to be okay."

He reached out his fingers and gently pressed them to the cool glass window. "Riss, please let me in. Let me take the pain away. I'm so, so sorry. You have no idea how sorry I am. If I could change it all, I'd do everything differently. I realize things now. Big things. And I would change everything, I promise." He closed his eyes for a long moment, trying to staunch his sadness. "Marissa, please.."

Marissa stood and walked to the window, and Ryan thought she would open the window. His heart soared as he saw her finally look at him, just as beautiful as ever even with her puffy eyes and tearstained cheeks. But instead of unlocking the window, she grabbed her curtains, her eyes sad and determined as she stared at him. Without a word, she closed the curtains so he could no longer see into her room, effectively breaking Ryan's heart.

XXXXX

**So, I'm going to post another poll in my profile after I post this chapter. The Question: Which one shot would you guys like to read first?**

1. After Marissa got back from Greece, she and Ryan started dating again. Now, two years later, things are going really well. So why is Ryan suddenly acting strange? And why did Summer see him at the mall hugging another girl? Fluffy. Introduction to my next story.

2. After prom, what if Ryan just called the police on Volchok and went to see how Marissa was doing?

3. It _is _Marissa in the airport in season 4. But after Taylor wakes up and Ryan's still in a coma, what happens when his family must make the ultimate decision after he isn't getting any better? Is this world a new beginning…or is it a tragic end?

**Please vote. Either on the poll or just tell me in the review. And if you guys have any suggestions you want for one shots, please tell me!**

**Individual Replies: **

**xoElle23: **Andrew is my imaginary boyfriend ;) No seriously, like when do I get an Andrew in real life? Seriously. Sigh.

**Fatedtopretendd: **So the other day on my way to work the song "Lover I Don't Have to Love" came on my ipod and I grew so sad remembering Marissa and Volchok. Like seriously, can we acknowledge what a shitty season Marissa had? She shot her boyfriend's brother who tried to rape her, and it caused this rift between her and the boy she loved more than anything. Her dad abandoned her again. Her mom lost all her money. Then she befriends this guy who is willing to talk, but he had to go and fall in love with her, and Ryan had to go and get jealous. Then just as things with her boyfriend are getting better, her friend _falls off a freaking cliff as she watches_. Yeah, I'd be pretty upset too. And yes, I'd probably lash out. Meanwhile, her boyfriend gets fed up with her and starts hanging out with a new girl while she has to deal with her pain and the cops on her own. She hasn't abused alcohol in probably half a year, if not almost a year. But her boyfriend, the only thing she has ever truly loved, decides to break up with her _on the phone_. And not long after, she sees him so happy with Sadie while her life is in all these bits and pieces. So she spirals, and she loses herself again. Everyone thinks "Marissa is such a drama queen. She drinks and sleeps around and now she's doing drugs. I hate her." But she doesn't want to feel because what reason does she really have to feel good anymore? Nothing. Nothing at all. She's lost all her friends, she's lost the love of her life _again_, she's lost her social standing and her school record, she's lost her dad, she's lost her money – _she cannot see what life there is left for her_. Yes, Marissa, "Some people just get lost." And I thought about all of this on my way to work and I suddenly couldn't be okay with any of this because all of this happens and then the writers think they should just kill her off? No. She's not dead. She has her happy ending. I don't care how many times I have to write her a happy ending. I will write her a happy ending every day if I have to. And I will reread other authors, like you, who have done it too. Because Marissa Cooper is incredible. Honestly, her love for Ryan really just makes her beautiful in my eyes. I will defend her forever lol. Jeez that was long…

**Jen: **Why yes, yes I do ;) Believe me, this isn't anything compared to what the rest of the story has ;)

**RMforever: **Fun fact: I plan out stories in my head while I work. It's how I pass the time. It's literally how I could plan out an entire novel and then write it. It's also how I plan out this story and many others (as I have said, this story has been in the works for _years_). Anyway, so I had Ryan's love confession planned one way, but at work the other day another scene popped into my head and I am changing how he says it. I think that it'll still be a great scene :)

**Skillz37: **As I just said in the reply above this one, I plan stories while I work. I also created a new storyline for Andrew that kind of addresses a little bit of what you alluded to in your review.

**Sailaway: **Either way, there will be chapters of happiness before part 2. That I can promise. It's just a question of do you want happiness followed by another storyline of drama that addresses R/M's relationship a little bit more and the transition between friends to something more, or do you want to just end it with them happy once they get together. I kind of want to write the drama, but it's up to you all.

**Nadine: **I don't think I ever replied to you on twitter, but I did read it!

**Riss: **Just how long is a little while? Cause I never know chapter wise how long that is haha.

**Kerschi-Puky: **All in good time, all in good time :)

**Sara: **Andrew is such a sweetheart. Sigh. I want an Andrew.

**Isabella: **I hope you have fun wherever you are haha!

**Guest: **I usually post longer chapters than the last one. This one is definitely longer.

**TVDaddict22: **Exactly. No matter what happens, they are best friends. It reminds me of the book "The Pact" by Jodi Picoult. There is this one scene where she and the guy break up. They've been best friends all their lives and suddenly now that they're broken up romantically, she can't even cry to her best friend over her breakup. I feel like anything that happens to R/M is kind of like that in this story. Side note: great book. I have a signed copy ;)


	14. Part One: Chapter Thirteen

**A/N I'm blown away by your feedback :) I hope you like this chapter just as much. Next chapter will definitely have some good R/M time, which this chapter kind of lacks for obvious reasons. Anyway, Read and Review, and I'll try to post as soon as possible! Enjoy!**

_**Wednesday, 5pm**_

"_Hey. It's me. Um, Ryan. You know my number… And now I'm rambling. Um, anyway… Riss, call me back. Please. Or text me. I'll even take a text. Anything. I just want to talk to you. I… Riss, I miss you. Please."_

_**Wednesday, 6pm**_

"_Hey. It's me again. Ryan. Right. You know that. I need to stop doing that. Um… call me. Please?"_

_**Wednesday, 7pm**_

"_Hey. It's me. Again. Look, I don't know if you're ignoring me or if you're just not getting my messages. If it's the first thing… Marissa, I'm sorry. I never wanted to hurt you. You have to know that. You always have to know that. You're my best friend. For a long time it felt like you were my only friend. We've been through hell and back together. Please. Marissa… please. If you get this, call me."_

_**Wednesday, 7:15pm**_

"_Okay, I know you're getting my messages. My phone is working. I checked. Marissa, call me. Seriously. Call. Me. Now. Please. Pretty please?"_

_**Wednesday, 8pm**_

"_If you don't call me, I'm going over to your house. I'll knock on your window until you open up."_

_**Wednesday, 8:30pm**_

"_Okay, I'm knocking on your window. Open up. Marissa Cooper open the window. You hear me? Open up."_

_**Wednesday, 9pm**_

"_Okay, so you're not answering my calls and you're not home. Are you okay? Marissa. Is something wrong? Marissa, I'm really worried right now. Please tell me what's going on. Did something happen?"_

_**Wednesday, 9:15pm**_

"_Marissa… Marissa? I'm going out looking for you. I'll find you. I promise you. Hold tight. I'm coming. Don't worry, okay? I'll find you and everything will be okay. I promise. Don't worry. Don't be afraid. I'll make it better. I'll… I'm on my way."_

_**Wednesday, 9:37pm**_

"_I rode to the lifeguard station and you're not there. You're not at the diner or the pier. You're not at home. You're not in any of the hospitals. I called. No one by your name is admitted. I… where are you? Did someone take you? Marissa, please. I'm worried sick right now and I just need to know what's wrong."_

_**Wednesday, 9:44pm**_

"_So, Summer finally answered her phone and called me an asshat for not realizing that you're with Andrew. I have to say that I don't necessarily think that's safe and sound as she said, but I guess we'll have to just let that slide. So… I guess have fun? With Andrew? And if he does anything, Marissa, I swear. I'll be there. I don't know where he lives, but I'll find my way there and I'll be there if you need me. Don't hesitate to call or text or anything. But if you're fine and whatever… Um, have fun."_

_**Wednesday, 11:45pm**_

"_I'm assuming you're home now. I'm really tempted to stop by but you're probably tired and I guess you don't want to talk to me. I can't say I'm entirely surprised but I just wanted to say again that I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I know you're hurt. I know I messed up. We could talk about it if you just would actually _talk _though. I'll try to see you tomorrow. If you happen to listen to this, know I miss you. I really do. Goodnight, Riss."_

XXXXX

Marissa was in a constant state of distress. Her best friend had somehow managed to mess up every single relationship she ever dreamed of having without her knowing. He had been possessive and unnecessarily violent in cases. She made sure to talk to all her ex boyfriends, who hesitantly admitted that yes, they were afraid of Ryan. He had gone behind her back and caused her pain unknowingly. He had held her and pretended it wasn't his fault. So she cut off all contact with him. She didn't need him in her life.

If only it were that simple.

Cause, of course, she was in love with Ryan Atwood. He had been her friend since they were little kids, and she desperately just wanted to talk to him and forgive him so they could hang out again. She missed his voice. She missed his smile. She missed his touch. Hell, she missed his warm body next to hers as they slept. She missed waking up with his arms around her.

His constant texts and phone calls didn't make it any better. It had been two days since she closed the curtain in his face, and he had to have left her at least forty voicemails. Sometimes he was upset. Others he was angry. Sometimes he was apologetic. Others he was worried. She told herself to just delete all the messages, but she _couldn't. _She _missed _him. She had never missed anyone this much before.

Of course, she had never had to say goodbye to Ryan yet either.

On Friday morning Marissa met Andrew at their lockers in the morning, her face set in a permanent frown. When was the last time she'd really smiled? Andrew smiled for them both, leaning in to peck her lips. "Hey. You feeling okay today?"

Marissa shrugged, opening her locker. "As okay as I can be."

Andrew nodded understandingly. "I understand. It's been a rough week."

Marissa placed her books she'd taken home in her locker, then shut it, keeping only her first period book in her bag. She turned to Andrew and tried to smile, even attempting a weak one. Andrew was such a great guy. Marissa truly did have some feelings for him. She wasn't just using him; she genuinely liked Andrew. It was just that she _loved _Ryan. "I think that's an understatement."

Andrew opened his mouth to speak, but both their eyes turned to Ryan who had appeared. He looked between them awkwardly, then let his eyes stay on Marissa. He observed her silently, making sure she was okay. As hard as this was for Marissa, it was probably ten times worse for Ryan. While Marissa had pain and hurt, Ryan had nothing but regret and heartbreak. Somehow it felt worse than anything else. "Hey," he said quietly, his eyes meeting Marissa's for a second before she pulled away.

Marissa turned to Andrew and reached for his hand. "Walk me to class?"

Andrew looked between Ryan and Marissa, knowing they needed to talk eventually, but not feeling now was the right time to push Marissa. "Um…sure." He saw Ryan's eyes dim and his shoulders slump. Andrew felt genuinely bad for the guy, but his main concern right now was Marissa.

Marissa didn't even look back at Ryan as she walked past him, so Ryan reached for her arm, sending chills up her spine. "You can't avoid me forever," Ryan said quietly, staring at her seriously.

Marissa closed her eyes, willing herself not to let the few stray tears fall. With her heart breaking and her will cementing itself, she quietly said, "Watch me."

They were the first words she'd spoken to him in days.

Ryan felt like she'd physically slapped him again. His cheek burned as if branded. He let go of her, his fingers remaining open in air as if waiting for her to come back. "I'm not going anywhere," he called to her as she walked away.

Marissa didn't say anything in response. She just blinked, swallowed the tears, and reminded herself she was better off. She had to be. Maybe. Possibly.

XXXXX

Ryan had exactly one class with Summer Roberts, and they never talked or even looked at each other. Ryan liked Summer. He thought she was pretty and could be nice to those she cared for; he just liked Marissa more. He and Summer had never really hung out extensively, and he wasn't sure she liked him all that much if he were honest. She had this way of looking at him like Marissa could do better.

Honestly, she _could _do better.

Regardless, Ryan was on a mission. If Marissa wouldn't talk to him, he would find someone to talk to her for him and convince her that she needed to speak to him. Right now the only link between them was Summer, and Ryan was willing to sacrifice his pride to ask Summer's help. He just hoped she didn't hate him as much she pretended to.

After class, Ryan walked over to Summer's desk as she packed up her bag. She lifted her gaze to him and stopped cold. "Oh, hell no. I'm not meddling."

Ryan sighed and stuck his hands in his pockets. "Summer, if you would just.."

Summer cut him off. "You got yourself into this mess, Atwood, and you can get yourself out. As far as I see it, you have a hell of a lot of explaining and apologizing to do and I'm not about to make it any easier for you."

Ryan nodded and said, "I know I have a lot of explaining and apologizing to do, but how can I do it if she won't even talk to me?"

Summer narrowed her eyes at him. "Considering all you've done, Marissa has every right to shut you out."

Ryan shrugged. "Debatable."

Summer swatted his arm. "See, that's your problem you asshat! Start owning up to your own mistakes and stop acting like you aren't in the wrong here!"

Ryan was growing frustrated now. "I know I was wrong! I know that I shouldn't have done what I did, but she won't even talk to me and it's all just making me very frustrated because I just want to say I'm sorry."

Summer rolled her eyes. "Well, you can look to someone else to be your little messenger. I have better things to do. Like anything else." She slung her bag over her shoulder and glared at him. "Now, if you'll excuse me."

Ryan wouldn't budge. "Why do you hate me so much? I'm putting my pride away and asking you sincerely to just talk to Marissa for me." He sighed and all the fight left him. Lowering his voice and softening his tone, he said, "I don't know what to do anymore, Summer. I…. she's my…" He trailed off, glancing down at his shoes. "I mean I… I realize now that I…"

Summer softened just the tiniest bit, the fight also leaving her. "You're a complete ass for what you did," she said honestly, all the bite gone.

Ryan nodded, shrugging, his hands still in his pocket. "I just want to say I'm sorry. I just need her to talk to me again." He looked at her seriously. "I worry. About her safety. I'm not there to protect her all the time. I always was there to protect her. Now she's vulnerable." He sighed. "And I mean, I miss her."

Summer sighed and rubbed her eyes tiredly, knowing she'd probably regret this. "I can't promise anything."

Ryan smiled just the tiniest bit, knowing that Summer didn't completely hate him. "Thank you."

Summer stared at him seriously. "Don't thank me yet."

XXXXX

Marissa was really growing annoyed now. Forget how much she missed Ryan. Right now in her strongest moments she could forget all the wonderful things he had made her feel. Now she just wanted to be able to go somewhere without automatically thinking about him. Literally everything reminded her of him. School was the last place she'd spoken to him. Her room held all the memories of movie days and him sleeping over. She'd driven him to school every day in her car. They'd had so many meals at the diner she didn't even look at the menu anymore. They'd spent hours at the beach just hanging out, not to mention that's where she first kissed him. They'd been to the library to check out books, the pier to talk, had driven down every single road in Newport together.

Every friend she had was someone who knew Ryan. For a while, Summer at least didn't mention him, but suddenly now even Summer thought they needed to talk. It felt like the only person Marissa could spend any time with without going insane was Andrew, but she felt guilty knowing she couldn't be a wonderful girlfriend for him when she couldn't stop thinking about Ryan all the time. It wasn't fair to Andrew, but he was so understanding that it made her feel worse.

So far the only person in her life who hadn't told her it was time to talk to Ryan already was Andrew. He understood that she needed space, at least. She could tell he had a lot he wanted to say, but he remained silent. She spent most days hanging out with him just to keep her mind off things. For the most part it worked. Now all she had to do was worry about nights alone in her room.

On Friday night Marissa was just getting home from a date night with Andrew when her cell phone rang. She figured it was Ryan and bit her lip, feeling a surge of longing to just talk to her best friend. He was annoying as hell and totally in the wrong, but he did have some strong will. He never gave up on her. If anything, it made her love him just the slightest bit more, which she found even more annoying.

Glancing at her phone, Marissa was surprised to see Dawn's name on the screen. She instantly opened her phone, questioningly saying, "Hello?"

She had briefly wondered if Ryan was stooping so low now to use his mom's phone and trick her, but it was actually Dawn on the other end. "Um. Hey, Marissa. Long time no see."

Marissa bit her lip, running a hand through her hair. "Yeah. I'm sorry. It's just that me and Ryan… we.." She trailed off. What _were _they?

Dawn immediately said, "Oh, it's fine. I know what happened. Sort of. As much as I could get out of him. You know how he is with talking sometimes. If he doesn't feel like doing it, everything sounds more like a grunt." Marissa smiled just the tiniest bit, knowing Dawn was right. "Anyway, I wanted to talk to you about his birthday."

Marissa sighed, closing her eyes, feeling completely horrible. Yes, she was aware Ryan's birthday was next week. Her present for him sat on her nightstand, a constant reminder that she had loved Ryan enough to order it especially for him. Yet, she didn't know if she was ready to face him. It was his birthday, but Marissa didn't know if she could just swallow all her anger and heartbreak and pretend to forgive him. "Dawn…" Marissa began, but the older woman cut her off.

"Look, I know you're upset. Ryan definitely hurt you." Marissa sighed, sinking down to the edge of her bed, putting her face in her hand. "But I also know you and my son. I know that Ryan can't even begin to be okay on his birthday without you there, and I know that you would never forgive yourself if you didn't come over to our house for dinner."

Marissa furrowed her eyebrows. "Dinner?"

She could practically see Dawn nodding on the other side of the phone. "I decided we should have a little get together. Henry will be there, and I think even Seth will be there. Now all we need is for you to be there…"

Marissa sighed and shook her head. "I can't."

Dawn remained silent for a beat past comfortable. "It's his eighteenth birthday."

Marissa blinked a few times, her heart breaking all over again. She had always told herself she would make Ryan's eighteenth birthday special. She didn't know how, but she would. She had dreamt of it since she was a child, and now here it was and she couldn't even look at him without wanting to simultaneously burst into tears and yell at him. "He hurt me."

Dawn remained silent for a long time again. Finally, she said, "I hope you reconsider. Ryan would love for you to be there, and I know I miss having you around here." Marissa wanted to cry all over again. She wasn't just losing Ryan. She was also losing Dawn Atwood, the only mother-in=law Marissa had ever dreamt of having. "Well, if you change your mind, you're welcome. Bring a guest if you want."

Marissa bit her lip. "I'm sorry," she offered.

Dawn finally sighed. "I know, Marissa. I am too."

XXXXX

Ryan's mom had to work on Saturday, which meant he was pretty much alone all day. Usually whenever his mom worked on the weekend, Ryan spent his day with Marissa watching movies or going to the beach. Now, he knew he had nothing but silence to look forward to all day. While he rather liked solitude, now he just missed his best friend.

He'd given up calling Marissa every fifteen minutes. Now he called her every ninety minutes. He wouldn't give up on her. He didn't care how long it took, but he knew he would have his best friend back in his life. Marissa just needed to hear him apologize, and then everything would be okay. He knew it. It was that simple.

At about noon he heard a knocking at his door, surprising him. Maybe Seth had come over to keep him company. As much as Seth could get on his nerves, he wouldn't mind having the guy keep him company today. If anything, he'd rather appreciate it.

Answering the door in only a wife beater and some jeans, Ryan's eyes widened in surprise when he saw Andrew standing in his doorway. Andrew offered a smile, stuffing his hands into his jean pockets. "Um. Hey."

Ryan didn't even think of inviting Andrew in, too in shock. "What are you doing here?" he asked, utterly confused.

Andrew shrugged and said, "I asked Seth where you live."

Well, that answered one question, but not his main question. "But why did you need to come here…?"

Andrew finally sighed, looking at Ryan very seriously. "I think we need to talk." At Ryan's still-confused gaze, he added, "About Marissa."

Something finally began working in Ryan, so he moved aside, letting Andrew walk in. Closing the door, Ryan turned and tried to see his house through Andrew's eyes. Ryan didn't know where exactly Andrew lived, but he knew it was in a gated community somewhere close to Marissa. Maybe not as expensive as hers, but close enough that Ryan's little house probably seemed run down.

Andrew looked around, walking to the living room area. "Nice place," he said, which annoyed Ryan.

"Are you making fun of me?" Ryan asked seriously, feeling embarrassed, his neck burning knowing this kid probably had a living room larger than Ryan's entire house.

Andrew turned and looked at Ryan, tilting his head in confusion. "No. I meant it." He pointed to the creamy colored walls. "I like the colors. Very homey. I personally can't stand pure white rooms. I took a class on the psychology of colors one time just for fun, and it said that this color in a living room really makes something feel warm and inviting." Observing Ryan's blank stare, Andrew smiled a little. "But of course you don't really care about that. Sorry."

Changing the subject, Ryan looked at Andrew with great concern. "What's wrong with Marissa?" he asked, getting straight to the point.

Andrew sighed, looking down at Dawn's discarded gossip magazines on the coffee table. "Well, you," Andrew said seriously. At Ryan's look, Andrew added, "She misses you, man. Seriously misses you. She's just too stubborn and hurt to admit it."

Ryan folded his arms over his chest, subconsciously guarding himself from Andrew. "Did she ask you to come here?"

Andrew shook his head, letting out a short laugh. "Um, no. She'd kill me if she knew I was here. You know how she is." At Ryan's sad gaze, Andrew sighed, his face softening.

"Then why are you here?" Ryan asked, not understanding.

Andrew shrugged, scratching the back of his head. "I care about her, Ryan." He looked at Ryan very seriously, which somehow made Ryan feel worse, knowing Andrew was telling the truth. "I mean, obviously I don't care about her as much as you do. I haven't known her as long. But I do care about her, and I know she's just hurting. It's something _I _can't fix." He shrugged, turning to look at the TV, silently watching the Animal Planet special Ryan had blankly watched earlier. "I let her just stay quiet. She doesn't want to talk about you. She's tired of thinking about you. I can tell these things. But I _do _think you two need to talk."

Ryan rubbed the back of his neck, blinking a few times. "Is she… I mean… does she…" He trailed off, knowing he didn't make any sense. "I mean, is she okay? Other than the obvious? Is she eating? Sleeping? Keeping up with school?"

For some reason Ryan couldn't understand, Andrew smiled genuinely. "You worry about her so much. It's really sweet." He nodded, turning to Ryan. "She's sleeping some. Eating a little. Trying to focus on school instead of you." He offered a small smile.

Ryan nodded, picturing Marissa in his mind. It made his heart hurt that much more. "I miss her," he admitted quietly, not looking at Andrew.

Andrew nodded, sighing. "I know." He rubbed the top of his head as he thought. "Seth says your birthday is next week. You're having some get together, right?"

Ryan's eyes found Andrew's again, surprised. "Yeah."

Andrew nodded, looking at Ryan seriously. "I'm going to convince Marissa to go."

Ryan looked at Andrew incredulously. "Why would you do that?" As far as Ryan saw it, Andrew finally had Marissa all to himself. Why bother with Ryan?

Andrew's gaze softened again. "Because you mean the world to Marissa, and I know she means the world to you. And as much as it hurts me to admit it, you two need each other. It's as simple as that." He took a step towards Ryan to convey his sincerity. "Look, I'm not going to lie – it would be great if you weren't as important to her. It would make my life so much easier. But at the end of the day, I know you two are just like me and my best friend Jessica." He shrugged, turning his eyes away. "And if _her _boyfriend had been as understanding as I am, I think it would have saved everyone a lot of heartache in the end."

Ryan hated Andrew, and he knew he had no reason to. It made no sense. Except, in his mind it did. And all of this just made him hate Andrew ten times more. "I'm in love with her." Andrew looked at Ryan very seriously now, gauging his sincerity. So, Ryan was the one to take a step closer to Andrew now, staring him straight in the eyes. "I didn't know it before, but I know it now. I love her. I'm in love with her. I always have been."

Andrew blinked a few times, scratching his head again, turning away from Ryan. He paced a little bit, visibly distraught, his eyes darting back and forth as he thought. Finally, he looked back at Ryan, nodding. "I know." He stuffed his hands back in his pockets. "Before, if you had said this, I would have backed down." He paced a little bit, shaking his head "But now?" He pinched the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes. "You two have stuff to work out. I'm not going to lie. You have a lot of stuff to work out. And if at the end of everything Marissa decides to give you a chance, all the power to her." He opened his eyes, looking at Ryan very seriously. "But right now you're not right for her. You hurt her and she's off in her room probably crying right now because of you, and I can't in good conscience just let you go to her with all this unresolved stuff between you two. One of us has to look out for Marissa instead of the amazing 'Ryan and Marissa,' and the truth is at this moment in time, you two aren't meant to be together. Not yet."

Ryan wanted to be angry, but he just couldn't get the picture of Marissa crying in her room out of his head right now. "So what are you saying?"

Andrew walked past Ryan to his front door, pausing and turning around before he opened it. "I'm saying if you want any chance with Marissa, get your shit together, man up to your mistakes, and then _maybe _I'll be the good guy and back down." He grabbed the doorknob. "Until then, I'll talk to Marissa and get her to go to your party. I'll try to help you rebuild your friendship with her. But that's it. Right now you simply aren't ready for her, Ryan, and I say that with the deepest condolences and sincerity."

Andrew opened the door and began to leave, but Ryan said, "I don't like you." Andrew paused and turned around to face Ryan, an unreadable expression on his face. Ryan took a step closer, looking at Andrew very seriously. "I actually hate you." Andrew raised his eyebrows in slight amusement, not knowing what to say. "But not for the reasons you think."

Andrew nodded slowly, looking down at the floor. "Okay, I'll bite. What do you mean?"

Ryan stuffed his hands in his pockets. "You're always right." Andrew looked at Ryan, the amusement gone. "You're so incredibly infuriating because you're always right. I don't belong with Marissa right now. I wish I did, but I don't. Not until I apologize." He looked at Andrew very seriously. "I'm sorry."

Andrew's eyes widened just the tiniest bit. "For what?"

Ryan rolled his eyes and laughed a bit. "For what I did. For hurting you. For hurting Marissa. For having incredibly bad timing and telling you I'm in love with her while she's with you." He laughed a little more, more bitterly than amused. "I have horrible timing." He looked at Andrew again, meeting his eyes. "I hate you, but I respect you. You are a million times better for her than I am, and I know that. But don't think for a second that I'm not going to try and change that."

Andrew smiled a little bit, nodding. "You know, I think a part of me hopes you succeed." With that, he walked out the door, leaving Ryan feeling very lost and confused.

XXXXX

That afternoon Andrew and Marissa lay on his bed in his room, flipping through their English homework together. After an hour of productivity, Marissa looked over at her boyfriend and almost smiled. He looked very serious reading whatever passage he had open, and if her heart wasn't so broken it might have fluttered.

Andrew sensed her watching him and turned to see her staring at him, the ghost of a smile on her face. He smiled slightly. "Find something you like?"

Marissa nodded, leaning in and kissing him lightly on the lips. Andrew's hand found its way to rest on her hip, and Marissa pressed her lips against his a little bit harder. Maybe this would finally get Ryan off her mind. For a few minutes, she actually managed to lose herself in her boyfriend.

Except, suddenly he pulled back and said, "I think you need to talk to Ryan."

Marissa stared at him, feeling almost betrayed. Everyone had gotten on her case about talking to Ryan except for Andrew, and now here he was. "I thought we came her to make out, not talk about Ryan," she said lightly, trying to change the mood.

Andrew pulled back, not taking the bait. Marissa sighed, pulling herself away from him, no longer feeling like being around him. "Marissa, we both know it's necessary. You miss him. He misses you. He's sorry."

Marissa glared at him. "And how would you know that? For all you know, he could be plotting the next time to 'rough you up' and maybe this time he won't be as gentle."

Andrew propped himself up on his elbow, looking at her seriously. "I know because I talked to him."

Marissa's eyes widened and all the anger left. "You… when?"

"Earlier today before you came by. I went to his house. We talked, and he told me he's sorry." At Marissa's unwavering gaze, he added, "To both of us."

Marissa finally softened, completely surprised. "He… he apologized to you?"

Andrew nodded. "Yeah. I think we came to an understanding." He looked at Marissa seriously, reaching for her hand. "He's not such a bad guy. We both know that. He just made a lot of mistakes, and now he wants to make them better."

Marissa sighed, rolling her eyes. "I can't believe you're bombarding me with this."

Andrew smiled slightly. "You need him in your life. If only to just talk to right now. I think you both just need to _talk_. Do you realize how amazing that concept is?" At Marissa's glare, he added, "I know he's having a little get together on his birthday…" Marissa's eyes widened again at how much Andrew knew. "And if I remember correctly, you were really excited about this amazing gift you bought him?"

Marissa sighed, feeling the fight leave her as she exhaled slowly. "Yeah, but that was before I knew what an ass he was."

Andrew smiled and Marissa curled up next to him, resting her head on his chest. He wasn't as strong as Ryan, and he didn't make her feel a hundred percent safe, but he was comfortable at least. She knew if she stayed with him, she would always feel comfortable. Andrew kissed her temple, wrapping an arm around her. "I know, I know. But you know you're going to go to that get together. You knew the moment you found out about it."

Marissa didn't like how easily Andrew could read her mind sometimes, but she knew he was right. She would go simply because that's who she was. She was Ryan's best friend, and he was hers, and it would take a long time to get back to where they were before, but they did need to at least talk. "Fine. But you're going with me."

Andrew smiled, feeling victorious. "I think I can manage that."

XXXXX

**Individual Replies:**

**Riss: **I think you may be onto something with your guess about my oneshot ;) Next chapter will still be a lot of tension between Ryan and Marissa. You can't exactly call them friends, but Marisa'll at least hear him out and attend his little gathering (how long will she stay? That's the question)

**Skillz37: **It's really impressive that I allow myself to tweak it as I go because I get so attached to some scenes in my head that it's really hard for me to let them go for the sake of tweaking haha.

**TVDaddict22: **Summer will be important in Part 2 for sure, and Part 3. I need to introduce her relationship with Ryan and Marissa a little bit more, but I've been so busy trying to deal with Casey and Andrew that it's a little difficult for me to find time for Summer too. Patience though, she will be included :)

**Guest: **I think that Andrew is secretly my favorite. No just kidding, of course I love Ryan and Marissa. But Andrew is a good friend.

**Jen: **I tried updating as fast as possible haha :)

**Fatedtopretendd: **Word, word. I think I'll die defending Marissa. Ryan will slowly realize how badly he messed up. He's getting closer to it :)

**Sara: **I think that next chapter is going to be a bit of a shock to you and everyone else. At least the ending. It'll definitely end with a bang. Perhaps it will seem random, but it makes sense in my head haha.

**Guest: **You used the quote! I can't tell you how happy I was about your review.

**Nadine: **Poor Andrew indeed. I think poor everyone. Such bad timing.

**xoElle23: **And I adore you for your lovely reviews :) Everything will definitely work itself out in the end cause I think I've handled enough unhappy endings to make sure I don't want to write any anytime soon.

**Cammie: **I can't believe I've made people hate Ryan either. Do you realize how incredibly hard that is haha?

**Devon: **lol, your review made me laugh.

**Guest: **Aw, that means so much to me!

**RMforever: **You have a couple more chapters until Ryan's love confession :)


	15. Part One: Chapter Fourteen

**A/N Hope you enjoy this chapter. Read and Review, and Enjoy!**

Ryan's favorite birthday to date was his sixteenth. His mom didn't have a lot of money, so she only owned one car. While most kids in Newport got their very own brand new car for their sixteenth birthday, Ryan was content just being able to get his license.

His mom drove him to the DMV early in the morning and he aced his driving test. Marissa's birthday wasn't for another two months, so she couldn't even drive yet. He had never felt as cool as when he drove up to her house after school in his mom's old car, huge grin plastered on his face at the amazed sparkle in her eyes. _Yes, I can drive_, he had wanted to say. He'd never forget the look on her face that day as she watched him, seemingly amazed by the smallest things he did because he was _sixteen _and _he could drive_. If Ryan loved anything, it was Marissa's full attention.

Usually, he actually looked forward to his birthday. As a kid back in Fresno he had nothing to look forward to. They barely had enough money for food, much less actual birthday gifts. But ever since he'd known Marissa, she completely changed his outlook on everything, his birthday included. She always gave him something he hadn't even known he wanted or needed. She knew him so well that he didn't even have to tell her what he thought he wanted, she just knew what he needed. It was that simple.

Now on his eighteenth birthday, he felt the same bleakness he'd always experienced before Marissa. Without his best friend there to celebrate with him, what was the point? Marissa had always made his birthday special. Somehow it took losing her to realize it was never his birthday he loved, but Marissa. He _loved _Marissa.

Mentally preparing himself for the day, he finally opened his bedroom door and saw his mom had made him pancakes, bacon, and eggs for breakfast. His place was already set at the table. He walked up behind her as she flipped a pancake and kissed her cheek. "Morning," he murmured gruffly.

His mom grinned and turned around, kissing his cheek. "My baby boy, eighteen years old! Happy birthday!"

Ryan offered a weak half smile. "Too early," he murmured, though both knew it had nothing to do with the time of day and everything to do with the absence of one particular person.

"Go sit down. I'm almost done with your pancakes," Dawn said, ushering Ryan to the table.

He sat at his spot, his eyes immediately darting to his left where Marissa always sat. He felt sick but he couldn't let his mom know. She was trying so hard to make this a good birthday. It wasn't her fault Ryan was such a failure that he had lost his best friend.

He ate breakfast with his mom, listening to her rambling about everything and nothing to keep both of their minds off Marissa's absence. Yet even in their best moments, they both felt the loss of Marissa right there, so strong that it was more dominating than anything else. Marissa was _gone_. She wasn't even here to drive him to school on his birthday. He had messed up that badly.

Seth picked him up for school, which Ryan thought was kind but only served to remind him how badly he'd screwed up with Marissa. He listened to Seth's rambling about birthdays and the epic-ness of being eighteen, but Ryan turned him out after a few words, mentally preparing himself again to face school.

He didn't like the fact that his mom had planned his dinner or get together or whatever she called it tonight. Right now he just felt like sitting at home and brooding in his room, throwing a ball up in the air and catching it so many times that he didn't even register it anymore. He wanted to be alone, not around his friends and mom thinking about the lack of Marissa. That's how he saw a lot of things these days. School wasn't school, it was classes without Marissa. Lunch was a meal without Marissa. Newport was just a town without Marissa, and a lot of things had lost their luster in her absence.

At school, he walked down the hallways with his head down, his mind far away. He walked as if in a daze, which he supposed he actually was. This morning, as was his luck these days, he ran into the very girl he'd constantly thought about the last week.

Marissa was on her way to drop a book off at the library with Andrew, not paying attention as she laughed at something Andrew told her. She didn't see Ryan, and she didn't even notice him until she literally smacked right into him, dropping the book in her hand. Ryan instinctively reached down and picked the book up, only realizing who the owner was when he looked up to hand it back to her. "Thanks," Marissa mumbled, taking the book from him, careful not to touch him or she might start longing for him again. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, then looked at him briefly. "Happy birthday."

Ryan wanted to snort at this because she obviously didn't give a damn, but he just nodded. "Mom says if you're coming, be there at seven," he merely said in response, walking past her and Andrew before anything else could be said.

Andrew nudged Marissa and she shot him a look, so he rolled his eyes and called out to Ryan. "We'll be there!"

Ryan didn't bother looking back, just nodded again, feeling his heart constrict. _We_. Could this day get any worse?

XXXXX

Marissa fidgeted with Ryan's wrapped gift in her hands as Andrew drove to Ryan's house. She hadn't really spoken to Ryan in a week, long enough that the absence of his voice had deeply impacted her. His voicemails had dropped in number as well, now only one a day right before he went to bed. She'd never admit it, but sometimes she listened to his apologetic and sweet words, curling against a pillow as tears wet her bed. She missed him. Yes, she missed her best friend.

Still, she wasn't ready for this. Coming to Ryan's party meant that she could look past what he did, and she didn't know if she really could. How did you just forgive someone for messing up your life for his own selfish reasons? It sent the wrong message, and she didn't know how much she could take of this party before running out the front door.

She had debated not giving him her specially ordered gift, but she figured she had already spent the money on it, might as well put it to good use. A part of her wanted to give it to him and forgive him instantly, but it would take something severe to cause her to even think about completely forgiving him.

"Do we really have to do this?" Marissa asked, staring out the window at all the passing houses. They were just one turn from Ryan's house and her stomach was in butterflies.

Andrew nodded. "Yes, we do. It's Ryan's birthday and he's your friend. You can't just abandon him."

"He hurt me," Marissa reminded Andrew quietly.

Andrew nodded again. "Yes, but he cares about you and you care about him. It's that simple." Andrew pulled up beside the curb, placing the car in park and turning it off. "Just hear him out. You'll regret it if you don't."

Marissa sighed, glancing over at her boyfriend. "Fine. But if I hate this and walk out in tears, I'm blaming _you_."

Andrew smiled slightly, reaching for her hand and squeezing it. "That's a chance I'm willing to take."

Meanwhile, Ryan sat on the couch watching Seth and Henry have a heated discussion on the merits of Wii sports. He wanted to roll his eyes, but sheer boredom prevented him from even blinking most of the argument. Even his mom stared between the two with only a quirked eyebrow, wondering exactly what she had gotten herself into.

The sound of the front door opening pulled Ryan from his bored trance. He surveyed the people already in front of him – his mom, Henry, and Seth – and realized only one other person could be walking through the front door. Standing and turning, Ryan's heart did somersaults at the sight of the girl he loved. It didn't even matter that Andrew was there with her. All that mattered was she had come. She was standing right there looking as beautiful as ever and nothing else in the world mattered.

His best friend had come back to him. "Hey," he said softly, his eyes connecting with hers, the side of his mouth twisting into a crooked smile.

Marissa couldn't stop her heart from beating harder against her chest just at the sight of him, and she smiled softly in response. "Hey."

And for just a moment, it felt like all was right in the world.

XXXXX

For dinner Dawn had grilled up some burgers and baked some fries, which everyone found delicious. With their chocolate cake – Ryan's favorite after he learned it was Marissa's favorite when they were kids – Dawn gave them all vanilla milkshakes. By the time they finished everything, everyone felt very full indeed.

Ryan opened his presents from his mom, Seth, and Henry. Even Andrew bought him something – a small Journey poster that Ryan had to admit was pretty cool. He graciously thanked everyone for the shirts, CDs, and DVDs, truly grateful he had people to give him anything.

If Ryan was honest, he did realize Marissa hadn't given him anything. He wasn't going to let it get him down right now though because at least she was _here. _He felt like a little kid showing his friend around all over again. He was quiet and shy about it, but he just wanted to pull her aside and tell her all that had happened in his life since she'd been gone. He just wanted to be near her.

After Seth and Henry left, the remaining four all gathered around the TV to watch some old home videos. Most were of Ryan and Marissa, which made both of them laugh and smile at the memories. Andrew found the videos interesting and adorable, and Dawn gushed over everything and how fast they had grown.

A couple of minutes in, Marissa turned to Ryan, reaching for his hand. " Go outside with me for a little bit?" she asked softly. Ryan hadn't had any real physical contact with Marissa since before he'd realized the extent of his feelings for her. He nodded slowly, swallowing hard, his heart thudding harder against his chest. Marissa turned to Andrew. "Give us a minute?"

Andrew smiled at her knowingly and nodded. "Have fun. I'm going to keep watching this adorable picture of you two building a sandcastle."

Marissa led Ryan outside, both of them feeling nervous and shy. When they were finally alone, Marissa looked at Ryan. "I just wanted to give you your present…"

Ryan tilted his head a little. "Oh." At her confusion, he said, "With everything, I thought you wouldn't…"

Marissa nodded, looking away. "Yeah. Well, I thought of returning it, but I just… couldn't."

Ryan walked over to her, placing his hand on the small of her back, making both of them feel chills. "Where is it?"

Marissa opened the car and pulled out a small box wrapped in blue paper and a white bow. "Um… Happy Birthday…" she said, looking away.

Ryan carefully unwrapped the present, furrowing his eyebrows when he saw just a small brown box beneath the wrapping. Opening that, he pulled out Styrofoam and revealed a small snow globe. He turned it over in his hands, observing the little figurines in the center. At his slight confusion, Marissa quietly said, "I got it specially made. See, there's a little boy and a little girl under a blanket." She bit her lip, looking him in the eyes for a second before averting her eyes. "And no matter what pours over them, it's just the two of them under that blanket, safe as long as they're together."

Ryan looked at Marissa, his whole heart feeling full. "Riss…"

She took a slight step back. "It just reminded me of us under the blanket all those storms, you telling me everything would be okay. That you'd _make _everything okay."

Ryan stared at her seriously. "I will."

Marissa lifted her eyes to his and sadly said, "Then why did you hurt me so badly?"

Ryan's heart broke, not for the first time that week. "Because I'm stupid."

Marissa stared at him incredulously. "Because you're stupid?"

Ryan ran a hand through his hair, nodding. "Yeah. Really stupid." He lifted his eyes to Marissa, staring at her very seriously. He figured now he could tell her about his feelings. She had feelings for him too, right? If he just apologized and told her about his jealousy because of his feelings, she had to forgive him. She'd fall into his arms and it would all work itself out. It had to. "See, I thought I was protecting you this whole time. Partly, I was. I thought I was, anyway." He took a step closer to her. "But really, I was protecting _me_…"

She cut him off. "So you admit you're a bit too possessive?"

Ryan furrowed his eyebrows. "I wouldn't say _possessive_…"

Marissa rolled her eyes. "Okay, so I guess you need a little bit more time to think about things, then."

Ryan frowned, shaking his head. "What are you even talking about?"

Marissa ran her hands through her hair, frustrated. "I'm talking about this, Ryan. Us. I thought that I could do this, that I could just let you explain, but how can I when you obviously don't even realize how wrong you are?"

Ryan gave her a look. "I _know _how wrong I am. It's been an entire week, Marissa. And in that week I've learned a lot of things." He softened. "A lot of things that I think you really would like to hear."

Marissa shook her head, refusing to meet his gaze, feeling stupid. "Right now all I want to hear is you admit that you shouldn't have done what you did. That you realize you can't just make every decision for me or choose whom I date or why. That you can let me be my own person outside of you." Ryan's eyes widened a little, not understanding. "That's all I want to hear form you Ryan, and you obviously can't do that, so I should probably just go."

Ryan closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose. This wasn't going how he had wanted it to, but he still had to tell her. If she just knew about his feelings, wouldn't she understand everything? "I was jealous."

Marissa turned around to look at him. "Jealous?" she asked, confused.

Ryan nodded, walking toward her again. "I see you with other guys and I feel sick. I thought it was because I want to protect you, but it's more than that. I…" He laughed at himself, shaking his head. "I'm _jealous. _I see you with someone and I want to pull you away because I don't want to share you." He looked at her seriously. "Not with any guy."

Marissa wondered if he was saying what she thought. "Jealous," she repeated slowly. "Why…why would you be jealous?"

Ryan gave her a look. "Isn't it obvious?" he asked quietly, eyes boring holes into hers.

Marissa always thought she'd feel happy when Ryan admitted he had feelings for her. _If _he ever did. But right now she felt the opposite of happy. She felt downright infuriated. "What right do you have telling me this?" she asked quietly but fiercely.

Ryan had imagined many reactions to his declaration, but somehow he had never pictured Marissa being angry. "What… I thought…"

Marissa rolled her eyes, slightly shoving him. "Ryan, I have a boyfriend. I have a _wonderful _boyfriend. I am finally moving on and you just… you complete asshole!"

She spun around and stormed to the house, but he wouldn't let her go. "Marissa, can we just talk about this…"

She stopped on his porch, turning to him again, laughing bitterly. "Talk about what, Ryan? I liked you for _years. _I pined over you since we were kids, and you never once showed any interest in me. Despite everything, I put up with all your little sluts." At Ryan's defensive look, Marissa walked down the stairs back to him. "Oh, yes. Your _sluts_. I listened to you talk about sex and conquests. I put up with your girlfriends and their pathetic little pleading. 'Why doesn't he love me? Why doesn't he _talk _to me?'" She rolled her eyes. "All these girls who put out for you, and I had to go with you to the store to buy the damn condoms, had to listen to your annoying stories. I went to movies with your girlfriends, I consoled them when they came to _me _crying after you dumped them. And it _killed _me." Angry tears fell and Ryan just wanted to wipe them away. How had he not seen this? How could he have been so _blind _this whole time?

Marissa shook her head, wiping away the tears. "But I did it. Why? Because I just wanted you happy. I didn't care if it was some other girl, some other sexy, clueless girl – as long as you were happy." She wiped away a few more tears. "Meanwhile you did the opposite. You sabotaged every single guy who would even dare to look my way, and you came out looking like the good guy. And _still_, I freaking missed you this past week! Despite everything, I actually _missed _you." She shook her head, looking disgusted with herself. "And all you had to do was say you were sorry for being a little too controlling. Are you sorry for that? No. And you have the audacity to tell me you feel something or me after everything." She laughed bitterly. "Guess what Ryan? It's too late."

Andrew walked out then, a smile on his face until he saw Marissa. "Oh. Um…." He looked at Ryan. "Your mom wanted me to tell you it's the part where the water washes away the sandcastle…"

Marissa smirked bitterly, looking back at Ryan. "How appropriate." She grabbed Andrew's hand and led him to the car. "Come on, we're leaving."

Andrew looked between Ryan and Marissa, merely nodding. Apologetically, he said, "Tell your mom I said thank you. Happy birthday."

Ryan ignored Andrew. "Marissa…"

She climbed into the car and shut the door, refusing to look at him again. Andrew climbed into the driver's seat and started the car. With one last sorry wave, he drove off, leaving Ryan alone to watch them leave. _Guess she's really gone_, he thought, the pain overwhelming him.

He walked back inside his house slowly, his body feeling heavier than ever before. His mom glanced back over at him. "I love this part. The look on your faces is adorable." She did a double take and, realizing Marissa had left, stood to walk to him. "What happened?"

Ryan swallowed hard. "Marissa left." He looked at his mom, his eyes betraying his emotion. "I… I messed up, mom. I didn't realize how bad I've been. I didn't realize how much I messed things up. I just thought if I told her how I felt, she would be okay, but I was wrong. I was so, so wrong and now she's gone."

Dawn walked to Ryan and pat his shoulder. "Give it time. She'll come around. That girl is crazy about you. She can't just leave you forever."

Ryan gave her a look. "You didn't see how angry she was."

Dawn stared at him seriously. "She's going to be back. I guarantee it."

Ryan rolled his eyes a little, which pissed Dawn off. "Right."

Ryan tried walking past his mom, but Dawn stopped him. "You don't even realize all that girl has done for you, do you?"

Ryan turned to her, sighing. "I get it, mom. Marissa's a great friend. The best. And I screwed it up."

Dawn stared at him very seriously, finally sighing, a determined look on her face. "Come here,' she said, pulling Ryan to the couch, making him sit. She sat next to him and finally decided to tell him the truth. "Did you ever wonder why I suddenly decided to get sober?"

Ryan shrugged, not seeing the relevance. "You realized you'd lose me eventually if you didn't."

Dawn shook her head. "No, I realized I'd lose you _then _if I didn't."

And then, Dawn launched into a story.

_Dawn fumbled around the cabinet searching for her last bottle of liquor, her hands shaking with the need for alcohol. She dropped a few cups, hardly noticing the shattering ceramic. All she could think about was her next drink, and the need grew stronger._

_She finally grabbed hold of the bottle and pulled it out, opening it and swallowing a large gulp. Over the edge of the bottle she saw a young Marissa Cooper standing in her doorway looking very serious. Dawn felt more upset than remorseful, the little girl ruining her buzz. "Ryan's not here," she said._

_Marissa nodded. "I know. He's at school." _

_Dawn glanced at the clock. Of course. It was 11am. "What are you doing here, then?"_

_Marissa bit her lip, then walked over to the kitchen table, laying a brochure down on it. "I need to talk to you."_

"_Can't you talk to your parents?" Dawn asked, wanting to be alone so she could drink in peace._

_Marissa smiled slightly. "I could, but you wouldn't want me to do that." _

_Dawn gave her a confused look. "What do you mean?"_

_Marissa pushed the brochures her way. "I mean I think it's time you stop drinking."_

_Dawn snorted. "Oh, okay. Just that simple?"_

_Marissa shook her head, pointing to the brochure. "You have an addiction. You need help. I did research. They don't charge you a lot of money. They just want to help. It's the best one I can find." _

_Dawn wanted to laugh at the child's enthusiasm. "What makes you think I want to stop drinking? Or that I will?"_

_Marissa's face settled into a serious expression. "Because if you don't, I'm going to tell my parents." She raised her eyebrows in defiance. "And if that doesn't work, then I'll tell Seth's dad, Sandy Cohen. I'm sure he'd love to hear about your drinking and how it hurts Ryan." _

_Dawn gave Marissa a look. "I haven't laid a hand on him, and he's just fine."_

_Marissa raised her eyebrows. "Oh, so those bruises on his back and stomach weren't from your boyfriend?" Dawn's surprise must have shown because Marissa smiled. "I know, Ryan, Mrs. Atwood. And I know you, too. When you're not drinking, you're really nice. But when you do drink, you stop caring." She pointed to the brochures. "Ryan deserves a mom, and I won't let him get hurt again. Not from anyone, especially not you." _

Ryan's eyes widened as he realized what Marissa had done all those years ago for him. "Wait, so Marissa threatened telling on you to get you to stop drinking?"

Dawn nodded, a solemn expression on her face. "Wasn't my finest hour, but she saw past all that and knew what you needed. Can you imagine the courage that had to take? All that research? All the care? She was a kid, Ryan."

Ryan looked down at his hands, more upset with himself than ever. "And now I've messed all that up."

Dawn shook her head, resting her arm on his shoulder. "No. I didn't tell you that to make you feel worse about yourself I told you that to make you see how much she cares about you." At Ryan's silence, she added, "A love like that doesn't just disappear, Ryan. Anger makes you think it does, but I guarantee you if you just evaluate the situation better, she'll come back. She needs you just as much as you need her."

Ryan didn't say anything, his mind spinning with all this information. How could Marissa not have told him? How could his mom have kept this hidden all these years? How could he have not guessed it? It just made sense, didn't it? Marissa was always watching out for him.

She deserved Andrew. She deserved him just because he was such a good guy, a much better guy than Ryan was. At least for now.

"I'm going for a walk," he told his mom, standing and walking to the door. He had a whole lot of thinking to do.

XXXXX

He walked for miles, finding himself at a stretch of beach by the pier. Still, he wasn't any nearer a solution than before. How did he even get Marissa to _listen _to him again, much less forgive him? He saw her side now. He finally saw everything wrong with what he had done. He was selfish and unfair and he just wanted Marissa happy. For the first time he realized that might not be him right now.

He was just starting to develop a plan on how to convince Marissa to at least talk to him again when he heard a sound behind him. He turned and in the shadows saw Kevin Volchok step forward, an amused smirk on his face. "Well, well. Look who we have here." Volchok looked around. "Where's your girlfriend?"

"She's not my girlfriend," Ryan said quietly, the four words hurting him to his core.

Volchok observed Ryan's face and he laughed. "Aw, trouble in paradise?" He took a few steps forward. "I guess now would be a good time for me to swoop in, then?" He grinned at Ryan's instinctive clenched fists. "Show her what a real man is like?"

"If you touch her…" Ryan threatened lowly.

"You'll what?" Volchok asked, smirking.

Ryan's eyes narrowed and he swallowed hard, wanting nothing more than to punch this guy until he was unconscious. But somewhere in the back of his mind he heard Marissa's voice telling him the guy wasn't worth it. "Just don't do it," Ryan said quietly, beginning to walk away.

"Maybe I'll just wait until you're not around her and I'll slip her something again," Volchok said, egging Ryan on. "Without her big bad best friend there, she's nothing but putty in my hands."

Ryan's fists clenched again, and he froze, closing his eyes. "Don't talk about her that way," Ryan said lowly.

Seeing he'd hid a sore spot, Volchok continued. "After all, I haven't had a virgin in a while. I mean, she is a virgin right? You haven't been given access?"

Ryan whirled around, shoving Volchok hard. "Shut up, right now," he threatened, his eyes dark.

Volchok merely smirked. "Or what?"

Ryan clenched and unclenched his jaw multiple times, his fists aching to be let loose. "I'm not going to fight you," he said as calmly as he could.

Volchok grinned. "That's too bad." From out of nowhere, he hit Ryan hard in the jaw. "Cause I'm going to fight you."

Ryan couldn't take it anymore. This guy was going to get it. The two started throwing punches, left and right. Volchok was fighting to get back at Ryan for beating him up all those months ago. Ryan was fighting to release his anger and frustration at Volchok and himself. Both wouldn't stop until the other could no longer move.

Volchok hit Ryan hard enough to send him to the ground, and that finished him. With a few more hard punches and a series of kicks, Ryan was officially down, wheezing and gasping for air. His last thought before passing out – _Marissa would be so disappointed._

XXXXX

Marissa was pissed. Beyond angry. Ryan had feelings for her? How messed up was the universe? Did someone out there just really want to mess her life up all the time? Was her life merely the punch line for some universal joke?

She couldn't sleep. Ryan had upset her so much she couldn't even close her eyes, much less even think about sleeping. She wanted to drive to his house and slap him around, but it was past midnight and it wouldn't solve anything. But seriously, he chose _now _to realize he had feelings for her?

Her phone ringing interrupted her thought process. When she saw Dawn's number, she sighed, figuring the older woman was calling to talk about Ryan's birthday or something. Answering her phone, she immediately said, "I'm not really in the mood to talk right now."

Dawn's frantic voice chilled Marissa to her bone. "Marissa, it's Ryan. He's in the hospital."

XXXXX

**So, the Volchok thing might seem random, but it made sense in my mind when I came up with it months ago lol.**

**Individual Replies:**

**Marissa Davis: **Aw, thanks for overcoming your laziness to review :)

**Guest: **Haha, yes, yes, I do ;)

**Skillz37: **I don't know about amazing haha.

**Fatedtopretendd: **I'm glad you like Andrew! It's pretty bad how much I like him haha. Obviously.

**Sailaways: **I wonder what you think of this chapter…

**xoElle23: **Ryan's done messing up for now haha :)

**Sara: **They will both become even more important as time goes on!

**Nadine: **Team Ryan FTW!

**Guest: **I don't think Ryan could help it. He was a bit clueless. You'll see him stop being an ass for a while now :) Until other circumstances mess everything up again ;)

**Guest: ** Hope you like this chapter!

**Riss: **Hey, I think I did post today? ;)


	16. Part One: Chapter Fifteen

**A/N Sorry for the wait. Work has been crazy! This chapter isn't anything special, but good stuff is coming up in a few chapters ;) Please stick with this and provide any and all thoughts! Read and Review, and Enjoy!**

**This chapter is for "Riss" because tomorrow his her birthday and that's pretty awesome. I wish this chapter was as awesome as you, but sadly it is not. I hope you can accept it anyway.**

Marissa didn't remember how she actually got to the hospital. She remembered dropping the phone, the weird sound that came from her throat, her parents running to her room with wide eyes. She remembered staring out at the dark night, blankly. She remembered the bright white lights of the hospital, searching frantically for her best friend, the boy she _loved_.

She couldn't remember anything in between.

Her dad found Dawn and a nurse to lead her to Ryan's room. Dawn hugged Marissa and said, "He's going to be okay. He's just really messed up. He got into a fight."

Marissa barely processed any of these words, just needing to _see _Ryan. "Where is he? I need to see him." She looked at Dawn, pulling away, shivering in her tank top and pajama bottoms. She hadn't brought anything with her, hadn't thought of changing, hadn't done _anything _but worry.

Dawn nodded and moved aside, allowing Marissa to walk into his room. Marissa's eyes immediately went to the unconscious, bruised boy on the bed. "Oh my god," she said, walking to Ryan's side, reaching for his hand.

"Technically you're not supposed to be here just because of the time, but I talked to the nurse and convinced her it would help," Dawn said, walking to the other side of the bed, brushing some hair from his face.

"What happened? Who did this?" Marissa demanded, feeling a surge of anger at whoever had hurt Ryan so badly. Yes, he had done wrong to her, and yes she had been angry – but none of that mattered now. Nothing mattered but the boy she loved lying unconscious, bruised and battered on a hospital bed.

Dawn shrugged. "We don't know. Some guy walking by found him. The tide was almost up to him by then." Dawn wiped a tear away from her eyes.

"Has he…woken up?" Marissa asked, her eyes trained on Ryan's face. His face was bruised, open cuts dried and scabbing, his lip busted. She could tell he had fought back, but something had to have happened, something had to have changed to make him lose his edge. Ryan was a great fighter.

Dawn nodded. "Briefly. Enough to look at the paramedics. But then he was out before anyone could ask him what happened."

Marissa laced their fingers together, bending down to kiss Ryan's forehead. "Wake up," she murmured so only he could hear. "You're not going to just make me worry like this, are you?" She pulled back and glanced at Dawn again. "So what did the doctors say? Have they come in?"

Dawn nodded, squeezing Ryan's hand. "Lots of cuts and bruises. Luckily no broken bones, but three bruised ribs."

"Bruised ribs – what does that mean for him?" Marissa asked, worried, her eyes finding Ryan's face again.

"It means a lot of pain and taking it easy," Dawn said, sighing, running a hand through her hair.

They were both torn from their conversation by a low grunt. Marissa's eyes turned to Ryan, and she immediately reached for his hand, holding it in both of her own. "Ry?"

"Mmmmmriss…." Ryan murmured, his eyes fluttering open, darting around. He seemed confused, and she could tell he was in pain.

"Can they give him some medicine now?" Marissa asked, not liking the way Ryan's eyes clouded.

"I'll go get a nurse," Dawn said, brushing hair from Ryan's forehead before walking off.

Ryan's eyes fell on Marissa's face, widening slightly. "Mmrisssa," he murmured, his eyes changing as he looked at her. "You're… _here_."

It made her heart hurt the way he sounded so surprised. "Of course I'm here," she whispered, a tear sliding down her cheek.

Ryan reached up, catching her tear on the tip of his finger, wincing slightly as his body shifted. "I… am glad," he slowly got out, blinking a few times.

Marissa kissed his knuckles, every single one. "Don't you ever scare me like that again. Do you have any idea how worried I was when your mom called telling me you were in the hospital?"

More tears fell, and Ryan pursed his busted lips together. "Don't…cry," he murmured, wiping away her tears with his thumb.

A nurse came in, smiling at them both. "Hello, Mr. Atwood. Glad to have you awake. How are you feeling?"

Ryan's eyes slowly rolled over to look at the nurse. "It…hurts."

The nurse nodded, offering a sympathetic smile. "It will hurt for a while. You took quite a beating. I'm surprised you're awake at all. Some patients like to sleep after this kind of trauma. Especially with a concussion."

"Wait, he has a concussion?" Marissa asked, her eyes widening.

Dawn shrugged apologetically. "I guess I forgot about that one."

The nurse administered some morphine, and the cloud of pain in Ryan's eyes dimmed. He glanced back over at Marissa, his words slightly slurred with the medicine and the pain. "I'm okay," he said, and Marissa smiled through the tears.

"You don't have to make _me _feel better," she whispered, shaking her head. "We're here to make _you_ feel better."

One corner of his mouth, the side less bruised, lifted. "I _am _better." His eyes fluttered open and closed, and Marissa knew he needed to rest. "You're here."

Marissa kissed his knuckles again, nodding, tears falling again. "Get some sleep, Ry."

He nodded slightly, squeezing his mom's hand before turning his gaze back to Marissa. "Don't leave," he murmured. Before Marissa could reply, he had already closed his eyes, back into a medicated sleep.

XXXXX

Marissa watched Ryan all night, looking for signs of distress. He drifted in and out of sleep, sometimes waking in pain as he moved the wrong way. For the most part he was dead to the world though, which Marissa appreciated. Right now he just needed rest.

She knew she had been angry at him last night, but she couldn't even remember why right now. All that mattered was Ryan right in front of her, beaten badly, wincing and breathing roughly. Maybe she had a good reason to be upset with him last night, but things were different now. At the end of the day she loved Ryan, and that meant she would worry about him every single day until he got better. It meant she couldn't let him hurt without helping.

She had been so angry at herself and him for not being perfect for each other that she had forgotten how much she loved her perfectly imperfect best friend. Everything about him. Even his flaws. Every single one.

They had a lot of things to work out. She knew that. He had said he had feelings for her, but she couldn't really believe him. He was probably just trying to get her to talk to him again. But she wanted to talk to him again. She had Andrew, and she could have Ryan as her best friend again. She didn't need to go on missing him anymore.

Seeing Ryan this hurt just made her see what really mattered. Why hang onto past mistakes?

At around 5:30 her dad walked into the room, glancing at Ryan briefly before resting his hand on her shoulder. "Hey kiddo. You should get home. School is in a few hours."

Marissa quickly turned to her dad, furrowing her eyebrows. "I'm not going to school."

Her dad gave her a look. "Marissa…"

Marissa shook her head, pulling away. "Dad, I'm not going to school. How can I when Ryan is in the _hospital_."

Jimmy sighed. "I talked to his mom. He'll be discharged later on today, probably in the afternoon."

Marissa reached for Ryan's hand, holding it stubbornly. "And I'll be here when he is."

Jimmy shook his head. "This is non-negotiable. You need to go to school."

Marissa turned to face her dad, eyes narrowed. "If something happened to mom, you would be by her side in the hospital all day long."

Jimmy nodded slowly. "Yeah, but that's different."

"How?" Marissa asked challengingly.

"For one, your mom and I are married," Jimmy said carefully. "Two, I'm an adult. I don't have school, I have work, and I don't have as strict a schedule as you."

Marissa rolled her eyes, turning back to Ryan. "You're only saying this because mom doesn't want me here by Ryan all day. She never understood." She brushed hair from Ryan's forehead, softening as she stared at her best friend. "I have to stay, dad. I can't go to school and act like he isn't in here suffering."

Jimmy walked over to her, placing his hand on her shoulder. "He'll be here when you get back."

Marissa sighed and leaned down, murmuring, "I'm going to go get changed, but I'll be back, okay?" She walked with her dad out the door, turning to look at Ryan one last time though the doorway. "I told him I wouldn't leave him," she said to her dad before walking away.

XXXXX

An hour later, Ryan slowly awoke feeling lips on his forehead. "Ry, wake up." His eyes fluttered open, and he saw Marissa standing there hovering above him, a concerned look on her face. He remembered the night before and immediately his body started aching again. Damn Kevin Volchok.

But staring up into Marissa's beautifully concerned eyes, Ryan almost wanted to thank the bastard. "Hey," he said, blinking a few times.

Marissa angled her head, observing his face. "Hey. How are you feeling?"

Ryan tried to sit up a little, but winced in pain. "Like I got the fucking shit knocked out of me." He saw his mom watching him from the other side of the bed and added a sheepish, "Sorry."

His mom reached for his hand, squeezing it gently. "We can let it slide this once." She offered him a small smile but he could see she was really concerned too.

"Who did this to you, Ryan?" Marissa asked quietly but forcefully.

He almost considered letting it go, but decided to be honest. "Volchok."

Marissa's eyes clouded with pure anger. "I will kill him," she murmured, turning away, thinking of all the ways she could kill the sick bastard for hurting Ryan.

Wincing, Ryan reached out to keep her from leaving. "Hey," he said, squeezing her hand. She turned back to see him looking just as concerned for her as she was for him. "It will be okay. We'll tell the cops or something." He rested back against the bed, trying to get into a position that didn't hurt so much. "Right now we need to find a way to get him out of our lives for good, not make it worse."

Marissa raised her eyebrows, as did Dawn. "Who are you and what did you do with my son?" Dawn asked, an amused but proud smile on her face.

Ryan lifted one corner of his mouth into a brief smile. "Call me crazy, but things are slowly starting to get put into perspective for me." His eyes found Marissa's again, and for a brief second she let herself remember that he'd told her he had feelings for her.

But she had a boyfriend. And school, which was starting relatively soon. "I have to get going." At Ryan's somber expression, she added, "My parents are making me go to school, but I'll come during lunch and right after school." She lifted her eyes to Dawn, who immediately understood what the girl was silently asking.

"And I'll text if he gets released before that," she said, Marissa visibly relaxing at her words.

Marissa looked back at Ryan and squeezed his hand, leaning down to kiss his forehead once again. "Be careful. Don't hurt yourself." She reluctantly pulled away. "I'll be back in a few hours."

Once she was gone, Ryan turned his eyes to his mom. "I'm going to the house to pick up some clean clothes for you. Want anything?"

Ryan slowly nodded. "Yeah. On my nightstand there is a book. _Les Miserables_." He glanced back in the direction that Marissa had just left. "I'd like to continue reading that."

XXXXX

Marissa arrived to school shortly thereafter, already worried about Ryan. She checked her phone endlessly for anything from Dawn, ignoring the rest. Everyone else could wait. At least they'd get to see her today, unlike her battered best friend.

At her locker, she checked her phone again, not paying attention to her surroundings. Surprising her, she felt an arm snake around her waist and a kiss on her cheek. "Hey," Andrew said with a smile, squeezing her waist for a second before pulling back and opening his locker. "Where have you been? I tried calling this morning to see if you just wanted to ride together. I figured you must be busy when you didn't answer." Noting her tiredness, he furrowed his eyebrows, pausing. "What happened?"

Marissa sighed, blowing a strand of her hair from her face. "Ryan got beat up last night."

Andrew frowned. "By whom?"

"This guy who tried to date rape me. Kevin Volchok." At Andrew's confused and wide eyes, Marissa almost smiled. "Long story. But when Ryan came to my rescue, he became Volchok's number one target." Marissa closed her locker. "It didn't used to be a problem because I was always with Ryan…"

Andrew nodded, finishing for her. "But when you two weren't talking, Volchok could finally get to Ryan." He reached over and rubbed her arm soothingly. "Is he okay?"

Marissa shrugged, nodding. "I guess. It's not like he's going to die or anything." She shuddered at the thought. "He had a concussion, so that's why he's still in the hospital. Other than that he has bruised ribs and is just really bruised everywhere. He's in a lot of pain."

Andrew nodded sympathetically. "Yeah, I'd think so. Sounds incredibly painful." He thought about it, looking into his locker before turning to her. "Um, not to sound rude, but what are you even doing here if Ryan's in the hospital…?"

Marissa laughed bitterly, touched at how understanding Andrew was. "My dad decided to suddenly play the parent card and make me come to school. After all the skipping I've done lately, I can't entirely get angry, though I am upset I'm not there right now."

Andrew closed his locker, sighing. "Well, the end of the day will come before you know it. Until then, I guess just check your phone for updates." He wrapped an arm around Marissa, and she leaned against him, finally letting herself just rest for a minute. She had constantly worried since receiving the call late last night, and now the exhaustion hit her hard.

"Most boyfriends wouldn't be so understanding of my feelings, especially how they did a complete turnaround from last night," Marissa muttered quietly, lifting her eyes to Andrew's.

He smiled softly, tucking her hand behind her ears and cupping her face gently in his hands. "Most boyfriends don't understand what it's like to lose a best friend," he said quietly, his eyes soft with old pain.

Even though she was absolutely exhausted and still worried about Ryan, Marissa's heart melted at the way Andrew just _looked _at her. Without another word, she leaned in and kissed him gently. For just a minute, nothing else mattered. Only for a minute though.

XXXXX

At a little after four, all the paperwork was finally finished and Ryan could leave. He stood and the nurse made him sit down in a wheelchair per hospital policy, which annoyed him to no end. His mom had placed _Les Mis _in her purse, and Marissa wasn't around. He was in pain, tired, and grumpy.

Just as his mom glanced around the room to make sure they hadn't left anything, Marissa walked into the room breathlessly, sighing in relief when she saw they were still there. "Thank god, I got here as fast as I could."

Dawn waved her off. "You could've met us at home."

Both Ryan and Marissa gave her a look that said that _wouldn't _be preferable, not realizing they had given her the exact same look. Dawn just rolled her eyes and bit her lip to keep from smiling. Yes, they were _definitely _made for each other.

Marissa gave the nurse a look and she immediately moved aside, allowing Marissa to get behind Ryan's wheelchair and push it. "How are you feeling?" she asked, wheeling him out of the room.

Ryan shrugged, but winced at the pain. "Been better."

She reached out and squeezed his shoulder gently, immediately soothing him. "Did the prescribe you medicine?"

Dawn nodded. "Yep. Only for the first few days though, and they would rather he not rely on it."

Ryan rolled his eyes and mumbled, "I'd like to see _them _not use the medicine."

"What have you been doing today? Resting, I hope," Marissa asked, looking to Dawn for approval.

Dawn shrugged and Ryan said, "I've been catching up on some school reading."

Marissa glared down at Ryan, which he swore he could feel since he couldn't exactly see her behind him. "Ryan, you need rest."

He rolled his eyes again. "I'm fine, _mom_."

Dawn piped in, "Hey now, I'm the one who let you read. Don't call _her _mom."

Ryan shot her a look now, and she smirked at him. Marissa looked at Dawn now. "Why aren't you making him rest?"

Dawn shrugged and Ryan grinned at her for getting the heat now. "He's gonna do what he's gonna do."

Marissa rolled her eyes as they reached the entrance of the hospital. "Where are you parked?" she asked Dawn.

The older woman opened her mouth to speak, but Ryan said, "Why don't I ride with you? Your car is higher up, so I won't hurt myself while getting out."

Dawn shrugged and looked at Marissa, trying not to smirk at her son's ways. She knew just what he was trying to do, and she was proud of him. Even in pain, battered and broken, he was trying to make sure Marissa forgave him. He wanted to talk to her. "Works for me."

Marissa seemed to relax even more, obviously happier to be able to keep an eye on Ryan. "Okay. Good. We'll meet you at the house, then."

Ryan slowly stood, wincing a little bit. Marissa wrapped an arm around him to try and help him, but all Ryan could think of was how right it felt to be with Marissa. He knew now wasn't the time to tell her how he felt again, but it _was _the time to make sure she understood how sorry he was.

She helped him to the car, which he didn't actually need. He could walk with minimal pain. It was just twisting his body and standing that hurt. When they reached the car, Marissa even tried to help him in, but he just gave her a silent look. She caught on and backed off, a sheepish smile on her face. "Sorry."

He smiled back at her, the first time they'd smiled at each other in a long time. "It's fine."

She climbed into the driver's seat, checking to make sure he was okay one last time before starting the car. "How are you, really?" Marissa asked quietly, glancing over at him.

"Honestly, the physical pain isn't much compared to how upset I am with myself," Ryan said, staring at Marissa seriously. He knew he looked horrible. One of his eyes was pretty much swollen shut, and his whole face must have looked repulsive, but Marissa's gaze never wavered. _I actually love her, and this is why_, he thought, unable to comprehend how stupid he had been this entire time not to see it.

"What do you mean?" Marissa asked softly.

"I've been horrible to you all these years," he said quietly, unable to keep her gaze. "And I didn't realize it until last night, but you deserve so much better in a friend."

Marissa reached over, running her thumb over his bruised and cut knuckles. "You're not so bad," she said quietly, and the combination of her soft voice and gentle touch made something twist inside his stomach.

"I'm going to make it up to you," he said honestly, his voice low and gruff with promise.

Marissa merely smiled, placing the car in reverse. "I look forward to it."

XXXXX

**Oh, I posted a one shot in case you haven't read it. It's called "Maybe". I will write another one when I have time. Probably the one with Marissa in the airport instead of Kaitlin, unless a lot of people start asking for something else.**

**Individual replies:**

**Riss: **Marissa is seriously friendzoned. Or was. And Volchok won't be around haha. I just needed hurt Ryan honestly.

**Jen: **I'm sorry for the wait!

**Sara: **I would be pretty pissed at Ryan's timing, but if the guy I loved was in the hospital all beaten and broken, I would definitely put aside my anger for a while. I think it's just instinctive.

**Guest: **Aw thank you :)

**Devon: **It's okay! I understand how things can get busy!

**Skillz37: **I think you just might be right ;) And yay you were my 200th review!

**RMforever: **It really is an awesome amount of reviews. I have the best readers.

**Nadine: **I'm good at making MY opinions change haha.

**xoElle23: **Haha, I love your reviews. "OH MY LORD IS THAT MY HEART ON THE GROUND IN SO MANY TINY PIECES? I BELIEVE SO. But in the best possible way." Haha. The way you talk makes me smile.

**TVDaddict22: **The dynamic between Ryan and Marissa will definitely change in the upcoming chapters.

**Isabella: **Haha, Volchok is pretty much gone. Maybe he'll be mentioned in passing next chapter, but that's it.

**Fatedtopretendd: **I think I reviewed on your story, but I want you to know that you write so amazingly and I am forever in awe of your talent.

**Sailaway: **You are going to definitely love parts 2 and 3 ;)


	17. Part One: Chapter Sixteen

**A/N A number of you mentioned how long it takes me to post. I'm sorry! Haha, I find it very cool that you guys like my story enough that you want me to post faster. Right now I am posting as fast as I can, but depending on my weekly work schedule, I could post more or less. Right now I try to post twice a week, but definitely once a week. Next week I work less, so I **_**might **_**be able to fit in three posts. We'll see. Anyway, I love your reviews. Read and Review, and Enjoy!**

Ryan hated to depend on people. It was just in his nature to provide for others, not be provided for. Having to stay home and 'rest' was really starting to wear on him. The only perk to being almost bedridden was having Marissa there constantly. _That _he could get used to.

Ryan knew they had a lot of things to talk about. Big things. Things that would end up pushing him past his comfort limit twenty times over simply because he didn't talk about feelings and love. He never even told his mom he loved her. But slowly he tried to gain the courage to tell Marissa the truth – that he was in love with her. He always had been.

Little things she did that he had never really thought about before just kept reminding him how much there was to love about her. Things like how she furrowed her eyebrows whenever she thought hard, and the way she nibbled on her bottom lip while doing reading, and how her cheeks grew red whenever he complimented her. He felt so stupid for never seeing how much he loved the little things, and even stupider for not realizing he loved _her _before everything went to hell.

A few days after his run in with Volchok, Marissa walked into his room with a triumphant smile on her face. "Guess what."

Ryan put his book aside so she couldn't see it, and just looked at her. "What?"

She climbed onto his bed next to him, crossing her legs and resting her elbows on her knees. "Volchok got arrested."

Ryan raised his eyebrows. "Oh really? Assault?"

She shook her head. "No, he stole a car! Assault was only the icing on the cake." She reached out and ran her fingers lightly over the bruise right below his eye, frowning. "Now we don't have to worry about him anymore." Ryan smiled lightly as he looked at Marissa. She met his gaze and held it for a few seconds before shying away, removing her hand. "Anyway. How are you feeling?"

He shrugged but winced as he turned the wrong way. "Little bit of pain, but it's becoming more manageable." He looked at her. "How are _you_?"

She laughed slightly. "I'm not the one with bruised ribs."

"But _I _care how you're doing," he said quietly, making her meet his gaze again.

She bit her lip in her nervous way. "I'm okay. A little tired if I'm honest."

"That's what happens when you don't sleep," he said sternly.

She smiled and shrugged. "I have a lot of things that keep me up."

He raised his eyebrows. "Like what?"

She shrugged again, looking away. "I don't know. You.."

Ryan furrowed his eyebrows, sitting up slightly despite the pain. "Why am I keeping you up? You need your sleep, Marissa."

She gave him a look that told him she didn't appreciate being lectured. "I worry, Ryan. The last time I left you, you ended up almost dying.."

"I didn't almost die…" he protested quietly, softening.

"You could've," she mumbled, refusing to meet his gaze. "I know we have a lot of things to work through, but I can't help blaming myself for not _being _there. He never did anything to you with me there…"

"Hey…" Ryan reached out for her hand, squeezing it lightly. "_I'm _the one to blame here of the two of us. I made way more mistakes, I did way worse things, but looking back isn't going to change anything. I say we move forward."

She smiled weakly. "How?"

He patted the spot next to him, opening up his arms. "_You _need your sleep." At her hesitant glance, he smiled. "Come on, consider it therapy."

She fit herself against him, careful not to put any pressure against any injured part of his body. She rested her head in the crook of his shoulder, where his arm and torso met. "Tell me if anything hurts."

He smiled, running his hand up and down her arm, feeling content for the first time in weeks. "I feel much better, but I'll tell you."

Slowly, they both closed their eyes, content to just be in their familiar position again. Andrew had tried to hold her like this so many times in the weeks they'd been dating, but he never felt this comfortable. Somehow, he never felt this _right_.

They both fell asleep easier, all their stress and worries melting away. An hour later Dawn walked in to ask Ryan what he wanted for dinner, shutting her mouth and smiling when she saw the way the two held onto each other as they slept. Silently she backed out of the room slowly, letting the two _friends _stay in their own little world.

XXXXX

Marissa had always loved to learn, but these days she really couldn't stand school. The thought of sitting in a classroom when Ryan was at home all by himself made her feel worried beyond compare. To make things worse, today at lunch she couldn't even drop by his house to check in on him because she had to work on a project with Andrew for English class. While she would usually love spending time with her boyfriend, she couldn't enjoy Andrew when she knew Ryan didn't even have his mom home to keep an eye on him.

She shut her locker just as her phone buzzed. She glanced down and smiled seeing a text from Ryan.

_**Ry: **_you coming over for lunch?

_**Marissa: **_no I have that project with Andrew :(

As she waited for his reply, Andrew walked up looking down at his own phone, a frown on his face. He pecked her lips, then turned back to his phone. "Hey."

Marissa glanced down at her phone, seeing Ryan replied. "Hey."

_**Ry: **_but I'm bored…

She bit her lip to hide her smile, glancing up at Andrew to see him still staring at his phone. "You ready for this project?"

He nodded absently, chewing on his bottom lip thoughtfully. "Yeah."

_**Marissa: **_then go to sleep! You're supposed to rest!

Marissa looked at Andrew, reaching over and touching him his foot with hers. "Hey, something wrong?"

Andrew didn't hear her for a second, then blinked a few times and shook his head. "No, no. It's just.." He frowned, then shrugged, looking lost. "Leah, one of Jess' girls, is acting kind of strange lately. Really clingy, that kind of stuff. She's usually not that clingy, so it's kind of worrisome. And she doesn't sleep much. She's always up crying. Yet she acts kind of out of it whenever Jess holds her."

Marissa once again was reminded of how thoughtful a boyfriend she had. "You and Jess still keep in touch?"

He nodded, sighing and sliding his phone in his pocket. "Of course. Every day. If you ever see me texting, that's probably who." He blinked a few times, trying to clear his head. "Anyway, how's Ryan?"

"Good. I think. Bored." She glanced down at her phone and saw another text.

_**Ry: **_How much can one person rest? I'm bored. And can't sleep.

_**Marissa: **_You slept just fine yesterday.

"That's good. Send him my condolences and warm wishes and everything." He smiled, but it didn't quite reach his eyes. She could tell his mind was on Jess, which should have probably made her jealous, but only made her feel sympathetic.

"Hey, Leah is probably just fine," Marissa offered, rubbing his arm reassuringly.

He nodded and smiled weakly. "I know, I know. She hasn't even started displaying any symptoms yet, so I don't know what I'm doing worrying. She is just…" He smiled sadly, shrugging. "I love her, Marissa. I know I said it's hard to watch someone you love have a baby with someone else, but I _love _those two girls with all my heart."

Marissa didn't even know how to make him feel better when she hadn't ever experienced something like him, and quite honestly never _wanted _to. "I'm sorry. I can imagine it's really rough, but you just have to stay positive right now?" Marissa offered.

Andrew nodded, his eyes far away. "Yeah, totally." He smiled easily, which Marissa wished she could call real, but probably wasn't. "Come on, we have a project to do."

He held his hand out for her, and she smiled, taking it. With one last glance at her phone, she saw Ryan had replied.

_**Ry: **_That's cause you were there.

Biting her lip, she knew she should feel horrible for the butterflies in her stomach at that text. But honestly, as bad as it might make her, she just couldn't feel guilty. She loved Ryan. He was her best friend. Sometimes, nothing else mattered.

XXXXX

While Marissa went to school, Ryan read. A lot. Cause _Les Miserables _was an outrageously gigantic book.

Ryan had a lot of things he had to change before he could even remotely deserve Marissa. He had spent his whole life thinking they were equal, but now he realized they simply _weren't_. Marissa was incredible. She was funny and smart and charming and absolutely breathtaking. And Ryan? He was a blind manwhore. He couldn't think of a nicer way to describe himself.

Ryan knew he was an incredibly jealous person. He was skeptical. He was cynical. He believed in very few things, and in even less people. He liked things a certain way, grew too defensive too fast, liked to be in charge of everything. He hated admitting when he was wrong, and held it against people when they doubted him as he was right. He took years to trust people, and seconds to stop. He _was _possessive.

And Marissa? She wasn't perfect. She drank a little bit too much when she felt sad, and she had a habit of getting defensive very easily. She grew _angry _and he couldn't do a damn thing to make her listen. She was stubborn. She was perhaps a little spoiled. She, too, liked to get her way.

But he loved every single imperfection of hers, perhaps more than every single perfect or flawless part of her body. She could be stubborn, but she was so incredibly kind. She was defensive, but she would put her heart on the line for anyone she loved. She was a little spoiled, but she could be the most selfless person on the planet. She could hurt you or make mistakes, but she would sacrifice her own happiness for your own without a second's hesitation.

She was incredible. He was not. He did not deserve her. Not yet.

He told himself if he just finished this book, he would deserve her. If he could just prove to her that he wanted to change, that he wanted to be more attentive and less blind, more trusting and less jealous, he knew he could love her more than anyone else. He _knew _her better than anyone else, and that's why they just fit. Maybe he wasn't perfect, and neither was she, but they were imperfectly perfect. Or perfectly imperfect. Beautifully twisted.

He felt like every word he read gave him a little bit more insight into Marissa's mind. Eponine Thenardier was supposed to be Marissa, right? He quickly learned three things about Eponine:

One, she _wasn't _supposed to be pretty. Time and circumstances stripped away her beauty before she even had a chance to blossom.

Two, she was incredibly clever. Crafty. Eponine knew her way around, and that was perhaps the most depressing thing about her character.

Three, she loved Marius. Maybe he was blind to love and poor, maybe he seemed weird to the revolutionaries until the barricades, maybe Jean Valjean hated him and his grandfather disowned him – but he treated Eponine like a person instead of a means to an end, and that made her love him. It even made her save him.

Eponine's last words: _And by the way, __Monsieur Marius, I believe__ that I was a __little bit in love with you__._

Her dying wish? That her brother not know she died, and that Marius kiss her on the forehead. That's it.

Ryan became so absorbed in the book that he passed his long hours without anyone very quickly. He read hundreds of pages a day since he simply had nothing else to do. Instead of working on his homework, he read. He felt he had been reading this book for years, but it was a mere few weeks since he and Marissa had stopped talking.

_Andrew _may have known this book first, but _Ryan _would know it inside out. _Andrew _may have understood what it felt like to have unrequited love, but _Ryan _would make sure Marissa never felt that way again.

_Andrew _may have been with Marissa right now, but _Ryan _would end up with her.

Now all he had to do was convince Marissa of the same thing.

XXXXX

On Friday afternoon, Marissa was lounging on Ryan's bed doing homework. Ryan glanced over his sports magazine and smirked at her, rolling his eyes. She noticed the movement and looked up, glaring when she saw his amusement. "What?"

"Normal people wait until Sunday to do their homework," he said with an amused smile.

She rolled her eyes. "Normal people aren't stuck hanging out in a bedroom all day," she bit back.

Ryan gave her a look. "The door is wide open if you want to go…"

She rolled her eyes and wrote down the answer to her math problem. "You know I'm not going anywhere. _Try _to get rid of me."

Ryan smiled softly to himself, looking back down at his sport's magazine. He didn't want Marissa anywhere else, either. He turned the page and tried to pay attention to the magazine, but couldn't when Marissa was finally right here. He had _missed _her like crazy. "What homework are you doing?"

She didn't bother to look up, chewing on her lip as she read the next problem. "Calculus."

He nodded, leaning back a little bit, observing her. She looked beautiful, even here in his room with her hair thrown back in a messy ponytail. "Need any help?"

She shook her head. "No, but I'll tell you if I do."

She hadn't even glanced up, focusing on her homework. He frowned, wondering what to say. Before, he had just talked and never worried about what she thought because he always figured she would just accept him. Now that he was trying to be a better friend and eventually possibly a boyfriend for her, he felt like he had to act slightly differently with her. "You look nice today," he finally said, blinking a few times in confusion afterward. Did he really just say that?

Marissa glanced up at him, quirking one eyebrows up in confusion. "Ryan, I look like a mess," she said, shaking her head and rolling her eyes.

He shook his head, very seriously saying, "You never look like a mess. Even when you are a mess." Marissa quirked her eyebrow again, and Ryan quickly tried to explain. "I mean, you can't look bad. Even when you're in a situation where any normal person would look bad, you still look good."

Marissa nodded slowly, eying him carefully. "Um, thanks?"

Ryan sighed, leaning back and closing his eyes. "When did making conversation get so difficult?"

Marissa smiled and laughed slightly. "When you started overthinking it." She moved her books aside and crossed her legs, resting her elbows on her knees again, giving him her full attention. "What do you _really _want to talk about?"

He tilted his head, softly smiling. "How do you know me so well?"

Marissa laughed. "It comes from knowing you for over ten years. I kind of have a supernatural ability." She reached over, squeezing his hand carefully to not mess with his healing. "Now what's up?"

He wanted to tell her that he finally understood how wrong he had been. That he _had _been possessive, but he didn't know if he would change anything about it. That the thought of her with any other guy made him sick to his stomach, not because he felt he had some hold over her, but because he was so freaking in love with her the thought of her _not _ending up with him wasn't even an option.

He wanted to tell her he missed watching _The Notebook_ with her. That he was having withdrawals from not watching _The Parent Trap_. That he missed watching Saturday morning cartoons with her when they were kids, and where did that time go, anyway? How did they grow up so fast? How was it possible they were already going to graduate?

He wanted to tell her she wasn't Eponine.

She _couldn't _be Eponine.

Because, well, he _loved _her.

He knew once he opened his mouth, all these words would come pouring out like water from a faucet, but it terrified him. He'd never told anyone he loved them before. He'd never put himself out there in a situation where he could be horribly rejected.

He'd never had to question his relationship with Marissa. Ever. But now all he did was question _everything_.

Taking a deep breath, he decided to just tell her what he was thinking. Whatever she chose to do or not do would then be dependent on her. He opened his mouth to speak, but his door opening cut him off. He glanced up and saw Andrew standing there with an awkward smile on his face. Ryan furrowed his eyebrows in confusion and annoyance, and Marissa just looked plain stumped.

Andrew glanced between the two, fidgeting awkwardly. "I know this is weird, but Marissa wasn't answering her phone and this is kind of a _now_, not later thing."

Marissa still looked super confused. If Ryan wasn't so annoyed, he would smile at the look on her face. She looked at Andrew and finally asked, "What's up?"

Andrew pulled some tickets from his back pocket. "Okay, I know, totally last minute but Kat was supposed to go see The Killers with this guy in her math class, but he ended up being a creep and she gave _me _the tickets. I asked if she wanted to go with me, and she said she wouldn't go to a concert with me in a million years because she's apparently mad at me right now?" At Marissa's face, he stopped his rambling. "Right. Anyway, so she told me I should take _you, _and I know that we have both been busy this week so I thought it would be maybe kind of fun. You like them, right?"

Marissa glanced at Andrew, then over at Ryan. "I don't know. Ryan's still kind of in pain and I…"

Surprising all of them, Ryan said, "You should go."

Marissa turned to Ryan, furrowing her eyebrows. "Wait, what?"

Ryan blinked a few times, rubbing his arm nervously. "You should go. With Andrew." He offered a half smile, but it didn't reach his eyes because this was _killing _him to say. "He's your boyfriend, you should spend our Friday night out with him. You're the one who said there's not a lot to do here anyway."

Marissa slumped her shoulders, looking guilty. "Ryan, I didn't mean it that way."

"I know you didn't," he said softly, patting her knee, ignoring how right it felt. "But I'm saying you're right. You've been here the last couple of days. My mom is here. I have schoolwork to do and reading to finish." He offered what he hoped was a reassuring smile. "Andrew's a good guy…"

Both Marissa and Andrew cut him off by asking the same question.

"I am?"

"He is?"

Ryan looked between the two and nodded. "I know I've made mistakes in the past, but I'm done with that now. Go out with your boyfriend. Have fun. You love The Killers." _And I love you. _"It'll be great. Now, go." He made a show of shooing her away. "Get out of here. I'm sure it starts soon."

Marissa still couldn't really process this. Ryan was telling her to go out with Andrew? That he was a good guy? Where had her over possessive supposedly jealous best friend gone? The guy who roughed up all her potential boyfriends and lied about it straight to her face?

Andrew, meanwhile, was staring at Ryan very seriously, considering this turn of events. He hadn't expected Marissa to actually come out with him, but he had wanted to at least offer. He knew what it was like to want to be at your best friend's side all the time. He felt like that with Jess. If he could, he would be back home in Maine sitting beside her right not to tell her everything would be okay.

Yet, Ryan was letting Marissa go?

For the first time, Andrew realized Ryan _did _love Marissa enough to change. And that put Andrew in a tough situation, because he knew how much Marissa felt for Ryan, too. He had a lot of thinking to do after tonight, but for right now he just wanted one last drama free night with the very special Marissa Cooper.

Finally, Marissa stood and bit her lip, unsure of what to do. "Um… I guess I can get Andrew to drop me off after the concert? So I can get my stuff and drive back home?"

Andrew nodded, shrugging. "Sounds like a plan. Gives you time to check back in on our very own Rocky over here."

Ryan attempted a smile, but he was already regretting his decision to be the bigger person. "I promise not to go joyriding in your car," he joked.

Marissa smiled briefly, but still felt weird just leaving him here. She leaned down and kissed his forehead, which made Andrew wince just the smallest bit. "You sure?" she murmured so only he could hear.

"Positive," he murmured back, meeting her gaze the best he could.

She nodded and pulled away, turning to Andrew, then glancing back at Ryan. "I'll see you later, I guess."

"Yeah, thanks man," Andrew said, giving Ryan a grateful nod.

Ryan just shrugged and nodded, forcing a smile. "Have fun."

As he watched them go, Ryan knew he was doing the right thing. He just wished it didn't hurt so much.

XXXXX

Marissa quietly slipped into Ryan's house later that night, trying not to make any noise. She saw Dawn sitting in the living room watching TV, and immediately blushed. "Oh, I didn't know you were awake or I would have let you know I was here…"

Dawn gave her a look and waved her off. "Please, sometimes I think you live here too." She gestured towards Ryan's room. "I think he fell asleep, but feel free to wake him. I know he'd love it."

Marissa nodded, biting her lip to hide her soft smile. She knew that Ryan did love her company. Whether his feelings for her were romantic or just friendly, maybe it didn't matter? The fact was, she loved spending time with him and he loved spending time with her. Why did the rest need to be so complicated? She needed to just stop caring so much about romance and start focusing on her friendship with Ryan.

She slipped into his room just as quietly as she slipped into the house, smiling when she saw his lamp was still on. He'd fallen asleep reading _Hamlet _for his English class, and she carefully lifted it from his grasp, marking his place and setting it aside. She grabbed some clothes from

'her' drawer and went to change into some sweats and a large tshirt.

When she was ready for bed, she climbed into bed next to Ryan, turning off the light. She had told Ryan before that maybe they shouldn't sleep together anymore, but right now she couldn't remember her reasons. They just slept _better _together. What else mattered?

She rested her head in its usual spot, resting her hand on his chest. Of all the areas on his torso, Volchok had mostly avoided Ryan's chest. She closed her eyes and breathed out, content.

She smiled when she felt Ryan's arm tighten around her and his breathing change. "Go back to sleep," she murmured, glancing up at his face through the darkness.

He rubbed his eyes tiredly but shook his head. "Nah, I'm fine. How was the concert?"

"Good," she said, shrugging. "I really appreciated you letting me go."

Ryan sighed. "I shouldn't have to _let _you go. You get to decide whatever you want to do. I'm done pressuring you one way or another. I want you to be happy, whatever that means. And like I said, Andrew _is _a good guy, as much as I absolutely hate to admit it."

Marissa smiled, rubbing his chest in appreciation. "You've really impressed me lately. I feel like the last few days you just finally understand me."

He nodded slowly, running his hand over her bare arm, giving her goose bumps. "I do understand. That's what I've been trying to convey. I _know _I've been a horrible friend to you in the past. Possessive to a really bad degree, and I'm trying to change, I am." He sighed and they both stayed silent for a long time, sleep beginning to set in. Finally, after a long while, Ryan murmured, "I don't want to lose you again."

Marissa smiled, sleep slowly taking hold of her. "You won't."

XXXXX

**Individual Replies:**

**TVDaddict22: **haha, I don't really feel like writing Volchok, so for all intents and purposes, he is gone from this story. Darn that Volchok for being a felon and conveniently getting locked up.

**Skillz37: **Haha, I'm sorry! I am off more next week, so I should be able to write more. I understand what it's like to want to know what happens next. I don't exactly help all the time haha. But the next chapter should be done early next week! Wednesday at the latest.

**Kerschi-Puky: **I think that even if Ryan and Marissa got together right now, they still have a whole lot of issues to deal with. They have a lot of unresolved things and a lot of past hurt that just doesn't go away. So, no matter what happens between them romantically, they still have some tough emotional hurtles to face. And some outside drama might make it worse ;)

**Sara: **There will be a lot of R/M conversation in next chapter :)

**Guest: **Haha sorry! I don't even remember how long I took to post last week? I hope this wait wasn't too long.

**Clarity23: **I think I missed your deadline :/ In my defense, I've been working like crazy and my little sister's birthday is tomorrow. So I've been busy. But I hope I made this in time for you! Thank you for your lovely reviews :)

**Nadine: **Yes, yes he is :)

**xoElle23: **I just want you to know that I've memorized your username because I've had to write it so many times. I'm really bad with remembering names and stuff these days haha. Anyway, if you like to smile, I think you should read the next chapter ;)

**Jen: **Thank you! I'm glad!

**Devon: **Haha, people keep saying I keep you waiting! I don't mean to! I just like to torcher you all with drama and stuff ;)

**Riss: **I obviously did not post that night. Sorry! Haha, I go on the internet in class when I shouldn't all the time. It's really bad.

**Sailaway: **I have seen the movie and I read the book! I love that story. Don't even get me started on the ending though haha.


	18. Part One: Chapter Seventeen

**A/N I apologize for the delay. Crazy stuff happening. Work, The Spurs (I'm a San Antonian), and today there was an emergency with my brother's guinea pig, who consequently died. Sad day. But here is the new chapter, and it's a very long and intense chapter, so I hope you enjoy it. The faster you review, the faster I will be able to post this week. So, Read and Review, and Enjoy!**

There were very few things Andrew wouldn't do for people he cared for. Sometimes he knew how much it would hurt in advance, and others he just acted without caring how painful it would be in the end. He had this need to make people happy, and a lot of times he was an afterthought.

Something about that changed when it came to Marissa Cooper.

Andrew had always been the nice guy. Too perfect, or so people said. Maybe he was more willing to please than most, but he didn't think it was outrageously so. He just liked people he cared for to be happy. That was it.

Maybe it was the recent memory of having his heart shattered to a million little pieces, but with Marissa Cooper, he just couldn't walk away. Not easily. He was tired of being the _good guy_. What about _him_? What about _his _feelings?

Was he in love with Marissa? No. Not yet. But he _could _fall in love with her if given the chance. That was the point. Maybe _they _were the ones perfect for each other, and Ryan wasn't her meant-to-be.

Then again, _maybe _he was just setting himself up for heartbreak.

Either way, he wouldn't leave unless something changed. Something big.

Luckily for Ryan, something very big _did _change.

XXXXX

Much to Ryan's relief, he could finally stop _resting _all the damn time.

Ryan had missed a lot of things while his bruised ribs made it difficult to move. One, he missed the general thrill of _walking _more than a few steps a day – something he blamed on his mom and Marissa, but knew they had just been worried. Two, he missed _people_. Ryan hated people, but sometimes you just need to hear more than your own voice for the majority of the day.

On Monday Ryan finally convinced his mom to let him go to school. She seemed reluctant, and Ryan knew it was probably because of what Marissa would have to say about it when she came over that morning. Marissa could be a lot of things, and _persuasive _was definitely on the top of that list.

To prove a point, Ryan was dressed and ready to go by the time Marissa arrived. She did a double take when she walked through the front door and saw him drinking juice at the table. Narrowing her eyes, she asked, "What are you doing?"

"I am eating breakfast so I can go to school," he replied with a grin.

Marissa sighed. "Ryan…"

"Mom agreed," he said with a shrug, which didn't hurt as much as it had merely a few days ago.

Dawn walked out of her room and saw Marissa. She shrugged herself. "He says he's ready."

"Ryan says a lot of things that we shouldn't necessarily believe whole heartedly," she muttered, and Ryan wondered what that meant but didn't ask.

Deciding to speak up, Ryan said, "Riss, let it go. I'm going to school. You can either drive me or I can ride my bike." He smirked at her, knowing what she'd say.

Glaring at him, she rolled her eyes. "We both know I'm driving you."

Ryan smiled and stood, walking over to her. Placing one hand on her hip and brushing some hair from her face, he just angled his head at her. "Stop worrying so much. Look, I'm fine."

Marissa's breath hitched at Ryan's nearness. All of her worry and annoyance dissipated as she felt his warm hand burning into her hip and looked into his beautiful blue eyes. She could tell herself she was over him all she wanted, but she _never _felt this way with Andrew, and that scared her. "You better be," she merely murmured, eyes connected to his.

He pulled away, grabbing her hand. "I made you breakfast."

Marissa quirked an eyebrows. "You…did?"

Ryan nodded, pulling her to the table and pulling back a chair for her. "Yes. And it's still warm so you need to stop being stubborn and just go with it."

He shuffled over to the stove where he had made pancakes and bacon for her. Marissa loved pancakes and bacon with orange juice – no pulp. Making two plates, he shuffled back to the table, setting one down in front of her and one down in his spot. "What's this for?" Marissa asked, genuinely touched.

Ryan shrugged and smiled crookedly. "You've done a lot for me. Consider this one of many thank yous."

Dawn watched from her doorway, smiling at the two. She gave it a week.

XXXXX

At school, Ryan walked with Marissa to her locker. He leaned against the locker to her left since he knew Andrew would need his locker to her right. "So what have I missed at school?" he asked, offering Marissa a smile.

She shrugged as she put her book in her locker, glancing his way. "Nothing really. Same boring stuff as usual."

He grinned and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "You love school and you know it."

Marissa smiled, butterflies in her stomach as she felt Ryan's touch. "School without you isn't as much fun as school with you," she admitted quietly, her cheeks burning as she turned her gaze to his.

His smile fell away as he looked at her, feeling that charged connection between them that he had for so long denied. He shifted his weight to his other foot and quietly murmured, "Riss…"

He wanted to tell her everything, all of his feelings. But once again, Andrew walked by. "Hey guys," he said loudly, opening his locker.

Marissa tore her gaze from Ryan's, exhaling slowly, trying to recover her composure. Ryan had always been able to make her feel butterflies, but lately he looked at her differently. If she didn't know any better, she might think he was starting to feel it too.

"Hey," Marissa said, turning to smile at Andrew. Andrew leaned in and pecked her lips quickly, which just felt like a dagger in the heart to Ryan. He turned his eyes away, unable to handle it.

"Feeling better, Ryan?" Andrew asked as he placed some books in his backpack.

Ryan nodded, offering a weak smile. "Still a little pain, but feeling much better."

Andrew nodded, closing his locker. "Well for the record you look much better. Still a little bruised, I can see, but it doesn't look as painful."

Ryan nodded, picking at a piece of lint on his shirt just to avoid having to look at Andrew. "Yeah, it's much better."

Andrew turned to Marissa and placed a hand on her waist, unknowingly twisting the imaginary dagger in Ryan's chest. "Want me to walk you to class?"

Marissa turned her gaze to Ryan, hesitating. Taking notice, Ryan lifted his eyes to hers and offered a smile. "Go ahead. I'll go find Seth, see how he's doing. He was kind of too chicken to visit me the last week." At Andrew's confused eyes, he added, "Seth has this thing with pain. Doesn't like it at all, even just seeing it."

Andrew nodded. "Ah."

Ryan nodded as well, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand. "Yeah. So, I'll let you two go."

He turned to leave, but Marissa reached for his hand, keeping him from leaving. "Are you sure?" she asked quietly, staring at him intently.

Ryan knew he could tell her no and she would immediately follow him wherever he went. But he also knew he needed to stop being so selfish when it came to Marissa because she deserved happiness, whoever that was with. Forcing a smile, he nodded. "Go on. See you later?"

Marissa bit her lip, and it made him want to lean in and kiss all the shyness and hesitance away. One day he _would _do just that, he decided. "Definitely," she murmured.

Using all his strength, he turned and walked away.

XXXXX

The rest of the week passed like that for Ryan. He would be having an amazing moment with Marissa, ready to put his heart on the line, and suddenly Andrew would appear. Ryan swore Andrew must have some sort of alarm or something that went off whenever Ryan and Marissa were having a moment. There was no other way to explain it.

Except, there was the possibility that maybe Ryan wasn't supposed to tell Marissa how he felt. What if all these missed opportunities were just the universe's way of telling him that Marissa just didn't need to know?

After a few days of failed attempts, Ryan lost his nerve. Fast.

Marissa hung out at his house every day after school. She came to his house every single morning. They even began to have their usual lunches together every other day. But she noticed something off about him, something that made her uneasy. He looked at her differently, and he even acted a little different with her. Sometimes she missed the old Ryan who would just let himself go and _be _there with her. Sometimes, she liked to fantasize he was changing for her. Silly. Mostly, she was just glad she had him in her life at all.

On Friday night Marissa stopped by his house after ten, surprising him in bed as he finished _Les Miserables. _He placed the book to the side, feeling sheepish grin spread. "What are you doing here? I thought you had date night with Andrew or something?"

Marissa nodded and shrugged. "Jess ended up calling him and they've been on the phone for the past two hours. I waited for him to call me back but he never did, so I went over and saw him talking to her. I think one of the twins got sick." She climbed onto his bed and grabbed his copy of the book, grinning. "_Les Mis_, huh? I thought you would've given up on that by now."

Ryan tried to reach for the book, but she held it out of his reach, grinning. "I needed to know what you were talking about."

Marissa raised her eyebrows, flipping through the book. He had highlighted different parts he had thought she might like, and it actually looked a lot like _her _copy. "You could have googled it."

"That would be cheating." He tried to grab the book again, but she stood and looked at the quotations.

"_He who felt that he never do more than crawl, or at the best walk, watched while Cosette grew wings."_

"_We scarcely dare say in these days that two persons fell in love because their eyes met. Yet that is how one falls in love and in no other way. What remains is simply what remains, and it comes later. Nothing is more real than the shock two being sustain when that spark flies between them."_

"_She loved the more deeply because she did so in ignorance. She did not know if what had happened to her was good or bad, salutary or perilous, permitted or forbidden; she simply loved." _

"_There was a weight in her heart that every day grew heavier, sot that she no longer knew or cared whether it was winter or summer, rain or shine, whether the birds still sang, whether it was the season of primroses or dahlias, whether the Luxembourg was any different from the Tuileries…"_

"_To me, you see, you're an angel."_

Marissa glanced up from reading some of his highlights, a sad smile on her face. It was stupid and insecure of her, but _of course _he would care more about Cosette. Marissa, forever the Eponine, Cooper. "Marius and Cosette, huh?"

Ryan stood and tried to take the book from her, but she still wouldn't let him. "It's not what you think," he murmured.

Marissa laughed. "Why do you say it like that? So you like Cosette and Marius. It's okay, Ry. Not everyone likes Eponine."

Ryan sighed. "Marissa, it's not like that. I _do _like Eponine. It's just…"

"That Cosette is more loveable. She's pretty and smart and easy to love. It's fine." She closed the book and handed it to him, a sad smile on her face. "I'm glad you read the book. Did you finish it?"

Ryan shook his head. "I'm on the last page, see?" He opened the book and showed her.

She nodded, the sad smile still on her face. "It's a good book. I think it's my favorite."

Ryan glanced up at her, trying to catch her eye but she wouldn't look at him. He knew she was thinking he didn't love Eponine, and that meant he didn't love _her_. He knew her mind went there because that's what Andrew had convinced her they both had – some tragic unrequited love. But she _wasn't _Eponine. Damn't, if anything, he wanted her to just not feel that way.

"Marissa, I want you to know something," he murmured, taking a step closer to her.

She finally lifted her eyes to his and looked at him. The energy between them changed, and both of them started drawing closer together. "Hmm?" she asked, unable to speak.

He opened his mouth to speak, then shut it again. Now that he had a moment to speak, he just didn't know what to say. "I just…"

Once again, they were interrupted, this time by Marissa's phone. Ryan sighed, frustrated, pulling away from her. Marissa stood still, overcome with feelings. Seeing that the moment was over and Ryan wasn't going to talk to her anymore, she reached for her purse and pulled out her phone, seeing Andrew's name. "Um, hey Andrew."

Ryan rolled his eyes so Marissa couldn't see and sat down on his bed, trying not to appear as pissed as he actually was. How on _Earth _could Andrew know to call at that exact second? Glancing Ryan's way, she nodded. "Yeah, I decided to come over here when you weren't getting off the phone." She sighed, running a hand through her hair. "No, it's fine. Leah is a priority." Ryan wanted to say that he wouldn't make some other girl's kids a priority over her, but he kept his mouth shut, trying not to sulk.

Marissa sat down on Ryan's bed absent-mindedly. "So she just randomly started throwing up and has a high fever?" Ryan's ears perked, realizing this wasn't good. "It's perfectly fine to be worried. I would be terrified if something like that started happening. When is she going to the doctor?" Marissa sighed, nodding. "Yeah, I understand. I wouldn't want to be alone either." She turned to Ryan and gave him an apologetic smile, to which he just sadly smiled back, the light not reaching his eyes. "Okay, see you soon."

She hung up the phone and turned to Ryan. He just shook his head and offered a weak smile. "Go. It's fine."

Marissa sighed and moved so she was facing him on the bed. "I feel bad…"

Ryan shook his head. "I don't know much about kids, but I do know that doesn't sound good. If someone I knew and cared for was throwing up and had a high fever, I'd need you there for comfort, too."

Marissa reached out for his hand, and he laced their fingers together, surprising her. He squeezed her hand gently, ignoring how much his heart ached every single time he had to let go. "I want to finish our talk, okay? Tomorrow… we'll spend the whole day together. Maybe go to the pier? Balboa bars?"

He smiled sadly, nodding, knowing something was going to happen to prevent it. It always did. He'd never have her. He'd lost her before he'd even had her in his hands. "Sure. Tomorrow."

XXXXX

The next morning, Ryan awoke to the shift of weight on his bed. Opening his eyes, he saw Marissa there flipping through his copy of _Les Miserables_. "Hey," he said huskily, his voice still laced with sleep.

She smiled and glanced in his direction. "Hey. Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you."

He shook his head, sitting up. "It's fine. What time is it?" He saw the clock read nine and smiled. "You let me sleep in for once."

She grinned and nodded. "Well, I figured you need your rest if we're going to go walking on the pier and you haven't been very active lately."

Ryan smiled and rolled his eyes, climbing out of bed. "I'll be ready in fifteen minutes tops."

Marissa shooed him away, throwing his pillow at him. "Good, hurry. I'm starving and some pancakes sound _really _good about now." With that, she went back to flipping through his book.

After breakfast, the two walked along the pier. Ryan hadn't been here since the night of his birthday, and thinking of how things had changed since then made him happier. He had Marissa back in his life, but some things still needed to be said. Now was the time to say them.

"I was wrong," Ryan randomly said, looking over at Marissa. The sun was high at this point, and the wind blew gently. The air smelled of salt and water, and in the distance he heard kids and families laughing on the beach. It seemed like the perfect place to apologize.

"About what?" Marissa asked, looking over at Ryan before staring out at the water.

"I was too possessive," he murmured, avoiding her eyes. "I've always been possessive."

Marissa nodded, folding her arms over her chest, and it made Ryan think that she was trying to subconsciously protect herself. He hated that. Marissa shouldn't ever need to protect herself from him. "I'm glad you realize that now."

Ryan nodded, stopping to lean against the railing. His ribs were sore still, and being up for long periods of time still tired him. "I realize a lot of things now that I wish I had known before, actually," he said honestly, wondering how far he should take this.

"Like what?" Marissa asked, coming beside him to lean against the rail on his left, staring out at the water.

"Like I know what you did for me and my mom." He caught her eyes and gave her a serious look. "I can't believe you never told me."

Marissa's ears and neck burned at the realization that Ryan knew what she had done. That he knew how far she had gone to protect him. "I didn't want you to know."

"Why not?" he asked, completely baffled. "It's not like I would be upset. If anything…" _If anything, I love you more for it._

Marissa shrugged, not letting him finish. "Sometimes you just don't need to tell someone everything you've done for them. Then it's not as much about the action as it is just making the other person think highly of you." She thought about it. "If that makes any sense."

"You're probably a much better person than me, then," he said quietly, thinking about how much he did things to make her see him as a better person instead of actually _being _the better person.

And then it hit him. He didn't need Marissa to love him back. Maybe he wanted it, but he didn't need her to be his. He loved her enough that he could let her go. He could be that selfless with her. He was done with his hold on her. There was just one thing left, one last selfish act.

"I don't know about that," Marissa said quietly, looking out at the water again. He observed her, the way her skin glowed and her hair blew in the breeze. It _hurt _him to know she might never end up with him. It hurt him to know that their story would probably end before it ever really started. Let Andrew have the happy ending. Let Marissa live her fairytale.

"I do." Ryan sighed, drumming his fingers over the wooden railing. "I want you to know that I don't like Cosette more than Eponine. I don't have a preference. I think that they both love Marius and one gets a happy ending while the other doesn't. It's tragic and horrible but that's the way life works sometimes. Some people just get the happy ending."

Marissa nodded slowly, and Ryan could see the way her shoulders slumped. In that moment he realized that a small part of Marissa thought he was telling her that he didn't think _she _deserved the happy ending. That he didn't think _she _would get it. And Marissa thought that way about herself, too.

Not on his watch.

Ryan knew if he left this to words, Marissa's phone would definitely ring and he would never get to tell her everything. He would never get to tell her what she needed to know.

But if he kissed her right now, she would _have _to listen.

So, he did. He kissed her.

Summoning up the courage he never possessed before, he turned his body to hers and placed his hand on her hip, turning her to him. He took a step towards her, his eyes locked upon hers for a few seconds before he started leaning in slowly, giving her enough time to stop him. Her eyes flickered between his own eyes and his lips, her lips parting just the smallest bit as she lost her breath.

When their lips finally touched, he found it. That connection. The feeling that he had told himself only existed because it was his first kiss and all first kisses are special. The feeling he had tried to deny for so many years.

It was _Marissa. _She was the single most amazing to have happened to him, and he had been so stupid to let her slip right between his fingers.

His lips moved over hers gently, and for almost half a second she didn't even react. She didn't kiss him back. She just stood there, her eyes closed, letting herself feel Ryan kiss _her_ instead of the other way around.

But then she realized what was happening, and she started to kiss him back. Eyes closed, heart open, lips moving with each other as if they'd been born knowing just how to dance.

Ryan pulled away after a few minutes, exhaling slowly, the breath falling on her face. "You're not Eponine, Marissa," he murmured, tucking her hair behind her ears. He looked into her eyes, felt her labored breathing against his lips. "You were never Eponine. You _can't _be Eponine because…" He trailed off, his heart beating loudly in his ears. "I'm in love with you." Her eyes widened, and he tightened his hold on her hip as if she were the only thing keeping him standing. "I always have been. And because of that, you're not Eponine. You're not Cosette, either. You're Marissa Cooper, and I love you." He leaned in and kissed her again, needing to feel her body pressed against his, needing that connection once again. "And I'm so sorry it took me this long to realize it."

Marissa let herself just get lost in Ryan's embrace. How long had she wanted this? She had dreamt of this moment, dreamt of Ryan's lips against hers once again. Yet this wasn't right. As amazing as it felt, as _incredible and intoxicating _as it felt, it was _wrong_.

She pulled away, tears falling down her cheeks as she realized how wrong their timing was. "Andrew," she murmured, probably the most heartbreaking thing Ryan could imagine her saying in response to all that he had just revealed.

Ryan nodded, his eyes growing distant as he stepped back, feeling incredibly stupid and rejected. Yes, he had vowed not to tell her how he felt, but maybe when it came to Marissa Cooper, he just couldn't be the good guy.

Maybe that's what love was?

"Yeah," he merely murmured, letting go of her hip. Marissa wanted to yell for him to stop pulling away all the damn time, but she knew this time it was the _right _thing for him to do, even if it broke both of their hearts.

"Ryan.." she whispered, tears falling as she looked at him.

"No, I know," he said, not looking at her. "You have a boyfriend. I'm too late." He smiled briefly, then let his mouth settle into a somber frown. "I just…" He glanced over at her at last, but it broke her heart even more. "I wanted you to know. I don't want you thinking that you're not good enough because you were always the best. It was never a competition, and I never even had a chance. No other girl did, either. It was always you, I was just too stupid to realize it earlier."

Marissa closed her eyes, willing herself to stop crying. She wiped her eyes, and it hurt Ryan knowing he couldn't make her better. "I need to talk to Andrew."

He nodded, eyes resigned and heart broken. "Yeah, I know."

She sighed, turning to walk away. She needed to talk to Andrew _now_. She didn't know what she'd say, but she had to be honest with Andrew. They had always been honest with each other. He was such a good guy and she needed to make sure he was okay. She didn't even know what she wanted at this point, and she sincerely hoped seeing Andrew would put things in perspective.

But as much as her mind told her she needed to be the good girlfriend and talk to her actual boyfriend, her heart was stuck with Ryan Atwood. And now that she knew he loved her? How could she even begin to walk away?

Without thinking, she turned back to Ryan and kissed him passionately, wrapping her arms tightly around his neck. Because at the end of the day, yeah, it would always be Ryan Atwood. She would always belong to him, no matter who came between them.

She loved him too.

Their mouths opened to each other, and for the first time they actually got to taste the other. Their kiss was hot and passionate, but that's how they both felt. It was Marissa screaming she loved him too, and Ryan telling her he'd wait. He'd always wait. He had no other option anymore.

When she pulled back, she left without another word. And for the first time in his entire life, Ryan couldn't tell what his best friend would do.

XXXXX

_I'm sorry, but I kissed Ryan. _No, too blunt. _I really like you, but we've always known I love him. _No, not sympathetic enough. Made him sound kind of stupid.

_I'm sorry but… you're leaving?_

Marissa walked into Andrew's room and immediately lost her train of thought when she noticed clothes and bags everywhere. "Um…. Hi…"

Andrew stuffed some shorts into a bag and then turned to look at her. "Hey." He shuffled awkwardly, frowning.

"So, you're going on a trip…?" Marissa asked, dumbfounded.

Andrew shoved his hands into his pockets awkwardly. "Um, not exactly." He sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I… Leah is sick, Marissa."

Marissa nodded slowly. "I thought we covered that last night."

He shook his head, taking a step closer. "No, I mean, she's _really _sick. She has Leukemia."

Marissa froze, unable to believe her ears. "What? Leukemia? When did you find this out?"

"Like an hour and a half ago. I've been packing ever since." He sighed and walked over to her. "I was going to tell you when I finished, but… I'm going back to Maine."

Marissa furrowed her eyebrows. "You're…what?"

Andrew sighed, turning around, pacing. "Jess needs me. Leah needs me. This is really serious and I can't not be there, you know?" He looked back at her, walking back. "Marissa, I really like you. I like you more than I ever thought was possible to like another girl other than Jess, but…"

"You _love _her," Marissa finished for him quietly, not feeling upset or jealous, just sad. As much as she loved Ryan, she would miss Andrew. He was such an incredible friend and an absolutely amazing person.

Andrew nodded and smiled sadly. "We both know you're not the Eponine here. _I _am." He sighed, shrugging. "It took me a while to get there, but I've kind of accepted it. Ryan loves you. We both know he does." He gave her a knowing look, and she wondered if he could tell she'd just finished kissing Ryan. "I told myself I wouldn't give up on you, and maybe our story isn't done, you know? Maybe in five years we'll just meet again and it'll fit better. But right now we both have to get back to our best friends, and that doesn't leave a lot of room for _us_."

Marissa let out a sad laugh, a few tears falling. "You know, I tried to find a way to say the exact same thing for the past fifteen minutes as I drove over here, and you _still _beat me."

He laughed sadly with her, opening his arms. She wrapped her arms around him, and they both hugged each other sadly. "I told myself I wouldn't let you go unless something crazy happened," he murmured into her hair, sighing. He pulled away, wiping away her tears with the pads of his thumb. "The universe listened, I guess."

Marissa sighed, squeezing his hand. "I hope Leah is okay. I know she'll be lucky with you there. Already beating the odds with that."

He smiled sadly, but she could see the fear. "Yeah, maybe."

They both pulled away from each other, smiling sadly. "Until I see you again," Marissa said softly, tilting her head at him.

He nodded, looking down with the saddest smile. "Take care of yourself, Marissa."

XXXXX

Marissa found Ryan in his room sadly flipping through his _Les Mis _highlights. He closed the book and threw it aside when he saw her, smiling sadly, preparing himself for the worst. Maybe she had fallen in love with Andrew? Maybe she had fallen out of love with _him_.

Marissa hesitated, playing with her fingers nervously, her stomach in knots. She didn't know what to say to Ryan. She felt like she had waited her entire life to tell him everything, to get all these feelings off her chest, but she just didn't have the words to convey all of her feelings. So, instead, she said, "Andrew is leaving."

Ryan quirked one eyebrow. "What the hell did you say to him?"

Marissa laughed, and the mood in the room changed because Ryan realized she wasn't here to metaphorically break up with him. She walked over to his bed and sat down, biting her lip. "That little girl? She has Leukemia."

Ryan's eyes widened. "Oh my god."

"I know." Marissa shrugged, chewing on her lip, driving Ryan crazy with pure desire. He wanted to lean in and be the one to bit her lip as he kissed her. He wanted that shyness to go away.

Throwing caution into the wind, he did just that. Taking them both by surprise yet again, he leaned in and kissed her, effectively ending her lip biting. He placed his hand on the side of her face as he kissed her slowly, savoring her taste. Had anything ever felt better than this?

Marissa let herself just fall into Ryan's embrace. She didn't know how it happened, but she somehow ended up on her back on Ryan's bed, him half hovering over her as he kissed her, her hands tangled in his thick hair. Ryan's kisses were soft and delicious and yet so incredibly tender and hot at the same time. She swore she could feel him in every single cell of her body.

Ryan pulled away after a while, leaning on one elbow as he looked at her, breathing heavily. Smiling, he brushed some hair from her eyes, incredibly amazed how lucky he was.

Meanwhile, Marissa stared up at him, a soft smile playing on her wonderfully swollen lips. Ryan was staring at her with that new look of his, this pure amazement at how lucky he was. She felt like the luckiest girl in the world. He felt like the luckiest guy.

Without saying another word, she leaned up and kissed him again.

XXXXX

**As I said, faster reviews means faster posts since I don't work that much this week.**

**Individual replies:**

**TVDaddict22: **I'm curious what you think of this chapter. I feel like it's either you can love it or hate it.

**Skillz37: **At least the story isn't starting to suck. Getting good is nice haha.

**Jen: **Haha, they are they are.

**Riss: **It's the chapter you've been waiting for!

**Fatedtopretendd: **I hope your exams go well!

**Sailaway: **I didn't know that it happened while I was reading the book, and then _it _happened and I flipped shit. I was not pleased haha. I do really think that the movie was a better ending than the book though cause I despise people who move on. At least in films/literature/fandoms. Cause if I fall in love with one character and then you suddenly throw another chick at me, um, no. Not gonna happen, and you just lost yourself a fan.

**Guest (Nadine): **Haha my next story will be all about R/M being parents :)

**xoElle23: **Dreams sometimes come true ;) And no, I'm not the flawless one. You're so incredibly kind.

**Devon: **If people are honest in their reviews, you are definitely not the only one who checks every day apparently haha.


	19. Part One: Chapter Eighteen

**A/N So apparently I am busier than I think I really am. I've been writing this for days and keep getting interrupted. I want to say I'll have more time this week though since I'm posting tonight. Maybe another post on Thursday or Friday if you guys want? Saturday at the latest. Anyway, sorry for the wait. I hope you guys like this. Please let me know either way. Read/Review, and Thanks!**

Ryan soon realized he had been such an idiot to not have spent his entire life kissing Marissa. He was terrified of the future and commitment and relationships in general, but he knew if he were smart he wouldn't ever let her go again.

Marissa kissed better than any girl he had ever dated before, and there had been a lot. Her lips tasted better than any other girls', and it soon became his favorite taste. Within seconds of kissing Marissa, every plausible thought or worry completely vanished. Within minutes, he became completely and utterly breathless.

He had never particularly cared for girls messing with his hair, but somehow when Marissa raked her fingers through his thick hair it was incredibly sexy. He had never taken the time to just _kiss _a girl thoroughly, but that's all he wanted to do with Marissa. He was simply insatiable. They both were. They had been kissing on his bed for probably hours, and neither could find even a sliver of a valid excuse to stop – mostly because they simply just didn't want to. The rest of the world could wait. This _couldn't_.

Ryan had always known Marissa had soft skin, but he never realized just how soft until he pressed his fingers against her bare side, right below the hem of her shirt. He'd never realized how silky her hair was until he'd run his fingers through it and messed it up.

He'd never realized how incredibly _sexy _Marissa looked with red swollen lips from kissing. And had she ever looked as beautiful as the moments when he pulled away and her eyes were still closed in rapture?

The only thing that could stop the two from kissing was an interruption – from his mom, of all people.

At about four she got off work and walked into the room, only knocking on the door once. "Hey Ry, do you want pizza for dinner or…" She froze awkwardly in his door, seeing him hovering over a girl as he made out with her. "Oh, god, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to… I didn't know…" Ryan quickly climbed off Marissa, sitting back in bed and staring wide-eyed at his mom; Marissa did the same thing next to him, trying to tame her hair, biting her lip in embarrassment. "Marissa?"

Ryan glared at his mom's incredible smile. "Mom, this is why you knock…"

She waved him off and grinned at Marissa. "Huh. Look at this. What exactly is going on here?"

Marissa stood and rubbed her arms awkwardly. "Um, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean… I mean I can leave…"

Dawn looked between the two, the smile on her face larger than Ryan had ever seen it. "I _told _you!" she exclaimed at Marissa, doing a triumphant humph.

Ryan gave his mom a serious death glare, climbing off the bed and walking over to her. "Mom, a little privacy? _Please_."

Dawn snickered, winking at the two. "Ryan and Marissa, sitting in a tree…" she called over her shoulder as Ryan pushed her out the door and shut it.

He turned to Marissa, offering her an apologetic smile, scratching the back of his head. "Sorry about that… about her…" he said sheepishly, looking so cute with his completely messed up hair and crooked smile.

Marissa bit her lip shyly, rubbing her arms again, goose bumps forming at the way he looked at her. "What?" she asked shyly, blushing at the intensity in his gaze.

He shook his head, smiling as he walked over to her. "Nothing," he said, tilting his head at her. He brushed her hair from her face, smiling softly. "It's just… your hair looks really, really messy… Like, worse than that time you fell asleep without drying it after the shower."

She laughed, reaching out to ruffle his hair. "Yours doesn't look any better."

He reached up and ran his hand over his hair, feeling how it stuck up in every direction. "Well, I think that's _your _fault…" Marissa blushed again, looking down. Ryan ran his eyes over Marissa's hair again, his voice lowering with desire. "Though, I think your hair is incredibly… sexy."

Marissa looked up into his smoldering blue eyes, the shyness falling away as her own desire ignited again. "Oh really?" she asked huskily, her breath on his lips as she inched in just the tiniest bit closer.

Taking her by surprise and making her laugh, he tripped her so she fell back onto his bed, quickly hovering over her. "Oh yeah," he murmured before connecting their lips once again in a hungry kiss.

Marissa giggled against his lips as he slowly ran his fingers along the skin exposed by her slightly raised shirt, both causing a deep burn in her belly and tickling her. "That tickles," she mumbled against his lips, still giggling.

He grinned, pulling away to murmur, "I know." Giving her a sly smirk, he started tickling her some more, making her burst into laughter.

"Ry, Ryan, stop stop stop," she managed to get out in between fits of giggles. Finally, after a few minutes of just lightly tickling her, Ryan showed some mercy and stopped. He rested on one elbow, looking over at her with a soft smile. Blushing deeply, Marissa covered her face with her hands. "Stop looking at me like that!" she said, smiling.

"Like what?" he asked, pulling her hands from her face. "This?" He stared at her with those serious, soft eyes again, smiling. "Get used to it."

Smiling softly at him in return, Marissa played with the hair on the back of his neck, pulling his head down to kiss him lightly once again. After a few minutes, they both pulled back and Ryan decided to lie on his back, pulling Marissa to rest in his arms. She rested her head on his chest, tracing circles over his wife beater as she just listened to his heart for a while. Marissa hadn't known happiness like this existed, as stupid and cheesy as that sounded.

Sitting up to rest on her elbow now, she glanced over at Ryan. "Oh, so there's another charity event this Friday night. My mom is throwing this one. To help the children or something?"

"Which children?" Ryan asked, absent-mindedly twirling her hair with his fingers.

"Um, the needy children?" Marissa offered, giggling at Ryan's amused smile. "I don't know, but it would mean a lot to her if I was there." She raised her eyebrows, smiling shyly. "And it would mean a lot to _me _if _you _were there."

He offered her a lazy smile. "So would you like me to be your _date_?"

She bit her lip and looked down shyly because that's _exactly _what she wanted. "Yeah. I mean, we could go as friends like we always do…"

"Or…?" Ryan added, the silent rest of the sentence neither had brought up since she'd arrived earlier that afternoon.

Marissa looked down at his chest, drawing a circle. "_Or _we could, I mean, if you want to.. we could be…I don't know… because with everything… I mean… it could be…"

"Marissa?" Ryan asked with a smirk, interrupting her rambling.

"Hmm?" she asked, looking up into his eyes sheepishly.

"Would you be entirely against being my girlfriend?" He grinned. "Cause I kind of don't make out with my friends."

Marissa smiled widely, her stomach in butterflies. "I guess I'm not entirely against that idea. I mean, it probably has its benefits…"

Ryan laughed and rolled his eyes, leaning up to kiss her. "Definitely right there."

XXXXX

They spent a blissful day on Sunday just hanging out together. Ryan couldn't remember the last time he spent a whole day with Marissa all to himself, and it was great to go back to that. They spent the morning at the beach and the afternoon watching movies at her house. It was easily the best day Ryan had in a long time.

On Monday morning Marissa came by his house as usual to pick him up for school. And as was his usual custom, he remained in bed until the very last minute. He couldn't make Marissa breakfast every morning – especially when Marissa had been over late last night.

Marissa rolled her eyes at him in bed, climbing on top of him. "You could at least be _awake _by the time I get here," she scolded lightly.

Surprising her yet again, he flipped them over so he was on top. She realized he _was _awake, just not dressed. "And _you _could stop lecturing me and just kiss me."

Marissa giggled and rolled her eyes, but did just that. After a minute, she pulled back and shoved his chest gently. "Now go get ready. I want to get to school early."

Ryan rolled his eyes but climbed off her and out of bed, walking into his bathroom. Marissa went to start making the coffee, freezing when she saw Dawn in the kitchen already putting a pot on. "Um, hey," Marissa said awkwardly, biting her lip and tucking some hair behind her ear.

Dawn turned to look at her, smirking. "Good morning."

Marissa hesitantly walked over to the kitchen. Things between her and Dawn had always been good after Dawn completed rehab, but Marissa didn't know if dating Ryan would change any of that. Dawn had always said she thought they would make a good couple, but maybe she was only being nice?

Leaning against the counter, Marissa looked over at Dawn shyly. "I hope this doesn't change anything…"

"It changes a lot of things," Dawn said seriously. She smiled though, and patted Marissa's shoulder. "But it doesn't change how much I like you. I always said you two were meant to be together. I stand by my words."

Marissa smiled softly, truly touched. "Thank you."

Dawn glanced over at Marissa, smirking. "Just, no sex in the house."

Marissa blushed deeply, averting her eyes. "Ryan and I aren't… I mean, _I _haven't even… And we…"

Making Marissa even more uncomfortable, Dawn patted her arm one last time. "Like I said, no sex in the house." With one final smirk, the older woman walked back to her room, leaving Marissa to pour the coffee.

XXXXX

At school, they stayed in the car for a few minutes just to prevent the inevitable from happening. They hadn't been away from each other all weekend, so they hadn't gotten around to telling anyone about their newfound relationship. They both knew their friends would be annoying and all over them.

Ryan reached over for Marissa's hand, lacing their fingers together. "Stay together?"

Marissa smiled softly, butterflies in her stomach once again. "I think it's the only way we can get through any of this."

Ryan smiled and leaned over to kiss her softly. He was thinking how much he loved her, but Ryan had never been the guy to just say things like that. He had to show it instead. And he hoped his kiss could do just that.

A few minutes later, they finally got out of the car. Before they could even grab each other's hands, Summer took hold of Marissa's arm and pulled her in the other direction. "Sorry, Atwood, girl time!"

Similarly, Seth grabbed Ryan's arm and dragged him in the opposite direction. Marissa figured this had something to do with them both, but just waited for Summer to say something, which she promptly did once they got far enough away from everyone. "I had sex with Seth Cohen," Summer blurted out.

Marissa's eyes widened in absolute surprise. "You…did?"

Summer nodded. "I know, right? But he came over to my house and he looked cute and I thought 'what the hell? I like him…'"

Marissa smirked. "Obviously."

Summer swatted her. "But Coop, can we just acknowledge what I did here?" She gave Marissa a look. "I mean, I… you know, lost it, _with Seth Cohen_."

Marissa raised her eyebrows. "I know. It's crazy." She thought about it, then grinned. "So how was it?"

Summer bit her lip, shrugging. "Um, it was Seth Cohen. It was awkward and weird."

Marissa shrugged and smiled sympathetically. "Are you guys together now?"

Summer shrugged. "I have no idea. I mean, it's Seth Cohen."

Marissa laughed. "And _you _slept with him." Summer swatted him again, and Marissa thought about what Summer had just revealed. "I can't believe Seth Cohen lost his virginity before me. That's just wrong."

Summer laughed and grinned knowingly. "With you and Atwood together, it shouldn't take long."

Marissa gave Summer a confused look. "How did you know?"

Summer rolled her eyes. "Coop, everyone knows. Taylor saw you two at the beach yesterday and told everyone on her contacts list. And then they told everyone on their contacts list. It was all anyone talked about yesterday." They both noticed everyone looking at Marissa. "And today, I guess."

Marissa smiled apologetically. "I'm sorry for not telling you. I was just with him all day…"

Summer waved her off. "Totally understood. I was with Seth Cohen, remember? Little bit busy."

"More like getting busy," Marissa said with a smirk.

Summer swatted her again, and they both walked towards Marissa's locker. They arrived just as Ryan and Seth did, and Ryan gave Marissa a 'please help me' look. She walked over to him and pecked his lips, then opened her locker, feeling his hand find the small of her back. She smiled softly to herself, goose bumps on her arms.

Seth walked over to Summer and smiled awkwardly. "Um, hi Summer."

Summer fidgeted and looked at him. "Um, hey Cohen."

Marissa shooed them away with a smile. "Well, you two obviously have some talking to do…"

Under his breath so only Marissa could hear, Ryan mumbled, "Far, far away."

She shot him a look to which he only raised his eyebrows and rolled his eyes. Summer sighed and dragged Seth away, careful not to make too much contact with them in case anyone was looking. When they were far enough away, Ryan leaned in and kissed Marissa. "Mmmm," she murmured against his lips, resting her hand at the nape of his neck.

Ryan pulled away just enough to murmur, "I say we stick together from now on, because I do not want to relive that conversation ever again."

Marissa giggled and looked into his eyes. "That bad, huh?"

Ryan gave her a look. "There were descriptions that never should be said."

Marissa cringed. "That's…horrible. Really disturbing."

Ryan nodded. "I don't even want to think about it. Ever." He looked at her and got serious, nervousness covering his face. "By the way, I know we haven't talked about it but…"

Marissa realized he was talking about sex and immediately blushed. "It's fine, Ryan. We don't have to talk about it.."

Ryan rubbed the skin just below her shirt with his thumb, looking into her eyes. "We don't have to, Marissa. Have sex, I mean. I don't know if you and Andrew have…"

Marissa immediately cut him off. "We didn't."

Ryan tried not to look so relieved, but it was hard. It had bothered him not knowing how far Marissa and Andrew had gone, and now that he knew they hadn't gone _there_, he could breathe easier. "I'm glad. But, I mean, I know you haven't done anything. I know that it would be your first time. And I don't want to pressure you. There is no pressure at all. If it happens, it happens. I don't care when, I don't care how. I just want you to be _ready_…"

Marissa blinked a few times, really touched by his words. This was coming from the boy who had lost his virginity at fourteen and had a steady stream of girls willing to put out ever since. Looking deep into his eyes, she nodded before leaning in to kiss him gently, trying to show what she couldn't say.

Their moment was interrupted by the slamming of a locker next to them. _Andrew's _locker. They pulled apart quickly to see Katherine staring at them coldly, eyes like daggers. "Wow, did you two at least wait until Andrew was in Maine before jumping each other?" At their uncomfortable grimaces, she added, "State line? City line? Even wait until he _left _for the airport?"

Marissa opened her mouth to speak, but then closed it quickly. She didn't know what to say to make up for this. It _was _kind of rude how fast she and Ryan had ended up together. Hell, if Andrew hadn't gone to Maine, _he _might've been the one to catch them right now. "Katherine.."

Katherine held up her hand to silence her. "You know, Andrew is really nice. He's annoying as hell to have as a brother, but only because he very rarely does anything wrong. He's too nice to say anything, and he lets people walk all over him because that's just who he is. He would rather your happiness than his own." She folded her arms across her chest. "_I'm _not nice. I call things as I see them. And how I see them? You're the same kind of bitch he always dates."

Marissa felt Ryan tense beside her and step forward to defend her. "Hey, don't call – "

Marissa reached out and looked at him, telling him it was okay. Sighing, he took a step back, but didn't stop glaring at Katherine. Marissa turned to Katherine and sighed. "Katherine, I care for Andrew. I do. I care for him a lot." She felt Ryan grimace, but tried not to think about that. "But that doesn't change how I feel for Ryan, or how Andrew feels for Jessica."

Katherine rolled her eyes. "You say you care for him, but you're just as bad as Jessica." At Marissa's surprised eyes, Katherine let out a bitter laugh. "Oh, yeah. I _hate _Jessica. She has been using Andrew since we were kids, and now you did the exact same thing. You are nice to him until you don't need him anymore, and then suddenly you go back to what you _really _want." She frowned, disgusted. "And to think I thought you were actually different."

Having retrieved Andrew's textbooks, she walked away, leaving Ryan and Marissa to watch her go. Ryan turned to Marissa, rubbing her back soothingly. "Hey, don't let what she said get to you."

Marissa nodded, smiling weakly. "Yeah. Totally." She readjusted the strap on her bag, then tucked some hair behind her ear. "Come on, let's get to class."

Sighing, Ryan followed her, already knowing something was terribly wrong.

XXXXX

Ryan watched Marissa do homework after school, wondering what he could do to make her feel better. She had been really quiet all day since their run in with Katherine, and she wasn't into kissing him anymore. He knew what Katherine had said hurt her, but he didn't know how badly or which part hurt the most.

Finally, after a while he pulled her Calculus book away from her, shutting it. Marissa glanced up and said, "Hey! Give that back!"

Ryan shook his head, looking at her seriously. "What's wrong?"

Marissa avoided his eyes. "Nothing, except the fact that I have to do all this homework."

Ryan shook his head. "No, Marissa, you need to talk to me. Be honest. Did Katherine really bother you that much this morning?"

Marissa sighed, still avoiding his eyes as she shrugged. "I don't know, maybe."

He placed his hand on her leg. "What bothered you so much? And don't tell me nothing because you haven't been the same since she talked to us."

Marissa sighed, running her hand through her hair. "Am I really such a horrible person? I didn't mean to hurt Andrew. If I did, I am really really sorry because I never wanted to hurt him."

Ryan tried not to feel incredibly jealous and possessive at the fact that she cared so much for another guy. He wanted to be a good boyfriend, but it was hard when he had to listen to her talk about another guy so highly. Another guy that she had kissed and dated and hung out with more than him lately. "I know you didn't. And I think he knows that too."

Marissa gave him an incredulous look. "If his _sister _thinks this of me, what does _he _think? I mean, it's not like we _did _wait to get together. I was with you not even an hour after he told me he was leaving. Does _that _make me a bad person? A slut? Easy?"

Ryan shook his head and placed both his hands on her legs to get her attention. "Hey, don't call yourself those things. You're not any of that. You're a good person, Marissa. You're a much better person than I am, and much better than most people. I can't find another person more deserving of happiness than you, wherever you find that." At Marissa's still sad look, he sighed and dejectedly added, "And if that's with Andrew, then I'll walk away."

Marissa's eyes shot up. "What are you talking about?'

Ryan sighed, looking away. "I know that you two had a connection and you really liked him…"

Marissa was the one to reach out and rub Ryan's arm now. "Ry, I don't want to be with Andrew. I love _you_." She shrugged. "I just…feel bad for hurting him." Ryan couldn't help the slow smile that came to his face. Marissa furrowed her eyebrows at his sudden change in mood. "What?"

Ryan shook his head, smiling as he leaned in and kissed her softly. "You said you love me."

Marissa pulled back and raised an eyebrow at him. "So?"

Ryan couldn't wipe the silly grin off his face. "You hadn't done that before."

Marissa frowned. "I thought I had…"

Ryan shook his head. "Nope, I only told _you."_

Marissa thought about it and then shrugged, smiling a little. "Well, I mean… I _do_…"

Ryan smiled and kissed her again, and this time she gladly kissed him back. After a minute he pulled away and looked into her eyes. "Why are we doing this? Making drama where there doesn't need to be any? I love you and you love me, and what else matters other than that?"

Marissa bit her lip, pondering that. He _did _have a point. Why waste their happiness when everything was perfect? Marissa finally let herself smile and relax, giving in to Ryan's uncharacteristic optimism. "Okay, fine, let's let ourselves be happy."

Ryan smiled cutely. "I think we should definitely start our happiness with a make out session."

Marissa rolled her eyes and laughed, leaning in close to him. "I think you might be right."

XXXXX

**So, nothing is really solved at all. But they're happy. Will not discussing everything come back to haunt them, or is it better to just let yourself live in the moment every now and then?**

**On a side note, does anyone else get 'From This Moment' stuck in their head whenever they see this story? Cause I do.**

**Individual Replies:**

**Skillz37: **Drama is for later. Like in three or four chapters ;)

**TVDaddict22: **Um, let's not talk about Sports. I have suffered enough this year haha. If you don't like heartbreak, then you kinda won't like part two.

**Jen: **Haha sorry, it's cause I like to torcher you guys :)

**Devon: **I hope you like this one too!

**Guest: **Haha the Les Mis references are gonna be few and far between from now on, promise.

**Nadine: **But is this the last we see of him?

**Riss: **Andrew is gonna be an important part in late part 2 and all of part 3 till the very last chapter. But the R/M time and angst is definitely not gonna suffer from it.

**Kerschi-Puky: **Stuff with Andrew will be figured out as time progresses. For now, Marissa thinks she's perfectly happy.

**Sara: **I so understand being busy with work haha.

**Sailaway: **The drama that's upcoming is going to be caused by another person, but the results will be all R/M as they realize some issues just were never solved. So other people will be a catalyst in this story but the issues are all R/M. If that makes sense haha.

**RMforever: **Aw you're so sweet. I just got an alert on my phone that said the Bruins lost and I thought of you.

**Isabella: **I will definitely keep posting!

**Clarity23: **I hope you had fun on your vacation! And I'm glad you like my story :)


	20. Part One: Chapter Nineteen

**A/N I think the next few weeks I'll only be posting once a week again just because I am working so much. Things are crazy right now. That said, I could stop writing completely, but I really do want to write this story for you guys. So please stick with me. Thank you for your reviews! R/R, and Enjoy!**

Ryan couldn't stop kissing Marissa. Whenever they were in the same room as each other, it was like some magnet or some electrical current came between them and they couldn't keep their hands off each other. They made out in his room, her room, her car, behind his work, in the school parking lot – anywhere they could.

He had never been both so sexually frustrated yet satisfied with a girl before. He was used to having sex after usually the second date; girls just put out for him. He could be very persuasive. He had moves. He could be charming. He knew just what to say.

With Marissa things were different. He could probably use all the same moves and they'd have had sex within two days of getting together, but he didn't _want _to do that with her. He'd never had this strong of an emotional connection with any girl before, and he didn't want to ruin that. He'd also never had sex with a girl he actually loved before, and that terrified him.

So even though kissing got extremely heated and sometimes their bodies pressed together just right so that they both felt they would absolutely _die _if they didn't give in right at that moment, he was perfectly happy making out with his girlfriend. His best friend. Either way, he just couldn't stop kissing her.

Marissa put up no protests. In fact, sometimes he wondered if she was perhaps the one initiating it sometimes. Sometimes she looked at him and it sent shivers down his body because he just had to kiss her right _now_. Marissa had mastered the _kiss me_ look, and he felt powerless to stop it.

They hadn't even gone out because they simply couldn't stop making out. The two hours they spent on Wednesday night watching a movie with his mom were torture. No amount of hand holding or rubbing legs could stop the itch they both just needed to scratch. Unless their lips were fused, they couldn't _think _much less do anything.

On Thursday night Ryan came over right after his shift ended, smelling like burgers and grease. Marissa grinned when he came in through the window, immediately standing and wrapping her arms around his neck to kiss him in greeting. "How was it?" she murmured against his lips.

He leaned her down onto the bed and pressed their bodies together, saying, "Okay. Long." He pressed his lips against hers, closing his eyes. "Just wanted to hurry up so I could come here."

He felt her smile against his lips – they were that close. "I tried to do homework."

He shifted his hips just the slightest bit, making her breath catch in her throat. "How was that?"

She ran her fingers through his hair, biting his bottom lip. "Excruciating." He let out the tiniest sound as she nibbled on his lip, making her grin widen. "You smell like grease," she mumbled, pulling back just the slightest.

He leaned in and kissed her quickly again before pulling back and pulling his work shirt over his head, throwing it on the floor and leaving him in his wife beater. Smiling at the way her eyes sparkled at him, he leaned back down and reconnected their lips. "Better?"

She ran her fingers through his bangs as she kissed him hungrily. "Much."

He grinned and deepened the kiss, opening his mouth to hers. Their tongues begin to dance a tango they have quickly learned. He loved to kiss her just because he felt connected to her when he did. He didn't have to tell her he loved her every second. He didn't have to find the words to explain how he felt. All he had to do was this, and he loved it. So did she.

Taking them both by surprise, someone knocked on the door and then swung it open. "Hey Marissa?" Jimmy said, his eyes falling on the intimate position Ryan and Marissa were in.

Ryan immediately pulled away and stood, placing his hands on his hips as he tried to even his breathing. Jimmy had always loved him, but maybe he wouldn't now that they were dating. After all, he wasn't just carrying Marissa home or saving her anymore – now he was _kissing _her alone in her bedroom close to midnight. Where before they'd never had any sort of restrictions, now he figured something would change.

He was right.

"Ryan, hey," Jimmy said, trying to smile politely but obviously a little peeved to see the way Marissa's chest rose and fell beneath her pink tank top because of the intensity of their kisses.

"Mr. Cooper," he murmured, nodding in Jimmy's direction. This was a million times worse than when his mom had caught them on Saturday.

Jimmy looked down at his watch and said, "It's almost midnight and you have school tomorrow. You should probably go home."

Ryan nodded quickly, giving Marissa a terrified look that made her bite her lip to keep from smiling. "Yes. You're right. Um, see you in the morning," he said to Marissa before walking around her bed and to the door.

"Uh, Ryan?" Jimmy said as Ryan passed him.

Ryan turned around, ready for Jimmy to yell at him or even hit him, but instead Jimmy just gestured towards the floor. "Your shirt?"

Ryan thought he would die of embarrassment right there. "Right." He grabbed his shirt and left without looking back at Marissa, not wanting to show how embarrassed he really was.

When Ryan left, Jimmy turned to his daughter and raised his eyebrows but didn't say a word. Marissa blushed deeply and shrugged. "I was going to tell you…"

Jimmy nodded and pretended to smile. "Ah, yes, I just walked in at the wrong moment."

Marissa shrugged, biting her lip. "Kind of, yeah." Taking in a deep breath, she gathered all her courage to say, "We're not doing anything, dad. We kiss. We talk. We hang out. That's it. We haven't gone any farther and Ryan isn't just any other guy. He always has my best interests in mind. You know that. You like him, remember?"

"Well, that was before he became your boyfriend…" He frowned. "Wait, he _is _your boyfriend, right?"

Marissa shot her dad a look. "Of course. It happened this weekend. We should've told you."

Jimmy thought about that and nodded. "Yeah, you should've. But it's okay." He walked over to her and kissed the top of her head. "If you were going to have to have a boyfriend, Ryan is a pretty good choice."

Marissa smiled softly. "Thanks, daddy."

"No problem, kiddo." He walked back to the door, then paused and turned back. "Oh, I almost forgot. Your mom wanted me to tell you and Ryan to be at the party by seven tomorrow. She wants us to get there half an hour early."

Marissa sighed but nodded. "Okay, I'll tell him tomorrow."

Her dad left then, and as soon as he was gone, she closed the door and went to her window to open it. She smiled when she saw Ryan sitting there on her roof waiting to be let in, his shirt back on and hair still messy. "Is he gone?" Ryan asked quietly, looking around carefully before climbing in.

Marissa laughed softly, nodding before wrapping her arms around his neck and leaning in to him; he wrapped his arms around her waist, doing the same to her. "Yes, he's gone."

"Did he forbid me from ever coming here again?" Ryan asked uneasily, still worried.

Marissa shook her head, still smiling. "No. He was a little upset we didn't tell him ourselves that we are now together, but he did say that you're a good choice in a boyfriend."

Ryan raised his eyebrows, grinning a little arrogantly. "Oh did he?"

Marissa laughed and nodded. "Yes, but don't let that get to your head."

He smiled and angled his head at her, giving her that soft look that sent butterflies to her stomach. Finally, he leaned in and kissed her gently, their lips just lingering against each other for a few minutes. When he pulled back, he said, "I should go."

Marissa raised an eyebrow. "You're not staying over?"

Ryan shook his head, torn when he saw Marissa's disappointment. "Not tonight. Maybe tomorrow. Because I know if I stay tonight, I won't be able to sleep and I'll fall asleep in class tomorrow."

Marissa smiled, angling her head at him now. "Oh and why won't you be able to sleep?"

Ryan smiled and leaned in close. "Because I have a very _distracting _girlfriend, and I don't know if I can stop kissing her long enough to fall asleep." Proving his words, he leaned in and kissed her gently again.

After five minutes, Marissa finally ended the kiss. "Okay, fine, you can go." She yawned slightly. "I'm getting a little tired anyway."

Leaning in to capture her lips one last time, Ryan murmured, "Goodnight."

Unable to wipe the grin off her face, Marissa mumbled back, "Night."

XXXXX

Getting ready for a charity event was never on Ryan's list of favorite things to do, but now that it was an actual date, he found it much more nerve wracking. Not only did he have to stand through hours of a boring Newport party, but he also had to somehow make it a good first date? He'd managed a lot of 'good' dates before, but something told him this one would be a little more difficult. For one, he couldn't end the night with sex.

He was tying his tie in his room when Marissa walked in looking stunning in her elegant navy blue dress. He let his eyes run over her amazing long legs, making her blush when she saw the way he looked at her. "You look…"

Marissa bit her lip and tried to hide her shyness. "Thanks."

He stood and walked over to her, smiling softly. "My tie good?"

She reached out and straightened it, letting her fingers linger on the soft material as she lifted her gaze to his. "Now it is."

"I dread the day I ever have to put on a suit without you here to fix it for me," he murmured, leaning in to finally capture her lips.

Smiling, she let her lips linger against his as she murmured, "Lucky for you, I don't see that happening."

"Mmm, good," he murmured as he leaned in a little closer, his fingers pressing into her hips, sending shivers down her spine.

Dawn knocked on the door and called out, "Hey you two, Henry wants to say hi."

Ryan pulled away slightly, kissing Marissa quickly a few times before finally pulling back all the way. He gave her a look that told her this wasn't finished, then took her hand and led her out of his room, smiling when he saw Henry in the living room. "Hey, Henry. Nice to see you."

Henry smiled widely and came over to them, slapping Ryan affectionately on the back. "Hey. I'm glad you are still here." Dawn came over and leaned against his side, so he wrapped his arm around her waist as he spoke. "As you know, your mom is finally off tomorrow. I was thinking the four of us could drive to LA for the day. Maybe a little lunch, some walking around." He gave Dawn a look. "_Maybe _some shopping."

Marissa smiled softly when she saw the way both Ryan and Dawn's eyes brightened at the idea, though for two different reasons. "Well if there's shopping, of course I'm in," Marissa teased, bumping hips with Ryan.

Ryan rolled his eyes but smiled, squeezing Marissa's hand in gratitude. "Sounds great. If only I can survive tonight."

Marissa rolled her eyes at him now, shaking her head. "He's been to so many of these parties, but he still complains every single time." She nudged him in the direction of the door.

"That's because they're crazy," he protested with a grin. He shook Henry's hand and offered his mom a hug. "See you guys later. Probably tomorrow morning. You know how long these parties are."

Dawn smirked, looking between the two knowingly. She knew Ryan spent the night with Marissa and had been doing so for a number of years. She was concerned now that they had a physical relationship, but she knew at the end of the day Ryan would do what he wanted. She just hoped he was careful if and when they ever made the next step. "Have fun."

Ryan and Marissa walked out together, climbing into the car. "I think your mom knows you sleep over," Marissa said as she backed out of the driveway.

Ryan glanced at the house, shrugging. "I wouldn't be surprised."

XXXXX

They arrived to the party early, but a few people had already started wandering in. After they checked in with Julie and Jimmy, Ryan pulled Marissa to a secluded corner and leaned her against a wall, pressing his lips against hers. It had been half an hour since their last kiss, and he missed her lips.

Marissa smiled and returned the kiss, but murmured, "Ry, I don't want to spend the whole night making out."

He pulled back only slightly to raise his eyebrows, his fingers warm on her hips. "You don't?"

He leaned in and kissed her again, and she smiled against his lips just because she was so infinitely happy with him. "No. Are we one of those couples that only make out all the time?"

Ryan kissed her and murmured, "We do other stuff…"

"Like what?"

Ryan pulled back, leaning his forehead against hers as they both thought and caught their breath. "Um…"

Marissa laughed lightly. "Exactly."

Ryan smiled and pulled back, reaching for her hand. "I'm going to prove you wrong. We are totally not one of those couples."

Marissa smiled and looked at him amusedly. "Oh, and what are we going to do?"

She had a point – there was very little to do at these parties. The band had just started playing, so Ryan pulled her to the dance floor. "Um…dance with me?"

Marissa wrapped her arms around his neck as he wrapped his around her waist. She raised her eyebrows at him, still smiling. "Usually I have to make you jealous before you dance with me."

He gave her a look, his eyes still bright with a smile. "I knew you made me jealous on purpose."

"Well it was just so easy," Marissa teased, leaning in closer so that her breath landed on his lips.

She hadn't meant to get that close, but suddenly the light air between them vanished, replaced with their electrically charged desire. Their eyes locked, and it took everything in both of them not to lean in and kiss the other right then and there. Ryan swallowed hard, looking over her shoulder at the other couples that had started to dance. "I was jealous without even realizing why," he admitted quietly.

"I used to hope you would be. I thought that the way you always got upset could possibly mean you felt something for me, but after so many years passed I kind of gave up on that hope," she admitted to him just as quietly.

Ryan turned his gaze back to her, realizing she'd been staring at him this whole time with an unreadable expression. "I felt something. I just didn't realize what for the longest time."

"And look at us now," she murmured, her eyes still locked on his.

He rubbed her back with the pads of this thumb, feeling the silky material of her dress. "Yes, look at us – _dancing_."

Marissa laughed softly as they moved, and Ryan watched the way her eyes sparkled with happiness and warmth. When was the last time he'd ever seen Marissa look so happy? He hadn't realized how long she'd been away from the feeling, how far he'd dragged her away from it.

They danced for an hour, making conversation and laughing with each other. But after a while, even Marissa couldn't deny how much she just wanted to kiss him. His touch was driving her crazy, his smell putting her senses in overdrive, his breath igniting a flame deep within her. Their eyes had gone from light and carefree to dark and seductive. Every move, every _blink _seemed like an invitation. Hell, it probably was.

At nine Marissa just couldn't take it anymore. Screw everything; she just needed Ryan's lips on hers. Without another word, she dragged him outside of the building, pushing _him _against a wall as she hungrily kissed him.

His hands immediately found her hair, tangling in it, ignoring the fact that she had perfectly styled it for the evening. He didn't care, and neither did she. She grabbed his tie to pull him closer, pressing her body flush against his.

After a few minutes, Ryan pulled back just enough to tease, "I thought you wanted to do more than make out."

"Mmm, that was before we _stopped_," she murmured, kissing him harder.

"Let's go home then," he suggested.

"Perfect."

XXXXX

An hour later, they were in her bed, bodies pressed firmly against each other as they kissed. They had both changed into sweats and a tank top, and the thin material only served to add fuel to the already scorching fire between them.

"Sorry for cutting our first date short," Ryan murmured against her lips, brushing hair from her face.

Marissa smiled, running her hands through his thick hair. "I think _I _was the one who gave in."

He laughed lightly, the sound falling onto her lips. "I would've given in any minute and you know it."

She giggled. "I know." She pulled back to catch her breath a little, fingers brushing his bangs from _his _face. "I think this is a pretty good first date though."

"Oh really?"

She leaned in and kissed him again, smiling. "Definitely."

With that, they opened their mouths to each other, effectively ending any conversation for the next few hours.

XXXXX

**Individual Replies:**

**TVDadddict22: **Enjoy the happiness while it lasts :) And yes, Andrew will come back.

**xoElle23: **Aw you're too nice every single time.

**Guest: **I am posting as fast as I can!

**Jen: **Then you will love the next few chapters :)

**Fatedtopretendd: **You can tell when I miss R/M because that's when I write haha.

**Riss: **Yes, they definitely will be having sex soon ;) Those are really good drama suggestions actually haha.

**Sara: **I hope when they do have sex, it won't seem as hasty. Cause we still have a few more chapters.

**Clarity23: **So would I, so would I.

**Nadine: **Drama _is _definitely right around the corner.

**Sailaway: **You should definitely be nervous haha.

**Devon: **So do I :)


	21. Part One: Chapter Twenty

**A/N Again, sorry for the wait. I told you guys I would be busy. I'm going on vacation in a week, so I'll try to post before then. I will write on vacation and post if we have wifi. Don't worry, unless suddenly there is no internet where I'm staying. Um… thanks for your reviews! I love them. And please review for this chapter! They keep me motivated, and I'm super exhausted so I need motivation. Eight day work week. So R/R and ejoy!**

Two weeks later, Marissa was nearly killing herself trying to make prom perfect. Their theme this year was the and she somehow had to transform a ballroom into an underwater paradise. Not only did that mean she had so many people to order around and things to plan out, but it meant she had less time with her boyfriend. And that didn't sit well with either of them.

Ryan was understanding, but he didn't like the time apart either. To make things better, he picked up shifts almost every day after school at the Crab Shack, but he still missed Marissa during those hours. She had a lot to plan, and he wanted to be supportive, but he _missed _her. Just spending the night at her house didn't feel like enough. By the time he got there, they were both too exhausted to do anything anyway.

Their only saving grace had been the weekend. The day after the charity event, he and Marissa had accompanied his mom and Henry to a day in LA. It was a lot of fun, and made Ryan realize he actually really liked Henry. Ryan didn't know what a dad was like, but sometimes he thought that maybe Henry was becoming the closest thing. And that was scary.

The weekend after that, Ryan and Marissa had a very long movie marathon while Marissa looked through everything she needed to for prom, and Ryan tried to get her to make out with him – which he succeeded in.

Now, Marissa just wanted this day to be over so she had the weekend to spend with Ryan again. Last night they'd spent maybe five minutes together before they both fell asleep.

She opened her locker and immediately smiled when she saw the line of pictures from the photo booth in LA. The first pictures were of Marissa making goofy faces while Ryan just stared at her with a quirked eyebrow, then of Ryan kissing her cheek, and the final few pictures were of him turning Marissa to kiss her. She loved those pictures. It had been hell getting him into the booth, but she smiled whenever she thought of them.

"If I had known a few pictures would make you so happy, I would've let you take them a long time ago," Ryan murmured, coming up behind her and placing his hand on the small of her back.

Marissa smiled, butterflies in her stomach at his nearness. "You can still change that around."

He smiled, raising his eyebrows. "We'll see."

She smiled and turned, pressing her lips against his, her hand resting on his cheek. He smiled and kissed her back, but then she pulled back abruptly. "Oh wait. I forgot. Kissing in the halls is against school code, remember?"

He gave her a look. "When have I ever been one to follow the rules?"

She giggled and kissed him again. "You are a bit of a bad boy," she murmured against his lips.

Ryan pulled back and she grabbed her Bio book before closing her locker. "Do you want an iced coffee? I'll buy."

Marissa smiled and raised her eyebrows. "Ooh, trying to be a good boyfriend?"

He raised his eyebrows. "I'm a great boyfriend."

She grabbed his hand, lacing their fingers together. "I suppose," she teased, slinging her bag over her shoulder.

He gave her a look as they walked. "You're just in denial." As they reached the lounge, they saw a small crowd around the coffee area. "What's going on?"

Suddenly, they saw Seth climb onto the coffee cart. "Um… what's he doing…?"

Seth looked at Summer and said, "Summer Roberts, I'm in love with you. I have been since we were in the fifth grade. I know I'm not athletic and I don't have washboard abs or amazing biceps." He shrugged. "But I love you, and I'm not afraid for anyone to know."

Summer looked around, then looked back at him, a small smile on her face. "Cohen…"

"Summer, will you go to prom with me?" Seth asked, reaching his hand out for her to take.

She smiled softly, and Ryan realized he had never seen her look so smitten with someone before. "Yes."

She grabbed his outstretched hand and climbed with him onto the coffee cart where she kissed him lightly in front of everyone. Ryan turned to Marissa and saw her watching them with a sad smile. "Well, that was something," he said.

Marissa tore her eyes from their friends and nodded. "It was sweet."

After Seth and Summer climbed off the coffee cart, Ryan went and bought them some iced coffees. Handing her the coffee, Ryan asked, "So what color corsage do I need to get you?"

Marissa took a sip of her coffee, eyeing him, confused. "Corsage?"

Ryan quirked an eyebrow. "For prom. We're going, right? I mean, you drag me to everything. Figured you'd drag me to this too."

Marissa plastered a smile on her face, trying to hide the disappointment in her eyes. "Right. Yeah. Um… my dress is red."

"Red. Got it." He smiled and leaned in to peck her lips quickly. "Come on, I'll walk you to class."

Marissa nodded, still trying to hide her disappointment. She should be happy Ryan automatically assumed they were going to prom without actually asking her. Of course he would just think that, right? She didn't need some romantic prom proposal like Summer.

But no matter how many times she reminded herself this, nothing could stop the sad disappointment in her chest.

XXXXX

Ryan knew he had done something wrong, but he couldn't quite decide _what_. Marissa seemed off today, but he really didn't know why. Ever since they saw Seth and Summer, her eyes didn't brighten when she smiled. She was putting on an act, trying to seem happy, but he knew her well enough that he knew she was faking it. Even when he asked what was wrong, she just smiled and said nothing.

At lunch they ate with their friends, sitting next to each other at the large table. But instead of their knees touching, she seemed more distant – both physically and emotionally. He knew he hadn't done anything horribly wrong, but he still wanted to know why she wasn't entirely happy. Even before they'd started dating, it had always been his priority to make Marissa happy.

So, that's why he was using his free period to find Summer. She had a study hall this period, and he knew she liked to ditch that and just go sit in the library where she thought no one would ever find her. After all, Summer in the library? But Ryan knew Summer almost as well as he knew Seth; the four of them had hung out in some form since they were kids, though Seth and Summer had been at odds the whole time.

He found her in the corner at a table flipping through magazines. He pulled out a chair and sat across from her, folding his arms on the table. Summer lifted her eyes to his. "What?"

"I need your help."

She gave him a look. "Obviously. What did you do?"

"That's what I want to know?" he said honestly.

Summer sighed and closed her magazine. "Well, Marissa hasn't said anything."

Ryan frowned. "She hasn't?"

Summer shook her head. "Did she tell you something is wrong?"

Ryan shook his head. "No, but she is acting weird. She's smiling, but she's not really smiling."

Summer bit her lip to keep from smiling. Ryan just knew Marissa so well; even she had to admit it was slightly adorable. "Well, when did that start?"

"Today, after Seth asked you to prom." He smirked at her. "Nice, by the way."

Summer glared at him. "Don't judge." She thought about it, then sighed. "Why would she get upset about that? Marissa is many things, but jealous isn't one of them. And she's always telling me to go for Seth." At Ryan's surprised look, she rolled her eyes. "Yes, Ryan, she says Cohen is a good guy."

Ryan smiled at that, then frowned. "Well, I don't know what the problem is."

"Did you two talk about anything? Did she say anything?"

Ryan thought about it. "I asked her what color corsage I should get her."

"When did you ask her to prom?" she asked, her eyes widening. "Coop didn't tell me about that!"

Ryan furrowed his eyebrows. "Um, I guess I didn't."

Summer's eyes narrowed as she stared at him incredulously. "You are such an idiot, Atwood."

"But why?" he asked, still confused.

"Of course she's upset! You didn't _ask _her to prom, you just assumed she'd go with you!"

Ryan gave her a look, still confused. "But she _is _going with me. Or _I'm _going with her. She would have dragged me to it anyway…"

Summer smacked his arm and he winced. "Atwood! Coop is very understanding with you and your incompetence, but at the end of the day she is a girl. That means she wants you to _want _to go to prom with her. Or at least to pretend to." She gave him a look. "And she _wants _you to _ask _her, not just assume it's going to happen. The girl needs some romance every now and again." She opened her magazine back to where she'd been reading and started flipping through it again. "Jeez."

Ryan thought about it, his eyebrows furrowed. "Romance?" he asked, shifting uncomfortably.

Summer lifted her eyes, nodding. "Yep. Get on it." She turned her attention back to the magazine. Ryan drummed his fingers a few times on the table. Summer lifted her eyes to him again. "Yes?"

He lifted one corner of his mouth. "Um, how do I do that?"

She rolled her eyes but smiled, closing the magazine. "Okay, this is what you need to do…"

XXXXX

That night, Marissa finally got a night off from planning prom. She went to Ryan's house and found him changing out of his work shirt. "Oh, sorry," she said, cheeks burning.

Ryan smiled and left his shirt off, pulling on a wife beater. "You've seen me shirtless before," he reminded her.

She nodded and shrugged, biting her lip, the image of a shirtless Ryan still in her head. "I know. But still."

He walked over to her, placing his hands on her hips. "I'm the one who hasn't seen _you _shirtless."

She blushed, staring straight into his smoldering eyes. "You've seen me in only a bikini."

He grinned crookedly. "Oh, I know. I about died every time."

She looked away from him, blushing deeper. "Whatever…"

He turned her face back towards his, leaning in to kiss her hungrily. It was different than their other kisses, no longer just passionate, but now with a hint of lust and longing. His tongue found its way into her mouth, and she about melted into him. She'd never had a kiss be so hot and passionate yet tender and soft before. She'd never had a kiss this _delicious _before.

He pulled back and breathlessly murmured, "Even when I didn't know I had feelings for you, I was definitely attracted to you." He looked into her eyes. "I just didn't want to tell you."

"Why not?" she asked, just as breathless as him.

"Because I wasn't supposed to find my best friend sexy," he murmured, his eyes once again smoldering.

She was too caught up with desire to feel shy or embarrassed anymore. "You find me sexy?"

He nodded, leaning in. " Oh yeah," he mumbled against her lips, kissing her hungrily once again.

They fell back onto his bed, Ryan hovering over her. Their bodies pressed together, the friction just igniting a larger fire inside both of them. Neither could remember why they hadn't crossed onto the next level in their relationship, or why they never even talked about sex. They may have been dating weeks, but they'd known each other and had been mutually attracted to each other for years.

"Hey guys, the pizza is here!" Dawn shouted from the living room, breaking the fiery spell.

Ryan pulled back just enough to call out, "We'll be right there!" He turned his attention back to Marissa, both of their chests rising and falling quickly in sync. "Movie night with mom and Henry okay?" he murmured, leaning in to kiss her again.

She played with the hair on the back of his neck as she kissed him back and murmured, "Mhmm."

"Tomorrow I was thinking we could spend the whole day together," he mumbled, pulling back again to look into her eyes.

She looked into his beautiful blue eyes she had so easily fallen for as a kid. "And do what?" she asked quietly.

"Well.." He moved so he was resting on one elbow, face still close to hers. "I was thinking we could get some breakfast, then maybe go to the mall.."

She raised her eyebrows, smiling. "Ryan Atwood wants to go to the mall?"

He smiled softly, looking at her with that expression that sent butterflies right to her belly. "Yes, if that would make you happy."

Marissa leaned up to kiss him one last time. "Maybe you are a great boyfriend," she teased lightly.

Ryan merely smiled and kissed her back, thinking that maybe one day he would be.

XXXXX

The next morning, Ryan made sure everything was set. He called the diner in advance and gave them a time that he and Marissa would be there. He called Summer and made sure he had everything correct, even if she did yell at him for waking her up so early. He was ready to go to Marissa's.

He rode to her house, knocking on the door. Jimmy opened the door and rubbed his eyes, yawning. He raised his eyebrows when he saw Ryan. "Oh, hey Ryan. Bit early, huh?"

"Little past eight," Ryan said with a shrug, very uncomfortable.

Jimmy smiled, raising his eyebrows tiredly. "Exactly." He moved aside. "Come in. Marissa is still asleep, but not for long, I guess."

Ryan smiled and nodded, walking past the older man and up the stairs. He opened Marissa's door without knocking, smiling when he saw her sleeping on the bed, her hair messily spread on the pillow. Gently shutting the door behind him, he walked over to her bed and climbed on top, fitting his body against hers. He carefully brushed the hair from her face so he could see her closed eyes, smiling when he saw her eyelids lightly flutter.

He leaned in and kissed her gently, her breath catching in her throat as she stirred. He grinned knowing that even in sleep he had an effect on her. He pulled back and she slowly opened her sleepy eyes to pout at him. "I was enjoying that."

He grinned. "I know."

She smiled sleepily. "What time is it?"

"Little past eight," he said, tucking some hair behind her ear.

She raised her eyebrows. "What are you doing awake?"

"I told you last night…" He kissed the tip of her nose. "We're spending the day together."

She smiled and placed her hand on the back of his neck. "I didn't realize that meant waking up early."

"Is that a problem?" he asked, scooting his body a little closer.

She shook her head. "Not at all." She kissed him once more, then pulled the covers back, swinging her legs over the side of the bed. "I'm going to shower." Ryan lay back on her bed, resting his hands on his stomach as he raised his eyebrows suggestively without saying a single word. She laughed and rolled her eyes. "Soon," she murmured before leaning back down to kiss him.

He smiled lazily when she pulled back, resting one hand behind his head as he watched her. "I didn't say anything."

"You don't have to," she said with a smile, walking into the bathroom.

XXXXX

Ryan held Marissa's hand as they walked into the diner, looking around anxiously as they walked to their usual table. He sat down across from Marissa, eying the waitress standing in the corner texting on her phone. Marissa watched Ryan and raised her eyebrows. "What are you doing?"

Ryan's eyes shot to Marissa's. "Nothing."

She noticed his awkward behavior and followed where his gaze had gone, her eyes falling when she saw a pretty brunette standing in the corner. "Ah."

Ryan furrowed his eyebrows, not understanding her sudden somberness. "What's wrong?"

She looked at him and shook her head, but he could still see something bothered her. Somehow she seemed worse than yesterday at school. "Nothing."

He looked at her, then turned and looked at the waitress. He tried to think like Summer would, tried to analyze the situation. Was she upset about the waitress? Then it hit him.

Standing and scooting into the booth next to her, he wrapped his arm around her. "Riss, don't even go there."

"Where?" she asked quietly, not looking at him.

He tilted her chin up so she had to look into his eyes. "There's no one else. There can't be." He leaned his forehead against hers. "Don't go there."

She leaned into him, feeling slightly better. "Thank you."

The waitress came over with some menus, smiling politely at the two of them. "Hi, I'm Bailey. Can I get you two something to drink while you look over the menu?"

"Two coffees, and we don't need the menus," Ryan said, giving her a look. "We'll have _the pancakes_."

The waitress raised her eyebrows and nodded in understanding, grinning widely. "_Oh_. _The _pancakes." She grabbed the menus back. "They'll be right out."

Marissa looked over at Ryan in confusion. "Why did you do that?"

"Do what?" he asked, looking at her innocently.

"You're up to something."

He shrugged, raising his eyebrows. "I have no idea what you're talking about. You always get pancakes. So do I."

"What if I wanted something different?" she challenged.

He smiled. "Too bad."

Just then, the waitress came back with two plates of pancakes. Winking, she placed the plates in front of them. "Enjoy."

Marissa looked down, her eyes widening when she saw her pancakes. Written in whipped cream was the word "Prom?"

Ryan pointed to his plate and quietly said, "You forgot this one."

On Ryan's plate was a heart made out of strawberries and whipped cream. Marissa turned to look at Ryan now, who had been watching her very carefully this entire time. "When did you.. _why _did you…"

Ryan took a deep breath, then began. "Yesterday I noticed you were disappointed or sad after the whole thing with Seth and Summer. So I went to Summer for help, and she made me realize I never actually asked you to prom." He rubbed her shoulder with his thumb, looking down at the table. "I'm sorry that I didn't realize how important prom is, and I didn't understand the significance to our relationship. Because it is significant. I mean, it's _prom_." He looked at her, realizing he had been rambling. "I just wanted you to know that I _want _to go to prom with you. I wouldn't to spend it with anyone else – for many reasons." He smiled softly. "And I guess…. I hope maybe you'd want to go with me too?"

Marissa blinked a few times to clear out the emotion in her eyes, but then smiled broadly. "Are you asking me to prom?"

He nodded, twisting his body a little more in her direction. "Yeah. I am."

She smiled, leaning in to kiss him softly. "I would love to go to prom with you."

XXXXX

**Question, do you want a really long prom chapter (like really long) or do you want two shorter prom chapters posted at different times? Personally, I think the long one would work best, but it's up to you guys.**

**Enjoy the fluff, folks. After prom, stuff's gonna happen.**

**As I said, I'm really tired. So I'm just gonna thank you by name and reply reply next time.**

**Thanks to:**

Jen, xoElle23, Sarah, Guest, sailaway, Nadine, Riss, Guest, fatedtopretendd, FlyingForward, and Obsessed Nikki.


	22. Part One: Chapter Twenty One

**A/N So this isn't outrageously long, but it is two thousand words longer than what I've written in a while. That's why it took me a few days longer to update. I'm on vacation now, so I don't know if I'll post again this weekend or next week. Please review and please enjoy; I hope you all love this chapter :)**

Ryan knew that it was silly, but he wanted to make prom absolutely perfect for Marissa. Anything less than extraordinary and happy tears just wouldn't be good enough.

Marissa had been the best friend in the world to Ryan since he was a little kid. She had been there for him before he even knew who she was. He'd taken years too long to realize how much he cared for her, and he'd hurt her way too many times in the process. Now, he had to make it up to her.

About a week before prom, Marissa threw him a complete curveball by announcing her mom had finally received her specially made light cream colored dress. "I thought you already had a red dress…" he said in confusion, looking down at her from his position propped up beside her on the bed.

Marissa nodded, smiling. "I _did,_ but now that _we _are going… I don't know… I guess I just wanted to look better or something."

Ryan raised his eyebrows at her, his lips twitching upwards. "Marissa, you look amazing in anything."

She smiled softly, her eyes betraying her shyness. "You say that, but _I _need to feel that way sometimes. I know it's stupid, but I've been dreaming of prom since I was a little girl. I wanted the perfect dress that would make me look just like a princess. Something that would make you…" She stopped, realizing what she was saying.

Ryan smirked and tickled her sides lightly. "Something that would make me what?"

She laughed and fought him on it, but eventually admitted, "Something that would make you fall head over heels in love with me." She rolled her eyes, laughing lightly at herself. "It's the stupidest thing…"

He rubbed her side with his thumb, looking at the curve where her shoulder and arm met. "You don't need a dress to do that," he murmured quietly.

Marissa's eyes found his, and she very slowly leaned in to kiss him. After a few minutes, she pulled back. "Thank you."

He looked at her very seriously, once again stunned at how he'd been so blind for so long. Without another word, he leaned in to kiss her again.

XXXXX

Ryan was known by name in the flower shop in charge of the corsage by the time prom arrived, he had called and visited so many times. Similarly, he and the limo driver were on a first name basis and talked on the phone multiple times to confirm the pickup time and addresses. He had annoyed the restaurant with all his reservation confirmations, and he'd really annoyed Summer with all the questions he asked her about how to make things perfect.

By the time prom night arrived, Ryan was sure everything would be perfect for Marissa. He had the corsage, he was riding with Seth in the limo to Marissa's house where she and Summer had spent the day getting ready, and the reservations were intact. Everything would be perfect.

The only thing that made Ryan feel less nervous about the whole evening was the thought that he'd be spending it with Marissa. No matter what happened, he would get to have her all to himself for the whole evening. That alone made all the effort okay.

Seth seemed just as nervous as Ryan. As they pulled into the driveway, he looked over at Ryan. "Am I sweating?"

Ryan raised and eyebrow and gave Seth a look. "You're fine."

Seth rolled his eyes. "Hypocrite."

The two climbed out of the limo and went to the front door. Ryan shifted nervously from foot to foot with the corsage in his hand as he waited for Marissa to answer. When the front door opened and he saw Jimmy, not Marissa, he tried to hide his disappointment. "Hi, Mr. Cooper."

"I've known you for over ten years, Ryan. I think it's about time you call me Jimmy," Jimmy said with a smile, stepping aside and gesturing for the kids to enter. "Seth, always nice to see you. How's your mom?"

"Good," Seth said awkwardly.

The two stood in the foyer waiting for the girls to come down the stairs. He heard Dawn and Julie talking to each other upstairs, which was surreal, but Marissa had asked Dawn if she wanted to pictures at her house. Dawn had been overjoyed and arrived an hour early to get shots of Marissa finishing getting ready, which Ryan decided not to question.

Finally, his mom appeared at the top of the stairs with a grin. "Gentlemen, I present your ladies."

Ryan rolled his eyes at his mom's choice in words, but immediately froze when he saw Marissa. She looked…stunning.

"Wow," he murmured without realizing it, earning a teasing elbow in the ribs from Seth.

Summer appeared next to Marissa, and Seth's eyes went wide. "Oh."

"Yeah," Ryan said, his eyes never coming off Marissa. Her dress was stunning. Her hair was perfectly styled, her makeup flawless. He felt utterly inadequate yet lucky to be standing there. Marissa smiled at him as she walked down the stairs to him, her eyes locked with his. When she reached him, he stumbled over his words. "You look… I mean, your dress… and _you_… you're…"

Marissa blushed, looking away shyly. "Thanks."

Ryan remembered the corsage in his hands. "I don't know much about colors or matching, so I got you white. I'm sorry if I messed it all up…" He offered her a sheepish smile.

Marissa looked down at it and smiled, shaking her head. "It's fine. Really."

He slid the corsage onto her wrist, smiling as he looked her up and down. "You really do look beautiful."

Before Marissa could say anything else, both Dawn and Julie came over to them, gushing. "It's picture time!"

Ryan rolled his eyes, but Marissa grabbed his hand, lacing their fingers together. "Come on, let's get this over with."

As the cameras all went off, Marissa squeezed Ryan's hand, making him able to get through it. After probably hundreds of pictures and way too much smiling, Ryan managed to drag Marissa away from the cameras. "Okay, we should really go. Don't want to be late for dinner!" Ryan said, giving the other teens a look that said it was time to leave.

"Aw, just a few more," Dawn argued, pouting with her camera in hand.

"No, no, time to go," Ryan insisted, leading Marissa through the front door. "Bye!" The limo driver opened the door for them, and they all climbed into the limo together. Ryan placed his hand on Marissa's leg and leaned over to kiss her softly. "Hi."

Marissa smiled and kissed him back. "Hi."

Ryan pulled away and smiled. "So, I thought Italian for dinner?"

Marissa reached for his hand and laced their fingers together. "Sounds perfect."

Summer laughed at that. "Oh gosh, Atwood has been trying to make everything perfect. If it wasn't so annoying it would be cute."

Ryan glared in her direction, and Marissa smirked in his. "Oh really?"

Summer nodded, ignoring Ryan's looks. "He had to have called me a hundred times in the past week trying to make sure he didn't need to do anything else."

Marissa smiled and leaned in to kiss Ryan lightly, making Seth groan. "Very cute."

They arrived to the small Italian restaurant and everyone ordered spaghetti. The dim lighting and wall murals made the place feel cozy and warm, which Ryan really liked. It's why he had picked this place to begin with. Apparently Henry had brought his mom here on their first date.

At the end of dinner, Seth decided to foot the bill. "It's the least I can do with Ryan paying for the limo," he said at Marissa's and Summer's questioning glances.

Marissa turned to Ryan. "Wait, you're paying for the limo by yourself?"

Ryan nodded, shrugging. "Yeah."

"Ryan, that has to be a lot of money," Marissa said, her eyes wide.

Ryan shrugged once again. "I guess. But I wanted you to have a great prom." Her eyes softened, and he smiled. "Besides, what else was I going to do with all this extra money I've been making lately?"

"Um, use it for school?" She protested, giving him a look.

"I have scholarships and grants. I'm paid for." He leaned over and pecked her lips. "Stop worrying and just enjoy your prom night."

When they made it back to the limo, the limo driver pulled Ryan aside. "Um… there's a bit of a problem."

Ryan looked at him. "What kind of problem?"

"The limo has been making weird sounds. I thought it was nothing, but now it isn't starting…"

Ryan gave the guy a look. "So you're telling me the car isn't working?"

The driver looked really awkward and apologetic. "I'm sorry. I'm trying to get someone out here to fix it…"

Ryan rubbed his eyes tiredly, not able to believe his horrible luck. "Well how long is it going to take?"

"I don't know. Anywhere from half an hour to an hour to get out here."

Ryan ran his hand over his head, disbelieving. "Well, can you just send another limo out here? We have to get to the dance."

The driver sighed and shrugged awkwardly. "I tried, but the entire company is booked tonight. Prom and all."

Ryan shook his head angrily. "I can't believe this." Without another word, he walked over to where Marissa, Summer and Seth were all laughing and talking with each other.

When Marissa saw his face, she immediately got serious. "What's wrong?"

"The limo won't start, it's going to take a long time to get someone here, and they don't have any backup limos," Ryan said, feeling horrible. He looked at Marissa very seriously and sighed. "I'm sorry."

Marissa saw how upset he was and reached out for his hand. "Ry, it's fine. It's not your fault. Things just happen sometimes."

Ryan didn't feel any better, and looked off at the restaurant, thinking of how quickly things were falling apart for him. Then, he got an idea. "Wait, I know who to call." He grinned widely and reached for his phone, scrolling through his contacts. Pressing call, he put the phone to his ear. "Yeah, Henry? It's Ryan. I need your help…"

XXXXX

Forty-five minutes later, Henry had the car working and in good shape. "I suggest you take this right to a mechanic afterwards, but it should get you around tonight just fine," he said, wiping his hands on a towel.

Ryan grinned widely and walked to him. "I can't even begin to think of a way to repay you."

Henry smiled softly, resting his hand on Ryan's shoulder. "Just have fun tonight. Your mom is really excited. I'm sure she'll show me all the pictures." He looked over at Marissa and winked. "Looking pretty there, Marissa."

Marissa smiled. "Thanks, Henry."

"I'll let you four get off to the dance. Have fun!"

As they climbed into the limo, Marissa pulled Ryan aside, smiling softly. "That was really cool of Henry to just come when you called, no questions asked."

Ryan smiled softly, thinking how cool Henry had turned out to be. "I know. He's cool."

Not long later, they finally arrived at the prom. They were an hour late, and Marissa immediately walked around looking to make sure everything was in order. Ryan followed her, amused and awed at how seriously she took her social chair position.

After surveying everything, she finally sighed in relief and turned to him with a smile. "Nothing seems to be out of order."

Just then Taylor Townsend came behind them. "Only because _I _was here to fix everything."

Marissa gave Ryan a look before turning to Taylor. "What happened?"

"Luke spiked the punch, James and Tyler almost started fighting, and two of the decorations almost came crashing down." Taylor smirked. "But while you were off doing God knows what…" Taylor looked between her and Ryan with distaste. "_I _fixed everything."

The muscle in Ryan's jaw flexed and he stepped forward to defend Marissa. "She was only here late because there were problems with the limo. And as for this prom, the only reason it can even exist in the first place is because of Marissa." He narrowed his gaze. "Because let's be honest, you are all talk and nothing else and no one would ever take you seriously long enough to let you plan the entire thing."

Marissa raised her eyebrows and bit her lip to keep from smiling at the way Ryan so easily jumped to defend her. Taylor opened her mouth to speak, but shut it in a tight line. Without another word, she huffed and stormed off.

Marissa turned to Ryan and gave him a look. "Ry, I appreciate you sticking up for me…"

He held up a hand and shook his head. "Come on, it's prom." He grinned and reached for her hand. "Let's dance."

Marissa smiled and rolled her eyes, giggling as he pulled her to the dance floor. "I can't believe we're here together," she said thoughtfully after a minute.

He raised his eyebrows, smiling softly. "Why not?"

She shrugged, a soft smile on her face. "I mean, I always hoped we would…but I guess I thought you would have some other girlfriend of the day."

His smile dimmed and he nodded, shrugging as they dance. "I know I wasn't the easiest to be around. I know I hurt you a lot…" He looked into her eyes, wanting to convey how he felt. "But I'm glad I'm here with you."

Marissa smiled, her stomach full of butterflies. "I'm glad, too."

He looked around, then turned his eyes back to hers. "You did a great job. Everything looks amazing."

She shrugged, sighing softly. "I can't believe I'm pretty much done with my social chair position. The only thing left is the after graduation party, and that just feels weird to think about. I can't believe we're going to be graduating next month. Or going to school in the fall."

He nodded, completely understanding. Taking notice of her apprehension, he squeezed her side reassuringly. "Hey, at least we have each other through it all, right?"

She nodded, but that didn't exactly reassure her. "Yeah. I guess."

He furrowed his eyebrows, growing serious. "I mean it. As long as we stick together, things will be fine." He smiled that smile she loved so much. "I promise."

Marissa stared at him with a soft gaze, completely amazed at how much she loved him. At the fact that she was here with her best friend of all people, and he actually _wanted _to be here with her. "Okay," she murmured, leaning her head on his shoulder. And for the next few slow songs, all they did was sway together silently, content with the silence.

XXXXX

"Are you sure you don't want to go to the after prom party?" Ryan asked for the millionth time as they pulled up to her house.

Marissa smiled and shook her head. "No, for the thousandth time I do not want to go to the after prom party. I'm perfectly fine coming home and relaxing."

He let out a content sigh, smiling lazily at her. "Relaxing sounds good. I don't think I'm used to dancing this much."

Marissa smiled and leaned in to kiss him quickly. "You are getting rather good at it."

Seth and Summer both cleared their throats. "Okay, well you two can be all lovey dovey elsewhere, but _I _want to go the party," Summer said, rolling her eyes at the two.

Marissa smiled and Ryan shrugged. "You guys can take the limo to the party. I'll just head home on my own," Ryan said, throwing a look in Marissa's direction.

Marissa nodded, smiling slowly. "Have fun, guys. Taylor was in charge of the after party."

Ryan and Marissa both climbed out of the limo before they could hear the moans and groans of their friends. They smirked and waved goodbye to the limo before Ryan placed his hand on the small of Marissa's back and led her to her front door.

Once there, he turned to face her, smiling softly. "So, how was prom?"

Marissa smiled and wrapped her arms around his neck. "Great. Thank you."

Ryan smiled, feeling accomplished. "I'm just glad you had a good time."

"Well, I did." She leaned in and kissed him, _really _kissed him, perhaps for the first time all night. It was a kiss that left them both breathless and longing for more. Breaking through the spell, Marissa pulled back, biting her lip. "Well, I should probably get inside," she murmured against his lips, staring at him through her long lashes in a way that made her even more desirable.

"I'll see you later," he said, his eyes sparkling as he leaned in to kiss her one last time.

Being the stronger of the two, Marissa managed to pull herself from his embrace and open her front door. Her mom came down the hall and greeted her, raising her eyebrows. "I thought you had a party afterwards."

"I'll do anything, even come home early, if it means avoiding the gloating, annoying presence that is Taylor Townsend," Marissa said with a shudder.

Jimmy heard voices and came to the foyer too, smiling when he saw Marissa. "Hey. How was it?"

"Amazing," Marissa said, her face softening as she thought of Ryan and all the effort he'd put into making the night wonderful for her.

Julie and Jimmy gave each other knowing looks. "Well, we were just about to head to bed," Jimmy said, smiling at his daughter. He walked over to her and pressed a kiss to her forehead. "I'm glad you had a good night. You deserved it, kiddo."

"Thanks, daddy." Marissa watched her parents climb up the stairs and go to their room. She went to her own room, listening for her parent's door to close before opening her own. She smiled when she saw Ryan sitting on her bed untying his tie.

She gently shut the door behind her, discreetly locking it. "I hate these things," Ryan murmured to no one in particular, finally pulling the tie from around his neck. "So uncomfortable."

"They're not known for their comfortableness," she reminded him, smiling as she looked at him.

He turned, feeling her gaze. "Well, at least I won't be wearing it for another month." He started unbuttoning his shirt, preparing to get ready for bed.

Marissa, on the other hand, had other plans. She walked over to him, interrupting him by climbing onto his lap, leaning in to kiss him. "I missed this," she mumbled against his lips, opening her mouth to his.

He wasted no time in kissing her back, closing his eyes and letting himself get lost in her kiss. He ran his hands over her back, resting on her hips as she straddled his waist. He didn't know what had gotten into her, but he wasn't complaining.

She reached for his shirt, slowly unbuttoning it. Ryan thought nothing of this since they sometimes shed his shirt and even wife beater and made out with him shirtless. She slid the shirt off him, pulling back just long enough to pull the wife beater over his head. When their lips rejoined, it was like they had been apart for hours instead of mere seconds, and the kisses grew even more passionate.

Marissa slowly leaned him down, moving her body so she hovered over his. She wasn't on top very often, but the few times she _was_, Ryan found almost sexier. He leaned up, kissing her harder, not able to get enough of her lips.

After a few minutes, they both got restless, and he quickly turned them over, smiling before leaning down to reconnect their lips. But instead of merely kissing her lips, he kissed down her jaw and started placing small kisses all along her neck. In the weeks they'd been together, he knew which spots made her giggle and which ones could make her bite her lip to keep from moaning. Right now, he kissed the spot that made her moan, right at her pulse point, his tongue warm against her soft skin.

Surprising him, Marissa led his hands to the zipper on her dress. Pulling back, he stared at her curiously, his breath coming out unevenly. "Riss…"

"I'm ready," she said quietly but firmly, looking deep into his eyes. She tried to lean in and kiss him again, but he pulled back, putting some space between them.

"You…are?" he asked unbelievingly.

She nodded, trying to get close to him once again, but he moved so he was sitting up. Sighing, she did the same. "Yes."

"Are you sure… I mean… We've been dating only close to a month…"

She gave him a look. "We've known each other since we were kids. And you've slept with girls within a day of going out with them."

He sighed, not able to look her in the eyes because of how ashamed he felt at the truth. "I know. But still…"

She scooted closer to him, but he wouldn't let her close the gap, knowing if she touched him he might lose all control. "I…" she trailed off, feeling suddenly worried. "I mean… are you not… do you not find me…"

Ryan furrowed his eyebrows, then realized what she was implying. "Oh god… Marissa, of course I _want _to." He gave her a look. "I'm sure you've _felt _how much I want to before…"

Marissa turned bright red, and if it were a normal moment Ryan would have found her embarrassment more adorable. But right now he was quite honestly freaking out a little bit. "Then what is it?"

"Well, for one, I don't have a… well, you know… protection…" Marissa bit her lip, then walked over to her nightstand, opening it to reveal a box of condoms. He stared at her in absolute shock. "When did you… how did you…"

She gave him a look. "Ryan, I was with you the first and second and many more boxes of condoms you bought. I know the kind you use." There was that blush again, but this time _Ryan _felt embarrassed that she knew that.

"I'm really sorry about that…about my past…" he said honestly. "I never noticed how hard that must have been for you before, and now that I do know I feel like such a jerk…"

"It's fine…" she said, avoiding his eyes as she shrugged.

Finally closing the gap between them, he walked over to her, resting his hands on her arms. "No, it's not. I'm really sorry. If I could take it all back, there wouldn't have been any other girls."

She lifted her eyes to his, a frown still prevalent. "Then why don't you want this?"

He sighed, avoiding her gaze. "Like I said, it isn't about not wanting it…"

"Then what _is _it about?"

He sighed, remaining silent for a while. Finally, he looked at her very seriously, deciding she deserved the truth. He was scared. "I… well, you're a pancakes girl."

Marissa furrowed her eyebrows. "Yes… I like pancakes…"

Ryan shook his head. "No. I mean…." He dropped his arms, shoving them in his pockets. "All the girls I've been with… I never had any real feelings for them. I definitely never loved them. I respected them, but I never liked them long enough to stay longer than an hour. I never stayed over. I never felt the need to. I didn't feel like I had to." He looked at her, shrugging. "But you're… you're a pancakes girl. The kind of girl you stay the night with and buy breakfast the next morning." He smiled briefly, then frowned again, feeling very vulnerable. "And I've… I've done the sex part. But I haven't done the rest. I haven't done the feelings part. I've never bought a girl pancakes."

Marissa's fears melted away, and tears stung her eyes as she listened to Ryan. Without another word, she leaned in and kissed him tenderly, wanting to convey how much she cared for him. How much his words meant to her. After a few minutes, she pulled back and bit her lip to keep from smiling like an idiot. "Well, I haven't done any of this." She smiled softly, her eyes somehow easing all his fears. "But if it's okay with you… I would like _you _to be the person I share it with. All of it." She kissed him again gently. "How about we take it one step at a time. It's just me, Ryan." She looked at him seriously. "It's just me. You've slept over a million times. This time you just might not have your clothes on."

That somehow ended Ryan's nerves. She was right. This was _Marissa_. Neither of them needed to be afraid simply because they could share anything together and be fine. It was the beauty of their friendship. They need not be afraid of anything because as long as they were together, it would all be okay. He had promised. And somewhere along the way she had silently promised the same.

Without another word, he leaned in to kiss her passionately. Realizing what it meant, Marissa murmured, "So we're doing this?"

"One step at a time, right?" he murmured back, pulling back just the slightest bit to look at her.

Her stomach full of butterflies, Marissa leaned in to kiss him again.

XXXXX

Afterwards, Ryan loosely held Marissa close as he stared up at the ceiling. They both remained quiet for a while as they regained their breath, thinking about what they had just done. Ryan Atwood had now actually had sex with Marissa Cooper. Well, he'd made love. Because this time felt vastly different than ever before.

Marissa, on the other hand, also had lots of thoughts of her own. Things like – _was that okay? Did he like that as much as I did? Did I disappoint him? _

Finally, he turned to her, twirling some of her hair as he smiled softly at her. Without a word, he leaned in and kissed her gently, erasing all of her fears. When he pulled back, he merely kissed her forehead before resuming his previous position just holding her.

"Are you okay?" she asked after a few minutes, observing him.

He quirked an eyebrow. "Yes…"

She smiled and laughed softly, propping herself up on her elbow, making sure her sheet covered her chest. "I mean, because I know you were a little weird before… or worried or something…" She trailed off, giving him a serious look. "I just want to make sure you're okay with everything."

He smiled, his eyebrow still quirked in amusement. "I'm not the one who just lost my virginity…"

She blushed deeply, turning her eyes from his. Grinning at her embarrassment, he made a move so he was hovering over her, _making _her look at him. "Yeah, well.."

"Are _you _okay?" he asked seriously, staring at her intently.

She nodded, biting her lip to keep from smiling like an idiot. "Yeah."

"Then I'm good." He leaned in and kissed her again, his bare body pressing against hers.

They kissed for a few minutes, getting lost in each other all over again. After a while, Marissa pulled back and just leaned her forehead against his as she gulped in air, her eyes still closed as she tried to block out all of her doubts. But after a few seconds, she finally had to ask. "Was it.. I mean… was I…" Ryan pulled back to observe her face, trying to gauge her question. "I mean.. was I okay?" At Ryan's confusion, she blushed deeply. "I know you've been with a lot of girls, Ry… and I don't… I mean.. I obviously was inexperienced… I just didn't know if I was… good… for you?"

Ryan stared at her incredulously, his eyebrows raised in bafflement. "Marissa, you were…" He trailed off, images of what they'd just done replaying in his head. He looked back at her, blinking the thoughts from his head, grinning. "Good. Really…good."

Marissa blushed, and he smiled wider at her shyness. They were naked in her bed, and she was still blushing?

He looked at her seriously, the smile falling so she would know he was sincere. "I know I've been with a lot of girls." At her wince, he felt horrible all over again. "And I know that's hard to think about." He tucked some hair behind her ear. "I can't change my past." He looked into her eyes, all playfulness and amusement gone. "But none of that matters now. I don't want you thinking about that. That's over. All of it." He smiled crookedly. "Stick together, remember?"

She smiled, feeling much better. "Stick together," she repeated quietly, leaning in to kiss him.

"I do think that we should definitely practice though." He pulled away, grinning in a way that let her know he wasn't serious. "I mean… we should practice a whole lot."

"Is that so?" she asked, giggling.

"Oh yeah." Making her giggle some more, he leaned in to kiss her. Before long, her giggles turned to soft moans, and no other words were needed.

XXXXX

Marissa awoke in the morning to light kisses on her neck. Smiling with her eyes closed, she let out a content sigh as she felt Ryan's thumbs rubbing circles on her bare stomach. "Mmmm… good morning."

Ryan pulled back to smile at her sleepily. "Morning."

She glanced over at her clock and saw it was only seven. Turning back to him with raised eyebrows, she asked, "What on earth are you doing awake?"

"Well, I happened to wake up and figured it's better to get up before your parents do so they don't get suspicious…" He trailed off, then grinned. "And I mean, there you were looking all sexy with your hair messed up as you slept… I couldn't resist."

Giggling, Marissa rolled her eyes at him, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him in for a kiss. "Yeah, yeah."

After a few minutes, Ryan pulled away and smiled down at her, his eyes soft. "How was your prom night?"

Marissa couldn't keep the smile off her face. "Perfect, thank you."

He smiled, feeling proud of himself. "Good. I really wanted it to be."

"Well, you succeeded." She rested her hands on his chest, looking into his eyes. "How was your first nude sleepover?"

Ryan grinned, his eyes sparkling. "I definitely think we should make a habit of it."

She laughed and rolled her eyes, shaking her head at him. "We'll see." Her giggles died down, but the smile remained as she looked up at him. "Okay, well if you're fine and everything, I think it's time for my pancakes." They both smiled. "Cause I don't know about you, but I'm starving."

"Pancakes, huh?" he asked, a lazy smile on his face.

"Apparently I'm that kind of girl," she said with a cute grin.

"Oh you think you're cute?" he asked, tickling her sides, making her laugh.

"Adorable," she said through her soft giggles, trying to keep it down so she didn't wake up her parents.

"Okay, Cooper," he said, ending the tickling and instead leaning down to kiss the tip of her nose. "Pancakes it is."

XXXXX

**So I had an idea in my mind for drama, but now I've changed it to another idea. But rest assured, there will be drama in the following chapters. Will it tear the two apart or pull them even closer together? Guess you'll have to see!**

**Individual Replies:**

**Clarity23: **I don't think I succeeded in the drama haha. I was a bit too lazy to think of any to be quite honest.

**Riss11: **Drama drama drama. I don't think it will involve the character you liked after all though. I haven't decided yet.

**Obsessed Nikki: **I haven't decided how extensive the problems will be, so it might not be too bad.

**Nadine: **Thank you, I'm trying :)

**Jen: **Thank you!

**Skillz37: **You must have been the busy bee to miss all my posts :)

**Guest: **Thank you!

**Sailaway: **And so the sex begins. Cause honestly, this story is gonna have a lot of it. Especially in part 2.

**xoElle23: **Haha, I still love your reviews.

**TVDaddict22: **It's all good!

**Sara: **I didn't make it super super long. I got tired. But it is longer than normal at least!

**RMforever: **No worries. I know you've been busy! I know the song you're talking about but I too cannot think of the name! It's gonna bother me. I suppose I could google it. Nah, that's too much work.


	23. Part One: Chapter Twenty Two

**A/N This is short, but I really don't think I can make it any longer. It's setting up the drama for future chapters. **

Another week passed, and somehow Ryan and Marissa became even more inseparable. Their parents couldn't find one without the other. Seth called Ryan whipped. Summer said their adorableness was sickening. Ryan and Marissa honestly just didn't care what anyone else thought; they were happiest together.

One day Marissa was in bed wearing her comfy sweats and tank top as she surfed the web. Ryan was supposed to be reading _Heart of Darkness _for class, but he had other things on his mind. Now that sex was an option, Ryan was insatiable. Nothing made him happier than watching Marissa unfurl and fall apart under him as she lost herself in pleasure.

"Stop staring at me and start reading," Marissa said without taking her eyes off the laptop screen. Ryan smiled and turned his attention back to his book. He got a few words in before glancing Marissa's way again. Feeling his gaze, Marissa turned to him and gave him a look. "You need to read."

Ryan shook his head stubbornly. "It's boring."

"I know. But you need to read. The school year is almost over." She turned her attention back to the laptop, clicking through several pages.

"What are you doing, anyway?" Ryan asked curiously, glancing at the screen.

"I'm trying to choose a dorm to stay at," she said, clicking some more.

Ryan furrowed his eyebrows. "Why would you stay at a dorm?"

Marissa quirked her eyebrow at him. "Because I need to live somewhere…?"

Ryan rolled his eyes. "I know, but why a dorm?"

"You think I should get an apartment?" Marissa asked, mulling the thought over. She would have more space if she rented an apartment.

Ryan sat up and looked over at her seriously. "I thought _we _should get an apartment."

Marissa's eyes widened and she closed the laptop, turning to give her boyfriend her full attention. "Both of us?"

Ryan shrugged and nodded. "Yeah."

"You want to live together?"

Ryan shrugged and nodded again. "It makes sense."

Marissa narrowed her eyes in confusion. "What do you mean it 'makes sense'?"

"Well, we spend every single moment together," he pointed out. "We eat together. We sleep together." He grinned suddenly. "We _sleep together_." Marissa shot him a look and swatted him playfully. "Point is, why waste money on dorms or separate apartments if I can guarantee you we will be only staying at one anyway?"

Marissa had to admit, Ryan did have a point. "But still… live together? That seems like such a big step to take."

Ryan thought about it and nodded, looking down at her comforter. "If you're not ready…"

Marissa's eyes widened again and she reached over to touch his leg. "Ryan, it's not that. I thought that _you _wouldn't be ready."

Ryan raised an eyebrow at her in amusement. "Why?"

Marissa gave him a look. "You're the guy who didn't have a relationship longer than a month with any girl for years. Moving in with someone is a rather big step."

Ryan smiled and shrugged. "True. But you're not just any girl." He rested his hand on her knee. "Besides, it's like we live together anyway, right? It's not really a huge thing for us. I feel like I've lived in your room more than mine most of my life anyway."

"I guess." Marissa let herself imagine living somewhere with Ryan, and she couldn't help the slow grin that spread across her face. Having her own place with Ryan without the fear of parents or friends barging in all the time seemed like a great idea. It would be a place of their own. "How would we pay for it?"

Ryan lay back on her bed, pulling her down to lay with him. She rested her head in the crook of his neck, and he wrapped his arm around her. "Well, I have some money saved up. I know you do too. Your parents would be supportive, but we don't really need them. We both have scholarships, and I have grants. We have extra money than what we need for tuition, so there's a couple thousand there." He rubbed her arm with his thumb, sending shivers up her spine. "And besides, I want to get a job up there anyway."

"Should I get a job?" she asked, biting her lip.

Ryan shrugged. "If you want to. I think we will be fine without it. It's up to you."

Marissa sat up now, propping herself up on her shoulder so she could look at him. "We need to pick one out soon, then. Like… within a few weeks."

Ryan nodded and reached over to tuck some hair behind her ear. "We can go this weekend or next to look for one. I'm sure your parents would cosign."

Marissa allowed herself to smile and be happy now that some details were out of the way. This was doable. She leaned in and kissed him quickly. "I can't wait."

Ryan smiled, feeling much better now that he knew Marissa actually wanted to live with him. For a little while it seemed like she thought the idea was insane, which made him worried. "Me too." It didn't take long for Ryan to deepen the kiss and for things to get rather heated. "Are your parents home?" he mumbled against her lips, running his hand under her shirt.

"Out shopping for a few hours," she said, helping him pull her shirt off.

He grinned and pulled back enough to murmur, "Then we don't have to be quiet."

Marissa giggled and nodded. "Exactly. Finally."

"Just think, soon we'll never have to be quiet," he said with a crooked smile.

Marissa laughed and pulled him back in for a kiss. And much to Ryan's pleasure, she _wasn't _quiet.

XXXXX

School felt like a joke to Ryan now that graduation was so close. In less than a month he would be walking the stage, and the thought was both exhilarating and terrifying. No one in his family had ever walked the stage before. Trey had run away from home before he could, and his mom got pregnant with Trey in her senior year so both his parents dropped out to get jobs.

His success in school was a large part Marissa's doing, and he was aware of that. He wanted to thank her for everything, but overwhelming gratitude and talking about feelings just wasn't his style. So, he tried to just make her happy and hoped that was payback enough.

The only good thing about the last month of school was finally being with Marissa. Now he had someone to make out with in the hallways – when she permitted – and eating lunch with her every day was much better than every other day. Ryan had a lot of good memories in high school, but he wouldn't be missing it. After all, he, Marissa, Seth, and Summer were all going to UCLA together so he would be bringing the best parts of high school with him.

With the exception of tedious schoolwork and annoying Newport rich kids – he wouldn't miss that next fall – life was good. Really good. So good that he should have known something would come along.

One day at school he was with Marissa at her locker teasing her for all her locker decorations. "You don't spend nearly enough time at your locker to warrant all this," he said, gesturing towards her locker shelves, pictures, magnets, white board, and mirror.

Marissa shot him a look. "I am here every single day, thank you very much."

"For only a few minutes," he said with a grin.

"Exactly, and I want to customize those few minutes and make them as great as possible," she shot back, closing her locker and turning to glare at him.

"Aw, don't give me that look," he said, a cute grin still present, his eyes sparkling.

Marissa tried not to smile, but a happy Ryan was just too great not to smile. Faltering, she said, "You better get used to my decorating. Who do you think is decorating our apartment?"

Ryan smirked. "I don't care about the decorations in the apartment as long as we have a good bed." His eyes sparkled mischievously, and Marissa turned red.

"Ryan, don't talk about that in public!"

"Why not?" he asked, resting his hands on her hips, grinning. "I'm sure people have figured out that we do in fact have a sex life."

Marissa turned redder and gave him a look. "Well, I don't _want _them to know about it, so shh."

He merely smiled and leaned in to give her a kiss, which she couldn't help but return. After a minute, he smiled at her. "I have to talk to Mr. Brody after class, so I'll meet you at the car this afternoon?"

Marissa pretended to think about it. "Hmm, I have to wait for you? Maybe I should just drive home…"

Ryan slipped his fingers slightly under her top so he could lightly tickle her sides. "You wouldn't."

Marissa tried to squirm her way out of his grip, laughing. "Maybe I would."

He pulled her to him and kissed her again. "You like me too much to leave me stranded at school."

"That's what _you _think," she said, giggling as she kissed him back.

After class, he talked to his teacher about their final paper to clarify some things, then went to his locker to put his books away. AP classes were pretty much done with homework – at least Calc II was. It was the other classes he had to worry about.

When he closed his locker, he nearly jumped in surprise when he saw Casey leaning against the lockers by him. "Hey," he said, not even bothering to veil his surprise.

She smiled hesitantly, biting her lip. "Um, hey."

Something seemed off about her. Casey had never been a very shy person, and now she suddenly looked like she was intimidated by his presence. Honestly, one of the most attractive things about Casey was her confidence. To see her looking like a frightened little girl worried him. "What's up? How have you been?"

"Fine." She shifted uneasily. "I heard about you and Marissa." Ryan looked down uncomfortably. "I'm happy for you. You seem happy."

"I am," he said quietly. He felt bad, but he wouldn't deny the truth.

"Can't say I didn't see it coming," she said quietly, and it made him feel bad again. That _was _why they broke up, after all. Well, one of the reasons.

"So what have you been up to?" he asked, trying to be polite. Marissa was waiting for him and he wanted to get to her, but he wouldn't be rude to Casey. Not after breaking her heart.

"Um…stuff," she said vaguely.

Ryan looked at her seriously, now really concerned. "Casey, is something wrong?"

She sighed and blinked a few times, and only then did he noticed how shiny her eyes were, as if she was holding back tears. "I told myself I'd keep it together for this, but I'm one blink away from completely falling apart," she said with a sad laugh, shaking her head at herself.

"What's going on?" Ryan asked with great concern.

"I have to tell you something," she said after a few minutes, regaining her composure. "And I don't know how to do it except to just come out and say it, so I guess that's what I'll do."

"Okay…"

"Ryan, I'm late," Casey said quietly, her cheeks growing red.

Ryan looked at her, not understanding. "To meet someone?"

She shook her head, sighing. "No, I mean I'm… _late_." She looked at him, willing him to understand. Suddenly, he did.

"Oh." He suddenly felt very cold.

"It's been a while. And I'm not always regular, so I didn't think anything about it, but then I thought I should try it anyway. It's been a while, you know? Even if I am on the pill. And I've just felt so weird lately. Like sick, but that's not entirely normal either. So I tried taking some tests…"

"And?" he asked, barely able to get the word out.

She looked at him and sighed, shrugging. "One positive, one negative."

"So what does that mean?" Ryan asked, his heart beating hard against his chest.

"It means I made an appointment with my doctor in a few days," she said, biting her lip.

"Oh." Ryan's mind was spinning and he had no idea what he was going to do. Casey could be pregnant? He had never even considered the possibility that one of his girlfriends might get pregnant. Most were on the pill like Casey, and he always used protection regardless. It made no sense why she would be pregnant. Except, of course, there always was a chance, wasn't there? "Do you want me to go with you?"

She shrugged, looking very uncomfortable. "It's just some tests. Not really much for you to be there for. If I mean, it does turn out to be positive then maybe…"

"If it does end up positive, we'll figure it out," he managed quietly.

She bit her lip, looking at him now. "Ryan… if it is, it's yours." Ryan stared at her curiously. "I know that was probably a question.."

He shook his head. "No, it never even crossed my mind."

She sighed, nodding. "Well, I'll keep in touch. Let you know."

She started walking away, but Ryan reached for her arm. "Casey?"

"Yeah?" she asked quietly, not looking at him.

"I'm sorry," he admitted softly.

She turned and looked at him sadly. "It takes two, right?"

Ryan watched her go, then turned and leaned his head on his locker, closing his eyes. He had no idea what to do. For the first time in over a decade, he felt completely and utterly alone.

Marissa found him there ten minutes later. He hadn't moved a muscle. "Taking a nap?" she teased lightly, walking up beside him and resting her hand on his back.

He shook his head, turning to look at her with terrified eyes. How could he even begin to tell her? He hadn't even thought about what this meant for her yet, too worried about himself. Marissa immediately picked up on his mood, her smile falling. "What's wrong?"

"I just talked to Casey," he started.

"Oh." Marissa frowned sympathetically. "Must have been awkward."

"You don't know the half of it," he mumbled, sighing and closing his eyes.

"Is that why you were taking so long?" she asked, rubbing his back soothingly.

Ryan nodded. "Partly." He sighed, looking at Marissa. She looked at him with so much trust and hope – she always had. How could he ruin her view of him by telling her the truth? How could he even begin to break her heart that way? "Marissa, Casey is late."

Unlike Ryan, it didn't take Marissa long to understand what that meant. Her eyes showed she understood, and her eyebrows furrowed in confusion and shock. "What… has she taken tests?"

He nodded, looking away, not able to bear the look on Marissa's face. "Yeah. One positive, one negative." He sighed, rubbing his face tiredly. "She's going to the doctor in a few days."

Marissa didn't know what to say. Her boyfriend might have gotten another girl pregnant. The boy she'd been in love with for a decade might be having a baby with someone else. Nothing she said or did would ever make that right. Nothing would make it hurt less. Finally, she settled on asking, "Are you going with her?"

Ryan shook his head. "No, she is going to let me know after." He looked at Marissa seriously. "I know it's a lot to handle…"

She blinked a few times, then looked away. "We need to tell your mom."

Ryan frowned, sensing Marissa was getting distant. "We will, but don't you think we should talk…"

"I think we need to go tell your mom now," she said, running a hand through her hair, her mind darting in all different directions. "And get out of the school. When do they close it down?" She started walking away, but Ryan reached for her arm.

She flinched, and for the first time Ryan realized just how bad things were going to be in every aspect of his life now. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. You're the one who might have gotten a girl pregnant. We don't really have time right now to worry about me. We need to worry about you, and Casey." She sighed, blinking. "And your mom. And Henry for having to calm down your mom." She pulled her arm away, avoiding his eyes. "So we should get to that."

Ryan watched her walk away, thinking he had royally screwed everything up.

XXXXX

**Jen: **Well the drama has started :)

**TVDaddict22: **Aw thank you :)

**Skillz37: **Aw, I hope things get let busy!

**Sail away: **Got to wait a few chapters before that starts up again haha :)

**FlyingForward: **Omg I'm so happy that you saw it!

**Sara: **Drama drama drama

**Nadine: **It's not so much Casey, it's what Casey brings up that is the drama. That's what the drama is.

**Riley: **Your review made me smile when I read it. Thank you so much.

**Riss: **A 14 hour shift is insane dude.

**Clarity23: **Sometimes you just need fluff :)


	24. Part One: Chapter Twenty Three

**A/N 100k words! Craziness. And 300+ reviews. This story is gonna be soooo long. Jeez. Anyway, I'm not Josh Schwartz. This isn't Theresa. I hoped some of you would have more faith in me than that. Thanks for the reviews. R/R, enjoy.**

"_Casey might be what?!"_

Ryan winced at the pure volume of his mom's screams. He had expected her to be upset, but he hadn't expected her to be this angry with him. She had Trey when she was a senior in high school, so he didn't think she could really be that angry without being a tad hypocritical.

"Pregnant," Ryan repeated quietly, refusing to look his mom in the eye. He glanced in Marissa's direction, but she just stood stagnant in the corner staring at the floor, her arms folded across her chest.

"I can't believe this. I _told _you to be careful. We have talked about this a million times since you hit puberty. We sat down and had the talk. Hell, _Trey _had the talk with you before he ran off!"

Ryan winced, still refusing to meet her gaze. "I'm sorry, mom."

"Sorry doesn't cut it, Ryan. Sorry doesn't unfertilize an egg!"

Ryan grimaced. "Mom," he groaned, feeling extremely uncomfortable.

"Oh so that makes you feel uncomfortable?" she asked, narrowing her eyes at him. "How do you think you're going to feel when she's sick in the morning? When she starts to put on the weight and her feet swell and she has to pee every five minutes?" She paused and took a step forward. "How about when there's going to be a _head _coming out of her – "

Henry held out a hand, deciding now was the time to intervene. "Uh, honey?" He rubbed her back soothingly. "I think what's done is done here. Casey may or may not be pregnant. All we can do right now is try to deal with it."

She rubbed her face tiredly, letting out a long breath. After a minute, she finally nodded and looked back up calmly. "Okay," she said, the first clear thing she's spoken in half an hour. "You're right." She sighed and shrugged, looking at Ryan. "Well, have you two talked about what you're going to do if she is pregnant?"

Ryan shook his head, rubbing his neck uncomfortably. "No. We said we'd figure it out when she gets the results back and we know for sure."

"Well if she is pregnant, do you think she'll keep it?" Henry asked quietly, the question on everyone's mind.

Ryan shrugged, rubbing his arm now. "I don't know. Probably. Her family is kind of old fashioned." He couldn't be sure, but Ryan swore Marissa winced in the corner.

"What about you?" Henry asked gently. "What are your thoughts on everything?"

Ryan glanced in Marissa's direction again, wishing she would come over to him and just _stand _by him. She wasn't only his girlfriend, but she was his best friend, and this was a huge moment in his life. He needed her now more than ever. "I don't know," he said honestly. "I never thought about kids and family before. I always just assumed if it happened it happened."

Marissa grimaced – this time he knew for certain. "Well now that it might be happening, what are you thinking?" Henry prodded.

"I'm thinking I'm terrified," he said, blinking a few times. "But whatever the tests show, I need to be there for Casey."

Marissa bit her lip and blinked a few times, shifting her weight from foot to foot awkwardly. She didn't want to be in this house anymore. Normally there was no safer place in the world than Ryan's house – it had Ryan and Dawn and maybe it wasn't glamorous but it was comfortable. Now she felt like she was suffocating, and she needed to get away.

"I'm going to go," she said, the first words she had spoken to anyone in the room since they arrived. "I have a lot of things I need to do, and I have to get to them."

Ryan's shoulders fell, and he immediately turned to her. "Marissa…"

"You have a lot of things to figure out with your mom," she said quietly, avoiding his gaze. "So I'm going to let you get to that."

Without another word, she left. Ryan turned to walk after her, but his mom held him back. "This is affecting her just as much as it's affecting you. She needs her space."

Ryan heard her car start and pull out of the driveway. "She's barely spoken to me since I told her," he said quietly, staring down at his black boots in shame. "I don't even know what to say to her."

"Right now all you _can _say to her is the truth, whatever that is," Dawn said quietly. "If Casey is pregnant, what does that mean for you and Marissa?"

"I don't know.." Ryan sighed deeply. "How am I supposed to know? What's the right thing to do? I mean, I want to be there for Casey…." He trailed off.

"But..?"

"But I can't lose Marissa," he said quietly, realizing the words for the first time himself.

"I think you need to tell Marissa that," Dawn said, rubbing his arm affectionately. Ryan merely nodded, thinking of all the new things he needed to fix in his life. Through it all, he _needed _Marissa to stand by his side. It was that simple. Maybe it was a lot to ask of her, but he couldn't see it any other way. "I'm sorry for yelling."

"I get it – you're upset," he mumbled, looking back down in shame.

"Yeah, but I'm more disappointed than anything," she said, surprising Ryan. At his confusion, she sighed, ruffling his hair. "Ry, I always wanted more for you than this." She gestured around their house. "When I got pregnant, I was a kid. I didn't know what I was doing, and I made a lot of mistakes along the way. If Marissa wasn't around, or if I had relocated to Chino instead of Newport…." She trailed off, shuddering. "The point is, I know what it's like to be a kid with a kid. It's hard. It's a lot of work, and a lot of things – like school – get left behind because there just isn't time." She shrugged, looking at him. "You're a smart kid, much smarter than I ever was. I just hoped you would learn from my mistakes."

Ryan nodded, at a loss of what to say. After a while, he merely mumbled, "I'm sorry."

"I know you are. We all are." She patted his shoulder. "Go do some homework or something. When you're done, go see Marissa. I know you that's what you're thinking about."

Ryan smiled weakly at his mom, because that _was _what he was thinking about. "Okay." He went to his room, shutting the door softly behind him.

Henry wrapped an arm around Dawn, kissing her temple. "He's a good kid."

She sighed, nodding sadly. "I know. He's a good _kid_."

XXXXX

Marissa couldn't focus on anything. She tried doing math, but numbers seemed foreign to her. She tried reading for English, but it was as if written in another language. She tried starting her PowerPoint for her presentation in history, but it was as if she forgot entirely how to work a computer. The only thing she _could _remember was that her boyfriend could have gotten another girl pregnant.

Marissa had never outright disliked Casey. She had been jealous and hurt that Ryan once again wanted to date another girl, but Casey was a genuinely nice girl. Ryan never told Marissa why they broke up, but it seemed totally out of the blue because Casey was head over heels for Ryan. That's what made this so much worse.

Now that things were finally normal for Ryan and Marissa, Casey might be pregnant. For the first time all afternoon she let herself ponder how much that just sucked. It's like she couldn't catch a break. She spent her whole life pining over this one boy, and now that she had him, he might very well be ripped away. And it wasn't like she could get upset with him for it. That made it worse.

Sighing, she reached for her phone. She only knew of one person who understood this type of situation, and he was the only person she could even think of talking to right now, even after everything.

Andrew answered on the third ring. "Marissa?"

"Hey," she said quietly, her eyes immediately filling with tears. She had never been good at hiding her emotions from Andrew before.

"Marissa, what's wrong?" he asked, immediately concerned. Even now after they broke up and he moved away, he still cared. That somehow made everything worse.

"Everything," she managed to choke out with a sad laugh.

"Did something happen with Ryan?" he asked gently. "You two are together, right?"

"How did you know?" she asked guiltily.

"It was so obvious you two would start dating soon," he said honestly. "And then Kat called me to spout off every name for you in the book."

Marissa sighed, shaking her head. "Yeah, she really hates me."

"Well, _I _don't hate you. And I don't blame you. I know if I had the chance to date Jess right now, I would."

Marissa bit her lip. "How is Leah?"

Andrew sighed now. "Sick. Tired. Out of it. All the time. Chemo is really messing her up. Her hair started falling out the other day – or what little she had."

Marissa bit her lip again, a fresh wave of tears coming for this little girl fighting for her life. "How is Jess taking it? And… John? Was that his name?"

Andrew sighed angrily. "John Howard? He left yesterday. Packed up his stuff and went away. He's a year older than us and he decided he didn't really want to be around anymore now that school was over and his daughter is sick."

"That bastard," Marissa muttered without realizing it.

"Jess is a wreck. With Leah always sick and crying, Laurie feeling left out and confused as to why Leah is always sick, and John now gone – it's like she has no one. Her parents are trying to be supportive, but they can only do so much, and they're starting to get tired of footing the bills for everything. She feels all alone all the time."

"Well, she has you," Marissa reminded him gently.

Andrew thought about that, remaining silent for a while. Finally, he said, "Yeah. She does." He paused. "So what's going on with Ryan?"

Marissa sighed. For five minutes she had completely forgotten about her own problems. "Casey might be pregnant."

"Casey his ex?"

"Yeah. The one you called Cosette."

Andrew whistled. "Jeez, what is up with us? We seem to have picked the two most fertile people to pine after."

Marissa laughed in spite of herself. "I don't know what to do. My heart is broken beyond repair, but I know I can't be upset or jealous with him. He wasn't with me at the time. We just started dating, and I can't get mad at him for the past, but I can't not get mad."

"Well, I know how it feels to watch someone else you love have kids with someone else," he said quietly. "But the difference between you and me, is that Ryan is in love with you, but Jess wasn't ever in love with me. That means your situation is entirely different."

"Is it, though? I still have to watch Ryan have a kid with another girl and just be okay with it." Tears fell, splattering on her textbook. "I thought if Ryan were to ever have kids…"

"It would be with you," Andrew finished for her. "Yeah. It's rough. I'm not saying it's going to be easy. I'm just saying that maybe Ryan isn't going to give up on you so easily."

"What do you mean?"

"I saw the way he looked at you in those final weeks. I don't know how it happened, but he realized how head over heels he was for you. He _told _me as much."

"He…did?"

"Yeah, he did. And maybe Casey is pregnant. Maybe she isn't. Maybe she has the baby – maybe she doesn't. All you _know _is how you feel. Do you love him?"

Marissa didn't even have to think about her answer. "Of course."

"And do you think he loves you?"

Marissa sighed but nodded. "Yeah. I think he does."

"Then whatever happens, try to hold onto that." He sighed. "It's going to suck if she is pregnant, but maybe you don't have to lose Ryan."

_But I'll still lose so much_, Marissa wanted to say, but she didn't want to bring Andrew down anymore than he already was. "Thanks for listening. It means a lot that you would still answer after knowing about me and Ryan…"

"Hey, I'm happy for you." He must have sensed Marissa's skepticism because he added, "Do I feel a little sad? Sure. I really like you. I think we're pretty good together. But I live in Maine and you live in California. And you're happy. Or you can be. So I'm happy for you."

"You're a really good guy, you know that?" she asked, smiling.

Ryan opened her window and climbed in at that moment, and her smile fell away. "So I'm told. Take care of yourself, Marissa."

"You too. Don't be a stranger." She hung up and looked at Ryan, biting her lip. "Hey."

Ryan took note of her tear-stained cheeks. "Hey." He climbed onto her bed, sitting next to her. "Who were you talking to?"

Marissa sighed, looking down at her textbook, feeling guilty even though she knew she really shouldn't. "Andrew."

Ryan's eyes furrowed and he immediately grew upset. "What are you doing talking to him?"

Marissa knew it was probably counterproductive, but the fact that Ryan thought he could get mad at her considering everything made her extremely angry. "I can talk to whomever I feel like talking to."

"What could you possibly have to talk to him about?" he asked, his voice slightly rising. "Have you two kept in contact this whole time?"

"Not that it is any of your business.."

Ryan interrupted. "I think it damn well _is _my business."

Marissa ignored him. "But _no _I haven't kept in contact with him." Ryan seemed to relax a bit, but she added, "But I wish I would have."

Ryan immediately grew tense again. "What are you talking about?"

"I'm saying I miss him," Marissa admitted, her voice dropping. "He was a good friend."

"Friend? He was your boyfriend. You _dated_ him," Ryan said, his voice raising again.

"So? Some of us actually _befriend _the people we date," she shot back, immediately shutting her mouth the minute after.

Ryan's eyes narrowed at her. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing." She stood and took her book, placing it in her backpack.

"No, don't ignore me. What does that mean?" Ryan asked, also standing now.

"Nothing. It just means… I mean, let's be honest, Ryan. I'm the only girl you've ever actually _spoken _to."

"I _talked_ to my old girlfriends," he said icily.

"Oh, right. Things like 'My house or yours?' and 'Don't worry, I have the condom,'" Marissa mumbled under her breath.

Ryan still heard it. "Is that what you think of me? That I'm just some shallow guy who uses girls for sex?"

Marissa sighed, running a hand through her hair. "I think that you used to be a little bit more physical with your girlfriends than emotional."

Ryan didn't know what to say to that, so he did the only thing he knew – he retaliated. "I'm so bad? Weren't _you _the one who _begged _me to sleep with you?"

Marissa's cheeks burned with anger and humiliation. "Don't expect that anytime soon."

Ryan realized what he had said, and immediately lost his fight. "That was an amazing night," he said quietly.

Marissa crossed her arms over her chest, looking down. "Yeah, it was."

"Why are we even fighting?" he asked seriously.

"Because you're an ass," she mumbled, making Ryan smile.

"You knew that when we started dating though," he reminded her, taking a few steps toward her.

She didn't back away, which relieved him. "Doesn't mean you have to remind me."

Finally reaching her, he placed his hands on her waist. "I know things are weird right now. With Casey…"

Marissa tried pulling away, but he wouldn't let her. "Ryan, I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to _think _about it."

It broke his heart to see how upset she was. "Marissa…"

She pulled away completely now, turning around. "No, Ryan. You don't know what it's like. You don't have to deal with this from me. I've been with you – that's it."

Ryan sighed, trying to touch her but she wouldn't let him. "You knew about my past. You knew about the other girls. And we weren't dating…"

"I know." She blinked away a few tears. "I just thought the days of being reminded how much more I loved you than you loved me were over."

Ryan didn't know what to say. How could she even think that was true? He had always loved her so much. Even when he didn't realize that's what he was feeling, he loved her endlessly. "Is that what you think? That you love me so much more?" At her silence, he gave her a look. "Marissa, just because I didn't know…"

"Ryan, you were able to go off and have sex with all these girls while I had to just let you." Ryan shut his mouth, knowing she had a point. "And it hurt. It hurt a lot, but I couldn't do anything because we were friends, right? What right did I have." She sighed, crossing her arms over her chest again. "I thought when we started dating that was finally over. But now here we are, closer than ever, and I have to watch you with another girl all over again."

Ryan didn't know what to say once again. "Marissa, it's not like before…"

"Right, now you might be having a baby with one." She shook her head, as if trying to clear the images from her brain. "Just forget it, Ryan. I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to talk, period."

"Then what do you want to do?" he asked, staring at her with concern.

"I think.." She trailed off, closing her mouth. Finally, taking all the courage and strength she had, she looked him in the eye. "I think you should leave."

Ryan furrowed his eyebrows. "But…"

"I just need space. I promise whenever Casey gets her tests I'll be the pathetic little girlfriend standing by your side again." She looked down. "But right now I just need to be alone."

Ryan merely nodded, hating how much it made sense. "Okay. I'll go." He started leaving, even opening the window, but then he paused and looked back. "Marissa, you know how much I care for you.."

She nodded. "Yeah." She didn't say anything else. Didn't even look at him.

Without another word, Ryan climbed out the window.

XXXXX

**Next chapter will be the pregnancy test and results. **

**Individual Replies:**

**TVDaddict22: **As Ryan had said, they kind of do know each other really well. It's not like they don't almost live together already. But I understand your concern. Thank you :)

**Skillz37: **Aw, sorry for having to take a week. Work makes me so tired!

**Clarity23: **But how long will she stay…

**Jen: **Your wish just may come true ;)

**Obsessed Nikki: **Your Ryan/Taylor comment made me sad, haha. We all know where _I _stand. But I respect your opinion.

**Sail away: **Thank you! I obviously like Ryan screwing up too haha.

**Sara: **A little faith. As I said, I'm not Josh. The 'pregnancy' is a catalyst. You are the 300th reviewer though, so cool :)

**Fatedtopretendd: **I'm not a fan of the teen pregnancy on shows either. Believe me.

**Riss: **I have addressed your review. Thanks buddy for reviewing.

**Nadine: **Is it bad that I don't know what a bunny-boiler is?

**xoElle23: **Don't worry buddy. It's all good.

**RMforever: **Thanks :)

**Kerschi-Puky: **I appreciate it when you do review, so thank you!


	25. Part One: Chapter Twenty Four

**A/N Sorry for the wait again. So busy. But here is a chapter for you all. Thanks for all your wonderful reviews, and please R/R and enjoy!**

The day had finally arrived when Casey would find out if she were in fact pregnant. Marissa felt sick and didn't want to even think about what the day held, but got dressed and went to Ryan's house regardless. She knew as horribly as she felt, Ryan had to be confused and terrified, and the best friend since elementary in her wanted to be there for him no matter what.

Ryan was in the shower when she arrived, which surprised her. Ryan liked to sleep in as long as possible. Dawn was in the kitchen putting on coffee though, and smiled weakly at Marissa. "How are you doing this morning?"

Marissa sighed and shrugged, leaning against the counter. "I don't know."

"How are you doing with all this?" Dawn grabbed some mugs from the cabinet, but kept her eyes on Marissa. "I know we haven't really had the chance to talk."

"I feel sad and upset and anxious and angry but I love him, so what can I do?" Marissa said, looking down with a frown. That was her truth – she was upset and she didn't like the situation, but she loved Ryan. Nothing could change that.

Dawn reached out and rubbed Marissa's shoulder. "I know, sweetie. I know." She sighed and shrugged, turning and pouring the coffee.

Ryan walked out at that moment, rubbing his hair with a towel. He smiled when he saw Marissa, though it didn't brighten his eyes as much as usual. She could tell he hadn't slept well, and she wanted to reach out and embrace him but she just couldn't. He walked over to her and kissed her cheek. "Morning."

"Good morning," she murmured, handing him one of the cups of coffee Dawn had just poured.

"Big day," Dawn said, raising her eyebrows as she sipped from her mug.

Ryan nodded, looking down at the ground, suddenly ashamed. He and Marissa were in a really awkward place the last two days. Where they had been nearly inseparable before, now she had requested to sleep on her own for the past two nights. It wasn't even about sex or anything to Ryan – he just missed his girlfriend. Sleeping over was just something they _did._

Dawn looked between them and said, "Okay, well I'll let you two be." She kept her gaze on Ryan. "Call me after the appointment."

Ryan nodded. "I will."

She walked away, leaving Ryan and Marissa alone. Ryan turned to Marissa, looking like a guilty puppy. Marissa realized he always looked like that these days, and she felt bad. They hadn't fought since that first night he found out, but she was a little bit distant. She couldn't help it. She didn't know what Ryan would do if Casey were pregnant. For all she knew, and from the way he spoke sometimes, she needed to protect her heart.

"So… Casey said the appointment is at nine." Ryan didn't know what else to say.

Marissa nodded. "I know. I remember." Ryan mentally kicked himself. Of course she knew. Marissa may be reserved, but she was still _Marissa_.

"Then she said she would come to school and tell me. So…" Ryan knew that Marissa knew this, but he also didn't know what else to say. Things were so awkward between them right now. If Casey were pregnant, he didn't know what he would do. He didn't want to leave Marissa, but he couldn't leave Casey alone. He had grown up without a dad, and that wasn't good.

As if realizing what he was thinking, Marissa looked away, blinking away some of the tears in her eyes. "How about I drive you to the doctor?"

Ryan's eyes immediately shot up to hers. "What?"

"Yeah. We could wait outside." At Ryan's look, she said, "Or I mean, _you _could and I could just leave, if that's what you want.."

Ryan shook his head, reaching for Marissa's hand. "No, I want you there. I'm just… Casey said…"

"I know that Casey said she didn't need you there. Maybe she doesn't _want _you there with her while the tests are going on." She shrugged. "But we can wait outside. I know that _you _want to be there, and don't even tell me you don't want to. It's who you are. You want to be there for her."

Ryan nodded, letting go of Marissa's hand to rub the back of his neck. "I guess I better get used to it. Being there with Casey." He sighed, nodding again.

_Being there _with _Casey._ Marissa blinked, then nodded too. "Guess so."

Ryan instantly noticed a change in her voice. "What's…"

Marissa cut him off. "Well, you should finish getting ready. I'll just text Summer to let her know we won't be at school this morning." Without another word, she walked to her car to grab her phone. She couldn't be there with Ryan when he was thinking about being with another girl. She didn't know if he meant he wanted to be supportive or he wanted to be _with _Casey. The first she understood, the second she dreaded. And she just couldn't ask him without the possibility of heartbreak.

Ryan watched her go sadly before walking to his room to finish changing, at a loss of what to say. When Marissa finally grabbed her phone, she saw she had two texts.

**Summer: **_Cohen and I are going to Starbucks. Need anything?_

**Andrew: **_Have a song stuck in my head and thought this lyric related to you: "I'd rather live in his world than live without him in mine" Good luck today._

Marissa smiled at Andrew's text but didn't reply. She hadn't talked to him since that night, but he had texted her a few times just to be encouraging. She texted Summer they wouldn't be there that morning, then went back into Ryan's house.

He was dressed and coming out of his room when she walked back inside. "Did you tell Summer?"

She nodded. "Yeah." She bit her lip, thinking about Andrew's text. She wanted to tell Ryan that Andrew had texted just because she didn't want to keep things from him, but she also knew he had a lot to worry about right now. She decided she would tell him later. "Ready to go?"

Ryan nodded, his heart beating faster at the thought of what was to come. "Yeah. Let's go."

XXXXX

Casey had gone in to have her tests done and Ryan and Marissa were on the pier outside the clinic. Casey had been pleasantly surprised to see Ryan there, but that had been dimmed by seeing Marissa with him. She figured she had no right to complain. They weren't together anymore.

Marissa wanted to help Ryan in some way. He was pacing and nervous and she just wanted to calm him down. "Ry?"

He immediately stopped and turned to her. "Hmm?"

She walked over to him and offered a smile, placing her hands on his shoulders. "It's going to be okay."

He gave her a look. "Is it?"

Her smile fell away. "Well, yeah. Whatever happens, I'm here for you…"

He pulled away, turning away from her. "Right."

She furrowed her eyebrows. "What is that supposed to mean?"

He sighed, hesitating as he turned around to face her. "It means…" He trailed off, running a hand through his hair. "Marissa, you've been acting differently. And then Andrew…"

She tilted her head, completely confused. "Ryan, Andrew lives in Maine. Thousands of miles away. And I've been having a hard time with this, but that doesn't mean I'm not here for you. I mean, here I am…"

"I know, and I thank you, but I just feel like when things started getting rough, you went straight to him." He looked down, exhaling heavily. "Which, I mean, I get. Andrew is light hearted and understanding and he never did anything to hurt you…"

Marissa still didn't understand where Ryan was coming from. "Ryan, I have no idea what you're talking about."

"I know you've been texting," Ryan finally admitted quietly. "Your phone vibrated yesterday while you were in the bathroom and I looked over to see if your mom was calling or something, but it was a text from Andrew." He turned and looked out at the water, but for once it didn't reassure or calm him down, just reminded him of how much his life felt like drowning.

Marissa didn't know what to say. Part of her was confused, the other part angry even though she knew that was irrational. "And you think that because Andrew has texted me, I'm not here for you?"

Ryan turned to stare at her. "I don't know what to think, Marissa. I just know since we've learned about this thing with Casey, you've been acting distant and I don't know what to think about anything anymore, much less us."

Marissa furrowed her eyebrows, realizing how bad this situation had gotten. "Ryan, there's nothing going on with Andrew."

"That doesn't change the fact that when things got bad, you wanted to talk to him instead of me."

"Only because he's been in this situation before, Ryan," Marissa said softly. Ryan looked up at her. "I don't love Andrew. I love _you_. I only called Andrew for some advice in this situation. He has had to watch someone he loves have a baby with someone else."

"Then why do you keep talking to him if it was just for that?" Ryan asked quietly, avoiding her gaze.

"I haven't talked to him."

Ryan gave her a look. "Marissa, I saw the text."

"You're right. He texted me. And he texted me again this morning." Ryan's eyes narrowed and he clenched his jaw, getting really angry. "But I haven't replied to him after I saw how upset you got the other day, and I won't be replying to him." She pulled out her phone and placed it in his hands. "Look. See for yourself. The only thing he has even texted me is about you, too. Go ahead, read them."

Ryan scrolled through her messages and saw Marissa was right.

**Andrew: **_Told Jess about Ryan's situation. She said to tell Ryan it's scary but the babies make it all worth it._

**Andrew: **_If Ryan's as terrified as Jess was, try distracting him. Worked wonders for her. Couple of Friends episodes ought to do the trick._

**Andrew: **_Have a song stuck in my head and thought this lyric related to you: "I'd rather live in his world than live without him in mine" Good luck today._

Ryan looked up at her. "That's it?"

Marissa nodded, shrugging, looking away. "Yeah, that's it. That's all we've talked about. Or, that's all _he's _talked about."

Ryan handed her back the phone. "I don't know what to say."

"Sorry for not trusting me might be a good start," she said quietly, still avoiding his gaze.

"I'm not sorry for getting upset about you talking to Andrew the other night," he said, which made Marissa bite her lip. "But I am sorry for doubting you or thinking something else was going on."

"Why do you hate him so much?" Marissa asked, genuinely curious.

"I don't hate him…" Ryan said slowly. "I just..."

"You just what?"

He sighed, placing his hands on the rail. "I just hate the way he makes me feel." He glanced over at Marissa, and she furrowed her eyebrows. "You never questioned me before him. You never had anyone that made you laugh as much or smile as much. You never dated anyone long enough." At her look, he added, "And I know I had a lot to do with that, but he just makes me feel like I'm not as good a friend, and definitely not as good a boyfriend as he is. I guess I'm jealous."

Marissa tilted her head. "Ryan, Andrew is not you, and he never will be." She smiled softly. "Try to give yourself a little more credit." He just offered her a weak smile. "But seriously, Ry, you need to have a little faith in me, too."

Ryan nodded, sighing. "I know, I know. I just… with everything that's going on…"

"Especially with everything's going on," she said. "Ryan, I have always been here for you, and I'm going to continue to do that."

"Then why are you so distant?" He asked, whirling around to face her. "Why are you pulling away."

She tore her eyes form his. "Because…"

"Because what?"

"Because this is hard for me," she said firmly.

"And it isn't hard for me?"

"Of course it's hard for you. I know how hard it is for you." She lifted her eyes back to his. "But I also know at the end of this, Casey might be pregnant and I need to prepare myself for that possibility."

Ryan looked away, resuming his pacing. "You know, this really isn't helping right now."

Marissa walked over to him. "You're the one who brought it up…"

"I know, but I don't want to talk about this anymore. I don't want to think about this. I don't want to even think of the possibility that if Casey is pregnant then we…"

He trailed off, and Marissa stopped right in front of him. "Then we what?"

Suddenly, he looked over her shoulder and saw Casey. Marissa turned and saw Casey as well. Without another word or even thought, she reached for Ryan's hand, squeezing it reassuringly.

Casey approached them, hugging herself. She smiled weakly. "So… I'm not pregnant."

Ryan let out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding, as did Marissa. "Oh?"

"Yeah. Hormone stuff. But I guess… sorry.."

Ryan shook his head, patting Casey's arm. "No… _I'm _sorry."

Casey just shrugged, and they all awkwardly said goodbye. Ryan and Marissa walked back to her car together, both of their minds spinning. All that – and Casey wasn't pregnant. Somehow, Marissa still didn't feel relieved.

"Do you want to go to school?" Marissa asked quietly once they were seated in the car.

Ryan shook his head. "I think I just want to go home right now."

Marissa turned on the car, then hesitated, turning to Ryan. "Are you okay?"

Ryan nodded slowly. "Yeah. I think so." He glanced her way. "I mean, that solves a lot. No baby. No Casey. Just…back to normal."

Marissa wanted to see things as he did. She wanted to let it all go. But she just couldn't – not when a voice in her head was telling her things weren't that simple. "Ryan…"

She trailed off, unsure of how to even begin to ask him. Ryan raised his eyebrows. "What's up?"

"If Casey had been pregnant… what would you have done…" Marissa asked slowly.

Ryan looked down at his hands. "What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean," she breathed.

He sighed, closing his eyes. "I don't know. I would've been there for her. I would've tried to support her and be there for her."

"And us?" Marissa murmured.

"Marissa, she's not pregnant.."

Marissa leaned back in her seat, closing her eyes. That was all she needed to hear. "You know, I never even considered us breaking up."

Ryan furrowed his eyebrows, glancing up. "You didn't?"

Marissa shrugged, refusing to meet his gaze. "Guess that was stupid of me."

XXXXX

"Marissa, are you just going to keep giving me the silent treatment?" Ryan asked as they arrived in front of his house.

Marissa turned off the car and unbuckled her seatbelt. "I'm not giving you the silent treatment. I just have nothing to say."

Ryan rolled his eyes. "I know you want to say something. I know you."

"I don't want to say anything, Ryan. I just want to go inside and relax." Even while mad at Ryan for a million and one reasons, Marissa still wanted to be around him. And even while Ryan didn't exactly make her feel happy lately, his house still represented comfort to her.

"Then why do you seem so upset?" he asked, walking over to her before she had the chance.

"Maybe because I am upset. It's been an upsetting week. We've both said some things, and now I want to just let it be," she said, looking past him and trying to walk around him.

Ryan wouldn't budge. "Why are you so upset right now? We've been over this. Casey isn't pregnant."

"I know. I was there when she told you."

"Then why are you being so difficult?" Ryan exclaimed, throwing his hands up in the air. "I don't know what the hell you want me to do!"

"Nothing! I want you to do nothing!" Marissa yelled, growing frustrated. Realizing how much she'd raised her voice, she lowered it to just above a whisper. "Ryan, I love you. I always have. I will stand with you through everything." She shrugged. "I'm just trying to process everything."

"What is there to process?" Marissa finally broke free of him. "She isn't pregnant."

"What if she was?" Marissa whirled around. "What if she _was _pregnant?" She looked him dead in the eye. "We would be having an entirely different conversation right now, wouldn't we?" At his silence, she raised her eyebrows. "Thought so. Now let's just go inside and…"

She opened the door and saw Dawn and Henry sitting on the couch talking. Dawn immediately stood when she saw them, and Henry stood to hold onto her hand. "I thought you were going to school?"

Ryan sighed and closed the door, rubbing his face tiredly. "I don't really feel like school right now, and we are barely doing anything anyway."

Dawn merely nodded, understanding. "Well… what happened at the appointment?"

Ryan glanced Marissa's way, but she was already walking to the kitchen to grab some water. "Casey isn't pregnant."

Dawn almost fell from relief. "That is such a relief."

"I know!" Ryan shot a look in Marissa's direction, but she ignored him as she unscrewed her bottled water and took a swig.

"So now we can all go back to our normal lives," Marissa said with a false smile as she recapped her water.

Ryan rolled his eyes, but Henry immediately changed the mood before things could get nasty. "There's actually something I wanted to talk to you all about." Everyone immediately grew quiet and gave Henry their attention. He rubbed his hands together nervously, looking from face to face. "There have been a lot of issues in this house lately. A lot of arguing, a lot of discomfort."

Marissa walked over to Ryan as Henry spoke, already taking her spot beside him. "Yes, things have been rather…tense… lately," Dawn conceded slowly.

"Well, I've been thinking, and all this tenseness made me realize something." Everyone drew in a deep breath, preparing for the worst. Henry surprised them all by saying, "And it made me realize how much I want to be a part of this family." At everyone's confusion, Henry smiled. "I've never had a family. I mean, I had my parents when I was growing up, but that's it. They passed on, and now I have no one. That was fine for a while, but when I see the amount of love that you all have for each other – even in the hardest moments – I realize I want that. I want all of it. I want the fights and the makeups. I want to be here when Ryan and Marissa graduate and when they move into college and to give Ryan advice when he messes up, and to help Marissa see things from a guy's point of view."

Marissa reached for Ryan's hand once again, silently lacing their fingers together. Forgetting everything from the past week, she turned to observe his face only to see attempted stoicism. But she knew him inside and out, and she could see how hard he was listening to every single word.

Henry continued. "I want to be here for the grandkids. All of them. Every single one. And I want to spoil them endlessly. I'll get them hyped up on sugar and then take them driving and on vacations and…" At Dawn's raised eyebrows, he grinned sheepishly. "Or maybe we'll discuss these things beforehand." He laughed, as if amazed. "I don't care what happens. I don't care what good or what bad, but I want to be here with all of you because… well, because you've already become my family. Every single one of you."

Dawn managed to find her voice, and very shakily asked, "So…what are you saying?"

Henry's smiled broadened, and he reached for Dawn's hand. "I'm saying… Dawn, I want you to marry me. I want to be your husband." He pulled out a ring from his pocket and fell to one knee. He glanced in Ryan's direction. "And I want to be a dad to you, Ryan. Officially." He exhaled slowly, knowing this one was the big one. The one he was unsure about. "I know you're eighteen, but… I want to adopt you."

XXXXX

**So I know Marissa seems a little annoying, even to me, but her POV will be explored more soon. Um… I need to start wrapping up part one! We're getting closer to the end of this first part.**

**Individual Replies:**

**Clarity23: **I would be profoundly upset. And then some.

**Jen: **I am so sorry to hear about that. If anyone understands tragedy, it's me. If you need to talk, my email is in my profile. It's there if you ever need it :)

**Nadine: **lmao I had never heard of a bunny boiler before! Now I know!

**Skillz37: **I'm very glad there are still readers of Ryan/Marissa stories!

**Kerschi-Puky: **You bring up some very fine points! Always the pragmatic one :)

**Riss: **Um.. be careful. All I'm gonna say ;)

**xoElle23: **Oh, Andrew will be very important in future chapters. But more part two/three.

**Fatedtopretendd: **I said something very close to that :)

**Sailaway: **Thank ya, thank ya :)


	26. Part One: Chapter Twenty Five

**A/N I am so sorry for the long wait. I have been so busy the last few weeks getting ready to come back to school. Now that I'm here, I should have more time. I will definitely resume my regular Friday posts, and may even get a biweekly updating schedule depending on whether I have readers/reviewers and/or time. So, let me know how that works out for you all! Please read and review, and enjoy!**

Marissa leaned against the side, staring out the window as the beach passed her by. Next to her, Ryan glanced her way, but she didn't look back. She had a lot on her mind, and she was honestly tired since she just couldn't sleep lately. At least she wasn't the one driving.

"Is there anything specific you want to do for your birthday?" Ryan finally asked, trying to at least open communication between them. She had barely strung two words together since he picked her up, and it was starting to worry him.

"You're the one with all the plans," she reminded him quietly, finally throwing a glance his way.

"Well, I knew you wanted to go to LA. We talked about this," he said softly, staring out at the road in front of him.

"Yeah, but that was before…" she trailed off, not wanting to say pregnancy scare just because it sounded so dramatic and high school.

"Right," he said, sighing softly. "Right," he repeated, a breath, a reminder of how much he'd messed things up.

XXXXX

"_You got me a car?" Ryan asked incredulously, staring between Henry and his mom._

_His mom merely smiled and wrapped her arm loosely around Henry's waist. "It was all his idea. And he searched and tuned it up to make sure it was top notch." She smiled at her fiancé, eyes soft with love._

_Henry merely shrugged, grinning. "It's a graduation present. I know, I know, you graduate in a little over a week, not now. But, as I told your mom…" He pressed a kiss to Dawn's temple. "I know you wanted to take Marissa to LA for her birthday, and this way I figured you'd have your own car to drive."_

_Ryan couldn't believe it. He hadn't decided what he wanted to do about the adoption, but he was so happy for his mom. He loved Henry, he did. He just didn't know if he could leave his own dad behind. But once again, here was Henry making everyone love him. "I don't know what to say…"_

_Henry reached into his pocket and threw the keys at Ryan, who barely caught them. "Don't say anything. Just go pick up Marissa and have a good day." He winked at Ryan, rubbing Dawn's arm up and down._

"_I… thank you," Ryan said, finally letting himself smile at it. _

_Henry merely smiled, eyes sparkling. "Don't mention it."_

XXXXX

"I was thinking we could go to that one restaurant you love," Ryan said half an hour later. "The one we went to with my mom and Henry."

Marissa merely nodded. "Sounds good."

"Then maybe shopping. I know how much you love that." When Marissa didn't give any sort of reaction, Ryan continued talking. "Lunch on the strip, maybe go to the Hollywood sign like we did as kids, and I love you…" He said it without realizing it, without even thinking about it. He glanced her way. "I mean, I do." Sometimes he thought she had forgotten.

She glanced his way, her eyes soft. "I know," she said quietly, reaching out to squeeze his hand. He took it as a small victory.

"Sometimes I think you forgot," he admitted, voicing his thoughts.

She shook her head. "I haven't. I just…have a lot to think about." She smiled weakly. "And I'm tired."

Ryan furrowed his eyebrows. "Well, think good things." He squeezed her hand, then released it. "And take a nap. I'll wake you when we get there."

Nodding, Marissa leaned back against the side, resting her head. "I love you too. Just so you know."

Ryan didn't say anything, but the corners of his lips curled into a smile.

XXXXX

_Ryan snuck into Marissa's bed, smiling when he saw her sleeping soundly. He knew she hadn't been sleeping well lately, and seeing her finally asleep made him pleased. He had done so many things lately to make her life more difficult, yet here she was. The kid from Fresno with a dad in prison just couldn't believe it. _

_He softly touched her shoulder, eyes never leaving her face. "Hey birthday girl, time to get up."_

_He could tell the moment she woke up because her breathing changed, but she refused to open her eyes. "Five more minutes."  
_

_He laughed quietly. "It sounds like the roles are reversed now." He grinned and said, "Come on, I have the whole day planned out."_

_She opened one eye and glanced over her shoulder at him. "Oh really?"  
_

_He nodded and smiled at her. "Yes, so get up."_

"_Fine," she said, exaggerating her sigh. She started climbing out of bed, and he watched her, eyes trailing her body and observing the small tank top and boy shorts she was wearing. He tried not to lick his lips at the exposed skin._

_After she finished dressing, he grabbed her arm and twirled her around to face him. "Happy birthday," he murmured, staring into her eyes for a long moment before leaning in to kiss her._

_She turned her face so he lips landed on her cheek. "We should probably get going. Big day."_

_He tried not to let his disappointment show, just as she tried not to show her uncomfortableness, but both knew it was there. It was always there. She hadn't kissed him since the whole Casey thing started, and sometimes he wondered if she would ever kiss him again._

"_Yeah," he said, trying to make his voice sound upbeat. But inside, dread crept into his heart, cold and ugly._

XXXXX

They arrived at a small French restaurant a little after nine. Ryan glanced over at Marissa and smiled once again as he saw her sleeping. How often was she peaceful these days? He reached over and squeezed her hand gently, and she slowly opened her eyes. "Are we here?" she asked, yawning.

He nodded. "Your favorite restaurant to have crepes. Don't ask me why."

She smiled genuinely and they got out of the car. Surprising him, she reached for his hand and laced their fingers together. He took this as another small victory. When they were seated in the corner, Marissa stared at Ryan through her long lashes and smiled softly. Ryan couldn't remember the last time she had looked at him like that – like she was grateful and happy with his presence. He didn't realize how much he'd missed it. "Thank you."

He merely shrugged, offering a crooked smile. "You deserve a hell of a birthday."

She glanced over his shoulder, observing the restaurant. "I love this place. So small and cozy with the best food in the world."

He quirked an eyebrow. "I wouldn't say the best food…"

She rolled her eyes, but grinned. "Please, you think good food is a double quarter pounder from McDonald's."

He smiled lazily. "Cheap and filling. That's my kind of food."

She merely smiled, shaking her head at him. The waitress came by and they ordered their crepes, then turned back to each other. "So what are we doing today, again? Hollywood sign? The Strip? Shopping?" Her eyes sparkled mischievously at the last part.

Ryan nodded, rolling his eyes with a smile. "Yes, all that. Even the shopping."

"I still can't believe Henry got you a car," she said with a soft smile. "He's such a good guy."

"He really is," Ryan admitted quietly, staring down at the table. He felt bad for not immediately accepting Henry's offer to be adopted. A large part of him would love nothing more than to finally let down all his walls and let Henry just be a dad to him. But he couldn't. Ryan didn't let people into his heart – except Marissa, and that took a while – and he definitely didn't forget about family. His dad may not have been around for most his life, but he was still a dad. He was still _Ryan's _dad.

"I understand why you haven't given him an answer yet," Marissa said quietly, glancing at Ryan over her coffee mug. She took a sip, reveling in the warmth traveling down to her belly.

"You do?" Ryan asked, blinking a few times, trying to keep his vulnerability at bay.

Marissa nodded. "Of course I do. I know you, Ry." She placed her coffee mug down. "And I know you feel like it would be betraying your dad. I understand, and I'm really sure Henry understands, too."

Ryan continued to stare at the table, unsure of what to say. Finally, he nodded and shrugged. "I guess. I just…feel bad."

Marissa nodded and reached over, briefly squeezing his hand in reassurance. "It's completely okay to feel bad, but you don't need to." She pulled away, leaning back in the booth. "Believe me." She thought about something, then grinned. "Hey, now does this mean _you _are going to pick _me _up for school?"

Ryan quirked an eyebrow. "That requires me to wake up earlier than you, and I don't know if that's possible.

Marissa laughed and rolled her eyes. "Typical."

Ryan smiled, glad to see her happy. He hoped the rest of the day continued this way.

XXXXX

"Okay, this isn't the way to the sign," Marissa said as she looked at the map.

Ryan nodded. "I know."

Marissa furrowed her eyebrows, then glanced back down at the map. "This isn't the way to the strip. Or to the mall. Or any other shopping places we usually go."

Ryan nodded again, taking a right. "I know."

"Then where are we going?" Marissa finally asked, putting the map down.

"It's a surprise," Ryan merely said, smirking at the impatience on her face.

"Ryan, I don't want a surprise. I just want to know where we're going…"

"But you are getting a surprise and have to wait," he said, smirking at her. She rolled her eyes and huffed, turning away from him. He knew he had her interest though.

After a few miles he pulled into an apartment complex. Marissa furrowed her eyebrows and glanced over at Ryan when they parked. "You're bringing me to an apartment?"

Ryan nodded. "I thought we could check it out. Maybe if we like it, we could live here in the fall…"

Marissa sighed, looking down. "Ryan, I don't know if looking for an apartment right now is a good idea."

"It's now or never," Ryan said, already opening the car door.

"With everything, I don't know if we're ready to move in together," Marissa finally said, making Ryan stop in his tracks.

He looked down at his boots, then quietly said, "Let's just go look at it. If you don't like it, we'll leave."

Marissa sighed but didn't say anything, following Ryan to the apartment. He had already talked to a real estate lady and knew how to get into the apartment. He had been searching for apartments ever since they discussed it that one day, and he'd narrowed it down to three choices, though this one he knew Marissa would love.

When they walked in, Marissa's eyes widened at it. It had a large open space for a living room, and there were two bedrooms, which surprised her. To the left there was a medium sized kitchen, and lots of windows letting light in. She could immediately see herself living here, but she didn't know if she could tell Ryan that. She didn't know if she _wanted _to tell Ryan that after everything that had happened.

When she didn't say anything, he took her hand and led her farther into the apartment. "I figured we'd get a couch and put it here, and a TV there," Ryan said, pointing to two spots in the large living area. He turned and pointed to the wall. "We could get a painting or something and hang it there, and maybe have a little table there underneath where we can put a phone. If you want." He gestured toward the door on the right. "That would be a guest room, because let's be honest – our parents are going to want to visit a lot. This way if they stay late, they don't have to go home and drive in the dark." He gestured towards the kitchen. "And that's a good kitchen. We could make dinner together, or at least attempt to since we both know we can't cook." He laughed lightly, trying to lighten the air, but she still hadn't said anything. He grabbed hold of her hand and led her to the master bedroom, opening the door. "And this is the master bedroom. It would be our room, obviously."

He gestured towards the window. "You always wanted a big window in the room so that you could have light shining in on a Sunday morning. I remember you saying that because I remember everything." He dragged her to the other side of the room where there was a door opening to a balcony. "And a balcony. You love balconies, I know you do." Tears filled her eyes and she looked at him, as she realized how much thought he'd put into all of this. He must have observed the pictures for hours, planning everything out. He had put a lot of thought into their future. "I know it's not much, but it's in our price range and the owner is really nice. I talked to him on the phone." With nothing left to say, he dropped his hands to his sides. "So…what do you think?"

Marissa let her eyes travel the room, imagining what a good life they could have together. This was a huge step for Ryan to plan a future living with someone. He wasn't big on commitment, and he really wasn't big on futures, but he was at least trying with her.

Yet, she couldn't stop the little voice in her head that reminded her how close she'd come to losing him. What if something else came along and he thought it was best for them to break up then, too? What if all of this would just lead to that much bigger heartbreak for them both? Shouldn't she stop it now before they plunged in too deep for either to make it back to the top?

"Ryan…" she began, but he shook his head, unwilling to hear it.

"I know that you're upset with the whole Casey thing, but I can't change that, Marissa," he said quietly.

"It's not about Casey," she said, looking away.

"Then what is this about?"

"It's about us. You. About the fact that you thought you could just throw us away after everything. What are we supposed to do, Ryan? What am I supposed to do if you decide that the best decision for everyone is just to break up with me?" She looked at him seriously. "I can't just throw myself into something like this when we were so closed to being split apart."

"The only reason I thought about that was because I knew it was the right thing to do, being there for Casey."

"There are other ways to be there for someone without actually being with them," Marissa reminded him, turning away. "And what about me? Am I that disposable that you could just throw me away when something bad happened? That you could just say goodbye when you thought you had to be there for someone else?"

"You're not disposable," Ryan started, but Marissa cut him off.

"Really? Because I feel like I am. I feel like you are totally willing to throw us away without a second thought, and where does that leave me? Back to being your pathetic best friend? I can't just let that go."

Ryan blinked, trying to control his anger. "Marissa, you're not and you never were just my pathetic best friend…"

"No, but you could've so easily just dropped me and…"

Ryan finally had it. He couldn't stop himself from exploding anymore. "I almost lost everything!" he yelled, throwing his hands into the air. "My mom's respect, your parents' respect, my childhood, my dreams, my future." He looked at her very seriously, right in the eye, not hesitant or wary anymore. "I almost lost you. And I never want to do that. I almost lost everything, and I don't want to think about what could have been or might have been because I know how it goes – I would have lost everything I care for, everything I worked so hard for, and I – I can't think about it."

Marissa stared at Ryan, listening to his words, realizing that none of the what-ifs mattered. All that mattered was knowing Ryan didn't want to lose her, that he was in this just as much as her, that he had just as much to lose.

For the first time since the Casey thing started, Marissa finally felt she could breathe again. She loved Ryan. She would always love Ryan. And now she knew without a doubt that he did in fact love her too – enough so that he wouldn't just let her go like she thought. No, this Ryan Atwood would fight. She would try her best to make sure he didn't have to.

Without a word, she walked over to him and kissed him, wrapping her arms around his neck. Ryan, confused, wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her closer as he kissed her back. They sunk into each other, neither realizing how much they'd missed the taste of the other.

And for the first time since Casey had walked to Ryan in the hallway and told him she might be pregnant, things were finally okay.

XXXXX

The rest of the day was spent lazily, both Ryan and Marissa finally relaxed. They took plenty of pictures, Ryan even smiling for some, and snuck plenty of small kisses between the day's activities. Marissa went shopping and bought some clothes, and Ryan watched her with a smile, happy to see his girlfriend and best friend happy.

On the way home, Marissa stared out the window with a smile on her face. She'd had a good day, even though she'd been hesitant that morning. She was glad the whole Casey thing was put to rest. She trusted Ryan. He wouldn't hurt her, and she definitely wouldn't hurt him.

"Thank you for everything. It's been a great birthday," Marissa said after a long and comfortable silence.

Ryan glanced over at her, a soft smile on his lips. "I still have to give you your birthday present."

Marissa quirked an eyebrow. "Wasn't this all my birthday present?"

Ryan shook his head. "Nope. Open the glove compartment."

Marissa shot him a look, then curiously opened the glove compartment where she saw a rectangular box wrapped in blue paper with a white bow. A small card was attached, and Marissa pulled it off to read it. Ryan had written: "We've made it this far. Maybe there's nothing we can't handle. – Ry."

Marissa glanced his way, then opened the small box to reveal a silver heart locket. She opened the clasp and saw a picture of the two of them as little kids – a picture her dad had taken at her eighth birthday party. She had her party hat on and her arms wrapped around Ryan's neck as she kissed his cheek, his eyes widening.

Marissa smiled looking down at it, then turned to see Ryan occasionally glancing in her direction. "I love it."

Ryan let out a relieved sigh and allowed himself a smile. "I'm glad. It took me forever to pick which picture. I had my mom and Henry help me."

Marissa clasped the locket around her neck, fingering the heart with a soft smile. "Henry, huh?"

Ryan nodded. "Yeah. I was surprised."

Marissa bit her lip, glancing over at him. "What are you going to do about him? I know he's understanding, but you can't have him wait forever."

Ryan nodded and sighed. "I know. I think…" He trailed off, not able to believe what he was about to say. "I've been thinking the past few days, and I think I want to go see my dad. In prison."

Marissa raised her eyebrows, completely shocked. "You haven't seen him since…"

"Since he was arrested. My mom never took us. I used to get so mad at her for it, but now I'm old enough. I can go on my own." He stopped at the stoplight and glanced her way. "I mean, he's my dad. I can't just forget about him. I miss him sometimes. And I want to see him." The light turned green, and he looked forward again. "Maybe then things will be clear to me, you know?"

Marissa nodded, reaching over to lace their fingers together. "Okay, when are we going?"

Ryan raised his eyebrows. "We?"

Marissa smiled. "You know we're in this together. Stick together, remember?"

Ryan smiled, glancing his girlfriend's way. "Yeah. I remember."

"Okay, so, when do you want to go?" Marissa asked softly.

Ryan thought about it, then swallowed his nerves. He needed to get this over. He needed to know for sure what he had missed out on when his dad got arrested. "Tomorrow." He nodded to affirm his statement. Quietly, he repeated. "Tomorrow."

XXXXX

**Next chapter we see Frank Atwood. How will that go?**

**Individual Replies:**

**Skillz37: **I hope you're still checking for updates…

**TVDaddict22: **As am I

**Fatedtopretendd: **Ryan and Marissa's problems are on hiatus for now. But plenty of problems will be introduced in part 2, which will lead to part 3.

**Guest: **Glad to hear about your sister!

**RMforever: **I said from the beginning this would be an epic saga :) No in seriousness, it's like three stories put together in one to save me the trouble of having to create two more separate stories. I figured it would be easier for everyone.

**Sailaway: **Yes, that is kind of what's been going on. Like in the deleted scene from the End of Innocence.

**Obsessed Nikki: **I could easily see this story reaching 200,000+ words. I have sadly not written any stories for Seth and Summer. I just don't know what I would write for them to be honest.

**Clarity23: **Yes, yes he is :)

**Nadine: **Haha, thank you, I'll take you up on that.

**xoElle23: **No, _you _rock.

**Kerschi-Puky: **I will definitely try to have some Ryan/Henry interaction in the upcoming chapters.

**Riss: **The family drama isn't really that dramatic tbh. The real drama is part 2. Tissues should be purchased.

**Guest: **I hope this update answers that question lol.


	27. Part One: Chapter Twenty Six

**A/N So either I lost a lot of readers on my hiatus, or no one saw I updated the story because of all the other story updates! I have to say, seeing so many R/M stories is really exciting. But, as always, I miss my reviewers. Please read and review this chapter, and if possible, enjoy!**

"_You see that, Ryan? That's a bat. And you see this? This is a ball. When I throw this at you, I want you to hit it with the bat, okay?" _

_Ryan stared up at his towering father, squinting against the sun. His oversized baseball hat kept falling into his eyes, but he refused to take it off because his dad had bought it just for him. "Okay, I'm ready."_

_His dad threw the ball, and Ryan swung hard, only serving to hit himself with the bat. His forehead stung, and tears started forming at the shock and embarrassment more than the pain. His dad took note and immediately narrowed his eyes. "Are you crying?"_

"_N.-n-no," Ryan said shakily, wiping his eyes._

_Frank walked over to him, crouching down and yanking Ryan's chin up so he could inspect. "Atwoods don't cry." He roughly let go and walked off, not even looking back. "Come on. You're not ready for this."_

_Ryan opened his mouth to protest, but immediately shut it and silently followed his father home._

"Ryan? Ryan? _Ryan_."

Ryan blinked and shook his head, glancing over at Marissa. "Yeah?"

Marissa furrowed her eyebrows as she observed him, and reached over to rub his shoulder soothingly. "Are you okay?"

Ryan nodded, blinking a few more times to clear his memories. "Yeah." At Marissa's continued worry, he added, "I was just thinking about my dad."

Marissa nodded understandingly, rubbing his shoulder one more time before placing her hands back in her laps. "Well, I just wanted to know if you were hungry or something. Who knows how long we'll be there. And you need your energy."

Ryan smiled slightly at her concern. "I'm fine. Are _you _hungry?"

She shook her head. "No, I ate a big breakfast." She observed him again, biting her lip. "Are you sure you're okay?"

Ryan nodded, reaching over and squeezing her hand. "Yeah, I'm fine." He let go of her hand, but glanced over eat her quickly. "Thanks again. For coming."

She gave him a look. "Ryan, there's nowhere else I'd be."

"I know. But still. Thank you." He offered her a smile that only slightly relaxed her.

"Well, do you know how to get there?" Marissa read over the directions, not liking the fact that she could do absolutely nothing to make this day easier on Ryan.

"Yeah, I know." He smiled again, reaching for her. "I'm fine. You don't have to try and make everything okay. Everything is okay."

"You say that now, but you haven't seen him in over a decade. Have you even talked to him?" Marissa looked at him very seriously.

Luckily he was driving, so he had to stare out at the road instead of meet her gaze. "No."

"He never called?"

"No."

"He never wrote to you?"

Ryan flexed the muscle in his jaw, trying not to show his insecurities. "No."

"Then this is a really big deal," Marissa said softly, never looking away from him.

Ryan glanced her way briefly before looking back at the road. "That's what I have you here for, remember?"

Marissa smiled softly at that, but worry was still etched into her eyes. "I know."

XXXXX

They arrived at the prison a little after one. Ryan stayed inside the car just staring at the steering wheel for a while, too afraid to go inside and face everything. Marissa knew he needed a few minutes to himself, so she just sat there silently before she knew he was ready for her to console him. "I'm going to be right by your side the entire time, Ry," she assured him, reaching for his hand and lacing their fingers together.

"I know. I know. It's just…" he trailed off, looking down at their hands. They had finally gotten back to a place he was happy with, but he couldn't even enjoy it with all these nerves.

"Just what?" Marissa asked softly, leaning over to rest her head on his shoulder. She knew that sometimes Ryan just wanted to feel close to someone.

He breathed out slowly, resting his head against hers. "I'm nervous."

"You'll never know how it's going to go until you actually get there," she reminded him, turning to kiss him softly. "Look, I love you. And I'm here for you. But if you don't get your ass inside, I'm going to drag you in there myself."

Ryan just smiled, raising his eyebrows at her. "Is that so?"

"Yeah. So, tell me – what's the plan?"

He smiled and pulled away, unbuckling his seatbelt. "Okay, okay, let's get this over with."

They walked inside, hand in hand, and checked in. Once everything was searched and okayed, they led him to a room surrounded with all kinds of people visiting men in orange jumpsuits. Both he and Marissa sat down at a table as they waited for his father, observing all the inmates and their families.

Marissa had Ryan's hand in her lap, their fingers laced and her other hand covering their hands. She wanted him to know he was safe as long as she was right there with him, because he simply was. She may not be big or strong, but she would always protect Ryan in whatever way she knew how. And right now he possibly needed protecting from the strain of seeing his father.

"You know, this could have been me," he murmured for only her.

She furrowed her eyebrows, looking over at him. "What do you mean?"

"The orange jumpsuit. Prison." He sighed but shrugged as he observed all the families. "No telling what my life would have been like if you hadn't been in it. If we had moved to Chino instead of Newport. If my dad had never been arrested." He could hardly fathom a life where he wasn't best friends with Marissa, but he knew in some other universe, perhaps that had happened. "It could've been me in prison."

"Well, it isn't," she murmured, squeezing his hand. "And it never will be."

He opened his mouth to reply, but his heart stopped in his chest when he saw a new inmate being escorted to their table. He immediately stood, pulling Marissa up with him, not wanting to face this man alone.

His father hadn't changed much. His brown hair was still long, though with a few rogue gray hairs. He stood tall with broad shoulders and toned muscles. He had startling blue eyes that had always made Ryan feel scrutinized – and still did. "Well, well. When they said my son had visited, I thought it was Trey."

"Nope, just me," Ryan said, not smiling or showing any emotion – stoic, just as his father had always taught him.

"Well, sit, then." Frank sat across from them, looking at Ryan intently. "And let's get this reunion started."

XXXXX

"_If you didn't want to be hungry, maybe you should've spent money on food instead of this damn bottle of alcohol!" A bottle broke, and Ryan winced, shivering under his blankets. _

"_Oh like you're so innocent. You smell like cigarettes, booze, and sex, Frank."_

"_At least I don't smell like drunken failure of a wife!" A door slammed, and Ryan tried to keep his tears at bay, wondering where his father was going._

_The door opened and footsteps sounded, but they were too soft to be his father's. Ryan pulled the blanket from over his head and saw Trey standing there next to him with a frown. "You okay, Ryan?"_

"_Why do they have to yell?" Ryan asked, trying not to sound every bit the frightened five year old he was._

"_Because it's the only way they can hear each other." Trey offered him a smile, but it immediately fell away as they looked at each other. _

_Just then, Ryan's door slammed open, Frank standing in the doorway. "What are you doing in here? You should be in bed," he said to Trey._

"_I was just checking in on Ryan."_

"_Well, you need to stop babying him. He's fine, aren't you Ryan?"_

_Ryan winced under the scrutiny of those intense blue eyes. "Yes, sir," he managed quietly._

"_Well, go," Frank said, staring down Trey. Without another word, Trey walked off to his own room, closing his door quietly._

_Frank stared at Ryan, observing his small son. "Well, son, your mom is drunk again and we don't have any money." _

_Ryan climbed out of bed and pulled a shoebox from underneath the bed. He carefully opened it and pulled out two quarters. Silently he walked to his father, placing the quarters into his dad's big hands. _

_Frank stared at him, confused. "What's this?"_

"_It's my money from the tooth fairy." Ryan felt for the two gaps on the bottom row of his teeth, his tongue touching the newly crowning adult teeth. "You can have it."_

_Frank quirked an eyebrow but didn't say anything, sticking the quarters in his pocket without a second thought. "Ryan, there is no such thing as a tooth fairy."_

_Ryan furrowed his little eyebrows, shaking his head. "Yes, she brought me two quarters, one for each of my teeth when they fell."_

"_That was your mom." He picked Ryan up and placed him on the bed. "There are no fairies. You understand?"_

_Ryan frowned, all of this too much to process. To make his father happy, he nodded, though he still felt so confused about everything. "Okay."_

"_Anyway. Get to bed. Just wanted to see how that knot of yours is on your head." He pressed his fingers against Ryan's forehead, and Ryan winced. "Still sore, huh? You have to pay attention with the bat. It does damage."  
_

"_I know that now." _

_Frank smirked, standing. "Well, go to bed. Ignore your mom. She's drunk as can be."_

_Ryan nodded, though he smelled the same liquor on his dad's breath that usually wafted from his mom. He watched his father walk away, too afraid to say anything else even though he had a sinking feeling his dad just might not ever come back._

XXXXX

Frank glanced Marissa's way, quirking an eyebrow the same way Ryan always did. Marissa could see some resemblance, but she still felt reserved. "Who are you?"

"Marissa," she said, smiling politely. Ryan didn't let go of her right hand, so she didn't offer Frank one to shake. Not that it mattered – he was handcuffed, anyway.

"Is she your girl, Ryan?" Frank asked, still observing Marissa – enough that it made her uncomfortable.

The hairs on the back of Ryan's neck stood up as he watched the way his dad eyed Marissa. Ryan didn't like _anyone _eyeing Marissa, even his own father for the sake of curiosity. "She's my girlfriend, yes."

Marissa squeezed Ryan's hand under the table, sensing the tension. Frank finally turned to stare at his son. "How old are you now? Seventeen?"

"Eighteen," Ryan said quietly, looking down at the table.

"Big eighteen." Frank chuckled. "Good times."

"Ryan and I are graduating soon, actually," Marissa offered.

Frank raised his eyebrows. "Graduating? Interesting." Ryan furrowed his eyebrows, as did Marissa. Interesting? "I never graduated. Neither did your mom. Too busy getting knocked up for that."

Marissa looked down, not sure how to take Frank's words. Ryan merely sighed quietly. "I know."

"Trey didn't graduate, either. Dropped out and got himself a job fixing ACs." He smirked, shaking his head. "He's got my genes – sort of klepto, that one."

"Trey steals from houses?" Marissa asked, unsure if she was hearing correctly. She was.

"Occasionally. He doesn't take anything that'll get him in trouble. He's smart – real smart."

Marissa tensed beside Ryan, not understanding the mind of Frank. He had one son about to graduate high school and go off to college, yet he said the other one who _stole _from people was smart? "You've seen Trey?" Ryan asked, still staring down at the table.

"Oh yeah. He visits all the time." Frank shrugged, not finding it a big deal.

"Why didn't you ever ask me to come visit?" Ryan asked, finally looking up at his father. "You never called and requested it."

"I shouldn't have to ask my son to come visit me," Frank said, staring at Ryan seriously. "I never told Trey to visit, he just did."

"I just turned eighteen. I lived in Newport. I didn't even have a car to drive until Henry…" Ryan shut his mouth, blinking a few times. "The point is, I didn't have any way to visit you, but I still would have tried if you had just _asked_."

Frank's eyes narrowed while Ryan spoke. "Henry?"

Ryan looked back down at the table. "You didn't answer my question."

"I'm your father – you need to answer _mine_."

"Henry is mom's…fiancé." Ryan nervously glanced up to see his father flexing his jaw angrily.

"Oh, so she's getting married?" he said, trying to control his temper. "How _nice_."

"Henry is a good guy," Ryan said, immediately growing defensive. "He's decent and he works hard. He provides for mom and is always there for her, and for me. Even for Marissa, if she needs him."

"Oh, so he's like the father you never had?" Frank patronized. "How sweet."

"It's not my fault you weren't there my entire life," Ryan argued, his voice slightly rising. A decade of anger was making its way out, and now that his dad seemed like such a _jerk_ he just grew angrier.

"But this guy has been?" Frank questioned with a smirk. "I doubt it."

"He's been there for me when it counts, and that's what matters. He is a good guy and I'm not going to let you talk poorly about him just because you think you're better than him." Ryan immediately shut his mouth, unable to believe what he'd just said. Ever since he was able to talk, he feared his father. He respected him. Now, he just saw a really messed up guy who needed to get his priorities straight.

"I didn't want to miss out on your life, Ryan. It just happened." He lifted up his hands, showing the handcuffs. "In case you've forgotten, I've had a good reason for not being there."

"No, you didn't," Ryan argued, shaking his head. "I used to think you did, but _you _did this to yourself. You were the one who held a gun to that guy at the gas station. You were the one who tried to cheat the system." Ryan pulled his hand away from Marissa, which immediately worried her. "You were the one who got yourself locked in jail for a stupid reason. What did it do for you? Nothing. What did it do for me? You didn't help us out in any way. Mom was still a drunk, Trey was still angry, and I _still _had no way of dealing with that. Instead, I lost a father."

Surprising Marissa, Frank actually calmly listened to Ryan go off. He didn't show any emotion – looked almost _bored _– but at least he was listening. When Ryan finally finished, Frank calmly said, "You can hate me all you want…"

Ryan interrupted him. "I never hated you, dad."

Ignoring Ryan, Frank continued, "But I did what I thought was best at the time. Was it stupid? Yes. Have I had to pay for it every single day? Yes. Does that mean I never loved you or your brother or even your mother? No. It means I was stupid and I made a mistake." He placed his handcuffed hands on the table. "Can you honestly tell me you've never made a mistake?"

Ryan thought about all the years he had been in denial about Marissa. About all the girls he'd hooked up with, and all the times he'd messed up. He reached for Marissa's hand again, lacing their fingers together, but kept his eyes on his dad. "Of course I have."

"Then can you really judge me so harshly? What would you have done in my shoes? I had an alcoholic wife and two little boys with no food. We risked losing the house. It was get some money fast, or starve. We could've been out on the streets."

Ryan stared down at the table, remembering his childhood. His father had never been there, had never written or called, had _scared _him since he was a little boy. Maybe Frank Atwood had never hit Ryan, but Ryan had grown up in the beginning seeing his mom thrown and hit around. "If I were in your situation, I would never resort to robbery," Ryan finally said after quiet contemplation. "I would do something my mom and even Henry taught me – and that's working hard. At whatever I needed to. I would've held down three jobs if I had to." He raised his eyes to Frank's and stared at him point blank. "And I never would have scared my kids into listening to me, and I never would have beaten my wife – no matter what she did."

Marissa rubbed Ryan's arm, trying to be there for him. She hadn't really known what to expect in this visit, but she definitely hadn't been able to foresee how intense it would be or how much anger Ryan still harbored. Or how hurt he had been. Ryan simply never talked about his dad or life before he came to Newport, and now Marissa understood why.

"The world isn't black and white, Ryan," Frank finally said after his own contemplation. "I know I didn't do right by you or your mom, but I am sorry." At Ryan's snort, he sighed. "Look, I am. I wasn't there for you. I'm a lousy father. I'm not all that good of a man, either. But obviously your mother did something right because you seem like you're in a good place. And I'm glad." He looked at Ryan seriously. "Can you ever forgive me?"

Ryan blinked, surprised at the sincerity in his dad's voice. It was like he did a complete turnaround and was no longer the arrogant jerk that believed in stealing and greed. "Maybe someday," Ryan said quietly, not meeting his dad's gaze. "I think it's time I go."

Frank sighed, nodding. The three stood, Ryan still holding tightly to Marissa's hand. Frank held out his cuffed hands for an awkward handshake, which Ryan firmly returned. "I hope you have a happy life, Ryan," Frank said seriously. "Even if you don't want me in it."

Ryan merely nodded, pulling his hand back to his side. "Take care of yourself."

Without another word, Ryan turned and left his father. This time, he thought, forever.

XXXXX

"_Coming!" Ryan shouted as he heard a knocking on the door. It couldn't be Marissa because – well, she _never _knocked. And his mom was at work, so he had no idea who could possibly be at his door. Opening it, he was surprised to see Henry. "Um, Henry. Hey."_

_Henry smiled at Ryan. "Hey, Ryan. Is your mom here? I'm going to assume she isn't by the absence of her car in the driveway."_

_Ryan smiled. "Yeah, she's at work. Did you need her?"_

"_Oh, no, I was just hoping to surprise her with dinner." He gestured towards the large pizza in his hand. _

_Ryan nodded understandingly. "It was totally last minute. Her coworker called in sick with the flu, and mom was the only person even willing to consider the idea of covering her shift." _

_Henry shrugged, sighing. "Well, I guess I'll just go home then. Sucks. I was hoping to see her."_

_Ryan thought about his choices, and swallowed hard before saying, "You could hang out here. I mean, if you want." He opened the door more and stepped aside. "I was just going to call Marissa and see if she wanted to watch a movie, but now that you're here, we could…" Ryan gestured towards the TV with his eyes. "You know."_

"_You're only using me for my pizza," Henry said, walking into the house._

_Ryan shut the door behind Henry. "No, I wouldn't do that. I mean, I wouldn't –"_

_Henry interrupted with a smile. "I was kidding." _

"_Oh." Ryan sighed in relief, glad he hadn't seemed rude. "Well, I am hungry."_

_Henry placed the pizza on the coffee table as Ryan went to the kitchen to grab napkins, plates, and drinks for the soda Henry had also brought. "Good. I'm starving."_

_Ryan came to the living room with the items in hand, smiling when he saw Henry already eating a piece of pizza. "I can see that."_

_Henry looked at Ryan, sheepishly swallowing his mouthful. "Long day at work. No time for snacks and barely any lunch break. The perks of not going to college." _

"_Why didn't you go to college?" Ryan asked before he realized it could come off as rude. "I mean, if you don't mind me asking."_

"_Oh, not at all." Henry set his pizza slice on a plate and rubbed his hands on his pants as he sat down. "I wasn't ever the book guy. I learned more hands on. And the most I ever learned was when working on cars with my pop." He shrugged. "Not to say college isn't a great place to go. I think college is going to be great for you, wherever you end up attending. It just wasn't for me. And I really hope you and Marissa and all your friends realize that. College isn't for everyone."_

_Ryan nodded, surprised at the bluntness Henry had. He had grown up mostly in Newport around rich people who didn't even think not to go to college. It was weird to hear an adult say that not everyone required it. "I guess that makes sense." Ryan walked over to his DVD collection. "_Fight Club_ okay?"_

"_Only if we never talk about it." Ryan quirked an eyebrow, freezing. Was he doing something wrong? He thought this whole thing was going really well. Henry noticed his hesitance and quickly added, "You know – first rule of Fight Club – you don't talk about Fight Club." _

_Ryan relaxed, smiling. "Oh, yeah."_

"_Sorry, bad joke." _

_Ryan put in the DVD and sat down on the couch next to Henry, grabbing his own slice of pizza. "Pepperoni is my favorite," he said as he bit into the pepperoni pizza._

"_Mine too. Your mom likes that Italian Sausage and all that extra stuff, but I'm a pepperoni guy. Nothing beats it." _

_Ryan smiled as he glanced over at Henry. "I keep telling her the sausage is just too powerful, but she never listens."_

"_Me too!"_

_Ryan continued smiling to himself as he pressed play. For the first time, he began to feel like a normal teenager._

XXXXX

"I'm fine."

"I know you don't like to always admit how you really feel, but I think…"

"I told you, I'm fine."

"…that maybe you are just putting up a front, which you….."

"I am fine."

"…don't have to do, because you can talk to me."

"I told you." Ryan looked at Marissa, amused. "I'm fine."

Marissa sighed, nodding. "I know. But if you _weren't_."

"I know, you're here." He smiled and leaned across the console to kiss her. "Thank you for today. I know it was intense, but I really think I needed you there."

"As I said, there's nowhere else I would be," Marissa reminded him, pulling back enough to look him in the eyes. "And if you ever want to go and visit him again…"

"I don't want to. I got my closure. I think that's all I needed. To say goodbye. To speak my mind and then say goodbye."

"And now that you have?" Marissa asked quietly, rubbing his hand with her thumb.

"Now I go inside and tell Henry my decision," Ryan said, looking out the windshield to see his house. The sun was already going down, and the tree in his front yard cast a shadow on the house.

"Which is..?"

Ryan smiled and kissed her cheek. "Come inside and find out."

They found Henry and his mom watching the news. "Look, I told you it might rain," Dawn said to him, pointing to the weather guy.

Henry snorted. "Last week he predicted two days of strong storms. Did you see any storms?"

Ryan cleared his throat to get their attention, closing the door behind Marissa. "Hey."

They muted the television and turned to face the teenagers. Henry smiled. "Hey guys. Have a good day?"

Ryan glanced Marissa's way. He hadn't told his mom or Henry where he planned on going today, but he figured now was the time. "Um, I went and saw my dad in prison."

Dawn's face turned angry and Henry's fell as he looked away. Ryan's heart went out to the guy, and he wanted to talk to him, but his mom beat him to it. "You went to see that lowlife? I thought I taught you better than that, Ryan. I thought I taught you better than to glorify some nonexistent happy childhood you think you had."

"I never thought I had a happy childhood. Not until I got here." Ryan squeezed Marissa's hand, then let go as he walked over to them. He pulled up a chair in front of the couch so that they could talk more easily, and Marissa did the same. "With everything that's going on, I wanted to see him. I needed to talk to him about stuff."

"What kind of stuff? What stuff could you possibly have to talk to him about? He never wrote. He never called. He never even tried to contact you after he went to prison, and I told you that."

"I know." Ryan looked at her pointedly. "I know." She shut her mouth, and he knew he finally could explain. "I needed to hear why he did what he did, and why he never tried to contact me. I needed to get closure. I needed to know if he is the guy I always remembered, and he _is_, mom. He's still the temperamental hot head that I remember. But he's my _father_."

Henry nodded, looking down at his hand that was clasped with Dawn's, just as Ryan's hand had been clasped with Marissa's during the prison visit. "He's your father. It's understandable that you would want to talk to him with everything that's going on."

The disappointment in Henry's voice cut into Ryan, and Dawn's eyes told him she heard it too. Marissa reached over and grabbed Ryan's hand for support, and he briefly smiled gratefully at her. "I learned that what he did wasn't right, but I'm glad he did it." Everyone stared at him, confused. "Mom, we needed him out of our lives. You would've kept getting thrown around, and who knows – maybe he would've started hitting me and Trey. I was so terrified of him as a kid." Ryan paused, trying to think of the right words to say. "And if he hadn't gotten arrested, we never would've moved to Newport. What if he had waited to rob the gas station and you would've already blown through all of your secret savings and we moved to Chino instead of Newport? How different would our lives have been?" He gestured towards the house. "We never would've moved here. We never would've met Marissa. You wouldn't have had the encouragement to stop drinking. I never would've had the motivation to do well in school, and I wouldn't be going to UCLA with someone I love." He looked at Marissa, trying to convey his seriousness with just a look. His gratitude was overwhelming.

Taking in a deep breath, he finished, "And we never would've met Henry." Henry's eyes finally lifted to Ryan's, and Ryan offered him a half smile. "And you never would've fallen in love, and I – I might never have gotten to know what it means to have a _dad_."

Henry blinked his emotion away, his lips turning upwards into a broad smile. "Thank you, Ryan."

"Henry, I've really enjoyed getting to know you these past months. You were there in a huge part of my life, and I really want to thank you for that." He pulled his hand from Marissa's and rested both his hands on his knees. "And while I am flattered you want to adopt me, I don't think I can accept." Everyone in the room once again stared at him in shock. "It's not because I don't want it to be official – it's because that piece of paper will make you my new father, and I already have one." He looked at Henry seriously. "But if you're willing, I do have an opening for a dad."

Henry didn't say anything, just stared at Ryan. Then, he stood and walked over to Ryan, pulling him into a hug. Ryan was startled and didn't know what to do for a few seconds. But then, seeing how happy his mom was, he smiled and hugged Henry back.

XXXXX

A few hours later, Ryan drove Marissa home and went upstairs with her to her room. He collapsed onto her bed, rubbing his face tiredly. "Long, long day," he grumbled.

Marissa smiled, sitting down next to him. "I know. But just think, now all that's left is graduation. And the wedding, of course. When is that?"

"June. My mom wanted a June wedding." Ryan rolled his eyes. "How cliché is that?"

Marissa playfully hit him. "Ry, it's her wedding. She can be as cliché as she wants."

Ryan merely smiled, closing his eyes for a little while. Then, he opened them to see Marissa staring at him with her eyebrows furrowed. "What?"

"Nothing. I'm just … are you _sure _you're okay?"

Ryan laughed and wrapped an arm around her, pulling her down to the bed with him. She squealed in surprise, but smiled when she saw his smiling face above hers. "I'm _good_."

"Ooh, a step up from fine." She smiled at him, her eyes sparkling. "I'll take it."

"Good." He leaned in and kissed her softly. When he pulled back, he went back to laying with his back on her bed, staring at the ceiling.

Marissa snuggled next to him for a little while, content to just know her boyfriend was okay. She loved him. She really did. And sometimes she just couldn't believe how important he was to her. She loved him so much. She would spend her whole life with him if he would let her.

But for now, it was enough to just know he was happy. Content. Okay. _Good_. "I'm going to go take a shower," she finally announced after a while, pulling herself from his embrace to walk to her bathroom.

"Okay," Ryan said, still staring at her ceiling. He was thinking of how great his life was right now, and how he'd managed to avoid the huge crisis that was Casey and still manage the girl and a new member of the family. He was lucky. He was happy.

Marissa hesitated in the doorway to her bathroom. She and Ryan hadn't really been together since before the Casey debacle, but she missed him. She missed his body pressed against hers. Biting her lip, she called out, "Wanna join me?"

Ryan thought he heard her wrong. He immediately turned to look at her, and smiled when he saw how _sexy _she looked standing there in the doorway to her bathroom biting her lip. "Um, yes," he said, quickly climbing off her bed and making his way over to her. "Yes, yes, yes."

Marissa giggled, but pulled him into the bathroom with her. He wrapped his arms around her waist as she turned on the water, kissing her neck.

When she turned around and wrapped her arms around his neck, he kissed her deeply, putting all the passion he could muster into the kiss.

Yes, life definitely was _good_.

XXXXX

**So I think I may have not handled the Frank thing well, but I really can't see myself writing it any other way without going super in depth, and I need to get this story going! And the chapter is long already as is. So I hope you guys can deal with it as is and it isn't too horrible.**

**Individual Replies:**

**Jen: **Thank ya, thank ya :)

**Skillz37: **Wait, I'm not predictable? That's so awesome lol. I always think people can see my plots a mile away.

**xoElle23: **I'm realistic? That's awesome too lol. Who knew.

**TVDaddict22: **And I love love love that you love my story!

**Fatedtopretendd: **In my mind, Frank was never a particularly good guy. I'm all for reforming in prison, but then he'd have to be a part of the story and I already have so much more going on and yeah, it just wasn't going to fit in. I hope I did okay :/

**Sailaway: **You should definitely be nervous. I think you all are going to hate me for a while. It's not quite as bad as my L&L twist, but it's still pretty bad. But it's going to be my catalyst.


	28. Part One: Chapter Twenty Seven

**A/N I got a new job here on campus, so I'm probably going to be posting on Saturdays from now on. Hope you guys get used to the new schedule. Thank you for your wonderful reviews. This was a hard chapter to write simply because I feel like graduation has been done so many times and it gets a bit repetitive. Anyway, I hope you all still manage to find something good about the chapter. Please read and review, and of course, enjoy!**

The day of their graduation, Ryan and Marissa met Seth and Summer for breakfast at the diner. They all sat in their usual booth and ordered pancakes with orange juice, acutely aware of how surreal the day would be. After everything, they would be _graduating_.

Finally, Summer broke the awkward silence. "You guys, I can't believe this is our last meal as high school students."

Seth quirked and eyebrow and leaned back in the booth, his arm on the back of the seats. "Can't say I feel sad."

Summer gave him a look. "This is a big deal, Cohen."

"High school sucked," Seth said, shrugging. "I can't think of one thing I'll miss about it."

"Way to be negative." Summer turned to Ryan and Marissa. "It's so weird. Like, later on today, we're going to graduate. How is that even possible?"

Ryan shrugged, his arm on the back of the booth, brushing some hair from Marissa's shoulder. "Time did go by pretty fast."

"Yeah, it feels like yesterday I was picking out crayons to give Ryan for his birthday," Marissa said with a smile.

"And now it's all gone," Ryan said quietly, thinking of all the things they'd gone through together. At the end of the day, Ryan and Marissa were best friends, but Seth and Summer were important to them too. Marissa and Summer were best girl friends, and Ryan always appreciated Seth for being his friend from the beginning. They had all somehow affected each other's lives, and thinking it was all over now just made everything so real.

"Well, not everything," Marissa said, breaking the silence. "I mean, we still have this summer."

"And LA," Ryan added. He suddenly remembered something. "Oh, my mom wanted me to give you these." He reached into his Marissa's purse and pulled out wedding invitations.

Summer excitedly grabbed her invitation and opened it. "When's the wedding?"

"Next month. Mom wants a June wedding." Ryan gave Marissa a knowing look, and she rolled her eyes.

"Ryan is under the impression that's cliché," Marissa informed them.

Seth glanced over his own invitation. "Can we all just acknowledge the fact that Ryan kept these in Marissa's purse?"

Ryan glared at Seth and Marissa giggled. "Very manly, Atwood," Summer teased, peering at him over the invitation.

"Whatever. Can you guys try to make it? The date should be on there."

"June 16," Seth read, nodding. "Hey, Ryan, did you leave pens in Marissa's purse for us to check the boxes too?"

Ryan glared at Seth again, and Marissa rubbed Ryan's arm as she laughed. She reached into her purse and handed Seth a pen while Summer reached into her own purse and pulled a pen out. "Be nice to Ryan. He's super manly," Marissa said, rubbing Ryan's chest and kissing his cheek.

Ryan gave her a look. "I feel like that's sarcasm."

"Buddy, have I taught you nothing?" Seth asked, handing over his invitation. "That was definitely sarcasm."

Summer handed over her invitation too, and Ryan saw they would both be attending. "Thanks, guys. It really means a lot."

"I love weddings. We all know this," Summer said, shrugging.

"Is it a girl thing to like weddings?" Seth asked as they brought the food.

"Me and Coop used to plan our weddings all the time," Summer said, pouring syrup on her pancakes. "We had a binder."

Marissa laughed. "I completely forgot about that."

"I still have it. In case you ever need it," Summer said, smirking down at her food.

Ryan shifted uncomfortably, drawing his hand from behind Marissa and placing it in his lap. Marissa noticed this but didn't say anything, taking a sip of her orange juice. "You can keep it," she merely said, pouring syrup onto her own pancakes.

"Just saying," Summer said, taking a bite. "Oh god, these pancakes are delicious."

Ryan watched everyone eat and talk, smiling to himself. He would miss this. Surprising himself, he realized he actually might miss high school after all.

XXXXX

A few hours later, Ryan met Marissa at the school, dressed for everything. He was wearing a light grey shirt with a navy tie, his royal blue gown already on over it. He folded his arms over his chest as he waited for Marissa, thinking of everything that had happened the last semester of high school. He'd somehow found his true feelings for Marissa only to almost lose her for good – multiple times. And he'd gained a new member of the family – Henry.

Soft footsteps tore him from his thoughts. He turned his head and caught sight of Marissa walking towards him with a smile, looking beautiful in her magenta gown. "Hey," she said, smiling shyly.

"Hey," he said, a grin breaking out on his face. "You look…"

"Like I'm about to graduate," she said, finally reaching him. She eyed the small part of the tie she could see and shook her head. "Still crooked."

Her hands reached for his tie, and she managed to straighten it without having to pull off his gown. "That's what you're here for," he joked quietly.

She lifted her eyes to his, smiling. "Lucky for you."

"Very lucky for me." Her hands fell to her sides, but their eyes remained connected. "I actually have something to show you."

Marissa's eyebrows furrowed and she shook her head, looking down. "Ryan.."

"I know, I know. No presents." He pulled up his gown and reached into his right pocket, pulling out a small piece of paper. "But this is different."

He handed over the paper to Marissa, their fingers brushing. She unfolded it to see faded but colorful stars around the note: "Now you can have your own. Happy birthday."

She lifted her eyes to his again, smiling softly, her eyes filling with tears. "You still have this? After all these years?"

"You were important to me even before I knew you." He shrugged and crossed his arms over his chest again.

She leaned up and kissed him gently, taking him off guard. When she pulled back, she looked into his eyes. "I know."

"You do?"

She smiled cheekily. "Of course."

He reached down and placed his hands on her waist, angling his head at her. "Are you ready to go graduate?"

She shrugged and took a step closer to him. "I'm ready for _after _graduation."

He raised his eyebrows. "Why?"

She grinned, her eyes sparkling. "You…and me…_celebrating_…"

He broke out into a smile. "_Celebrating_?"

She nodded, eyes still sparkling mischievously. "Yeah… you know… a little bit of this…" She leaned in and kissed him slowly, wrapping her arms around his neck. "And this…" She opened his mouth, deepening the kiss.

"Ew."

"Jeez, do you two ever give it a rest?"

Ryan and Marissa pulled back just enough to look to the side and see Seth and Summer covering their eyes. "So I want to kiss my girlfriend. Sue me."

"I just might." Seth patted Ryan on the back. "Now, you two, we have some graduating to do."

Ryan turned to Marissa, smiling. "Ready to go?"

Marissa smiled, pulling away. "Yes. Ready."

"Are you going to wow us with your speech?" Seth asked, raising his eyebrows. Marissa was valedictorian of their class, which greatly upset Taylor Townsend whose GPA was .02 points lower than Marissa's. Marissa knew she easily could've gone down a different path and became one of those Newport Princesses who got into the wrong things to make up for all her life was lacking, but she had always had a strong support system in Ryan, and they both made sure the other did the best.

"I don't know about that," Marissa said, laughing nervously. She hated talking in front of a bunch of people, especially here in Newport where everyone tried their best to tear you down.

"She's going to do great," Ryan said, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and giving a reassuring squeeze. "She worked all week on her speech."

It was true – Marissa had worked relentlessly on her speech the last week and a half. She wanted it to be perfect, because that's simply who she was. She was Newport's golden girl, and she had to appear that way to everyone else.

"Well, I know Coop is going to rock it. Anything she says will be better than Taylor." The whole group shuddered at Taylor's name.

Marissa smiled. "Thanks guys."

On the loudspeaker, Dr. Kim announced, "Seniors, family, and friends, it is time to start lining up."

"Guess this is it. Point of no return," Summer said, looking between all of them.

"I feel like I would be the kid who trips on the way to get the diploma," Seth said, frowning.

Ryan laughed. "You would." They all started making their way outside, but Ryan held back Marissa. "Hey, you two go ahead. We'll be right there." Seth and Summer just shrugged and walked out the double doors. When they were gone, Ryan turned to Marissa. "You nervous?"

She nodded, smiling at the fact that he could read her so easily. "Terrified."

"You'll do fine. Promise." He leaned in and pecked her lips quickly. "And besides, the sooner this is over, the sooner we can go…_celebrate_."

Marissa giggled, wrapping her arms around his neck again, leaning in to press her lips against his. "Mmmm. Sounds good."

XXXXX

Marissa stared out at the crowd of people, swallowing hard at the sheer number. She searched the sea of faces for one in particular, smiling to herself when she finally saw Ryan near the front smiling at her. He nodded encouragingly, and she cleared her throat, ready to speak. "Dr. Kim, school board, fellow graduates, and family – I am honored to stand here as your valedictorian." A few cheers sounded, and Marissa smiled.

"Our high school career is over. We've made it this far. Yet, I'm still acutely aware of how far we have to go. College, law school, graduate school, medical school….jobs, families, children, grandchildren. We think we have so much behind us, yet we have so much more ahead of us. The best is yet to come."

She paused, observing the sea of faces before returning to Ryan's. "We think we know difficulty. We think we've overcome adversity. But the worst is yet to come. We have the whole world to face – heartbreak, pain, rejection." She grinned. "I can't wait."

Ryan raised an eyebrow, his eyes never leaving her face. "There's this quote in Latin. _Dum spiro spero. _While I breathe, I hope." She paused, letting this sink in. "So, even in our darkest moments, in our hardest trials, we carry hope with us. With every breath." She made a point of exhaling slowly. "Thank you."

The crowd cheered, and Ryan had to restrain himself from standing and applauding. His eyes caught with Marissa's, and he grinned widely at her. She smiled back, going to sit in her spot on stage with Taylor and the school board members.

The rest of the ceremony continued uneventfully with a lot of talking by people Ryan really didn't care for. Finally came the time for the names to be read out. As valedictorian, Marissa got called early along with the salutatorian. No one could've clapped harder or louder for her than Ryan himself.

When Ryan crossed the stage, he tried not to think about all the people in the crowd. In the distance he could hear his mom cheering loudly, and even the Cohens throwing some praise in. He caught Marissa's eye and she smiled at him, her whole face betraying her pride. He winked her way, smiling as he accepted his diploma.

Seth didn't trip across the stage, and his dad made a huge spectacle of shouting for him, which Seth shook his head at. Summer grinned at the crowd and blew a kiss, which she wasn't technically supposed to do but Dr. Kim let it slide.

When the ceremony ended, Ryan immediately made his way to the stage, waiting for Marissa to walk down the steps to him. When they saw each other, they both grinned. "We did it!" Marissa shouted, wrapping her arms around his neck. He picked her up and spun her in a circle, both of them laughing.

"We did, we did," he said, putting her down. "Good speech, by the way."

She shrugged, looking over his shoulder. "It was okay."

Dawn came up behind them and wrapped her arms around both of them, pulling them to her. "I am so proud of you two!"

"Mom, mom…loosen the grip," Ryan said while Marissa just laughed and hugged Dawn back.

"So I'm excited. It's a big deal!" Dawn said, pulling back and wiping her face.

Henry wrapped an arm around Ryan, squeezing his shoulders affectionately. "Your mom bawled like a baby. You'd think she was at a funeral."

Dawn swatted him. "You don't mention funerals at graduations!" Everyone but Dawn laughed, and she glared at all of them. "What? This is a very emotional time. Soon we'll be helping you move into your apartment in LA and you'll stop calling and visiting and you're never going to talk to me again!"

Ryan smiled and hugged his mom, surprising her. "Mom, you're not getting rid of me."

"Me either," Marissa said, hugging the older woman. "And don't worry, I'll make sure Ryan keeps in touch."

Dawn pulled back and wiped her tears away again. "Okay, okay."

Julie and Jimmy came up then, Julie just as emotional as Dawn. "I can't believe my baby girl has graduated!"

Marissa's little sister Kaitlin came up to them, rolling her eyes. "Thanks, mom."

"Well, you know what I mean, Katie. Marissa is my firstborn. I'll probably be so much more emotional at your graduation."

"It's okay, mom," Marissa said, hugging Julie. "It's just graduation."

"I'm so proud of you, kiddo," Jimmy said, rubbing Marissa's back. He looked at Ryan, smiling. "And you too, Ryan."

"Thank you," Ryan said, looking down, embarrassed.

"Nice speech," Kaitlin merely said.

"Thanks, Katie," Marissa said, rolling her eyes at her sister's nonchalance.

"Kaitlin, don't you have anything to say to Ryan?" Jimmy asked, giving his youngest daughter a look.

Kaitlin rolled her eyes, running a hand through her hair. "Nice job walking across the stage, Ryan."

Ryan merely laughed. Kaitlin always pretended she hated the world, but he knew the truth. Truth was, they got along pretty well when it was only the two of them. Kaitlin just tried to appear tough for the whole world. "Thanks, Kaitlin."

"Don't mention it."

Marissa reached for Ryan's hand, lacing their fingers together. "Okay, let's get this over with. I see the cameras poking out of your bags."

Seth came up behind them with Summer in tow. "What's going on?"

"Picture time," Ryan said, raising his eyebrows.

"Oh, joy."

XXXXX

"So, who is up for Project Graduation?" Summer asked, trying to hide the disgust in her voice at attending the party.

Ryan and Marissa exchanged looks. "Maybe we should do something…just the four of us," Marissa finally said, voicing everyone's thoughts.

"Oh thank god," Summer said, sighing in relief. "After prom party wasn't so bad, and Taylor isn't a horrible party planner, but I definitely don't feel like hanging out with the rest of our class. Loved your speech, Coop, but we went to school with idiots."

Marissa laughed. "Oh, I know. But you can't say that in front of all of them."

"All right, so where are we going to go, then?" Seth asked, looking at all of them. "We live in Newport. Our options are limited."

"We could…build a bonfire," Ryan suggested, surprising all of them.

Summer raised her eyebrows. "That's actually a good idea, Atwood."

Ryan gave her a look. "I'm not totally boring."

"Of course not," Marissa said, rubbing his cheek and pecking his lips.

The four decided to head to the beach, bringing some drinks, snacks and blankets. They started up the fire just as the sun was disappearing in the sky. Ryan and Marissa shared one large blanket while Seth and Summer shared another, all leaning back and just enjoying the nice California night.

"This was a good idea," Marissa said, resting her head on Ryan's shoulder. He wrapped his arm around her, pulling her closer.

"Have to agree," Seth said, kissing the top of Summer's head as she snuggled into him.

Marissa observed her friends, smiling as she saw their happiness. She'd always known Seth and Summer would make a good couple, ever since she saw the way Seth watched Summer when they were kids. Summer had been known to date idiots, and now she had a solid guy. Seth was a good friend underneath all his quirkiness and sarcasm, and she was glad they would all go to school together next year.

"I can't believe we've finished high school," Summer finally said, looking at the fire.

"I know," Marissa agreed. "At least we have the next four years together."

"Speak for yourself. I'm ditching you to hang with the frat boys and sorority girls," Seth said, snorting.

"If by hang you mean get beat up, then totally," Ryan said, grinning at Seth.

"Okay, it's not nice to bring up past events. Just because some water polo players didn't see eye to eye with me…"

"They would've totally pounded you if I didn't stop them," Ryan reminded Seth.

"Okay, so maybe you were a little helpful. But my quick wit totally could've gotten me out of that," Seth protested, shaking his head.

"Cohen, if you even try to ditch us…" Summer began.

Seth cringed. "Uh oh, rage blackout."

"You bet your ass." Summer patted his face. "You've been warned."

Ryan and Marissa rolled their eyes at their friends, and Ryan rubbed his hand up and down Marissa's arm. "You cold?" he asked quietly.

She shook her head, unable to hide her own smile. "No, perfect."

They all remained silent for a while, content to listen to the crashing waves and crackle of the fire. Finally, Summer broke the silence. "You guys, do you think we're actually going to stick together through college?"

"What do you mean?" Marissa asked.

"I mean…people change, right? What if we all change?" Summer looked between the other three. "And split apart? It happens."

"We just can't let it happen," Ryan said quietly, looking down.

"I think we should make a pact," Summer said. "To stick together. To keep in touch. We'll be in the same city, but even if in like five years we're all on opposite sides of the country going to different graduate schools or have jobs that travel or something – we need to stay friends. Like, actual friends."

"Okay, so what will the pact be?" Marissa asked, intrigued.

"In five years, we'll all come back to town. Come to the beach. Hang out. I don't know…" Summer said, trailing off.

Ryan thought about it and shrugged. "Sounds good. In five years we come back here. Have another bonfire. And maybe make another pact? Who knows where we'll be then. College will be over…we'll be working, maybe."

"Actual adults," Seth said, and they all cringed at the idea.

"Okay, I'm in," Marissa finally said.

"Me too," Ryan said, pressing a kiss to Marissa's temple.

"I'm in," Summer said, turning her gaze to Seth.

Seth looked between all of their expectant eyes. "Well, obviously I'm in. We've established I'm sticking with you."

They all laughed, and relaxed with each other. "Five years," Marissa said, snuggling further into Ryan. She wondered where they'd be.

XXXXX

_**Important – please read the following paragraph:**_

**Okay, now I need your help. Do you want this to be the end of part one and have the next chapter be the beginning of part two, or do you want the Dawn/Henry wedding? Up to you guys. If no one tells me or reviews, then I'm going to have to decide on my own and you won't get what you want. So…let me know in your reviews.**

**Also, part two will now be 4 years from now and part 3 will be 5 years.**

**Individual Replies:**

**FlyingForward: **He is, he is. Until the next drama comes along :)

**Skillz37: **We will definitely have a few happy/sappy chapters coming up :) The beginning of Part 2 is very happy/sappy until things go very wrong. I'll let you all ponder what that means.

**Jen: **I always feel like I have people who love the drama free stuff and then others who immediately want angst and drama. It keeps me on my toes haha.

**Fatedtopretendd: **There will be lots of angst in part two. I just hope you guys don't hate me for it.

**Sailaway: **Ryan and Marissa will both be alive lol. They will both attend and graduate from college.

**Nadine: **I'm glad you're still a fan of my writing :)

**xoElle23: **Sorry haha :)

**Sara: **As I've said, definitely some drama. You guys asked for it…

**Guest: **Thanks for your review :)

**Riss: **Thanks buddy for your review! Always makes me happy.


	29. Part One: Chapter Twenty Eight

**A/N I actually like this chapter (somewhat). I do think, however, that you guys will regret asking for this in the long run lol. I loved all your reviews! They mean the world. Please review this chapter as well, and look out next week for part two :) **

The day after graduation, Ryan and Marissa planned on lounging around lazily all day. Sadly, his mom and Henry had other plans. Interrupting their Friends marathon, Henry and Dawn both moved so they were standing in front of the television.

Ryan and Marissa stared at the two. Finally, Ryan spoke. "Uh, what's up?"

"We wanted to talk to you two," Dawn said, looking between the teenagers.

"Okay, about what?" Marissa asked, quirking an eyebrow.

"Ryan, go for a walk with me?" Henry asked, shoving his hands into his pockets.

Ryan glanced over at Marissa, and she merely shrugged. "Sure." He stood and went to his room, pulling on his black boots. He glanced Marissa's way and gave her a look that said he'd be back soon. She just nodded in his direction.

Outside, Ryan stuffed his pockets into his own pockets as they walked. He didn't know what was going on, but this was weird. Awkward. Finally, Henry decided to speak. "Did I ever tell you about my best friend Leonard?"

Ryan shook his head. "No."

"We were best buds all through school. We even planned on starting a business together. He would be the businessman and I would be the mechanic. He was the brains, I was the brawn. That kind of thing." He glanced over at Ryan. "You know?"

Ryan nodded, thinking of Seth. "Yeah."

"Well, Leonard went to college. He did really well. I continued working on cars. I did well, though in a different way. Got myself some money saved up for our business, got myself some experience. I even got myself a girlfriend. Real pretty girl, too. Brunette, tall, green eyes." He kicked a rock. "When Leonard came back from college, I thought we would finally start our business. I was so ready to see my buddy again. I'd missed him, as you often do when your best friend goes away.

"He seemed like the same guy at first, but I soon realized he'd changed. I'm not saying college makes people stuck up, but it made _him _stuck up. You could tell right away he thought he was the smarter of us two. He was the hot shot who graduated at the top of his class with a degree in business. I was the mechanic with grease-stained jeans."

"Sounds like a jerk," Ryan commented, looking down. He'd known the type of guy Henry was talking about. He lived in a town full of them.

"He was. But he was my best friend. So I let it slide. We were going to start our business. But then…" Henry trailed off, looking away. "I should've known. I mean, it was obvious by the way she looked at him. She had never looked at me that way."

"She didn't…" Ryan said, sighing.

"She did. Found them on _my _couch." Henry shrugged. "Broke it off. With both of them."

Ryan nodded, understanding. They remained silent for a few minutes, both lost in their own thoughts. Finally, Ryan asked, "Why are you telling me this?"

"Well, I wanted you to know about Leonard because I want you to know I don't trust people. I've had a few friends over the years, but I never really got close to them. I'm more of a loner. It's why it was such a shock when I fell so hard and so fast for your mom." He looked over at Ryan, stopping. Ryan stopped and faced the older man. "And it's why I want you to know that I trust you, Ryan. I really do. And I think you're a great man."

Ryan looked down, embarrassed. "Um, thanks."

"Will you be my best man?"

Ryan's eyes shot up to Henry's. "Really? Me?"

Henry smiled, resting his hand on Ryan's shoulder. "I'd be honored if you stood by me."

Ryan smiled slightly, nodding. "Yeah, yeah….I mean, wow, of course. Thanks."

"No, thank you." Henry's arm fell back to his side, and they resumed walking. After a few minutes Ryan asked, "So…what ever happened to Leonard? Ever hear from him again?"

"Last I saw him, Leonard was broke and bald." Henry glanced over at Ryan, grinning widely. "Karma's the biggest bitch of them all."

Meanwhile, Marissa and Dawn were on the couch drinking orange juice together. Marissa knew the older woman well, and she knew Dawn had something to say. When she was ready, she would speak. For now, Marissa just looked at the TV and waited.

"So you and Ryan seem like you're doing really well," Dawn commented.

Marissa smiled, blushing at the thought of her boyfriend. She nodded, biting her lip. "I never thought you would be right after all these years and we would end up together, but here we are. I keep thinking one day I'm going to wake up."

Dawn laughed. "Oh, gosh, if you're dreaming, then I'm definitely dreaming."

"Henry's a really good guy," Marissa commented, watching the older woman blush as she thought of her fiancé.

"He is. I never thought I'd be lucky enough to find someone."

"I always told you that you would," Marissa reminded her, sipping some of her orange juice.

Dawn nodded, smiling. "You did." Dawn muted the TV, turning to face Marissa, getting serious. "Marissa, you know I love you like the daughter I never had." Marissa merely nodded. "And you know that I love your relationship with Ryan. You make him the happiest of all of us, and I thank you for that. You've brought so much joy to Ryan's life – to mine, too." Marissa slightly blushed from the praise, looking down.

"You two make me happy, too," she said quietly.

Dawn lifted Marissa's chin so that the younger girl looked into her eyes. "Marissa, I want you to be my maid of honor."

Marissa's eyes widened. "Your…really?"

Dawn smiled, nodding. "Yeah. I know the wedding is only a month away and we have a lot of planning to do – planning that I've been avoiding, god help me. But I want you to be there with me." She reached for the younger girl's hand, squeezing it affectionately. "I love you, girlie. You're more than my son's girlfriend – you're _my _friend. _My _daughter. And I want you to be my maid of honor – if you'll accept."

"Of course I will," Marissa said, her eyes filling with tears.

"You will?" Dawn's own eyes filled with tears now, and they both laughed at how emotional they were.

"Of course," Marissa said, wrapping her arms around the older woman.

Ryan and Henry walked in, and Ryan smiled seeing the two most important women in his life hugging. "What's going on here?"

Marissa pulled back, wiping her eyes. "Your mom just asked me to be her maid of honor."

Ryan sat on the arm of the couch next to Marissa, wrapping an arm around her. "Oh really?"

"Well that's good, cause I just asked Ryan to be my best man," Henry said, doing the same thing to Dawn on the other side of the couch.

Marissa turned to Ryan, questioning him with her eyes. He smiled and nodded, and she grinned. "Well, enough delaying. We have a month to go and only a date for the wedding," Dawn said, looking at all of them.

"All right, let's get started," Ryan said. "Where do we start?"

XXXXX

_- One Month Later -_

Ryan awoke to his phone ringing. Groaning, he slowly opened his eyes, seeing Marissa snuggled against his naked chest. He slightly smiled, careful not to wake her as he reached for his phone and answered. "Hello?"

"Ryan, hey, it's Henry."

Ryan sat up a little, trying not to disturb Marissa. "Henry, hey. Um, what's up?"

"I'm on my way. I'm stopping to get some breakfast, so don't worry about that. I'll be at your house in about half an hour. Be ready."

Ryan rubbed his eyes tiredly, glancing at the clock. 8:30 AM. "Um, okay. Should I get my mom?"

"No, just you. Might want to send Marissa home, though, before she gets up."

Ryan glanced at Marissa, wondering how Henry knew. "Uh…"

"Don't worry, I won't tell her. See you in half an hour?"

Ryan rubbed his eyes again, yawning tiredly. "Yeah, I'll be ready."

He hung up his phone, then glanced down at the sleeping Marissa. Usually she woke up when he stirred just a little bit, but she must be tired. He grinned thinking of how that probably had a lot to do with their nightly activities. They'd become good at keeping quiet, though Ryan's back had taken the brunt of it.

Life after graduation was blissful for them. Without having to worry about school, they relaxed and spent virtually every moment together. Most days they hung out with Seth and Summer, but sometimes they just stayed home and watched movies or The Valley. It had been a good month.

"Riss," he murmured, leaning down and kissing her temple. He brushed some hair from her face, amazed once again how beautiful his best friend was, even sleeping.

"Mmm?" she murmured, her eyes slowly fluttering open. She smiled seeing him, staring at him through her sleepy lashes. "Morning."

"Morning," he said, smiling crookedly at her. "Henry's on his way. Says you should probably go before mom wakes up…"

She quirked and eyebrow, sitting up, making sure to pull his blanket up to cover her chest. "How did he…?"

"I don't know," he said, shrugging. He let his eyes wander to her covered chest, wanting so badly to see her naked body beneath it. When it came to Marissa, he was insatiable.

She caught the look in his eye and her cheeks flushed red at his smoldering stare. She pulled the blanket tighter against herself subconsciously. "Ryan, Henry is on his way," she reminded him quietly, biting her lip.

He lifted his gaze to meet hers, smiling. "I know. Doesn't keep me from thinking about it."

"Later," she said, smiling.

"I look forward to it."

XXXXX

An hour and a half later, Ryan and Henry were still driving. Ryan glanced over at the older man who was becoming more and more like a father to him. With the wedding a week away, Ryan had thought he'd be nervous, but he wasn't. He knew Henry was the guy for his mom.

He still had to wonder where Henry was taking him, however. "Um, where are we going?"

"To get a present for your mom," Henry said, exiting the highway.

"All the way out here?" Ryan asked, staring out the window to see they were entering a neighborhood. They weren't in a major city, and Ryan honestly didn't know where they were.

"Yes."

"What kind of present?" Ryan asked curiously.

"You'll see."

Five minutes later, they arrived in front of a red house. "Here we are."

They climbed out, and the first thing Ryan noticed was the sounds of puppies. They walked to the front door and Henry rang the doorbell. A middle aged man answered, and smiled at the two of them. "You must be Henry!"

"That is me. And this here is Ryan." Henry patted Ryan on the back. "Do you have him?"

"Him?" Ryan asked, looking between the two.

"Yeah, he's right out back with the others." The man led them to the backyard, and Ryan immediately realized what they were getting.

"You're getting mom a dog?" Ryan asked, looking at the puppies running around.

"A puppy," Henry corrected, grinning. "And, yes."

"And we had to drive all the way out here for that…?" Ryan asked, not seeing anything particularly exciting about these dogs. They were cute – brown and black, some with floppier ears, some pointier – but there were cute dogs at any pet store.

"These are a special breed. Siberian Shepherd. Your mom thinks they're the cutest things known to man. She won't admit as much, but she's been wanting a dog for years. With you and Marissa moving to LA, I figured this is the best time to get her one." He bent down and held out his hand, and all the puppies ran to him, yelping. "And why not get her the kind she really wants?"

The man approached them, bending down and reaching for one of the puppies. This puppy was mostly black with a tan belly that had some white patches. He had bright blue eyes that even Ryan had to admit were pretty startling. "This is the boy."

Henry stood, dusting off his pants before reaching for the puppy. "Hey little guy," he said, petting the dog. He grinned over at Ryan. "Look, this is your brother Ryan."

Ryan gave Henry a look. "A dog will not be my brother."

"Au contraire, my boy, this is your new baby brother." He handed the dog over to Ryan, surprising him. "Hold him while I go pay."

"What...I've never held a dog before…Well, not since Marissa's dog died," Ryan stammered, holding the dog away from him.

"Ah, come on, it's easy. You just…hold him." Henry grinned. "Get acquainted."

Ryan pulled the dog closer to him, staring at it. The puppy looked up into his eyes, and Ryan quirked an eyebrow. "You are not my brother," he said, and the dog just stared at him. Ryan petted the dog, rolling his eyes. "You are _maybe _a little cute, though."

Needless to say – his mom loved the dog.

XXXXX

"Mom, your dog won't shut up!" Ryan shouted, groaning at the yelping of the dog outside his door. Marissa smirked from beside him, her eyes still closed. She had fallen asleep last night while they watched a movie in his room, and his mom had let it slide. For once, nothing happened between the two. Marissa was tired and so was Ryan – the damn dog kept him awake all the time.

"His name is Tramp and he just wants to get into bed with you!" his mom called back from her room.

"Well, Tramp is _your _dog, not mine!" Ryan called back, groaning again as the dog scratched against his door.

"He loves you!"

"I don't love him!"

Marissa rolled her eyes and sat up, throwing the covers off the bed. "My god will you just let the dog into the room!" She opened his door and scooped up Tramp, immediately silencing him. She brought him to the bed, kissing him and cuddling him to her chest. "Your big brother Ryan didn't mean that. He does love you."

"Will you stop calling me his brother. Dogs are not related to humans," Ryan argued, rolling his eyes at Marissa's affection towards the dog.

She placed the dog on the bed, and he immediately ran to Ryan, licking his face. "Aw, he loves you."

Ryan tried to push Tramp away, but the dog continued to jump all over him. Grunting, Ryan sat up. "Fine, fine, I'm up."

"About time. You have a wedding to get ready for," Marissa said with a smirk, sitting down beside him.

"So do you. I'm a guy. It takes me like ten minutes." He pet Tramp, and the dog finally settled down. "I am not a fan of dogs."

Marissa smiled, knowing Ryan was lying. She could see it – Ryan had a fondness for the little guy. "What if I want to get a dog for the apartment?"

"I would say too bad," Ryan said, looking up at her, smiling crookedly.

"Mmm, no I would tell _you_ too bad," she said, leaning in to kiss him quickly. "I'm going to go shower so I can dry my hair and start getting ready. Take Tramp out."

"Why do I have to take the dog out?" Ryan asked, practically whining.

"Because you're his big brother," Marissa said, smirking before walking into the restroom.

Later that day, Ryan and Henry were walking Tramp while the girls were getting ready for the wedding. They were getting married at a little church by the house, and the reception was at a little venue by the beach. Marissa was his mother's maid of honor, which pleased Ryan greatly. How many women could say they got along with their boyfriend's mother as well as Marissa and Dawn? Ryan certainly didn't get along with Marissa's mother as well.

Ryan glanced over at Henry. "I still can't believe you cut your hair."

Henry ran his hand over his now-short hair. "I know. Feels weird. My hair's been long for at least a decade."

"And shaved that goatee. You look like a new guy."

Henry rubbed his smooth face. "I feel like a new guy," he said, grinning.

"I can't believe you and my mom are getting married," Ryan said. At Henry's worried glance, he quickly added, "Not that I don't want you to. It's just…I don't know, weddings are…yeah."

"What's wrong with weddings?" Henry asked.

"You stand in front of a bunch of people and say really sappy stuff, for what?" He shrugged. "You both already know you love each other. You don't need a piece of paper to prove that."

"You don't need it, but it's nice," Henry said, shrugging. "One day you'll understand. You'll want to stand in front of a room of people and say really sappy stuff because you love someone so much you want the whole world to know she's yours for the rest of your life."

Ryan didn't say anything, but he certainly didn't see that happening. He loved Marissa, and he couldn't fathom a life without her – but he wasn't the sappy, romantic kind of guy. And he definitely wasn't into public speaking.

Marissa, meanwhile, looked at Dawn with tears in her eyes. "You look beautiful."

"I do?" Dawn asked, looking into the mirror.

Marissa nodded. "You really do. I've never seen you look so happy. And that dress…." She grinned. "Henry's going to love it."

"I certainly hope he does. I guess we'll see tonight on the honeymoon." She looked at Marissa, her eyes widening. "Oh my god. I can't believe I just said that."

Marissa laughed, shaking her head. "It's okay. Just don't say anything about a honeymoon to Ryan. He'll freak if he thinks of what you and Henry will be doing."

Dawn blushed, nodding as she laughed. "I remember when I had the sex talk with him as a kid he wouldn't look at me for a week. I couldn't understand why until Trey explained Ryan finally understood I had to have sex to have them."

Marissa laughed. "I didn't know that."

"Really? He must have been so horrified he didn't even want to talk to you about it." They both laughed for a while until they couldn't anymore. Finally, when they had settled, Dawn looked over at Marissa. "Speaking of honeymoon… be careful, okay?"

Marissa gave her a confused look. "What do you mean?"

"I mean me and Henry will be out of town for a week, and don't think I don't know what you and Ryan will be doing." Now Marissa blushed deeply, looking away. "Need I remind you of a little incident with Casey?"

Marissa shook her head emphatically. "God, no. Believe me, I'm very aware." And she was. She and Ryan were very, very careful. She'd gone on the pill a few months ago, and she was glad. Now they had two things working in their favor.

"Anyway, just be careful. And keep an eye on Tramp." She looked around and saw her puppy in the corner staring at them lazily. "He's a cutie, isn't he?"

"Are you going to get him a Lady?" Marissa asked. Dawn had named the dog after her favorite cartoon character, after all.

"Maybe someday. Right now he's a handful." She pet Tramp, then looked back at Marissa. "Ryan loves him, right?"

Marissa laughed, nodding. "He likes to appear macho, but Ryan secretly likes puppies. Don't let him fool you."

Dawn glanced at the clock. "Oh, it's time to go." She stood, checking herself out once more in the mirror. "You sure I look okay?"

Marissa was sure. She'd never seen Dawn look so beautiful. Her makeup was carefully done, and her hair beautifully styled. Her beige dress was floor length and elegant. Mostly, Dawn's eyes made her so much more beautiful. Marissa had never seen Dawn so happy, so radiant.

"You look incredible," Marissa said, smiling at the older woman.

Dawn glanced over at Marissa gratefully. "One day this is going to be your wedding, kiddo," she said, smiling softly.

Marissa looked down, trying not to show her reservations. "I don't know about that. Ryan doesn't believe in weddings. Or commitment. It's enough that he just wants to be with me."

"Hey." Dawn lifted Marissa's chin. "My son is a lot of things, but stupid isn't one of them. And he'd have to be stupid not to want to marry you." She gave Marissa a look. "After college. When you're both ready – emotionally and financially."

Marissa laughed at the mini lecture. "Don't worry, we're not going to run and elope in Vegas."

"You better not. I'd disown you." She gave Marissa a smile "Kidding. Well, maybe."

Marissa laughed. "Come on, let's go."

XXXXX

Ryan stood at the front of the church with Henry as the music started playing. He rested his hands behind is back as he watched the back of the church. Some of his mom's friends from work walked down the aisle, and they looked pretty enough. But Ryan's breath caught when Marissa appeared at the back.

She was wearing a gorgeous blue gown that defied every single bad stereotype of bridesmaids dresses. The blue brought out her eyes, and her makeup was simple, complimenting her features. She wore her hair down, framing her face, and for a moment Ryan forgot what it was like to breathe. Her eyes caught with his and she smiled simply. He found himself immediately returning with a crooked smile, his eyes sparkling.

Suddenly, his mom was walking down the aisle, and Ryan could honestly say he'd never seen her look so beautiful or alive. He had thought it might look weird to have his mom wearing a wedding dress, but her simple yet elegant beige dress was just made for her. She was a beautiful bride, and he felt proud to stand there and watch her, her eyes caught with Henry's.

Ryan stood in a daze during the whole ceremony, busy thinking of how beautiful everything and everyone automatically seemed during a wedding. He'd never understood the appeal of a wedding before, but now he could say at least he didn't hate the idea, even if he still didn't necessarily believe in marriage. Maybe for some people it was a good idea.

He was torn from his gaze when the minister asked for the rings. He reached into his pocket and handed the two rings to him, fumbling around nervously and almost dropping them. _That _would've been embarrassing.

Henry turned to his mom and smiled, looking mature and happy and handsome (surprisingly to Ryan). "I never believed in love. I certainly never believed in falling in love. I had my heart broken before, and I didn't think I'd ever let it happen again. And I was right. I will never have my heart broken again." He squeezed Dawn's hands. "Because I finally found someone who will take care of it. I love you, Dawn. And I will spend my whole life spending every moment taking just as good care of your heart as you are surely to do with mine."

He slid a ring onto Dawn's finger, and a single tear slid down her face. She held onto his hands as she spoke now. "I've been hurt more times than I can count, and I don't have a lot I can depend on. In a lot of ways I'm a very broken woman, just trying to keep it together for everyone." Ryan frowned at that, looking down. "But you make me not feel like the broken woman anymore. With you, I'm whole. And I love you so much for that."

She slid the ring onto Henry's finger, and both of them looked into each other's eyes. Ryan caught Marissa's eyes over Henry's shoulder, and she smiled softly at him. He smiled back. He was so happy for his mom. And Henry. And himself, for now having Henry officially in his family.

"By the power vested in me by the state of California, I now pronounce you husband and wife." He grinned at them. "You may kiss the bride."

Henry leaned in and kissed Dawn, and Ryan looked down, smiling to himself. He clapped with everyone else in the room, and then followed his mom and Henry down the aisle, along with Marissa. Marissa reached for his hand, and he laced their fingers together.

At the reception later, he sat and watched his mom and Henry dance to their first song. Marissa came and sat next to him, handing him a glass of champagne she had swiped. He smiled at her and took the champagne, sipping it. "They look so happy," he commented, placing the champagne down.

"I'm so happy for your mom. I mean, Henry too, but look at that sparkle in her eyes." Ryan knew just what Marissa was talking about. He'd never seen his mom this happy his entire life.

Before Ryan could say anything, Seth and Summer walked over. "Hey Atwood. Beautiful ceremony. Your mom is so pretty in that dress."

"Thanks," Ryan said to Summer, smiling.

"When are you two getting married?" Seth asked, smirking at the two.

Marissa looked down, not appreciating that. It wasn't that she didn't want to get married to Ryan. Someday she would love to marry him. But they were kids, and Ryan already had a hard enough time with commitment to be reminded of marriage every five seconds by their friends. "Guys…" she warned.

Summer sensed the tension, and turned to Seth. "Cohen, dance with me." Other couples had taken to the dance floor already, so Summer dragged him to the floor.

Marissa looked at Ryan, hoping he wasn't upset by the wedding comment. He was looking down at his shoes, lost in thought. "Don't listen to them," Marissa said quietly, biting her lip.

Ryan glanced up at her, and she saw a struggle in his eyes. Finally, he merely smiled at her and reached out his hand as he stood. "Dance with me?"

She smiled, blushing at the way Ryan stared at her. Sometimes he just overwhelmed her with one look, even when he wasn't being seductive or sensual. Sometimes he just looked at her and she was overwhelmed with how much he cared for her. She could see it. She didn't know how, but one look was all it took sometimes.

She wrapped her arms around his neck, and he rested his hands on her hips. She glanced around the reception, smiling to herself. "We really did it. We pulled it off."

"For a few weeks I thought we wouldn't be able to," Ryan said honestly, laughing softly. His mom's and Henry's procrastination had made it extremely difficult to plan the whole wedding in a month.

"It all came together really nicely. Beautiful ceremony."

Ryan's eyes found Marissa's face, and she immediately knew where his thoughts were. "I want to talk to you about what Seth said."

"Ryan, we're eighteen. Please. Marriage isn't on my mind, and it shouldn't be on yours, either," she told him honestly.

"I know, I know." He looked down, then back at her very seriously. "Look, I just want to get this out there. I don't really know how I feel about marriage. I don't know how I feel about standing in front of a lot of people and saying sappy vows and signing a piece of paper."

Marissa nodded, avoiding his gaze. She was a typical girly girl, and she'd dreamt of her wedding – to _Ryan _– since she was a little kid. But he didn't need to know that. Because she didn't _need _that. She just needed Ryan. "Ryan, it's fine. Like I said, we're eighteen."

"I know. But I want you to know where I stand, in case that doesn't change," he said quietly, looking over her shoulder, unable to look her in the eyes.

She couldn't look at him either. "Like I said, it isn't on my mind," Marissa said again, her voice softer.

Ryan remained silent for a long time, and they just swayed to the music. He looked around the whole room, at all the people smiling and laughing together. It was a small wedding – only close friends, and Trey hadn't shown because they couldn't find him – but it was nice seeing everyone so happy. He supposed love had a way of doing that to people – bringing them together to see the beauty in the world.

His eyes moved back to Marissa's face, and he saw her lost in thought. "I can't promise you we'll ever get married," he murmured.

"Ryan…" Marissa began, but he shook his head.

"And I know you want it. I know it's too soon to even think about it, so I won't. We won't. Until it seems like a good idea."

"Good."

He angled his head at her, staring at her very seriously. "Marissa, I know I can't promise you a wedding right now. Maybe that will change, and maybe it won't." He looked down before looking back at her, a soft smile on his face. "I don't know a lot about the future – where we'll end up, or who we'll be in five or ten years. But I know that my future is with you. And that won't change."

Marissa smiled, tears pricking the back of her eyes. "Good," she repeated softly.

He leaned in and kissed her softly, and she kissed him back. And they swayed back and forth to the music, not thinking about anything else, just that moment. And for them, that was enough.

XXXXX

_- Two Months Later - _

"Well, that's the last of it," Henry said, dropping the box onto the floor before wiping his face with his shirt. It was hot outside, the temperature in the 90s, and they had just moved multiple heavy boxes and furniture items up and down stairs. They were all tired.

Marissa's dad had offered to hire a moving company, but Dawn and Henry had insisted that they help the two move into their apartment. Julie Cooper wasn't one for road trips, so they had said their goodbyes that morning back in Newport. Now, it was evening and they'd had a long day.

"I can't believe you two aren't coming back home," Dawn said, blinking away tears. "I'm going to miss you so much."

"Mom, we're going to visit all the time," Ryan said, rolling his eyes. "You don't need to get so emotional."

"Hey, this is a big milestone. You're moving away from home. Into your own apartment…" A few tears fell again, and she buried her head into Henry's shoulder.

Henry chuckled and wrapped his arms around his wife. "Don't worry about your mother, kid. I'll keep her in line. And Tramp, of course."

"He's going to miss you," Dawn said, pulling away from Henry and wiping her face. "He's going to sit in your room and wonder where you are."

"He's a dog. He'll get over it," Ryan reminded her.

"Dogs never get over it, Ry," she said, shaking her head very seriously.

Marissa came up to them, wrapping her arm around Ryan's waist and resting her head on his shoulder. "Well, we will come home and visit Tramp, too."

"You better," Dawn merely said, staring at them seriously. "And call. All the time. And answer when I call."

"We will, mom," Ryan said, shaking his head and rolling his eyes.

"Dawn, honey, we need to get going if we're going to get home before dark," Henry said, glancing down at his watch.

They all stared at the older woman, waiting for the inevitable fireworks. She didn't disappoint, and quickly wiped the tears from her eyes. "Well, give me a hug," she said.

Marissa decided to go first. She walked over to the older woman and said, "I'm going to miss you. I want you to know that. You bet I'm going to call and tell you all the stupid things your son does."

"Thanks," Ryan called from his spot a few feet away, crossing his arms over his chest.

Dawn laughed and wrapped her arms around Marissa. "You better, kiddo. I can't believe you're just going to be gone." She pulled back, staring at Marissa seriously. "Take care of my son, you hear?"

"I will."

Marissa stepped aside and gave Henry a hug and said goodbye while Dawn stared at her son, smiling softly through her tears. Ryan stared at her too, blinking back the emotion. "Come here," she said, opening her arms for him.

He walked over to his mom and hugged her tightly, burying his face in her hair. She smelled like she always did – she'd used the same vanilla shampoo since he was a boy, and it reminded him of home. "I'm going to miss you, mom," he murmured into her hair.

"I'm going to miss you too, son." She rubbed his back soothingly. "But this isn't forever. You're welcome home anytime. Whenever you get homesick." She pulled back and rested her hands on his face, looking deeply into his eyes. "You will always be my son, and there will always be a place for you at home."

He nodded, looking down to keep from getting emotional. "Love you, mom," he mumbled, avoiding her eyes.

She patted his cheek affectionately, laughing. "I love you too, son."

Ryan turned to Henry and Henry smiled. "You have everything you need?"

Ryan nodded. "Think so."

"Good." Henry wrapped an arm around Ryan, patting his back. "You call me if you need anything, okay? I'll be here as fast as I can."

"I know," Ryan said, and he did. Henry would always be there for him.

They all pulled away from each other, and Henry wrapped his arm around Dawn's shoulders. "Okay, well, we better get going."

Ryan walked them to the door and closed it behind them after a few more tears and hugs. He turned away from the door and stared out at their new apartment filled with all kinds of boxes. He saw Marissa sitting on the couch staring at him with a smile. He smiled back and walked over to her, plopping himself down next to her.

She rested her head against him as he wrapped an arm around her. "Our own place," she said, looking out at the apartment.

"No parents.."

"No rules…"

He looked down at her and smiled, leaning in to kiss her quickly. "A lot to unpack, though."

She looked around, frowning. "Yeah. That's not going to be fun."

"Well, we _could _have some fun before unpacking," he said suggestively, raising his eyebrows.

She smiled, looking over at him. "Oh really? What kind of fun?"

He wrapped both arms around her, leaning his forehead against hers. "Well, we have this whole new apartment, right?"

"Uh huh."

"And all this new furniture…"

"Mhmm."

"Like this couch.."

She giggled. "Yeah."

He grinned. "And all this space to christen."

"Oh really? Like where?"

He pointed at the couch. "Um, we need to christen right here…" He pointed towards the bedroom. "And the bed." He pointed towards the bathroom, and various other places around the apartment. "And the shower… and the counters… and that wall…"

She laughed and wrapped her arms around his neck, pressing her lips against his. "Mmm, we better get started, then."

So they did.

_**End of Part One.**_

XXXXX

**Individual Replies:**

**Obsessed Nikki: **I'm going to definitely try to include them more in parts two and three! I'm not really used to writing them, so it's going to be a little rough in the beginning.

**TVDaddict22: **Who will be together, who won't, and what will be happening in their lives? You'll have to wait for part three for that ;)

**Sara: **Invest in tissues. Plenty of them :)

**FlyingForward: **I'm so glad it brightens your day. Your review brightened _my _day :)

**RMforever: **I would say this was definitely a fluffy chapter haha.

**Nadine: **You don't have graduations in schools? That's insane. How does that work?

**xoElle23: **Originally I wasn't going to write any of this, and it was going to start after college. But I had to give a back story and I went a bit in depth lol. So that's why I'm skipping. As I've said, invest in tissues.

**Sailaway: **Yes. They will stay alive.

**Jen: **And I love your reviews.

**Kerschi-Puky: **There will be two more weddings in this story. But whose?

**Skillz37: **It was definitely a long chapter. I just had a lot to go into if there was going to be a chapter for the wedding!

**Fatedtopretendd: **You were outvoted lol. Part two will start out very fluffy and you'll wonder how there can possibly be any drama, but there will be, so don't worry.

**Riss: **You were also outvoted lol. Hope you liked this chapter though :)


	30. Part Two: Chapter One

**A/N I'm sorry for this chapter. I'm kind of sick so I'm not really in a writing mood. But I did try to push myself through it. Next chapter is the first of two weddings in the remainder of the story. The question is – who's our second couple going to be? This chapter really is just pure fluff, meant to be an introduction to how things are for all our characters right now. The drama will come in due time. R/R/, enjoy!**

**Part Two**

_Four Years Later_

Ryan sifted through the mail from yesterday as he sipped his morning cup of coffee. Most days he and Marissa were so busy that they didn't even pay attention the mail until the next day at breakfast or lunch. Life had been hectic since Marissa started her teaching job at the Meadow Hills Elementary School. Instead of only Ryan working all day with take-home work, now Marissa had a long job too.

Ryan had started interning at his architecture firm his junior year of college. When he graduated, he was bumped up from a paid intern to an actual architect. He was a good friend of the lead architect Tom, and he looked up to the guy. Maybe in five or ten years, that's where Ryan would be.

Marissa had found work as a secretary at a large business downtown, surprising most of the people back home. After all, Marissa Cooper was the daughter of the privileged, and many thought she wouldn't work a day in her life. But Marissa jumped into work with enthusiasm, and pulled her weight with the bills even though she didn't technically need to yet.

Ryan was glad the day he could quit working in the food industry, and his internship job was a relief. Marissa, however, had continued at her job all four years until she was hired at the elementary school following her teaching certification. At only a month into her first school year, she was already busy with lesson plans and take-home work.

They couldn't be happier, however. Both had found something they were passionate about, and encouraged each other every step of the way. They had remained close to Seth and Summer, and visited their parents at least twice a month. Their lives were good. They were happy. The adult life wasn't that scary anymore.

Ryan caught sight of another fancy invitation and set it aside. Marissa walked into the room wearing a black pencil skirt and a silver top. Ryan couldn't get over how grown up she looked when she went to work. She never wore overly professional clothes, but she made a point of looking mature for her age so the veteran teachers wouldn't look down at her. So far, she'd blown them out of the water with how professional and kind she was with her students.

She noticed Ryan watching her, and she raised her eyebrows at him, pouring herself some coffee. "Any important mail?"

"Some bills and another wedding invitation," he said, opening the invitation. "Luke is getting married to that girl Holly. Remember her?"

"How could I forget? Everyone remembers Holly's parties. And god, she was such a princess, too." Marissa came to look over his shoulder. "When's the wedding?"

"Next year, actually. February. So, four months away." Ryan scanned the invitation. "Chicken or fish?"

"Mmm… we had fish at the last wedding, so chicken," Marissa said, rubbing his shoulder.

He threw a look over his shoulder. "But we're having chicken this weekend at the wedding."

Marissa bit her lip, then grinned. "Okay, so I like chicken."

Ryan laughed and turned back to the invitation, checking the box for chicken. "I'll mail it out at lunch."

"Thanks." Marissa glanced at the time. "I actually should get going. Almost running late."

She gulped down her coffee and placed it in the sink. Ryan stood and walked over to her, resting his hands on her hips. She smiled, the warmth spreading through her body at his touch. Ryan may look slightly older, and his hair may be shorter, but he never failed to have an effect on her. "Have a good day at work. Make me proud."

She turned and wrapped her arms around his neck as she smiled at him. "Same to you."

"Chicken tonight?" he asked with a sparkle in his eyes.

She laughed, leaning in close. "I was thinking pizza."

"Very fancy." He closed the gap between them, kissing her slowly. Four years later, and he still loved to kiss her. One of his favorite things to do.

She pulled away a few minutes later. "Okay, okay. I really have to go now," she said, tilting her head as she looked at him.

"Fine," he said, pecking her lips a few times before finally releasing her. He watched her go, smiling to himself as he took another sip of coffee. They were both very happy, indeed.

XXXXX

Right before lunch, Ryan received a call from Seth. The two talked regularly, and had only grown closer after the move to LA. Seth called the four of them the Fantastic Four, and it was starting to catch on. Sometimes Ryan and Seth hung out playing video games while Summer and Marissa went shopping. All in all, the four of them hung out at least a few times a week, if not more.

"Hey," Ryan said, answering the phone as he worked on the computer. He was currently on a team with seven other guys trying to draft a design for a building, and his deadline was coming up. Right now he was working out some kinks on the computer model.

"Hey. You busy?"

"Always," Ryan said, his typical response to the question. Ryan _was _always busy, but he worked around that. He was always available for friends. "What's up?"

"Summer decided today that she wanted to fire the caterers," Seth said, sighing.

"And how did that go over?" Ryan asked, raising his eyebrows and pausing his work.

"I calmly explained to her that firing the caterers the week of the wedding probably isn't the best idea. She didn't really appreciate that."

Ryan smiled. "Uh huh."

"So it escalated into this huge fight. How I don't listen to her and I was talking down to her and why do I still think I'm so much smarter than her when we are both heads of our own projects. That kind of thing. You know, the usual."

Ryan leaned back in his chair, swiveling around to stare at his wall. Seth had created his own graphic novel their first year in college, and it was a huge success. Apparently there was definitely a market for superheroes fighting against the evil privileged of southern California society. Summer had become a fashion designer, and hit instant success with her designs. She was starting up her own business, and so far was doing really well despite her age. "And what happened his time?"

"She said she wanted to call off the wedding. Stormed off huffing and puffing to herself about how horrible of a fiancé and general human being I am."

Ryan rolled his eyes. "Should I cancel my plans for Saturday night, then?"

"Oh, no. She came back within five minutes and we came to an understanding. The wedding is back on and the caterers are being given a second chance." Seth laughed. "Typical pre-wedding Tuesday."

Ryan turned his attention back to his computer. "And why did you call me to tell me this?"

"I was just wondering if you could talk to the caterers and make sure everything's in order. Summer kind of only yells at them without listening, and I have this innate inability to talk to people. Not to mention Summer doesn't trust me to talk to them without screwing everything up."

"Good thing you're constantly being interviewed then," Ryan retorted, already adding calling the caterers to his list of things to do.

"What can I say. The last time I talked to them, we almost _really _had to cancel the wedding. I can do bands and venue and everything else but food. I just can't understand. They talk so fast and ask so many questions…"

"It's _your_ wedding, Seth," Ryan reminded him, rolling his eyes once again. He noticed a flaw in the model, and quickly started fixing it. "But I'll talk to the caterers."

"Thanks. I owe you one. I knew I chose a good best man," Seth said, a smile in his voice.

"I'm the only close guy friend you have," Ryan reminded him, grinning. "It was me or your dad."

"Oh, Sandy Cohen as the best man is a scary thought," Seth said, shuddering. "Anyway, I'll let you get back to work. And I'll get back to work. Wish me luck with Summer."

"She seems rather moody lately," Ryan pointed out slowly. "Sure it's not just pre-wedding nerves?"

"What? Like she's pregnant or something?" At Ryan's silence, Seth laughed. "God, no. Summer decided she wanted to cut sex out for at least two months before the wedding. It's driving us both insane."

"Two months?" Ryan cringed. "That's a long time."

"I know. Saturday night can't come soon enough."

Ryan cringed once again, but for different reasons. "Too much information, Seth."

Seth laughed. "Whatever. Get back to work. They don't pay you to talk on the job."

Ryan rolled his eyes. "Bye."

XXXXX

Marissa looked out at her first graders, smiling to herself as she watched them work hard on their current handwriting assignment. They looked so serious, some biting their lips as they worked, others mouthing the letters to themselves as they practiced drawing them. She loved watching how serious little kids were about their work. It never failed to amaze her.

Marissa loved kids. She thought little kids knew more about life than some of the smartest adults. She knew she wanted to become a teacher her first semester in college after taking a general education course. Soon, she changed her major to Education and specialized in elementary school. She always did think little kids were more interesting than the older ones. Plus, they were usually less damaged.

Ryan had supported her throughout the whole thing. In high school she had volunteered at the hospital and loved the pediatric floors. She'd learned over the years that children had a sense of hope that adults lacked, and it was refreshing being around little people who had so much faith in everything.

She stood, addressing the class. "Okay, it's time for lunch. You know what that means."

Hannah, perhaps her brightest student, walked to the front of the classroom and took her place at the front of the line. She was line leader this week, and took the job very seriously. Everyone followed in after Hannah, some grabbing their packed lunches. She smiled at them, amused at how seriously they even took this. Sure, sometimes the kids were rowdy, but the majority of the time they were purely interesting.

She walked them to the cafeteria, keeping an eye on all of them. A few boys close to the back started talking and she gave them a look which immediately shut their mouths. When they finally reached the cafeteria, she made sure the kids buying lunch made it to the lunch line and the others sat down. When her teacherly duties were over, she headed back to her classroom to eat her own lunch.

She opened her door, eyes widening in surprise when she saw Ryan sitting at her desk. "What are you doing here?" she asked, closing the door behind her, unable to hide her wide smile at seeing her boyfriend.

He smiled, standing and walking over to her so he could place his hands on her hips. "Thought I'd come see how my girlfriend is doing during lunch." He leaned in and kissed her quickly before pulling back. "How's your day?"

"Good," she said, still smiling. The last time Ryan had visited her at school was when he helped her unpack her room before school started. They were both usually busy and rarely ate lunch together during the week; when they did, they usually went out, but had to do it quickly so she could get back to the kids.

"The room looks good," he said, pulling away and observing her classroom. She had various posters all around the room, and parts of the walls were adorned with student-made pictures and projects.

"Thanks. The kids are great. It never ceases to amaze me how smart first graders are."

Ryan smiled, turning to face her again. "So, what were you going to do for lunch?"

She walked over to her desk and opened her bottom drawer, pulling out her brown bag. "Sandwich and an apple."

He tilted his head at her, giving her a look. "That's boring."

She laughed, placing her hands on her hips. "Oh, and you have something better?"

He grinned, nodding. He walked over to her desk and grabbed something from beneath it. "I bought us some greasy fast food burgers and fries," he said with a grin.

"Very nutritious," she said, rolling her eyes. She pulled up a chair for Ryan, and they both sat down at her desk to eat.

"But delicious," he reminded her.

"So how's your project going?" she asked, taking a bite into her burger. She had to admit – it was good.

"It's going," he said, chewing slowly, lost in thought. When he swallowed, he put down his burger and looked at her. "I'm working late today. That's really why I came. Wanted to tell you and spend some extra time with you."

She reached over and rubbed his knee. "You're always so busy. Are you okay?"

He nodded, shrugging. "Nothing I can't handle, really. Just a lot to do, you know?"

She nodded, and they resumed eating. They made idle chatter, talking about their coworkers. When all their food was gone, they both leaned back in their chairs, taking sips of their drinks. Ryan let his eyes wander over Marissa's body, somehow finding her sexier sitting here in her classroom setting. She caught his gaze and quirked an eyebrow. "What?"

Ryan smiled slowly, placing his drink on her desk. "Nothing…"

"You're thinking something, and I can guess it isn't appropriate for school," she challenged, placing her own drink down and scooting her chair closer to his.

"You just…you look like a teacher."

"Uh huh," she said, giving him a weird look. "Well, I _am _a teacher."

"I know. It's just… hot." Her neck flushed at his gaze. He rested his hands on her legs, slowly inching up her skirt.

"Ryan," she choked out, her breath hitching in her throat. "I'm at work. At an _elementary _school. With _kids_."

"That are all at lunch…" he reminded her, leaning his face close to hers.

She looked into his eyes, trying not to fall under his spell. "Ryan, people walk by in the hallways…"

He pressed his lips against hers slowly, sensually. "So?"

She kissed him back, opening her mouth to him. She loved Ryan so much that it hurt sometimes. She loved him so much that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with him, but she knew he would never be okay with marriage. Some things you just have to accept.

She pulled back after a few minutes. "It's almost time for me to go pick them up."

Ryan nodded, looking down. He rubbed his hands over her soft thighs, reveling in the smoothness. He lifted his gaze back to hers, smiling softly. "I suppose that's my cue to go." She frowned, opening her lips to tell him she wished he didn't have to, but he kissed her again before she could say anything. Her entire stomach filled with butterflies as she kissed him. After he pulled back, he leaned his forehead against hers. "I'll be home late tonight. Probably after eight."

She nodded, still keeping her forehead against his. She reached for his hands, rubbing her finger over his palms. "Have a good rest of the day."

He smiled and pecked her lips one last time. "You too."

XXXXX

After work, Marissa made her way home. She knew Ryan wouldn't be home anytime soon, and that kind of bummed her out. Sometimes he had to work late around a deadline, especially since he was barely an architect. She had become accustomed to having to spend a few hours some nights on her own.

Summer called just as she was walking through her front door. "Coop, we have an emergency."

Marissa rolled her eyes at her friend, accustomed to these 'emergencies' by now. "What is it this time?"

"Cohen insists on our song being some indie rock crap, and I want our song to be romantic, you know? Not some statement against the contemporary music industry."

Marissa dropped her purse on the couch and plopped down on it, looking out at her living room. The house just seemed _quieter _without Ryan, even though he wasn't really a man of many words. "What if you make a compromise? A lesser known song that's romantic?"

"Well, what are your suggestions, because Cohen's version of good, normal music usually includes some sort of cryptic lyrics that make you wonder what you're actually listening to."

Marissa rolled her eyes. "Here, how about this: You Mean Everything To Me by Shawn Mullins. Listen to it, and if you don't like it, we can discuss something else tomorrow."

"Thanks, Coop! You're a lifesaver. I knew you were my maid of honor for a reason!"

Marissa just laughed. "Have a good night, Sum. And try not to have anymore 'emergencies' before the wedding, huh?"

Summer laughed. "I'll try not to."

They both hung up, and Marissa sighed, blowing a strand of hair from her face. Truth was, she missed Ryan. Sure she'd seen him at lunch, but nights were her favorite part of the day. Sometimes they watched a movie, other times they watched one of their shows. Sometimes Ryan attempted to show her how to play the Playstation, which never went well. But every night they had fun.

Maybe it was the upcoming wedding making her sentimental, but Marissa wanted to spend time with the man she loved. Now. Not later.

She grinned widely as an idea came to mind. She knew just what to do.

XXXXX

Ryan sighed as he reviewed the various drafts of the building. Something wasn't working out right, and he needed to fix it. He rubbed his eyes tiredly, just wanting to go home. Just because he was the youngest guy here meant he was the one stuck doing this brunt work. Sometimes he hated his age.

"Well, aren't you quite serious."

Ryan's eyes immediately darted to the door and he grinned widely when he saw Marissa there leaning against the doorframe. "What are you doing here?" he asked, beginning to stand so he could walk over to her.

She walked to him, pushing him back into his chair. He raised his eyebrows as she leaned over him, slowly moving so she straddled his waist. "I was bored."

He felt himself reacting to her, and gulped slowly. "So you decided to…visit me?"

She smiled and leaned in, kissing the corner of his mouth, then down his jaw. "I know we can't exactly do anything where _I _work…" She started loosening his tie, surprising him. "But no one else is here, you don't have a video camera in the office, and the janitor just left." She shifted herself, and he fought off a groan. "So…. I thought I'd come see if you needed any _help_."

Ryan noticed Marissa was wearing a long coat, and immediately opened it to reveal her teacher's uniform unbuttoned, her cleavage visible. "Well, I _do _have some work to do…." He said, noting the slump of disappointment in her shoulders. "But, I mean…" He ran his hands down her back, cupping her bottom in his hands. "I _could _use a break…"

She grinned, leaning in to kiss him. Needless to say, he never looked at his desk the same way again.

XXXXX:

**I'm not feeling well, so I'm not going to individually reply (sorry!), but thanks to: **

_Ryan and Marissa 6, Riss, TVDaddict22, Skillz37, Sailaway, Clairty 23, Flying Forward, Guest (ahem, Nadine), Guest, Sara, Isabella, Guest, fatedtopretendd, _and _thunderspeaks._

**None of you have really guessed what the drama will be. It'll be unexpected, I'm sure. And you'll hate me for it.**

**Also, welcome back Isabella :)**


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